Original subtitles

Yeah, isn't it?

More body piercings, huh?

You keep that up, girl, you're going to start leaking.

Hey, Daddy.

How you doing?

Sign that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There you go putting me in that trick bag again. What

this? It's just my ski club's overnight thing. It's a Pocono. Sign it. Love you,

Daddy. Thanks, Pop. Uh -uh. No, no, no, no, no. Anytime you say love you, Daddy,

it means I'm trying to get over on you, Daddy.

Well, why would you think that?

Well, let's see.

Hmm, skiing, you black.

So what's his name, and why don't I like him?

Hey, Daddy, I'm just looking out for you. I know you want the house all to

yourself, and I heard you on the phone talking to Tanya trying to hook

up this weekend.

You did not.

And Tanya, my name ain't Elmo, but you could tickle me all night long. You best

not.

Sometimes in the past, you could build all by yourself.

But I have...

Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.

My underarms were kicking like Bruce Lee. And you used my toothbrush after

ate a big bag of Oreos.

Well, how many times do I have to tell you not to take my magazines out of my

room? Hey, hey, now. There was a very interesting article in there about

and what they consider to be sexual harassment in the workplace.

Because that's just wrong.

Whatever, Daddy. I'm about to go to my room. Okay, are you going to write some

more poems about Bobby?

I was reading them tired poems in your notebook.

Roses are red. Yeah.

Violets are blue. Yeah.

I want Bobby Arthur to be my man.

And that don't even rhyme.

Daddy, will you please stay out of my room?

Hold on now. Don't change the subject.

I want to talk about your man.

He better not be a man, because if he is a man, he's a dead man walking.

He's just a... a boy from school, Daddy. That's all.

How come every time I mention a boy, you always tripping? Because I was a

teenage boy once.

I know what's on their mind, and believe me, it's disgusting.

Daddy, you have to trust me. I'm 14 years old. I deserve some privacy.

All right, cool.

I'll stay out of your room if you stay out of mine.

Deal. So can I go on a ski trip?

Are they gonna be boys? No, it's all girls.

Is there gonna be a chaperone? Oh, yeah, Miss Moody, and believe me, none of

those moves are good.

All right, then I'll sign your little permission slip.

Is that my pen?

Hey, hey, you are not the only one who liked the Powerpuff Girls.

Don't you think putting this car alarm on your room is going a little

Uh, Spirit, you should know that my diary has, like, two chapters filled

your juicy little secrets.

Our nads not chop -chop. We need a real man to do this.

You got a little fuzz growing? Take over.

Oh, y 'all, by the way, if my dad asks, there's no boys going on this trip. Oh,

that's cool.

I told my mom no girls will go on this trip.

Rihanna, why don't you tell your dad the truth?

Because he always freaks out when I talk about boys. It's tough being a love

child.

Oh, love child, that's sweet.

At my house, I'm known as the accident.

Well, girl, I'm glad we're gone. We're going to have so much fun. I'm going to

ask Bobby Arthur to teach me how to snowboard.

And not Arnaz. It must be lonely to be you.

Looky here, Brianna. I'm getting a little offended about this Bobby Arthur

I'm putting in all this time, and you keep wanting to hang out with him.

You're going to have to choose, him or me.

Let me sing him.

All right.

I keep playing a little waiting game, but five years and I'm walking. I am

nobody's puppet.

That's why I'm hoping to get with Richie. He is such a brick house.

Yeah, he's about as smart as one suit.

Okay, Rihanna.

Y 'all hooked up.

Maybe we should lock ourselves inside and test it out.

Yeah, maybe we should.

Really? Psych!

You know, one day you're going to want all this.

And I'm going to be there.

Baby,

baby, let me get that for you. Let me get that for you. Come on now.

Haven't been to the gym today.

Yeah. See, all this fine -ness, you know, doesn't happen by accident. Gotta

at it.

Although, uh, people refuse to believe that. Baby, spot me. Spot me, girl. Spot

me.

Sweetie, look, look. Now, this is your first overnight trip, okay? Dad, this is

my first overnight trip since I've been living with you. I've been to many

slumber parties.

Hey, look, don't ruin my black father -in -law's best moment, okay?

Now, look, kitten. You got your purse money? Mm -hmm. You got your backup

Mm -hmm. Got your sock money?

You got you to get a souvenir for Daddy money?

Yes, Daddy. I have the whole $10 you gave me.

Good. Bring back my change.

Ooh, ooh, that spirit now. Okay, I gotta go. Okay? All right. See y 'all later.

Bye, Daddy. Bye, Dwayne. Oh, sweetie, wait a minute. Where's my hug?

I got Daddy, too. Come on, now.

Did you just lift my wallet?

Yeah, I'm trying to get you ready for them ski muggers. Watch yourself.

All right, sweetie, have a good time. Daddy loves you. I love you, too.

All right. See you later. Bye -bye.

What was that?

Did you park your car in her bedroom?

I know that was not an alarm on her door.

Hello?

Hey, Bobby Arthur.

Oh, Bobby Arthur.

Uh, yeah, she's not here.

Oh, you'll see her on the ski slopes.

Yeah, I will get the message to her.

Peace out, my brother.

Man, that little girl lied to me.

What in the world is all that?

A Hammersmith Turbo 2000 Arm Response Unit.

This is nice.

If she lied to you about the ski trip, what else did she lie to you about?

Is she really in the ninth grade? Huh?

Did she really pass that math test?

Is that her original heart? You know, I can't trust a girl no more.

Yeah.

Lying to me.

Locking doors.

Strange boys calling the house.

Just like her mama.

Gwen, what's taking you so long, man? You've been working on this thing for

an hour.

Flex, relax, man. This is a delicate operation.

And you know I'm a tad bit colorblind.

Sunglasses, I would think you could see all the way to Asia.

Your little geisha girl's here.

Damn, I am seeing Asia.

What is he doing here? I thought with Brianna out of town, we were going to

shogun. First of all, it was Crouch and Tanya hitting Flex, and something came

up.

What are you doing?

Breaking and entering. What does it look like?

Flex, you cannot break into her room. It's a violation of her privacy.

Look, I just found out that her all -girl... ski trip is including boys. So?

So, I gotta get in there and find that itinerary.

And I gotta know what's going on up in those mountains.

You have got to trust your daughter. When I was her age, my parents didn't

me. They just barged into my room, found a pack of cigarettes, and assumed they

were mine.

Were they? Yes, of course they were, but they shouldn't have assumed.

All right, now all I have to do is cut one wire, and we are good to go. Oh!

Dwayne, you know what you're doing, bro.

Look, please, man, trust me, all right?

I'm a professional used car salesman and a certified repo agent.

Internet, class of 97.

Like butter, baby.

Butter melted! Butter melted!

I cannot be a part of this. I am going to the kitchen to eat my sushi, and I

don't give a shiatsu what you do.

You need to dump her.

I hate to say it, dog, but your

daughter is a bit of a pig. Look at this.

Hey, just shut up and help me find the accent, remember?

Oh, here it is.

Hot now, it's just a stupid love poem.

Roses, vodka. Man, this don't even rhyme.

a perfect circle with an extra sketch until now. Look.

Matt.

You sure you looked over here, man?

I found the itinerary, man. Let's get out of here. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let

me write my name and curse it first. Man, just come on.

Brianna's got a three -pack of condoms.

Not anymore.

There's one missing.

You know what? I lied to my daddy

to be here.

If anybody should be holding hands with Bobby Arthur, it ought to be me.

Yeah, girl, and I am not going to arm wrestle Richie.

But I will put him in a lip lock.

All right. In two hours, I want everybody in their room and lights out.

anybody falls and hits their head, don't bother me.

I'm taking a bubble bath.

And no hanky -panky while I'm gone.

Okay, hanky and panky, you two come with me. I think you need to do some push

-ups in the snow and cool off.

know what i'm bored i knew i should have hooked up with hanky relax ladies if

anybody knows how to get the mood jumping it's yours truly watch and learn

fellas you guys don't play spin the bottle that was me with the girls

let's go finally yeah girl break out

the lip gloss

I'll be spinning for you.

Well, I'm already dizzy.

What do you mean all the flights are booked? But I'm a celebrity.

Flex Washington.

W .I .N .X. News.

Okay, Denzel Washington.

Hello?

Hello? Honey, hang up. They're gone. And in the future, you might want to start

off with Denzel.

start with this forget it i'm driving have you really thought this through no

because if i think it through i might start crying let's relax man at

least you're having safe sex at 14 the only safe sex is no sex oh come on not

every 14 year old is thinking about sex well i was and you couldn't tell me i

wasn't cool safe sex to me was making sure my mom's and pops didn't catch me

home

mama's basement i still go through that now not as often as i'd like and the

funny thing is every father in the neighborhood hated me i had notches on

belt and you couldn't tell me i wasn't a man okay so now the shoe is on the

other foot you're one of those dads and brianna's one of those daughters i guess

it's payback flex you have every right to be concerned but what are you going

tell her that you broke into her room rifled through her things and

found condoms i was actually going to say all of that

That's gonna say real me

Girl

his

lips taste like great mama ladies But I'm glad you enjoy I've been playing

game for almost an hour and Bobby hasn't kissed me once But somehow I've

conveniently kissed Arnaz twice.

Okay, girl. It's Bobby.

Let a sister -sister hook you up.

Finally. It's just me and you, Brianna.

I dare you to take off your shirt.

Child's play.

Good looking out.

Boy, you want his little eye candy.

They did a sweet tooth, girl.

Okay. All right. It's my turn.

Rihanna, truth or dare?

I dare you to go in that closet with me for three minutes.

Now, girl, this party about to get started.

So what do you wanna do?

I don't know.

Never done this before, though. Me neither.

and tell me where my daughter is. Uh -huh. And somebody tell me where the

bathroom is before I have to write my name in the snow.

Uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh.

Where's Brianna?

She's sick.

Oh, really?

Where's her room?

Up the road.

Oh, and what were y 'all doing up in here?

Wallpapering.

minutes was not enough.

Oh, you must be Bobby Arthur.

How about I buy you some hot chocolate sugar?

Thank you, but I'm not thirsty. Have you met Brianna's father?

Can I get some marshmallows with that?

Sit down.

Sit down.

You know what?

I can't believe you. You're on punishment for a month. No, no, no. For

No, matter of fact, you're on punishment until you're dead, and then your ghost

is on punishment.

talking about why i trusted you to come up here and act like a young lady but

what do i find when i get up here huh closet loving well you wouldn't have

anything if you hadn't been spying on me well i wouldn't have had to spy if i

didn't find these condoms brianna condom where did you how did you

you broke into my room oh technically it's my house so that would make it my

room so what in that house is mine that broken alarm is yours

no respect for me. No, no, no. You don't have any respect for me.

Lying to me and telling me that there were no boys on this trip.

How am I going to trust you, Brianna?

You don't trust me because of how you were.

I'm tired of paying for your mistake.

What mistake? What are you talking about?

Me.

First of all, you're not a mistake.

You were a surprise, not a mistake.

And I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't hear what goes on in your life.

But now I know you're having sex, and we can talk about it.

Hold up.

Did you say sex?

Breonna Barnes is not having sex.

The way you and Mom always trip, and I don't think I ever want to have sex.

Oh, sweetie, yes. That's the way it should always be.

Hold up.

But why did you have those condoms?

And why were you in the closet?

I didn't even do anything in the closet.

And anyway, some counselors came to my school from Planned Parenthood, and they

had some condoms we could take. So I was curious, and I took a pack.

Then why was one missing from the pack?

Because I opened it to see what it looked like. And it looked stupid, so me

my friends blew it up, drew a face on it, and I nicknamed him Bubba.

Oh, yeah, I think I met him.

Look, sweetie.

I'm not sorry I broke into your room. But I am sorry that I didn't trust you.

I'm just trying to get this father thing right, you know?

Daddy, I'm sorry I lied.

I'm just trying to get this daughter thing right.

And I promise I won't ever lie again.

No.

Shoot, you lying right now.

Your daddy still loves you.

You can get it.

Got rid of the kids.

Crouching tiger hitting dragon.

What you want to do?

What do you want to do?

I don't know. I want to do what you want to do.

Well, is there enough room to do what you want to do?

Hold up now. What you trying to do?

Well, I'm trying to get up out of here. So hurry up and do something because I

want to go home.

I love you, Daddy. Love you, too, Netta.