Original subtitles

Coming at you from Westside Stadium with the little homies, and the homettes of

summer, this is Flex Washington, WYNX for an opening day of Little League

Baseball, and I'm brushing his teeth, tucking it in, and putting his story to

bed. Until next time, bye -bye.

Oh.

What flew out of your mouth, a tic -tac or a tooth?

It was a tic -tac attached to a tooth.

Dad, you getting old.

Your reflexes are gone. There's nothing wrong with my... Then quit.

You like that, right, shorty? All right, check this out.

Steve Young to Jerry Rice. Uh -uh, I'm Keyshawn Johnson.

Pass me the ball and buy my book.

Okay, okay, go left, go left. All right, go, go right, go right, go right. All

right, go deep, go deep, go deeper.

While you're by the fridge, grab me a Coke 45.

Oh, no, I'm just kidding.

What you gonna do when I'm gone?

I'm gonna go back to leave my drawers on the floor.

Go back to?

They've been there so long, I thought they were little area rugs.

You funny. Look at you, my little boo -boo. I'm gonna miss you, man.

Me too.

Dad, you ever think about moving from Baltimore to Atlanta so you can hang out

like this all the time?

Yeah, I think about it a lot.

I also think about your mother living there. Then I get over it.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Sandrella. How you doing, baby?

Yeah. Hold on.

Sweetie, Daddy needs some privacy.

Uh, Brianna needs a 20.

Look, here's a dollar, and I'll write you a check for the rest.

I'm not taking one of your checks.

I know. I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to hook up.

Yeah. Just like I said, you know, when my daughter's in town, my pants aren't

down.

And I'm behind your back, and all your pickup lines are whack.

I got it.

Surprise! Mom, what are you doing here?

Hey, baby.

Uh -oh. Shout out to y 'all, I gotta go. It's my ex -wife.

I guess Lucifer left the gate open.

I wish I had time to stay and hear your little Def Jam routine.

I'm just here to pick up my daughter.

But, Mom, I have one more day with Dad.

I know, sweetie, but I wanted to surprise you and deliver this wonderful

have in person. You got to sit down for this one. Okay.

Baby, you remember when I applied for that Ph .D. grant to study aquatic

and other marine life?

Uh, the one where you count whales?

Oh, that should be real easy for you. Weren't you raised by whales?

for a whole year.

Yay!

You ain't yaying.

Well, Mom, when you first mentioned this, I looked Nova Scotia up online,

they ain't online.

You know what?

There's an endangered species up there.

What do you call them?

Oh, yeah, black people.

You know, Daddy's right. I should stay here with him.

Oh, which Daddy said that?

You said how much we're going to miss each other in that two weeks, two years,

and enough.

Yeah, but Daddy talked too much. And you really want to stay here?

Mom, Daddy and I are going to be just fine.

Look, Nicole, you've done a really great job with her for 14 years.

I can at least do it for one.

It's my turn.

Okay. Okay.

I'm not sure about this, but I'm a fair person. I'm willing to give it a try.

Now, how about you and I get some dinner together?

Cool. Let me get my jacket. Okay, baby.

All right, Flex, here's your chance to get out of it.

Save a little face.

I'll just tell Brianna that I changed my mind and she's coming with me. Because

you and I both know you can't go five minutes between booty calls.

Okay, first of all, I can take care of my daughter.

And second of all, you're all wrong about that booty call thing.

What happens when you press two?

Sometimes in this life, you can feel all by yourself.

But I have a partner, but I can't try to know her name.

Then I'll isolate yourself when there's nobody.

You stayed up till 3 in the morning playing Sega, slept till noon, and I bet

didn't make your bed.

No, I didn't. That's my girl.

Why make your bed?

When you just gonna get back in it.

Man,

I can't believe it's gonna be this much fun for a whole year. That's right. No

rules. Just fun, baby.

Uh, what's for breakfast?

Uh... Oh,

Snickers bar.

Yeah, just dip it in some apple sauce to get your vitamin C.

accept the charges.

Is that Darryl Strawberry calling me from rehab?

No, it's an NFL player calling from prison.

Hang up.

Say it ain't so, dog.

Say it ain't so. Say it.

Dwayne, what do you want, man?

You got to make this quick because I got a live remote in and out.

Hey, Dwayne. Oh, hey, sweetie.

That's my goddaughter.

Man, I can't believe that little crumb snatcher is still here.

Then how did you hear about it?

Man, your dad came down to the used car lot complaining about an old truck that

I sold him.

Man, what part of ass is does he not understand?

Well, you lucky he left your butt ass is.

Me? Man, what about you?

Your ex -wife just comes, drops her off for a year. You're not even getting any.

You must be whipped from the memory of it.

No, no, no. Hold on, man. You're supposed to be my boy. All right? I'm

Washington. I'm unwippable. All right now? All right? Although I don't mind

being tied up sometimes. Watch this guy. Watch this guy.

Man, all I am saying is we are in our sexual prime, and that little girl is

going to bust up our flow.

Our flow? You mean the flow where I pick up the fine women and you scoop up

their drunk, ugly friends? Hey, man, ugly girls are loyal, all right?

All I'm saying is you are getting in way over your head.

Oh, man, I got this covered.

This father thing is easy. I got a great job that's flexible.

I don't have to be in the studio all the time, and when I'm on the road, my

parents can babysit.

And if I don't have them, I always got you.

I should have listened to my mama years ago.

Eunice, you're overreacting. No, Richard, you're overheating. Who are you

flirting with this time, pal?

The deli girl at the Safeway. You are so looking at her. Not true. That was just

a peek. Oh, please.

Look.

Peek.

Ma, Dad, what are y 'all doing here?

Just think of us as your social workers. Hey, baby, hey.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you sure? You look like you're losing weight.

And who put that outfit on you? Child looks like she's running from soap and

water.

Look, look, look. Y 'all have your way of raising children. I have mine.

Go run that girl a bath.

Yes, ma 'am.

Yo, yo, flax, flax, man. It is two for one night over at Peanuts. There's gonna

be some angry secretaries getting their drink on.

Is that all you think about?

Women?

Alcohol?

Yeah, that's pretty much it. All right, let me hear it.

Hey, Dad.

Dad, come here.

Could you do me a favor? Could you watch Brianna for me tonight?

The women of Baltimore are crying my name.

Don't you hear them?

Flex.

Flex.

Flex.

Flex.

Flex, nobody is crying for you. Now, you've got a daughter to raise. Look at

this place.

You need to make some changes around here. Well, like that motorcycle. Now,

that's got to go.

Ah, my, the ladies love that motorcycle. It doesn't even work.

Trust me, it works.

And another thing, what about school?

A shot, her teeth.

Your mother's got a point, son. I'm looking at $5 ,000 worth of crooked

here.

You know, your lack of faith disturbs me.

This is my baby, and I love her.

There is nothing about this that I... Can't handle.

I think I look cute in a song.

I can't handle this.

You just made something that could be so beautiful so wrong.

Ooh, teddies. I'll be back in a minute.

Hi. Here's a pamphlet on father -daughter bra shopping.

Oh, good, because I'm looking for a bra that a teenage boy can't take off.

Ooh, do you guys get paid off commission?

No. Good, because I want her to help me.

Excuse me.

Yes, can I help you? Yes, I'd like to see something in a red bra and panties.

Preferably you.

Does that work for you ever?

Well, it works better here than at Home Depot.

Wait a minute. Are you the sports guy from WY &X?

Not at Flex Washington.

So, uh, can I get your phone number?

Um, I don't have a pen. All I have is lipstick.

Well, uh, all I have is this.

Write it on my heart.

So, like, are you really going to call me Mr. Flat App Guy?

Right before I take a bath.

Excuse me, who are you?

Oh, I'm Tanya, and who do you belong to?

I'm with Flat App.

Dad, let's go.

Look, it was nice meeting you. No, it was nice meeting you. And if you had any

more room left on your chest, I'd give you my cell number, too.

I got plenty of room on my back.

Daddy.

And I'm glad this date is over. I was over at the University of Maryland at a

football game. I got into a fight with the mascot.

At least we have our dates with Sonia and Tonya. Yeah.

Mine's ugly, right? No dad.

Uh -uh, girl. It's all computers.

That is not D 'Angelo's body. That's his head on Tyson's body.

Brianna, when you're watching a D 'Angelo video, you better not be looking

the neck.

Now, tell your friend bye -bye.

Yeah, that's my dad lately. He's been tripping about this phone.

Girl, what's your email address?

Give me that phone.

So, guys, what we doing tonight?

Chilling or clubbing?

Well, actually, I have to stay here and work. But you get to go have the time of

your life at the racetrack with Grandma and Grandpa.

It's post -time.

Okay, now, that's them. I'll see you tomorrow, buddy. Come on.

But, Dad, you know what it's like going to the racetrack with Grandma and

Grandpa. They get tapped out by the sixth race, and then they take your hot

money.

All right, here's the extra five. Hide it.

Oh, look who's here.

Did you say you have to work or work eat?

Hey, Tonya.

Sonya, this is my buddy Dwayne. Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies.

If you're Tonya, you must be Sonya.

I think I detect a hint of lazy eye, good -looking out.

Wow, I have been looking forward to seeing you all day.

All you had to do was catch me on TV.

I'm always live at five.

Daddy, I thought you and I were going to hang out tonight. You know, like

buddies?

That's right.

We are buddies.

And do you know what a buddy would do for a buddy who had a date? She'd just

I don't know, Dad.

Suddenly I'm not feeling very well.

You better go.

I don't want you to catch what I've got.

Maybe I should just go.

No, no, no. No, we'll talk later. No! No, ladies, please, look, look.

Ignore the demon child.

Brianna, what is with this nasty little attitude?

I don't have a nasty little attitude. Oh, yes, you do. Oh, no, I don't. You

rude and you disrespected my guest.

Come on, Daddy, stop tripping.

Brianna, go to your room.

Look at you trying to get all parental on a sister.

Brandon, you are grounded.

How you gonna ground me? I thought we were buddies.

Move it!

She ain't going nowhere!

Then send out her hot dog money!

stick a lightning rod up my ass and I would still keep swinging.

Look, I'm glad the game got rained out. It gave me some time to straighten

things out with Brianna.

I never had to punish her before.

Oh, come on, dog. Don't sweat it, all right? I'm sure she heard you loud and

clear.

Brenda, you are grounded. We had an understanding.

Hey, I said I wouldn't leave the house, but they all came to me.

You aren't going to deal with it. How?

You going to shake me like a British nanny?

Oh,

so you don't think there's going to be some changes around here, huh?

Okay, so I'm going to have to treat you like my parents treated me.

Get out of my sight. Wait a minute. Don't you eyeball me.

You're talking back to me. I work too hard.

Man, I'd be better off counting whales in Nova Scotia with Mom.

Man, all this talk about whales makes me want to go down to Lane Bryant and find

myself a big bone girl.

Tanya, I'm so glad you're here.

So, where's Brianna?

Oh, she went to hang out with Dwayne for a while. I can see that. They act about

the same age.

Well, I know one thing. She hates my guts.

At least that's the message I got from the note she left me. Well, what did it

say? I hate your guts.

You know, you're too old to play with dolls, too young to be an adult.

Let's give it some time. She'll come around.

How long did it take you?

You know, I'm almost ready to have my first real conversation with my dad.

Oh, really?

Well, who's your daddy now?

Hey, guys. Seen Brianna?

What? Well, uh, you see, we're at the movies, and I got hungry, so I went out

buy a box of Sour Patch Kids.

But, you know, I already had a box of Mel Duggs, and I wanted to cut the

Dwayne, what happened?

I went back, and she was gone.

I only thought that happened with my dates.

Okay, then, I got to find my baby. I got to find my baby. We're going to go back

to the movie theater and see if anybody saw her and call the police on the way

there. I'm sure we're going to find her.

We found her.

Rihanna, why did you run away from Dwayne?

Well, I was sitting there, and Dwayne was gone, so I asked myself, is this how

it's going to be, me by myself?

all the time.

So I called Grandma and Grandpa and they came and got me.

Why didn't you call me?

Why? You don't care.

What? Uh, Brianna, honey, why don't you take the ice cream and go to your room?

Can I have sprinkles?

Oh, no, baby, you're being punished.

All right, let me have it.

For starters, why did you leave the child with Dwayne?

Flex, you're the father, she's the daughter. Only one of you can act like

14. What am I supposed to do?

I tried being cool with her. I tried being stern with her.

Nothing works.

Have you tried talking to her? Now, I know you're gonna say, we never talked

you, but look how you turned out. For God's sake, learn from our mistake.

Are you saying I'm a mistake?

Well, your mother was a young and beautiful schoolteacher, and I was in

army. Richard.

That's another conversation, son.

But I figured the best way to discipline her is to do what you guys did with me.

Whip you with a hairbrush?

No, Ma. Be tough.

Lay down the law.

Son, that's a bunch of bull.

We did an awful job.

Just look at you.

You were married at 18, you had a baby at 19, and you were divorced at 20.

And I'll never forgive you for making me a grandmother at 32.

32? That's right.

The point is, you've got a daughter you hardly know.

And you've got to fix that.

Raising Brianna is a big responsibility, son.

Are you sure you can handle it?

Hey.

What you doing?

Playing one -on -none.

Okay.

So how about we play a little game, okay?

Every time one of us makes a shot, the other one has to answer a question, all

right?

So, I think we got a shot at making this thing work.

Better than that shot you just took.

Okay, so how about this?

What were you trying to prove by running away?

I don't answer any questions until you make a shot.

You're right, those are the rules.

My roof, my rules.

if I thought everything was gonna be cool, like always.

But I feel like I'm in the way, and you don't want me here.

Baby, you can never be in the way.

And I know I've made some mistakes.

But with your help, I know I can be a better father.

So that means you're gonna stop staying tiny?

No.

Because I'm also gonna try to be a better single father.

And I'm gonna date.

But Brianna, you're the most important person in my life.

Trust me, no woman can replace you in my heart.

Or apparently in my back court.

Oh, she smiles.

I haven't seen that in a while.

So look, there's going to be some new rules around here, right?

That's cool, as long as we can talk about them. Any topic, any time.

Really? Um, why do you have a mirror over your bed?

Uh, Daddy likes to shave while he's lying down.

But it's gone tomorrow.

Anything else?

Uh, yeah, can my boyfriend... Nope.

I thought you said we could talk.

We just did.

All right, check this out.

Ah, Miss Carter, half -court behind the back. No, look here, look here.

after I do a crossover dribble.

All right, girl.

Give up the rod.

No, not give up the rod. What you got to give up?

Didn't want to have to go old school on you, but I think I just might have to.

Dr. J like an ABA with the big old fro.

Telescope.

Throw down.

Love you too, Netta.