Original subtitles

Party, party, party.

Hey, Daddy.

Hey, there's my newly found tax exemption.

How was Grandma and Grandpa?

Same old, same old. We played bid whiz, and Grandpa kept trying to get me to

pull his finger.

After all these years, how is it that finger's still in its socket?

Well, dang.

Your party must have been off the chain.

Oh, you know, it's just a little something -something, a low -key affair.

Isn't that right, Dwayne?

Sorry, babe, it happens to a lot of men.

Oh, Flex.

Dog, that party was a so -called groove.

I have never seen two girls.

Brianna.

Go ahead, finish the story. I want to hear it.

Oh, that was it. I've just never seen two girls.

I got to go.

Man, I wish I could party like you.

You and the rest of Baltimore.

Well, I'd help clean up, but I need to wash the stench of Bengay out of my

clothes.

Grandpa made me rub his ankles again.

Yuck.

I wonder what she wore home.

Daddy. Yes, Pumpkin?

Is that chocolate pudding in the bathtub?

Why, yes, it is. that whatever you do, don't eat the pudding.

Sometimes in the fire, you can feel all by yourself.

But I have a partner, but I can't turn on.

a 14 -year -old mascot.

Mom, chill out. I'm just trying to make sure my daughter gets her breakfast and

a little cardio.

Yeah, and I'm working up a real sweat. See, Grandma?

We thought it would be nice just to drop by and take Brianna to the great Blacks

and Wax Museum today.

Hmm, those wax statues are so lifelike. They even have interchangeable noses for

Michael Jackson.

And Frederick Douglass never looked better. Ooh, he could free me any day of

week.

Rihanna, your father is a very busy man. Now, you have been here two weeks. You

cannot keep sitting around here all day until school starts.

So, I have found a whole bunch of stuff on the Internet to keep you busy. And I

found a bunch of stuff on the Internet to keep me busy, too.

Look, Rihanna, you need activities.

Dad, they're starting to sound just like the warden. The warden?

Yeah. Her mother, my ex -wife. You remember the one you called that heifer

the projects?

like a kid.

Not like Daddy. He treats me like an adult. That's why I love being here. And

love having you here, baby.

And you think treating her like an adult is good parenting?

Why not, Mom? It's the new way of doing things.

Yeah, and it works for me. We're like rough riders.

Oh,

Brianna, sweetie.

We need to have a little talk with your father.

Run along now, baby. Go be a child.

But I'm not a child. You better get in your room.

Flex, you've got to stop treating her like she's your equal.

Children need rules and discipline, not vroom, vroom.

Look, Ma, I trust Brianna. See, I, unlike the creative parents, don't have

rule with an iron fist or a belt.

Hey, it worked, didn't it?

You're a successful sportcaster.

Another couple of strokes, you'd have been president by now.

You know, I forgot you and Ike Turner went to school together.

Eunice? Let's go.

Okay, Mr.

Progressive Parent, when you lose control, don't come over to our house

saying you're afraid of us.

I got two words for you.

Menendez.

Act like you ain't know me.

How am I supposed to do that, Dwayne? You're sitting at my table.

Oh, oh, there she is.

Can she see me?

Okay, good.

She's gone.

Who was that, anyway?

My stalker.

Oh, you have a stalker?

Well, she's not really a stalker as much as she is a plaintiff.

As in Marie Jones versus Dwayne O'Dell Knott's defendant.

Okay, now, what did you do this time?

Nothing serious.

I sold her a Mercedes Benz with a Volkswagen engine.

Farfig Nugent.

You know, that is just plain wrong.

That's like those women who wear those wonder bras. You get home and you

where did everything go?

No, it's like this.

Would you stick your head into a hungry lion's mouth?

No. No. Then don't come into a used car lot and expect me to be honest. I got

bills.

So how's Brianna doing?

She is at home being a good little girl.

I'm supervised, huh? Yeah.

Well, you really must trust her.

Guess you forget how you were at 14.

Ooh, chicken breast sandwich.

Brianna, you better not be in that liquor cabinet.

Oh, no, no, no. Daddy's just playing.

Gotcha, gotcha.

All right, I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

Oh, man.

Man, there she is again.

It's like a Terminator. She keep coming back.

Excuse me. Yoo -hoo.

Dwayne is right here.

Genuine's got bangs.

That's a little disturbing.

Just a little bit.

All right, ballplayers. Vince Carter or Allen Iverson? A girl like Iverson,

because he's not afraid to cry.

He's all right.

But I need a strong man, like Lil' Bow Wow.

Girl, I heard that.

Okay, I got one for you, Brianna.

Lenny Kravitz or...

A multi -talented, singer -songwriter, soon -to -be -blown -up -the -top -40

No.

See, that's why I like older women. They appreciate a real man.

What older woman wants you, Arnass?

For your information, I got a couple of 16 -year -olds who want me. Stop lying.

Don't nobody want you.

Oh, you don't believe me?

Come to jailbait tonight.

What's jailbait?

Oh, it's a club for us teens. No one under 14 and no one over 18 in the lab.

Yeah, me and my band are playing there tonight.

Your band?

Yeah.

So, y 'all want to be my groupies?

No.

Groupies get in free?

Okay, cool.

But I got to call my mom first.

You have to do that?

You mean you ain't got to call your dad?

Girl, please, that's kid stuff.

My dad treats me like an adult. I can do what I want.

We're like rough riders.

Oh, well, let me show you.

I'm going designer down.

I'm wearing my fake products, my faux Gucci, and my almost Chanel sunglasses.

Hey. Not in the face, brother. There's no need for violence.

My wallet is in my back pocket.

Flex, it's me, Dwayne.

Man, what are you doing hiding behind that bush anyway?

That stalker is raising her game.

What are you talking about?

I'm at home, sneaking through the doggy door, right?

And guess who's in the kitchen having hot tea with Mama?

The stalker?

Well, what'd you do?

That only thing I could do. I barked and backed my ass up out the door.

Well, look who's here, the rough rider.

That's good, Dad. What y 'all doing here?

We just dropped by to bring Brianna some leftovers, and wouldn't you know it,

your little adult isn't here.

She's probably at one of her friends' house, Mom. And which friend would that

be, Flex? The ex -con or the congressman?

You are definitely not helping this part. Calm the fears, calm the fears.

left a note.

See, see, she's responsible.

Y 'all tripping.

Dad, we're out of grape Kool -Aid.

Wait a minute, it's 10 o 'clock.

If she was going out, she should have called.

Son, your daughter cannot call you if she's dancing for change on an off

You know, I've done that.

Not proud of it, but I've done it.

I guess I should call the police.

Oh, no, son. Why don't we just sit around and play cards till the dogs find

body?

Please let it be all right.

On the floor, put your booty on the floor.

What's up, Daddy?

Brianna, where have you been?

Clubbing at Shelby.

The strip club on Maryland Avenue?

Or so I've heard.

No, no.

It's that 14 - to 18 -year -old dance place down on Pratt.

Or so I've heard.

Brianna, if you're going out, don't you think you should call me?

Why are you tripping? It's only 10 o 'clock.

Dad, I was partying, and you know how time flies when you're feeling booty

-less. Oh, what did that child say?

Something about somebody's delicious booty. Where are my heart pills?

That's it, Brianna. Tell your friends they gotta go. We need to talk. Seems a

lot nicer on TV.

Yeah, that's because you could turn them off.

Let's get one thing straight. You don't leave this house without letting me know

about it. What's the big deal? I don't ever sweat you about where you're going.

Wait a minute. You're not supposed to. I'm the parent. You're the child.

But I thought I was a young adult.

Being an adult is about being responsible, and you have failed that

Oh, you can talk, Mr. Chocolate Pudding in the bathtub.

Look, I am your father. You don't talk to me like that. Now go to your room and

don't come out till I tell you. But I was just... What did I say?

Okay, go ahead and say it.

I don't know if you really want to hear this, but we're proud of you, son.

You were direct, you stood your ground, and you let it be known who is boss.

Then why do I feel so bad?

Probably because you're out of Kool -Aid.

Hey, Black, thanks for letting me stay here tonight.

But you know what?

I've made a decision.

I'm going to pace my stalker.

Why? Because there's too much drama going on here between you and Brianna.

Man, I thought raising Brianna was going to be easier.

Before, all I had to do was order a few pizzas, watch a few movies, and put her

to bed.

Yeah, well, that's when she was here only two weeks a year.

The good old days.

Now all she cares about is partying and being bootylicious.

You know what the Cherokees say?

Where did all these white people come from?

They say kids are like arrows in a bow.

You aim for the bullseye, but you might hit a tree.

And that's supposed to help me? Man, I don't have kids. I don't know what to

to you.

Well, look, I have a kid, and I have a kid who wants to be treated like an

adult. Well, I want to be treated like a kid.

No bills, naps whenever you want them, cartoons all day.

I mean, I miss the days when I could poop in my diaper and someone else

it up.

Well, you know what?

You might be on to something.

Brianna only sees one part of my life.

The glitz, the glamour, the fun side of being Flex Washington.

Maybe if she saw how hard it is, she wouldn't want to grow up so fast.

Well, if I was a kid, you know what I'd be doing right now?

Living in your mama's basement and occasionally sleeping at your friend's

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Good morning, my little Bri -Bri.

Ah, the silent treatment.

Don't you think that's a little bit childish?

According to you, I am a child.

Well, you know what? I thought about it, and I was wrong.

It's about the high time I started treating you like an adult.

As of today, you and I are equals.

Well, all right.

Now you're getting it.

Of course, there's a few little details we have to work out, like paying the

rent and helping out on the bills.

Wait, how am I supposed to get money?

Most adults work.

Do I get a job?

I wouldn't jump in the gun a little bit here, Dad. I just want to be free.

And free you will be, but with freedom comes responsibility.

So are you ready to travel down the road of adulthood?

Preach on, my brother.

There just happens to be an opening down at the station. A certain handsome

reporter needs an assistant.

Well, hold up, handsome.

How much are you paying me?

Seven dollars an hour.

Oh, no, no.

I demand minimum wage.

$5 .15 it is.

All right,

so here we are at WYNX News, your new home away from home.

This is exciting.

Good, good.

I'm going to introduce you around.

Excuse me, everybody. This is my new intern, Brianna.

Hi, Brianna.

You're using your own daughter as a lowly intern.

Guilty. Good. I'm the boss, so you do my stuff first. Look.

I need you to make 40 copies of these. I like my coffee with cream. And get over

there and answer those phones, please.

Get to it now!

Hey, Stacy, I want to thank you for showing my daughter how miserable it is

work for you.

Oh, you love it.

You don't know how much I do.

Flex, how many times do I have to tell you to stop flirting with me?

Girl, I'm not flirting with you.

You know, you have the most beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

Look, I am not your plaything. I'm your producer.

When I say jump, you say how high and how many times. You got that?

Yeah. Okay.

Daddy, the janitor said he wants me to unclog this toilet in a man's restroom.

That sounds like a big job for such a little person. That's what I thought.

Well, that means you got to get a big plunger. Wait, no.

And, baby, watch out for the upsplash.

And that's why golfers should wear cups.

That's it for the Flex Files. Until next time, flat out.

And cut.

Okay, here's the thing.

500 copies of the NFL rulebook, stapled, collated, and colored.

Did I say 500?

I am so sorry. I meant five.

Oh, that's okay, baby. The day is almost over.

to my little bed.

Bed? Yeah. I said the day's over. The night's just begun.

Daddy, why are we here?

If the boss is a karaoke freak, you're freaked right with him.

Gypsies, tramps, and thieves.

And all the people of a town they call them.

Gypsies, tramps, and thieves.

And every night all the people come around and lay their money down.

sweetie because we're at

Now, come on and get up.

We got to get to Raven's training camp. Oh, Daddy, I can't feel my feet. Can I

at least take a shower?

Oh, no time, but I got some wet naps in the car.

Can I call in sick?

Oh, no, you got to work six months before you can do that.

Hurry up. We got a lot of stuff to do today. We got to go to the dry cleaners.

have to pay the phone bill.

And it's my turn to pick up the Krispy Kreme.

All that today?

No, all that this morning.

Then after work, the day really takes off.

We get to caulk the tub.

We're going to change the oil in the car and then line the kitchen cabinets with

no bugs, my lady. Now go on moving.

Oh, I don't want to move it. I hate my job. I have a splitting headache. That

Stacy woman was riding me all day.

Somebody keep clogging that third floor toilet. And will you please answer the

phone?

Baby, the phone's not ringing.

What have you done to me?

I made you an adult.

That means we'd have to make some changes.

That means there are going to be some rules to live with. Are you ready for

that? Yeah, I'm ready.

I'm ready.

All right, now, that means that you cannot leave this house without letting

know about it, and you have a 9 o 'clock curfew.

8 o 'clock. The streets aren't safe at night.

Good, we have an understanding.

So, does it feel good to be a kid again? Yes, yes, it feels great to be a kid

again. You know what? You shouldn't rush it, sweetie.

Matter of fact, I've been fighting it a little bit too hard myself.

You know, and I know I haven't set the best example for you either.

Okay, can I go to bed now?

Sure, but you gotta do one more thing.

What?

Give Daddy a hug and tell him you love him.

I would, but my arms hurt too much.

Dang village people.

Why don't I do it for you? Come here, baby.

Ooh, baby, you need a wet nap.

Get right here.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa.

What are you doing? Are you stalking me now?

Flex, Flex, what are you doing here in my house?

Hey, thanks for stopping by, dog.

Uh, he's always breaking in. Boy has no life.

What's this all about? Isn't that your plaintiff?

Uh, let's just say we settled out of court, but she still sued the pants off

Get out.

Get out. Get out. Baby, come on. Out.

Out.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Give me my robe, man.

Ooh.

Put it back on. Put it back on.

Love you too, Netta.