Original subtitles

Daddy, why am I carrying the heavier part of the tree? Because I'm wearing

dope jacket that I don't want to get sap on.

Well, did we pass against the cheapest tree on the line?

Let me put it to you like this. The cheaper the tree, the better your gift.

Hey.

Hey, Merry Christmas.

Oh, Mama, you made it before the blizzard.

Oh, maybe not too tight.

I'm not feeling too well from the flight. It's probably just jet lag.

Don't you mean broom? Lag by pretty.

Flex, I am not in the mood. Oh, come on, Nicole.

Just one more time. Come on, what you got? Come on.

Uh, you so thin, if we put a dime on your head, you'll look like a nail.

That's all you got?

You must really be sick.

Oh, a box of unhung Christmas decorations.

Ooh, and a broken down Christmas tree.

Still doing Christmas last minute, huh, Flex? Hey, what you call last minute, I

call a free tree.

You didn't wait till last minute to get that two -way pager cell phone I asked

for. Why you gonna play me like that? I got you covered, baby.

You know, go in my bedroom and get that Pepto for your mom.

Oh, sure.

Thank you, boy.

She's jumping, man.

Got her covered when you play with me like that.

You a radio chef?

You got any more of those two -way pager cell phones?

But I can't tell nobody That I'll isolate you now When there's nobody

A championship ring.

Kevin Garnett, a diamond earring buffer.

And Latrell Sprewell, some dandruff spray for his braids.

Well, that's all for the Flex Files on Flex Washington.

Flat out, back to you, Edwin.

God bless you.

Gesundheit. And back to me. Looks like the blue bug that's going around has

our anchorman.

And when we come back, Edwin will have the latest update on the blizzard.

And hopefully a tissue.

And we're out.

Cover your mouth. Look at these weaklings. I once worked 56 hours

pneumonia. So what if I don't have the full use of my right lung?

Well, I'm sorry to hear about your little handicap, but I got my own

Like, when am I going to start to cover the hard -hitting stories? I've become a

diligent, thorough... old hard -working reporter.

It's my time. No, it's Christmas Eve, and you should be home with your family.

Only those of us with an empty womb should be working.

All right, then. Merry Christmas, and may your womb be filled with joy.

Hey, everybody.

Hey.

Ooh, girl.

Looks like you got hit by a truck, and it backed up and ran over you again.

Please don't go.

Okay, okay, I won't. Ooh, I'm sorry you had to fight dirty with them fake tears,

but I learned from the best. Thank you, Daddy.

Okay, I'm about to go put your bags up in the back.

Ooh. You know what? Maybe it was those polar bear burgers I ate on the plane.

Well, with you being sick, it's good that you're sleeping here.

Sleeping here?

After what happened Thanksgiving?

Flex, I thought that we decided that, uh, you weren't gonna get any more of

this.

No, no, no, no. We decided that being friends was better for us, and you

getting any more of this.

You wish. That you wouldn't beg for it. Yes, I do.

Anyway, Brianna wants you here, and she would love to have both of us home for

Christmas. Well, you don't have to work at all?

Well, even if I had the opportunity, I can't run off on assignment doing

Brianna's first Christmas with me.

Old saga of a single parent versus career.

I lived it for 12 years. It sure puts a dent in your social life.

Well, my bachelor day seemed so long ago, I can't even remember what a

Chili to party was like.

Wait a minute.

Hmm, there it is.

Hmm. So how are we going to decorate this sorry -looking tree?

The same way we deal with Uncle Oxfin's gambling problem.

We had it.

Look at all the gifts under the tree.

It's disgusting. It's from things for commercialism. You spend all your

allowance again, huh? Girl, you know it. Not a lot to give you for Christmas is

a hug.

And a little for me.

And a little for my homies.

And a little more for my lady.

This eggnog is going to be better than Viagra.

Don't you drink too much of that or the answer's gonna be, no, I have a

headache. Oh, it ain't your head I'm interested in.

Man,

it is coming out out there.

I swear, it's so cold, I saw a homeless man jump out of his box and into a

refrigerator.

I accommodated a snowcat awful lot.

It was either that or hole up in the sales office with this old cleaning

Now, if I was 40 years older, you'd invite her to dinner just like you did.

Yeah, you know me, dog.

Hello?

Hey, Stacy.

What's going on? Oh, nothing much.

I was just thinking about that whole stepping up thing, and maybe I was a

too hasty.

I'm ready to give you your break.

Oh, really?

What brought this on?

To tell the truth, I could really use some help around here, and...

Edwin's not feeling too well.

Oh, look, I don't know. I mean, it's Christmas. My whole family's here. Hold

What is it, Flex?

Stacy wants me to come down to the station. This could be my big break, but

is Brianna's first Christmas here. And it'll still be my first Christmas when

you get back.

Stacy, I'm on my way.

Hey, D, I'm gonna need a ride on that snowcat, dog. Ah, no problem, dog.

Okay, kids, gather round, gather round. It's time for Big Daddy's traditional

Christmas story. Oh, yeah.

It was 50 years ago in Alabama.

Me and my 15 brothers and sisters only had one pair of shoes between us.

Really, Grandpa?

Oh, it's true.

We could only go outside to play one at a time.

in the blizzard. You don't know how bad I hate you.

Oh, what's the big deal with sexual harassment? I like this mama.

We go live in 30 seconds. Come on.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I got this.

Okay, I'm on sports. Who's on weather? You.

Who's on traffic? You. Who's on news? Oh, let me guess. Is it you?

I don't know what you're laughing at. You're on teleprompter.

know about working a teleprompter? Well, do you know about how you'll walk after

I nut your kneecaps off with my teeth?

Both ouch and mmm.

Duane O'Dell Knox, teleprompter operator at your service. Okay, in five, four,

three.

Good evening.

I'm Flex Washington, and I'll be sitting in for everybody.

We'll be bringing you continuous coverage of the blizzard that's, that's,

that's, Duane!

Oh, my bad.

Krispy Kreme.

Bear with me, Baltimore.

It's going to be a long evening. But stay tuned. Our next story, news anchor

bludgeon teleprompter operator with a box of Krispy Kreme.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened.

One look at that macaroni and cheese and I just felt like I was on that teacup

ride.

You just lie right here and get yourself together.

Thank you. Here's some saltines to settle your stomach.

Oh, thank you, Eunice. Go easy with them.

I see you put on some weight.

Oh, that's right. Turn it up.

Oh,

my son is so handsome on TV. He's going to be the next Al Roker.

Enough chat.

How many weeks are you?

What are you talking about?

You've been throwing up ever since I got here. I dreamed about halibut last

night, and everybody knows fish dreams are scientific proof of pregnancy.

Well, if you must know, I'm only a week late.

And yes, it could be job stress.

And yes, I did get a little queasy looking at the macaroni and cheese.

And yes, the last time that happened, I was carrying... Brianna.

Oh, halibut.

I'm not going to ask who the father is.

I mean, that's your business. It really doesn't concern me at all.

Well, actually, we've both seen the father naked.

You and my Richard?

Ew!

Ew!

On a happier note, due to severe weather, the Wu -Tang Sing's Christmas

tour has been canceled.

Oh, my God.

This is impossible.

You live in Nova Scotia. He lives in Baltimore. How'd you two do it? Over the

internet?

It happened during Thanksgiving.

And I hope you're not just blaming me.

No. No. It's what happens when a bad girl meets a good boy.

How long are you going to keep doing this?

I made something of myself.

I got a PhD, damn it.

Who says I'm talking about you?

You're not the only one. I had a baby shower and a bridal shower on the same

day.

Then why did you give me so much grief?

Because I was a grandmother before I was 40. I was still queen of the disco.

So what are you going to do?

Well, if I am pregnant, you know, the child is my responsibility.

Raised my baby by myself in Nova Scotia.

What about Flex? He's the father.

He should know.

He's got his career, and he's raising Brianna.

I just don't want to burden him. In fact, you know what? I could catch the

plane out of here he would never know.

So Daddy finally got a job in the lumberyard making toothpicks for a dime

barrel.

That's when we got our first Christmas tree.

Y 'all will never guess who's pregnant.

Oh, no, Brianna. Say it isn't so.

Don't you worry. I'll stand by you, and I'll raise the baby as my own little

mama.

I can't believe you had sex and didn't tell me I thought I was your best

Okay, has everybody been dipping in Grandpa's eggnog?

It's not me. It's my mama.

Oh, well, I'm not raising that kid.

Look, my mom... not going to tell my dad she's having a baby. She's talking

about going back to Nova Scotia and raising it by herself.

Come on, y 'all, we gotta go.

So, we all jumped in to the river naked.

That's when I saw the most beautiful fish.

It had the mouth of a woman.

For a more accurate assessment of the blizzard, we found a man on the street,

Dwayne Odell Knox.

Mr. Knox, what exactly did you witness outside?

Snow.

would you describe the snow -blanketed city outside?

Barren, deserted, cold.

Snow and cold. So if you didn't know, now you do. Thank you, Mr. Knox. Stay

tuned to WYNX for your up -to -date news and weather. We'll be right back.

And we're in commercial.

Thanks a lot, Rain Man.

Stacy, this is a nightmare.

Lex, Lex, relax.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm impressed.

You're not breaking, you're having fun with it.

I think you're on your way to getting those meatier sports stories.

Ah, you hear that, dog?

You're about to become the meaty man.

And we're back in five, four, three... I'm Flex Washington, and you're watching

WYNX News.

Donations are... Where are you going?

I gotta talk to my dad. But he's busy right now. You guys are teenagers.

Shouldn't you be at some rock concert popping caps?

Daddy, what's going on?

Your dad's really into the news right now. Maybe we should tell him later.

Hey, how many Z's are on blizzard?

I think I know how to get my dad interested.

Uh, Dwayne, I need to add something into the script.

Oh, you can't do that.

You're not a union.

Oh, my God.

My first exclusive.

The Weather Service reports that snow is falling at five inches an hour.

Officials estimate that Nicole Barnes is four weeks white.

after this break.

Hi.

Your mom is pregnant? How did this happen? Well, I heard her talking to

She's not even gonna tell you. She's going back to Nova Scotia having the

on her own. You gotta talk to her.

But I can't walk out on Stacy.

What am I saying? I can't walk out on me. This is my big break, sweetie.

But Daddy, please. She's talking about leaving tonight.

She'll be black, pregnant, and alone in the...

Stacy, look, I gotta go. Family emergency.

And you're in the middle of a work emergency, Mr. Meteor Stories?

Stacy, I want to do those stories. No, I deserve to do those stories.

But my family comes first. I'm sorry.

Flex! Flex!

All right, Dwayne, looks like it's me and you.

Well, I didn't know you wanted to roll that way, but I'm down.

I'm talking about us going on camera.

Oh, you got a little freak in you, don't you?

Brianna came down to the station and told me that you're pregnant.

Oh, she must have been listening outside that door.

Oh, that sneaky little girl, just like her mama.

Mom, could you give us a minute?

Like... Our little romp at Thanksgiving has come back as a Christmas gift.

I can't believe that I'm going to be a father again.

I don't know what happened.

I mean, we were very safe.

Guess my boys are great swimmers, just like little Aquaman.

Get over yourself.

Look, I don't want you to worry about this, okay? As long as you continue to

take care of Brianna, I can raise little Levi all by myself.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, ain't no child of mine going to be named after jeans.

Although I've always liked the name Jordache.

Look, I know we may not be together, but we're in this together.

But, Flex, I don't want to interfere in your life, you know? Things are going

well for you.

Look, I spent a lot of years away from Brianna.

And I don't want that to happen again.

Hey, Mommy. I picked up this pregnancy test for you from the store.

The sales lady said it's the best one and that I should be ashamed of myself.

Three, two, one!

Merry Christmas!

Arnaz, this is for you.

Uh... Oh, this wedding?

The doors, Albert?

All artists who die before their time.

How deep is your affection, Ryan?

Deep enough to buy you a used CD.

Well, Brianna, you know how I am. I waited until the last minute, so I did

best that I could.

Oh, you got my pager! Thank you, Daddy!

Don't thank me. Thank your brother selling them in the alley.

Oh, cheer up, girl. Here, I made this for you.

In a few minutes, I'm going to have something for you.

I, um, I took the test.

Well, uh, let's wait together.

Okay, everybody, gather round.

I'm going to finish my Christmas story.

You want to look?

No, you look.

No, it's your pee, you look.

You know, this is going to change our lives.

Again.

Yeah, I know.

to have a little brother and little sister?

I don't know. Which dot is the right dot?

Here, let me see.

Ooh, that's the wrong answer. Ew!

All right, well, let me get a good look at this.

Well, looks like there's not going to be a miracle this Christmas.

Sure there is.

I got both of my parents on Christmas.

My family.

It doesn't get any better than this.

in front of the camera like that.

You hear that?

The Christmas carols, smell the holiday ham, fresh -cut Christmas trees.

This is my favorite time of the year. Yeah, well, I hate it.

All my girlfriends with their loving husbands, apple -cheeked children and

perfect Martha Stewart -like Christmas table all looking down on me because I'm

a career woman with only one ovary.

Girl, you better come in.

What made you do that?

I think it was the one over.

Yeah? Well, do it again. Watch yourself.

How do you like Christmas now?

I think I'll love it.

Love you too, Netta.