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[oriental music]

[woman singing in Japanese]

[birds chirping]

[speaking Japanese]

Tutti-frutti.

Most generous gift from American sergeant.

Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen, pleased to introduce myself.

Sakini by name, interpreter by profession.

Education by the ancient dictionary.

Okinawan by whim of Gods.

History of Okinawa reveal

distinguished record of conquerors.

We have honor to be subjugated in 14th century

by Chinese pirates.

In 16th century, by English missionary.

In 18th century, by Japanese warlords.

And in 20th century, by American Marine.

Okinawa very fortunate.

Culture brought to us. Not have to leave home for it.

And we learn many thing.

Most important that rest of world not like Okinawa.

World filled with delightful variation.

Example, uh, in Okinawa, no, no locks on doors.

Bad manners not to trust neighbors.

In America, lock and key big industry.

Conclusion, bad manners, good business.

Another example.

In Okinawa, wash self in public bath

with nude lady quite proper..

...but a picture of nude lady in private home quite improper.

In America, statue of nude lady in park win prize..

...but nude lady in flesh in park win a penalty.

Conclusion..

...pornography, question of geography.

But Okinawa most eager to be educated by conquerors.

Not easy to learn.

Sometimes very painful.

But pain make man think.

Thought make man wise.

And wisdom make life endurable.

So now..

...now we going to tell you little story

to demonstrate splendid example

of benevolent assimilation of democracy by Okinawa.

Boss by name of Colonel Purdy III.

Number three after name indicate he is son of a son of a son.

Colonel Purdy put up many sign.

This exceedingly civilized.

Make it very easy for uncivilized

to know what not to do.

Here laundry of officer..

...not to fraternize with laundry of enlisted man.

Douzo.

This gentleman, honorable Sergeant Gregovich..

...assistant to Colonel Purdy, but not a son of a son of son.

You know what he’s doing?

Explanation, Colonel Purdy great student of history.

So every month, wife of Colonel Purdy

send him magazine called "Adventure Magazine."

Cover have picture of pirate with black patch over eye.

Everyone try to steal magazine.

So colonel hide under desk so he can read first

but sergeant always find.

[laughs]

He’s a smart mouse.

This gentleman, exalted boss Colonel Purdy III.

Colonel very wise man.

Every morning look up at the sky and make a prophecy.

It’s not gonna rain today.

And you know what? Not-not rain.

Of course, it not rain this time of year

in whole history of Okinawa..

...but the colonel not make mistake.

Une, deux, trois..

Explanation, army teach colonel French for invasion of Europe..

...then send to Okinawa instead.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Where’s my eighth pair of shorts?

Now, colonel gonna yell loud for Sakini.

So I hide. I pretend to be asleep here.

- So.. - ’Sakini.’

Sakini? Sakini?

Sakini!

Sakini!

- Sakini. - Oh, good morning, boss.

You sure surprised me, boss.

My laundry comes back every week with one piece missing.

- Oh, gets lost, boss. - I know it gets lost.

What I wanna find out is how it gets lost.

Oh, very simple, boss.

Family take laundry to wash in the stream..

...and while friends exchange greetings

laundry exchange places.

We run down hill fast as dickens to catch laundry, boss.

- Well? - Not run fast enough.

No wonder you people were subjugated by the Japanese.

If you’re not sleeping, you’re running away from work.

Where’s your get-up-and-go?

Oh, guess get-up-and-go went, boss.

Well, get up and go down to the officers’ quarters.

See if Captain Fisby’s arrived.

If he has, tell him to report to me at once. Hurry.

- Sakini. - Yes, boss?

You are a civilian employee in the pay

of the United States Army and should dress accordingly.

- Yeah. - Pull your socks up.

Oh, very sorry, boss. Very sorry.

- Socks up. Anything more, boss? - That’ll be all.

Is that as fast as you can walk?

No, no, boss, but to walk any faster, socks fall down.

Une, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six..

- Good morning, sir. - At ease.

I’m gonna get rid of that interpreter.

Doesn’t set a good example.

Uh, colonel, sir..

...we gotta have someone around who speaks the language.

You’re quite right, sergeant, quite right.

It isn’t often I make a mistake, but when I do..

- It’s a beaut? - I wasn’t gonna say that.

I was gonna say, "By George, I admit it."

I’m sorry, sir.

We’ve got a new officer reporting this morning.

He’s been transferred to us from Psychological Warfare.

I don’t suppose you happen to know who they are.

Aren’t they something at the rear of the rear echelon?

They’re just the cream of the army’s geniuses.

They’re just the brains behind the fighting heart.

Every man Jack of them has a mind like a steel trap.

We’re lucky to be getting one of their officers.

I’ll watch my step, sir.

While we’re waiting for Captain Fisby

I’d like you to make a note of new signs I want.

The painter hasn’t finished the ones you ordered yesterday, sir.

There’s only one answer to that, put on another sign painter.

Yes, sir.

Now, I noticed the men were dancing with each other

in the canteen the other night.

Yes, sir. "No dancing allowed."

I didn’t say that, Gregovich.

I don’t object to the men dancing.

I want them to enjoy themselves.

It doesn’t set a good example for the natives

to see noncoms dancing with enlisted men.

So have a sign posted saying

"Sergeants are forbidden to dance with privates."

[clearing throat] "Sergeant.."

Take that memo to the sign painter right now.

Yes, sir.

Sakini here, boss.

Don’t ever put your finger on an officer.

- Oh, not alright, boss? - No!

If you want to announce your presence, knock.

Can’t you natives ever learn anything about custom?

What do you think you’re doing?

Oh, not know, boss. Do what you ask.

Everything in this country conspires to annoy me.

Well, where is Captain Fisby?

Oh, he come now, boss. I run ahead. Socks fall down.

Captain Fisby reporting, sir.

Welcome to Team 147.

I can’t tell you how glad I am to have you.

Thank you, sir.

Frankly, we’re so desperate for officer personnel

I’d be glad to see you even if you had two heads.

[giggling]

That’ll be all, Sakini. You can wait outside.

- Okay. - Sit down, captain, sit down.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Oh, sorry, boss. I sit by door, boss.

- May as well be comfortable. - Yes.

Not sleep.

- Have you unpacked? - Oh, yes, sir.

As soon as I got in last night.

Well, that’s too bad because you’ll have to pack again.

I am sending you to Tobiki at once.

- We need a man of your caliber. - Well, thank you, sir.

I’m informed, captain, that you requested this transfer

from Psychological Warfare to my outfit.

- May I say that I am honored. - Yeah.

In all fairness, sir, I think I should tell you

that I was requested to request it.

- Oh, may I ask why? - Uh-huh.

Well, you see, sir it seems that my..

...my propaganda to undermine the enemy’s morale

undermined the staff’s morale instead.

How’d you get into Psychological Warfare in the first place?

I was requested to request a transfer.

- From what? - Paymaster General’s office.

What was your duty there?

Well, I, I had charge of the payroll computation machine.

Well, until..

- Until what? - Well..

You know, machines have always been my mortal enemy, colonel.

I don’t believe that they’re inanimate.

They’re not inanimate at all.

They’re full of malice and ill will--

I asked you what happened.

Uh-huh. Yes. Yes, sir.

This machine, this, you know the payroll computation machine?

It made a mistake it seems

of a quarter of a million dollars in the payroll.

And unfortunately, the men were paid

before the mistake was discovered.

What did they do to you?

Oh, they gave me a job licking envelopes.

- Then you asked for a transfer. - No.

I developed an allergy to glue.

How many outfits in this man’s army have you been in, captain?

Let’s see, how many are there now, sir?

Never mind. I admit disappointment, but not defeat.

I thought you were given to me in recognition of my work here.

Frankly, I expect to be made a general soon.

And I want that star for my wife’s crown.

Naturally, that’s very hush-hush.

Oh, yes, naturally.

Do you know something, sir? Do you know something?

I just think that perhaps I just wasn’t cut out to be a soldier.

Captain, none of us was cut out to be a soldier

but we do the job.

We adjust, we adapt, we roll with a punch

and bring victory home in our teeth.

Do you know what I was before the war?

A football coach?

I was the Purdy Paper Box Company of Pottawatomie.

What did I know about foreigners?

My job is to teach these natives the meaning of democracy.

And they’re gonna learn democracy

if I have to shoot every one of them.

Yes, sir.

What did you do before the war?

Oh, I was an associate professor at Muncie.

- What’d you teach? - The humanities.

Captain, you’re finally getting a job you’re qualified

by training to handle.

Teaching these natives to act human.

I don’t think the humanities are that.

If you can teach one thing, you can teach another.

This is plan B.

Washington has drawn up full instructions pertaining

to the welfare and recovery of these native villages.

- Mm-hmm. - Consider it your Bible.

Yes, sir. I’ll study it very carefully.

There might be some questions I’d like to ask.

Washington has anticipated all of your questions.

- Yes, but I was thinking-- - You don’t even have to think.

This document relieves you of that responsibility.

- Uh, how is your Japanese? - Oh, not so very good.

- No, no. Not good, sir. - You’ll need an interpreter.

Well, I.. No, no, s-sir--

- I’ve got just the man for you. - Colonel?

- Colonel? - Sakini!

- I could study the language. - No need, we won the war.

Sakini present, boss. Socks up, not sleeping.

Sakini, this is Captain Fisby.

- We meet before. You forget. - Yeah, we met.

I’m assigning you to Captain Fisby.

He’s gonna take charge of a village at the top of Okinawa.

- A village called Tobiki. - Oh, Tobiki, boss?

Very nice place, boss, but not at top of Okinawa, at bottom.

Don’t tell me where the villages under my command are located.

I happen to give a course in map reading.

Sorry, but happen to be born in Tobiki. It’s at the bottom.

Then, it’s time you learned where you were born.

Oh, very sorry, boss, but the map upside down.

Oh, yeah. Here it is.

Why doesn’t the army learn how to draw a map properly?

That’ll be all, Sakini.

Find Sergeant Gregovich and have him assign

a jeep to Captain Fisby.

Load supplies and the captain’s gear. You’ll be leaving at once.

I mention you in prayer to Gods, boss.

I wait for you in jeep, captain.

I sometimes think we occupation teams

have it tougher than combat troops.

- Now, I wouldn’t say that-- - They’ve it rough for a while.

But we have the killing daily grind with no glory in it.

Yes, sir, I know what you mean.

Life itself is a battlefield with its own obscure heroes.

- I consider that poetry. - Oh, no, no, that’s prose.

And it isn’t mine, you know. It’s Victor Hugo.

Ah! Yes, Victor Hugo.

How I loved "Tale Of Two Cities."

I-isn’t that Dickens? Isn’t that Dickens, sir?

Well, to get back to Tobiki.

Your first job will be to establish a municipal government

and to build a school.

Plan B calls for the schoolhouse to be Pentagon shaped.

Penta--

When it’s built, you will organize

a Ladies League for Democratic Action.

- Uh-huh. - Captain.

This is a chance for you to make a name for yourself.

Yes, sir, I-I feel that I personally have delayed victory

at least a year and I want to vindicate myself.

That’s the kind of talk I like to hear.

- Thank you. - Well, I won’t detain you then.

- Yes, sir. - Put that village on the map.

Y-yes, sir.

Send me a bimonthly progress report in triplicate.

- Yes, sir. - Don’t duplicate your work.

No, no, sir. No, sir.

And remember that the eyes of Washington

are on our occupation teams and the eyes of the world

are on Washington.

- I’ll keep the eyes in mind. - Goodbye, captain.

Yes, sir. Goodbye, sir.

Oh, everything all set, boss? We go Tobiki now?

Listen, I gotta get my gear packed first.

All finished, boss. I have many cousin working for Army.

- Where’s our jeep? - Right over there, boss.

- Ohayou gozaimasu. - Ohayou gozaimasu.

- What’s she doing up there? - Oh, she nice old lady, boss.

She hear we go to Tobiki village

so she think she go along to visit grandson.

Oh, she does? Uh-huh, well..

Well, you tell her I’m very sorry

but, you see, this, this is against regulations.

Oh, she not fall off, boss. She tied on good.

Yes. Well, you untie her, Sakini.

Get there and untie her and tell her to get down.

She’ll have to find some other way to visit her grandson.

Boss, her grandson mayor of Tobiki village.

You will make him lose face you kick old grandma off jeep.

- She’s the mayor’s grandmother? - Yes.

Mm-hmm. Well, alright.

You see, I, she’s tied on alright, I guess.

- So I guess we can take her. - Sure.

- Is all this stuff here mine? - Most of it belong to old lady.

She gonna stay three or four months so she bring

her cooking pots and bed and a present for friend and..

Uh-huh. Well, I don’t-I don’t.. Alright.

Look, if you see any low branches coming

you just, uh, you know, you yell out and, uh..

Get in there, Sakini and give me directions while I drive.

- You wanna get in? - No, can’t go yet.

Old lady daughter not here, boss.

W-wait a minute, maybe I didn’t hear you right. You say..

You don’t mean the daughter is coming with us.

Well, old lady very old, boss.

Who gonna take care of her on the trip?

Oh, here she come now, boss.

- Right on dot. - I don’t...Listen--

- Ohayou gozaimasu. - Ohayou gozaimasu.

Will you just wait a minute? Wait a minute. Will you mind?

Tell her, uh, miss..

Sakini, will you tell her that there’s no room

for anything more on this jeep.

Old lady must take clothes to show friends, boss

because you make her lose face

if people think she only got one dress.

Miss, will you please come back? Ask her to come back.

There’s no room for any more bundles on this jeep.

No, she not go get bundles, boss. She go get children.

- Sakini. Sakini. - What?

Look, these things are always happening to me.

And I’ve gotta put a stop to them someplace.

Daughter not go without children

and old lady not go without daughter.

And if old lady not go

mayor of Tobiki be mad with you, boss.

Will you wait just a minute please?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, hi.

Don’t get up on there. Not on the hood of the..

Just a minute. Son, son. Please don’t...son.

Look, Sakini, f-for Pete’s sakes how does she expect me

to see how to drive?

Oh, old lady got very good eyesight, boss.

She gonna sit up there and tell us when to turn.

You’ll have to move over here, son, because I..

Son, will you please stop if you’re gonna..

What?

[indistinct chattering]

What? What?

- Oh, he going to get goat. - Goat?

You can’t leave goat behind, boss.

Just a minute! Hold it, everybody.

Now, we’re gonna see who is going to lose face right now.

And we’re gonna see because

no goat is going to ride on this jeep.

- Oh, you not like goat, boss? - No, no, no.

Yes, I like. I mean, I don’t know.

It’s not a question of whether I like the goat.

It’s, I’m just sure that the colonel, he-he wouldn’t like it.

Oh, well, the children not go without goat, boss.

- Or mother without children. - Yeah.

Old lady not go without daughter.

- I know, I know. - And if old lady not go..

(both) ...mayor of Tobiki will be mad at you.

I know.

- Oh, no, no, please. - Everyone here, boss.

Goat unmarried lady goat. No children.

No, you’ll have to get down.

You’ll never get it off the ground, captain.

Uh, Sakini, come on, we gotta get started.

You get in, boss.

And no one else going, boss. No one else is going.

- Wait a minute. - Hey, you got another customer.

- ’Hey, wait a minute.’ - Oh. Oh, no.

- Sakini! Wait. Please wait. - What?

Now, who in the blazes is he?

Who in the blazes he, boss? Never see before.

Wh...ask him what he’s doing sitting here, please.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. He say he see people going on a trip, boss.

- He’d like to go along too. - No, plea..

He does? Well, you t-tell him for me

that he’s gotta get off right now.

Come on.

[speaking Japanese]

No, no. What?

He say why, why you not take him, boss?

- You take goat. - Oh, no.

He say maybe you think he not as good as goat.

Tell him for me, Sakini, that the eyes of Washington are on..

...uh, the-the world is on Washington

and the eyes of Washington are on me.

Will you just...folks, please, I would love to take you.

If this was my jeep or if this wasn’t against regulations

I’d be only too..

- Captain Fisby! - Yes, sir.

What do you think you’re doing?

Well, it’s hard to explain, sir.

[indistinct chattering]

What are they saying?

They say tell fat old man to shut up so we can get started.

[bleating]

Which one of you men made that noise?

[engine revving]

Just a second. Where are you going?

Hey, Captain Fisby, Sakini, Come back here. You hear me?

[indistinct chattering]

[goat bleating]

Shh. Jus-just a minute please. Just a minute. Which road?

[speaking Japanese]

Just a minute please, just a minute. What did she say?

Old lady say, boss, she want to go to Awasi, boss

because she got sister she not see in 22 half years.

We’re on duty, Sakini, we’re not on a tour of the island.

Would you please ask her for me which is the road to Tobiki?

[speaking Japanese]

- That way, boss. - This way?

Alright, that’s all I asked you.

[goat bleating]

(Fisby) Alright. Alright.

- Well, so this is Tobiki. - Tobiki, no. This Awasi, boss.

I distinctly asked this lady to tell me the way to Tobiki.

Well, old lady make mistake, boss. Very sorry.

Well, you know, we can’t go--

Oh, sorry, boss, but she not very smart.

Yeah.

Konnichiwa.

[goat bleating]

Alright, which road?

No, no, don’t ask her. I don’t trust her.

[speaking Japanese]

Just a minute. Just a minute.

Alright. What are they saying?

Children want to go to Yatoda, boss.

I suppose they’ve got some cousins

that they want to visit there, hmm?

No, ocean at Yatoda, boss. Children never see ocean.

Our orders are to proceed directly to Tobiki.

Now, which road?

Ohh! There.

[speaking Japanese]

There. Over here, huh? Alright.

[indistinct chattering]

- Boss. - Don’t tell me. This is Yatoda.

- How you know, boss? - Well, I recognize the ocean.

Ah so.

[indistinct chattering]

[goat bleating]

Now, where is this? Whose uncle or cousin lives here?

Oh, this Tobiki, boss.

- Sakini! - I don’t believe it.

I don’t believe it.

[indistinct chattering]

Now, according to plan B

my first job here is to hold a public meeting, Sakini.

I want to make certain that they understand

that I come as their friend.

Sure.

That we intend to lift the yoke of oppression

from their shoulders.

Oh, they’ll like that, boss. That their favorite speech.

Wh-what do you mean their favorite speech?

When Japanese come, they say same thing.

- Then, take everything. - No, no, no.

No, you don’t understand, Sakini.

We don’t come to take anything from them.

We’ve come here to give them something.

Oh, that’s alright, boss. We not mind.

After eight centuries, we get used to it.

Now, when friends come

we hide everything quick as dickens.

So I will go tell people you make your speech, boss.

So socks up, boss.

[clears throat]

[bell tolling]

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

Everyone here eager to meet you, boss.

I might as well get started.

- Citizens of.. - Up here, boss.

- They’ll see you. - Thank you.

Citizens of Tobiki--

[speaking Japanese]

- Citizens of Tobiki village-- - Sorry, boss.

- Can’t begin lecture yet. - What seems to be the trouble?

- Not good manners, boss. - Why?

Because people bring you gifts. You must accept gifts first.

Oh, no. Sakini, wait a minute, you got it all wrong.

I’m here to bring gifts from my government to them.

No, very rude. Make people feel poor, boss.

Well, I don’t want to do that. Get up, Sakini.

Tell them I’ll accept gifts, but in the name

of the United States occupation forces.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, here Mr. Hokaida, boss. He give you very nice gift.

Well, thank you very, very much. What is it?

That’s a very splendid cricket cage, boss.

What do you use a cricket cage for?

You keep your crickets in there.

No, there isn’t. There’s no cricket inside.

No, you gotta get your own cricket, boss.

- No one gonna get for you. - Oh, I see.

I got it, yeah. Thank you. Thank him for me.

Tell him I’ll keep my eye open for a cricket.

Yeah. What do you keep a cricket in a cage for?

So fortune smile on you, boss. A cricket very good luck.

- Oh, that’s nice. - Boss, here Mr. Omura.

He give you chopstick.

[speaking Japanese]

What did he say?

He say hope that only food of Gods touch your lips.

No, that’s.. Oh, that’s very nice.

That’s one of the nicest things I’ve heard.

- Boss, Mr. Seiko. - Yes?

[speaking Japanese]

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

That’s wooden sandal, boss, very comfortable for tired feet.

He say may you walk in prosperity.

You tell him that I will walk in

the cool meadow of pleasant memories. Huh?

What’s the matter? Is that alright?

Oh, boss, that’s very pretty, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

Thank you. That’s alright. Thank you very much.

And, boss, here Miss Higa Jiga.

She unmarried lady, boss. She give you three eggs.

Isn’t that nice?

Yes. No, tell her that I’ll have these eggs for breakfast.

[speaking Japanese]

Yeah, yeah.

Chicken and the eggs, huh?

She hope you gonna enjoy your turtle egg, boss.

- Turtle eggs? Oh, my. - Yes.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, you very big success, boss. They sure like you already.

Oh, I’m.. Yes. Turtle eggs?

- This Mr. Oshira, boss. - Hold these for me, Sakini.

I’m getting a bit too much.

He give you a very nice lacquered cup, boss.

He make that cup hisself.

No, he didn’t. Thank him for me.

Tell him that I’ll be forever indebted

to him for his very lovely gift.

You are most welcome, captain.

Hey, you speak English!

Sure, boss, Mr. Oshira teach me English

when I’m a little boy in Tobiki.

In my youth I work in Manila.

How is Mr. McKinley?

Oh, you mean President McKinley?

Well, I’m afraid somebody shot him.

- I am sorry. - It was a long time ago.

Yes, a long time.

May August moon fill your cup.

Why an August moon, sir?

All moons good, but August moon little older, little wiser.

Is it? Sakini said that you made this cup all by yourself.

Oh, yes.

This is a lost art, Sakini.

This is an industry we could start right here in Tobiki.

Think you could mass produce these?

Mass produce?

Yes, you know, set up machines, turn them out by the gross.

I take pride in making one cup at a time, captain.

How many do you think you could turn out in, oh, say, one day?

If I work hard, maybe one or two a week.

Fine, that’s good. You make as many as you can.

We’ll send them to the American Post Exchange

and sell them as fast as you can turn them out.

I shall do my best.

Fine. We’re in business, Sakini!

Now, Mr. Hokaida, you make those cricket cages

and the getas, we can sell a lot of those getas.

And the chopsticks, great. A lot of those.

And I saw some straw hats.

See those straw hats? Make a lot of those.

We’re going into the souvenir business, folks.

We gonna make money, boss?

Make enough of these, I’ll guarantee the recovery

of Tobiki village. You tell them that.

[speaking Japanese]

[crowd cheering]

Oh, boss, you very big success.

They sure like you already, boss.

And they say they will make everything fast as dickens.

Sakini, ask them to postpone any more gifts for now.

I wanna tell them what we’re going to do for them.

Okay.

[speaking Japanese]

What?

Okay. They say okay, boss.

They got no more presents for you anyhow.

It’s important that I tell them about the schoolhouse

that we’re going to build for their children.

Now, according to plan B, I believe it says

the direct approach is the most effective.

- So you ready? - Oh, all set, boss.

[clears throat] Do you want to be ignorant?

[speaking Japanese]

- What? What was that? - They say yes, boss.

Y-yes? You mean they want to be ignorant?

Oh, no, boss. Oh, in Japanese, boss, yes mean no.

They say, "Yes, we not want to be ignorant."

Oh, I see.

Do you want your children to be ignorant?

[speaking Japanese]

Now, what was that?

They say, uh...no, boss.

No? Wait a minute now.

Sakini, no, they do? Or no, they don’t?

Yes, boss. They not want no ignorant children.

Right. Now.

There’s gonna be a daily issue of rice for everybody here.

[speaking Japanese]

[all cheering]

Yes, yes. And we’re gonna build a fine new schoolhouse

for your children.

Wait. Pentagon-shaped.

[speaking Japanese]

Pentagon.

[speaking Japanese]

Pentagon.

She say what is a pentagon, boss. Never hear before.

They’ve never heard of the Pentagon?

- No, boss. - They need a school here.

The Pentagon. Everybody knows what the Pentagon is.

The P.. It’s, um..

Well, it really, really means five-sided, you know, Sakini.

- Five-sided? - Yes, it has five sides.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

[all laughing]

They say, boss, they say there are no children

in Tobiki got the five sides.

No, no, the school.

The school has five sides, not the children.

No, you see, it’s like a building in Washington, folks.

And everybody is gonna learn about democracy.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

They say what is a democracy, boss. They know what rice is.

Yes, alright. Democracy is a system of self-determination.

It’s the, it’s the right to make the wrong choice.

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

No, we’re not getting through to them. Let me explain.

Suppose I’m back home and I don’t like

the way that Uncle Sam is treating me.

Well, you know what I can do?

I can write to the President himself, and I can tell him so.

[speaking Japanese]

They say, but do you send that letter, boss.

- Let’s get on with the lecture. - Okay.

(Fisby) ’Now, we’ll show you how democracy really operates.’

We’ll hold an election.

We’re gonna organize this village.

- Is the mayor here? - Here’s the mayor. White coat.

We’ll have to get him a new coat.

We wouldn’t want a new mayor.

Keep the mayor. Hard to find a white coat.

Now, we need a chief of police, and a chief of agriculture.

Now, who’d make a good chief of agriculture here?

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

They say they like Mr. Seiko. He the best man for the job.

- He’s an experienced farmer? - He artist, boss.

- What? - He artist.

He draw lovely picture of golden wheat, butterfly--

Sakini, just because he draws a very nice picture of wheat

that doesn’t make him an experienced wheat farmer.

Wheat not grow here anyhow, just sweet potatoes.

Oh, alright. Well, if he’s their choice. Fine.

Now, we’re gonna have to have..

[speaking Japanese]

What did he say?

He want a white coat like mayor, boss.

You said that we can’t get..

That’s alright. If we don’t get a white coat..

You know what we’ll do? We’ll get him a helmet.

And we’re gonna have written on the helmet

"Chief of agriculture."

[speaking Japanese]

Now, right, fine. Now, we need a chief of police.

Now, who’d make a good chief of police?

[speaking Japanese]

Hokaida, boss.

They say they like Mr. Hokaida. He champion wrestler.

- They afraid of him. - Yeah.

- That’s alright. - Strong, boss.

Yes, indeed. Alright, fine. Now, we gotta--

[speaking Japanese]

- What? What’d he say? - He want a helmet.

Oh, sure, we’ll requisition a helmet for him too.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright? Fine. Now, for the ladies.

Now, we’re gonna organize a...I know what it is.

It’s a Ladies League for Democratic Action

and we’re gonna have to have a league president.

Now, who’d make a good league president

for the Ladies League for Democratic Action?

The ladies like that. They never vote before.

Fine.

[speaking Japanese]

Higa Jiga. They say they want Higa Jiga.

She gonna make a classy president.

I’m sure.

[speaking Japanese]

What?

Yes, I know. No, never mind. I understand.

Tell her I’ll get her a helmet too. Yeah, alright, fine.

Yes, fine, alright. Fine. Now, now.

[clears throat] I’ve been talking a long time.

Folks, I’ll bet you there are questions you’d like to ask me.

Ask them, Sakini.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say what time it is, boss.

Time? It’s quarter to five. Why?

Oh, they got to go then, boss. They not want to miss sunset.

Every afternoon they like to go

sit in the pine grove, and sip tea, watch the sun go down.

Isn’t that nice. Alright, Sakini.

You thank them all for me and tell them

they can go to the pine grove and watch the sun go down.

[speaking Japanese]

Sayonara. Sayonara.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

How do you think we did?

Oh, they cooperate, boss. Future look very rosy.

I wonder where I can find a cricket.

Well, maybe have cricket in your house now, not know.

- I’ll take these. - Okay.

- Thanks, Sakini. - Sure.

I’ll be right here if you want me, boss.

Right.

(male #1) ’Psst. Psst.’

[speaking Japanese]

[laughing]

Psst. Psst.

[speaking Japanese]

Yes?

- You busy, boss? - No. What is it, Sakini?

Boss, Mr. Sumata leave a present for you.

Put it on the shelf where it will be out of the way.

Not able to, boss, the present get mad.

What?

[speaking Japanese]

- Who’s she? - Souvenir.

What? What are you talkin’ about?

This the present from Mr. Sumata, boss.

Introducing Lotus Blossom, geisha girl first class.

America san, Captain Fisby.

[speaking Japanese]

- Wh-what.. - Oh.

She say she very happy to belong to handsome captain.

She say she gonna serve you well.

She’s not gonna serve me at all. I want you to get your friend.

I want you to tell him I’m returning his gift.

- Impossible to do, boss. - Why?

Mr. Sumata go to mountain, visit cousin.

He leave present for you

and wish you very best success in Tobiki.

[speaking Japanese]

What? What did she say?

She said she want to know where you want her to stay, boss.

I d...I don’t care where she stays, but she can’t stay here.

Where she go, boss? She got no home now.

[speaking Japanese]

Now, wait a minute.

She want to put your kimono on for you.

She trained to please you.

I know what she’s trained to do.

And I don’t need any translation there.

Now, you get my stuff out of the supply shack

and you, uh, you know, and we’ll put her up over there.

Not very democratic, boss. You make her lose face.

She think she bad geisha girl.

I’ve got a bit of face to save.

Now, don’t give me any of that

oriental hanky-panky business, you know.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright, what? What’s she saying?

Oh, she say for me to go home to grandpa, boss.

She first-class geisha girl. She know her business.

- Goodnight, boss. - Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

This is all a big mistake. You know..

[clears throat] Uh, S-Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

- Me. - Me, me.

Me, no.

[speaking Japanese]

No, this is not a kimono. This is a bathrobe.

And I don’t want to put it on, you see?

[speaking Japanese]

Sakini!

This is against regulations.

[telephone ringing]

[shouting] Hello!

You don’t have to shout. I can hear you.

- This is Colonel Purdy. - Yes, sir.

’Just thought I’d check up on you. How are things going?’

- ’Anything I can do for you?’ - I can’t think of a thing, sir.

’I realize it’s bound to get lonely for you down there.’

’So you know what I’m gonna do, my boy?’

- Now, what are you gonna do? - ’I’ll tell you.’

’I’m gonna send you some of my old adventure magazines.’

No, I don’t want them.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir, very much.

I would like something to read, sir.

’How are you getting along with the natives?’

Well, it’s an age-old problem, sir.

It’s a question, or a struggle to see who’s going to lose face.

’I understand.’

As Mrs. Purdy says

"East is East, and West is West and there can be no twain."

’But you are making progress?’

Well, nothing that I’d like to put on paper, sir.

’Well, send in a detailed progress report.’

Well, if that’s what you’d like me to do, sir. Yes, sir.

’You’ll find that these people lack’

’the capacity for sustained endeavor.’

’Don’t hesitate to build a fire under them.’

I don’t think that that will be necessary, sir.

’Don’t forget, the eyes of Washington are on you, Fisby.’

Oh, I hope not, sir.

’It just occurred to me.’

’Have you given any thought to physical education?’

Well, I don’t think th-that..

You know, sir, that was a masterpiece of timeliness, sir.

’Thank you, my boy.’

’Could you use a deck of cards?’

Sir, I..

’Hello? Hello?’

’Fisby, you’re getting weak.’

No. No.

Well, be good, my boy. Keep up the good fight.

Bye-bye.

[speaking Japanese]

No.

[speaking Japanese]

No, wait.

[grunting]

Sakini!

Sakini!

Ohayou gozaimasu.

- Good morning, good morning. - Ohayou gozaimasu.

Listen, do you know where Sakini lives?

- Ohayou gozaimasu. - Good morning. Do you know..

- Do you know where my chief.. - Ohayou gozaimasu.

- Do you know where my chief.. - Ohayou gozaimasu.

[speaking Japanese]

Ohayou gozaimasu.

(Fisby) ’Sakini!’

Oh. Oh, boss.

Say, where you been? Been looking all over for you.

Where have you been? Now, where’s my chief of agriculture?

There’s not a man working this morning, Sakini.

Look around for yourself. Not a man--

Wait a second, boss.

Lotus Blossom leave all her things at Awasi, boss.

She got no way to come here, boss

so everyone take a wheelbarrow and go help bring Lotus Blossom.

Do you mean to tell me that she has so much stuff

it takes my entire staff to move this woman

this girl to my village?

No, boss, but chief of police not trust chief of agriculture.

- No. - Mayor not trust Mr. Oshira.

- So all got to go, boss. - Oh, I see.

Mr. Oshira? That old man?

He old, boss, but he not dead.

Well, that’s a fine way for a..

That’s a great way for officials to act. That’s..

As soon as they get back, I want to see them.

Okay, boss.

[all singing in Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

[all speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

- What’s going on? - I don’t know, boss.

- What’s the trouble? - Don’t know, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

You know what they say?

They say they got discrimination here, boss.

Discrimination? Where? Where?

[speaking Japanese]

Boss. Hey, boss, she gonna tell.

- Lookit.. - She gonna show you, boss.

She gonna show you. They’ll wait.

What’s..

[speaking Japanese]

They’re waiting for the rice, boss.

- Yes? - At the rice place.

[speaking Japanese]

Lotus Blossom come along.

- That’s Lotus Blossom? - That’s Lotus Blossom.

Konnichiwa.

[speaking Japanese]

Ration clerk come out there.

Now, wait a minute..

Alright, alright. Listen. No.

I wish you wouldn’t use..

No, boss. She still use it. She’s ration clerk, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

He invite her in.

[speaking Japanese]

Wait!

[indistinct chattering]

Look, wait a minute! Look.

This is what undermines the democratic ideal.

You tell her that I intend to do something about it.

You tell her.

No. Wait a minute. Wait.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Just...now, wait a minute, I’m gonna see right now

we’ll have to get rid of this disrupting factor

in our recovery program.

[indistinct chattering]

- McEvoy at Awasi, please. - What you gonna do, boss?

This village isn’t big enough for plan B and a geisha.

Tobiki never have a geisha girl before.

- We like very much. - She’s got to go, she’s..

No. Uh...shh. Major McEvoy?

This is Captain Fisby at Tobiki.

Ju-ju-just a moment.

I have a request, sir, from one of my people

t-t-to transfer to your village. It’s..

Yes, sir. It’s a female citizen, sir.

Uh...oh, her job?

Boss, please, do not make her go. Not democratic, boss.

Uh, yes, as a matter of fact.

Uh, yes, her name is Lotus Blossom, major.

H-how did you know?

No, no, sir. No, sir.

I am not trying to put anything over on you, sir. It’s, uh..

Major.

Mm-hm.

Oh. Oh, you did?

Oh, you did.

Oh, he know Lotus Blossom, boss?

Yes...you know something..

...as a matter of fact, Lotus Blossom was at Awasi.

- She wrecked his recovery plan. - Ah so.

Oh, so. Don’t give me that, "Oh, so."

Listen, do you know that she has been booted

out of every village by every commander on the island?

- Oh, poor little Lotus Blossom. - Oh, poor little Lotus Blossom.

Now, I know why Mr. Sunata or whatever his name is

just off he goes, disappears. I know why. I know.

The major gave him 100 yen to get the girl out of the village.

Well, by golly, she’s not gonna cause any dissension here. No.

[speaking Japanese]

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Ladies, close the door. Close the door. Wait.

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. Hey, ladies.

Just a minute, please. Alright, just one minute.

Please, just..

Alright, what is it you want, ma’am?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say she waiting for some democratic action, boss.

And if she don’t get it, boss

she gonna write this Uncle Sam you talk about.

Wait, we don’t want to do that.

We don’t want letters going to Washington

about any trouble around here.

The discrimination, which all these lovely ladies have been..

I know you’re worried. We’ll take care of it.

We’re gonna take care of every bit of it.

So that’s it.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, no, she say please not eliminate discrimination, boss.

Just give her some.

Now, what does she mean by that?

She say Lotus Blossom unfair competition.

Oh, well, granted.

And she say you promise her everyone gonna be equal, boss.

And I intend to keep my word.

But she say she can’t be equal, boss

unless she have everything Lotus Blossom have.

What Lotus Blossom has the government doesn’t issue.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright, alright.

Yes, just a minute now. What is this?

She say she want you to get her

and Ladies League the following items.

A, red stuff to put on lips like geisha girl.

B, stuff that smell very nice.

What do you think the post exchange would think

if I put in a requisition for lipstick? This is ridiculous.

This, I can’t do.

[speaking Japanese]

Now, what?

Oh, she say she think

she gonna have to write this Uncle Sam after all, boss.

No, you don’t.

Now, wait a minute. Ladies, wait a minute, please.

Ladies, ladies, please, will you come back?

You, ladies, just come back here.

Look, no, just one. Look, sit down.

You, sit down. Come on. Here now.

There’s a nice girl. Sit down.

Now, the rest of you, don’t, please don’t.

Now, look, will you explain.. Sakini, listen very carefully.

Will you? Oh, my.

Just explain to her that

I, I will phone the, uh, Post Exchange at Awasi

and I will see if I can get some, uh..

Well, I’ll get some talcum powder and some shaving lotion.

You know, tell her. Tell her.

Yeah. alright?

Yeah?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, it’s alright. Yes?

What now? What did she say?

Oh, she say one more thing, boss.

She say she want you to get Lotus Blossom

to teach all the ladies to be geisha girl.

No.

No.

No. No. No.

[humming]

[door opens and closes]

Ah!

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

Fisby san!

[Lotus Blossom chuckles]

Oh, boss, look who’s here. Lotus Blossom come to see you.

Alright, now. Where have you been all day? Hm?

Oh, don’t bother to tell me. I know.

You’ve been out, uh, upsetting the agri..

Oh, no, upsetting the agricultural horse cart? Huh?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say sun burst through clouds

now that you smile on her.

I’m not smiling.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. Oh, boss, you know what she give you?

- The works. - No.

When lady give a gentleman chrysanthemum bud in Okinawa

that mean that her heart ready to unfold.

Well, this is one bud that’s not going to bloom.

[singing]

Now, what’s this?

She-she-she want to know you want some tsukemono, boss.

- No. - Tsukemono good between meals.

No, no, no.

[speaking Japanese]

Will you, will you, ple.. Will you..

Tell her to leave my feet alone.

- Captain Fisby san. - What?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, boss, she very worried about you.

When you go out in hot sun, you must wear kasa on head.

You tell her to stop worrying about my head and my feet and..

...and one thing very important, she’s just got to stop

interfering with my recovery program.

[speaking Japanese]

- You want some tea, boss? - No, I don’t. No, no, no.

Oh, you want to hear some music, boss?

No. No, I don’t.

[speaking Japanese]

She say you jealous, boss.

Ha ha ha.

[speaking Japanese]

You want to tell her your trouble, boss?

Tell her my wha-what..

What do I wanna tell her my troubles for?

Oh, she geisha girl, boss, that’s her business.

Yeah. Yeah, some business. Some business.

Oh, oh, no.

[speaking Japanese]

- Oh, she very sad, boss. - Hm.

She want to help you because she..

She say you best boss she ever have.

You not take money from her. You not make her work.

Do you mean to tell me that the men who owned her

hired her out and then..

- And they took money from her? - Oh, sure, boss.

Oh, well, now, really. I mean..

You know, where I come from the men who do that sort of thing--

Oh, you got the geisha business in America too, boss?

No, but, well, I mean..

Look, will you please explain to her I have no intention

of, of making her work

and I’m certainly not going to take any money away from her.

- I mean, that’s.. - Why not, boss?

She pay dues to geisha guild. She member in good standing.

This is the most immoral thing I’ve ever heard of.

No, I mean, I don’t say, Sakini, that

where I come from we don’t have, uh..

Well, you know, but I mean..

By golly! We don’t have unions.

And we don’t set rates and we don’t collect dues.

No, no, boss, no.

Geisha girl not do what you think.

No-no-no. Wait a minute. Everybody knows what they do.

Oh, no, then everybody wrong, boss.

What do they pay her for? Hm?

Oh...well, very hard to explain, boss.

Poor man like to feel rich.

Rich man like to feel wise.

Sad man like to feel happy.

So all go to geisha house and tell trouble to geisha girl.

Now, she listen very politely.

She say, "Oh, that’s too bad, boss."

She very pretty.

She make tea, and she sing

and she dance, boss.

Pretty soon troubles go away, boss.

So that not worth something, boss?

Sakini, I apologize to you. I-I, I really apologize.

I’m-I’m...I’m very glad you cleared things up.

That’s kind of..

That kind of puts a new light on things.

[speaking Japanese]

She say, she say, why you smile at her all of a sudden, boss?

You mad or something?

Sakini, uh, will you ask her

if she’d be kind enough

to give geisha lessons

to the Ladies League for Democratic Action?

Huh?

[Lotus chuckling]

[traditional music]

[speaking Japanese]

[knocking on door]

Boss.

Oh, boss.

- They come to see you. - What can I do for them?

The have a meeting in democratic fashion

and majority agree on resolution.

They want you to build them a chaya.

- A what? - Chaya!

- A teahouse, boss. - A teahouse?

Sure, now that Tobiki got the geisha girl like big city, boss

they want a teahouse like big city, too.

They say, you give Ladies League what they want, boss.

I can’t build a teahouse. I have no authority to do that.

You say rule of majority is law, boss. You gonna break the law?

No, I’m not going to break..

[speaking Japanese]

Well, look, they’re going to have a school, you see.

Now, now, that’s enough.

Oh, school. Well, majority too old to go to school, boss.

They want to have chaya, a teahouse.

We haven’t got the materials to build a teahouse.

[speaking Japanese]

What did she say?

She say yesterday big Army truck come

and leave lovely lumber and beautiful paint, boss.

That’s right. It’s for the schoolhouse. It can’t be done.

- Oh, okay. - No, it just can’t.

[speaking Japanese]

They say you very mean to them, boss, after present

they give you everything, but--

I’m sorry. I’m sorry, folks. I’m really very sorry.

Oh, they very sorry too, boss

because Tobiki like to be proud, boss.

Teahouse give them a face.

It’s gonna be a fine school. Five sides.

- May I speak, captain-san? - Yes, of course, Mr. Oshira.

There are lovely teahouses

in the big cities.

But the men of Tobiki have never been inside them.

We are too poor.

All of my life I have dreamed

of visiting a teahouse

where paper lanterns cast a light

in the lotus pond

and the bamboo bells hanging in the pines

tinkle as the breezes brush them.

But this picture is only in my heart.

I may never see it.

I am an old man, sir.

I shall die soon.

It is evil for the soul to depart this world

laden with envy or regret.

Give us our teahouse, sir.

Free my soul for death.

Well, we haven’t any carpenters.

Daiku-san! Daiku-san!

(all) Daiku-san! Daiku-san!

Oh, boss, what you think?

Mr. Sumata and papa-san just come down

from mountain right now. Ha ha ha.

Alright, alright, I haven’t got a chance.

I guess Uncle Sam is going into the teahouse business.

Captain Fisby!

[all cheering]

Uncle Sam!

[all cheering]

[singing in Japanese]

[phone ringing]

Thank you.

Captain Fisby.

’Hello. This is Colonel Purdy.’

Yes, sir. How are you, colonel?

I wanna talk to you about your progress report.

There’s nothing here about the schoolhouse. Did you get lumber?

Yes, sir. As a matter of fact, we’re using it out there now.

But, colonel, I think we’re gonna have to have some more.

’I sent ample according to specifications.’

’How big a structure are you building?’

We have to consider expansion, you know, population increase.

We don’t need to consider expansion.

Our troops will be out of there by the next generation.

Which brings me to another point.

What’s this about six kids being born last week?

It’s the only thing to fill the progress report with, sir.

Then you’ve failed at your indoctrination.

Don’t you know that births are entered

under population increases?

They’re not considered progress.

No, not children, sir. Kids. Goats.

There must be something wrong with this connection.

It sounded just as if you said goats.

You see, I’m trying to increase the livestock down here.

Goats? Look here, Fisby.

Suppose some congressman flew in to inspect our team.

How would I explain such a report about goats?

’The population of civilians alone concerns us.’

’I wanna know exactly what progress you’ve made’

’as outlined in plan B.’

Well, sir, I’m getting along with the people.

In other words, nothing. Listen to me, Fisby.

Do you know what Major McEvoy has accomplished in Awasi?

- ’No, sir.’ - Then I’ll tell you.

His fourth graders know the alphabet through M.

His whole village can sing "God Bless America" in English.

I wish I could say the same.

See that you do. I don’t want any rotten apples in my barrel.

I wanna know exactly what you’ve accomplished in the five weeks.

Well, sir, now, we have started an industry.

In fact, we’re sending our first shipment out this week.

- Now, we’re making getas-- - Wait a minute.

What in thunder is a geta?

No, it isn’t a geta, sir. It’s plural. Getas.

Getas, you know, you have to have two.

- Are you breeding some animal? - No, no.

You see, you wear them on your feet.

And...and they’re very good

for the metatarsal muscles, colonel.

And now, I have another group.

They’re out there making cricket cages.

Captain Fisby...what kind of cages did you say?

’Cricket cages, colonel.’

You know, the cricket.

The black bug that..

’It rubs its hind legs together.’

I think we can sell just thousands of those cages.

Of course, we don’t supply the cricket.

Naturally, not.

Captain Fisby, have you taken your salt pills?

Oh, yes, sir. Every day at chaya in the pine grove.

Have you been going out in the sun without your hat?

I wear a kasa, sir. It’s a, uh..

The wind blows through the straw.

’It kind of ventilates the brain.’

I see. I see.

That’ll be all, captain.

- Gregovich. - Yes, sir?

What’s the name of that psychiatrist in Awasi?

- Captain McLean? - Yes. Get him on the phone.

My man in Tobiki has gone completely off his rocker.

[horn blaring]

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Good morning.

- Hello? - Good morning.

Good morning.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me.

I’ll see you. Bye.

Well, who are you?

- Oh, you startled me. - I’m Captain Fisby.

Can I do something for you?

Can I do something for you?

Oh, well, I’m Captain McLean.

How do you do, captain?

Uh, there was nobody here, so I came in.

Medical Corps. I see it.

See? Huh? What are you doing down here in Tobiki? Hmm?

- I’m on leave. - Oh?

- Thought I’d spend it here.. - Uh-huh.

...making some ethnological studies..

- Oh? -...of the natives.

- lf you have no objection. - No, I don’t!

That’s in your way, I’ll take it.

I was just examining that.

- That’s my cricket cage. - Oh, you like crickets?

I haven’t found one, but I have the cage.

Matter of fact, I’ve got two. Would you like one?

Oh, no, no, no, thank you. It’s alright.

- What happened to your uniform? - Oh, it’s around.

I find getas and a kimono much more..

...comfortable in this climate.

But isn’t that a bathrobe?

Well, it passes for a kimono.

Why don’t you take your shoes off, captain?

- Oh, no, thank you. Thank you. - No?

- I’ll just keep them on. - Alright, fine. No objection.

Sit down, sit down. In my good chair, my good chair.

- Thank you. - Well.

No?

Hmm?

- May I ask.. - Mm-hmm.

What’re you building down the road?

Oh, that’s my chaya.

That’s gonna be something to write home about, Mac.

- A chaya? - Mm-hmm.

If you have a geisha

you gotta have a chaya, you know.

- How’ve you felt lately, Fisby? - Mac, I’ll tell you something.

I have never felt better.

I feel reckless and happy

and carefree and...well..

And it all happened the moment I decided

not to build that pentagon-shaped schoolhouse.

- That what? - The good colonel ordered me.

He ordered me to build a pentagon-shaped schoolhouse

while the natives, they wanted a teahouse.

Would you believe it? One of them gave me a geisha girl.

So I decided that I was going to give them what they want.

I guess it sounds kind of crazy, doesn’t it?

[chuckling] Well, yeah. Yes and no.

You know, these are wonderful people.

Wonderful people with a... a strange sense of beauty.

Hard working, hard working when there’s a purpose.

You know what they’re doing out there?

They’re making cricket cages and lacquerware and chopsticks

and all these to sell as souvenirs.

Don’t let anybody ever tell you that these people are lazy.

Oh, that’s..

- Oh, I see. - No, you don’t. You don’t.

- Oh, I see. - You don’t, no, no, no.

You will when you study them.

- You’re building a teahouse. - Yes.

Next, I’m gonna go out and test that soil.

See if it won’t grow something besides sweet potatoes.

I’m gonna send for some nitrates, and DDT and chemicals.

Chemicals?

’Yes.’

- You wanna poison these people? - What’re you talkin’ about? No.

- Look, capt.. - What? What?

I’m sorry.

You just touched on a subject that’s very close to my heart.

- Gardening. - Yes?

For years, I’ve been on the point of giving up my career

just so I could set up an experimental farm

somewhere where I could raise vegetables organically.

Nature’s way. No poisons, no chemicals.

Let me tell you something, captain.

Chemicals will kill all your earthworms.

- Earthworms aerate your soil. - They do?

Do you know that the earthworm leaves castings

eight times its own weight every day?

That much?

Organic gar.. It’s the only thing.

Compost.

Manure...but no chemicals.

You know a lot about this, I can tell. Huh? You do?

I subscribed to all the farm journals for years.

Mac, listen to me, I’ve got the, I’ve got the greatest idea.

While you’re here, you could really do us a big big favor.

A big service. You could sort of take over supervision.

Establish.. what do you call it, an experimental station?

Huh?

- Well.. - Hmm?

- Oh, I haven’t got the time. - Take time, man. Take time.

This is a chance to put your theories into facts.

These are not theories. These are proved facts.

Just tell us how to go about it. That’s all, Mac.

- Is your soil acid or alkaline? - Oh, golly, I don’t know.

That’s the first thing we’ve to find out.

You’re the man we need. You’re a genius.

- I’ll want plenty of manure. - You’ll get it.

And I want to set this program up scientif..

- Oh! - What’s the matter? What is it?

I wish I had my books, my seed ca..

Oh, I’ve got a stack of seed catalogs that high.

- You have? - Oh, man, and I..

Let’s sit down here. You know what you can do?

You can write a list of those seeds, catalogs, and books.

We’ll have the airstrip boys to fly them in.

- Can you do that? - Can I do it? Sit down.

Can I do it? Of course, I can. Make the list--

Every spring, I’ve made lists of seeds.

I never had any soil to put them in.

Oh! Now I can actually germinate..

Make the list right now and we’ll get started.

- Uh, corn, Golden Bantam. - Yes.

- And, and Country Gentleman. - Right.

- Hybrid. - This, I got to check.

- Hybrid. - Hybrid? Yes.

I gotta check with my department of agriculture now.

But I’ll be back this afternoon, because you and I

we’ll have tea in the pine grove, Mac.

We have tea in the pine grove every day as the sun goes down.

Cucumbers. Early, green, prolific.

Oh! And radishes.

Crimson giant.

[phone ringing]

Crimson giant.

- There’s no answer, sir. - What do you mean, no answer?

Well, keep trying, I won’t take no answer for an answer.

[phone ringing]

Tomatoes...Ponderosa, Earlyiana.

Watermelon.

All American gold medal.

[ringing continues]

Hello.

- Who is this? - ’This is Captain McLean.’

This is Colonel Purdy.

- Can you talk? - ’Why not?’

I’m anxious to hear your report on...you-know-who.

’On who?’

Captain Fisby. The man I sent you down to examine.

Oh. Uh...well, colonel..

...looks like I’ll have to be down here several weeks.

Several weeks?

- ’Rome wasn’t built in a day.’ - What?

I said, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

’Well, you’re the doctor.’

Thank you, but I expect to work miracles.

Splendid, splendid. Is there anything I can send?

Some old Adventure magazines or anything?

Say, colonel, there are a couple of books I’d like.

Uh...I don’t think you could get them.

’You name them.’

Well, one is the "Principles Of Pea Production."

’And the other one, the "Do’s and Don’ts of Cabbage Culture."

Oh, and, colonel..

...do you think you could lay your hands on a soil test kit?

- A what? - A soil test kit.

I wanna test the soil down here, see if it’s sour.

Sour, did you say?

Well, yeah, if soil is sour

your seeds won’t germinate.

And, oh, I’d love to lay my hands on some bees.

There is something wrong with this connection.

And I’m gonna have to take some time out.

I gotta build up this soil, you know, with manure.

- Did you say manure? - Yeah.

Nature’s way.

I’ve lost faith in chemicals. You kill all your worms.

Oh, let me tell you, colonel.

When you kill a worm, you’re killing a friend.

Hello?

- Gregovich. - ’Yes, sir?’

- Where’s plan B? - ’Uh, what did you want, sir?’

I wanna see who I send to analyze an analyst.

[speaking Japanese]

That’s hot water.

- Hot water. - Hot water.

That’s it.

[both laughing]

- Captain Fisby-san. - Oh. Hey. Hey.

[claps hands]

Mac, Mac, come on, over here.

- Over here. - I’ve a list of seeds here.

Put some more hot water in the pot

’cause we have a guest here.

Uh, uh...this, this is Lotus Blossom.

- You know? - How do you do?

That’s the geisha girl I told you about.

- Konnichiwa. - She can’t speak English.

- Oh, she doesn’t need to. - No?

Oh, hey. The seeds.

- Sit down here, will you? - Thank you, I’d like that.

Have some of this. You know something?

You know, Mac, that’s real jasmine tea.

- Really? - Here. Here’s a pillow.

- Thank you. - Take off your shoes.

- Now, about those seeds-- - Shh. Shh. Shh.

Now we’re gonna sit here and watch the sun go down.

And we’re gonna contemplate the end of the day.

[clears throat]

[sighs]

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

Look, captain, I’m sorry to interrupt.

Could you let me have few boys to help me in the fields?

Darn Japanese beetles are eating up all my Chinese peas.

Alright, I’ll get Sakini to get a couple of boys to help you.

- Oh, good, thanks. - Alrighty. Now, Mac?

Sit down, Mac, and listen for a while.

Lotus Blossom, will you sing it again for my friend Mac?

- Thank you. - Mac, but quiet, huh?

[Lotus chuckles]

Alright.

Here we go.

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

Boss?

Very sorry to interrupt lovely song, boss

but emergency out here.

- What’s the matter? - Everyone come back, boss.

Oh, alright, we better go see how

they made out with the souvenirs.

Yeah, put it up here so we can use this.

Alright.

Alright, come on, let’s go.

[goat bleating] What’s this? Now what’s happened here?

All the souvenirs come back, boss.

What do you mean? You mean to say they didn’t sell anything?

No, the soldiers who look at the straw hats

say "What you think we are? Hayseed?"

Mr. Oshira, look, you were at Yatoda, what happened?

The Navy always spends money.

Sailor said, "How much you want?"

- I said, "25 yen." - That’s good.

They say, "Oh, too much.

"Can get better in five-and-ten-cent store.

Give you one nickel."

Didn’t you tell them, Mr. Oshira

that every one of those cups is handmade?

They say, "Not care."

They say, "At home, have big machine

make ten cups every minute."

They say, "Take nickel or jump in lake."

How do you like that?

Boss, you gonna stop work on the teahouse?

No, we’re not going to stop work on..

They’re gonna get that teahouse, Sakini, if not anything else.

By golly, you can tell them I’m very proud of that work

that they’ve done. I’m so proud.

And you can tell them too, that I’m very proud of them.

No, I am, I really am.

I-I don’t understand this.

No, no, no, I don’t understand this.

I don’t understand this.

Boss, they sure wish they could make some money

to spend in the teahouse, boss.

Because they not like to go poor like beggar.

I know, I know.

[speaking Japanese]

See, he say, boss, it not your fault no one buy souvenir.

Well, they going home to get drunk now, boss.

I don’t blame them, Sakini.

If I could find something to drink, I’ll do the..

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, folks.

What are they gonna get drunk on?

Oh, they got nothing but brandy, boss.

- Nothing but brandy? - Nothing but brandy?

How are you gonna manage to get brandy?

Oh, we make a very fine brandy, boss, from sweet potatoes.

Been making for generations.

You make brandy yourself?

Yeah, sure, boss. You want to taste some?

[speaking Japanese]

- Here you are, boss. - Mac, Mac, my dear friend, Mac.

If this stuff is only halfway good, we’re..

Oh, man, we’re really in business.

This is one thing our men I know they’ll buy this.

It may not be any good.

Some things even our troops won’t drink.

- Well.. - Take a sip, boss.

I wanna smell it first.

- Obviously it has a kick. - Yeah.

How old is this stuff, Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

- Seven years? - No, seven days, boss.

Oh, no, no, I mean, it wouldn’t smell like that in seven days.

They make it last week, boss.

You try it, will you, Mac? You’re a medical man.

- You give it a try. - What?

- You first. - No, you’re my guest.

I waive the honor.

You know, anybody ever die or go blind from this?

- We not dead. We not blind. - Of course not.

- You see? Come on, Mac. - They’ve worked up an immunity.

I don’t wanna kill one of my own countrymen, you know?

There must be some way to test this, isn’t there, without me..

There isn’t, huh?

Well..

[goat bleating]

Sakini, get me Elsa Maxwell.

One goat coming up, boss.

Elsa Maxwell. That’s who we need.

That’s Higa Jiga’s goat. We’ll test it on her, you see?

Well, what are you gonna prove? Goats have hardy stomachs.

No, look, if this brandy..

If this passes the goat test, we’re really in business.

You know why? Because no Marine will ever admit

that his stomach is weaker than a goat’s.

Hey, boss, you gonna make a guinea pig of goat?

Give me something to put it in. Anything at all will do.

- Helmet? - That’s fine. That’s fine.

That’s just fine.

- Elsa Maxwell very lucky goat. - Easy, easy.

You better hold her head, Sakini.

Alright, doctor, proceed in the name of science.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

We’re either gonna have an industry

or goat meat for dinner.

- What are you doing? - Oh, not too much.

[laughing]

She likes that.

Hey. Hey.

She alright? Alright?

What do you think, doc?

It doesn’t seem to affect her. Reflexes okay.

[goat bleating] Well, here goes.

[all laughing]

Oh.

[all laughing]

- Hey. - Where you going, boss?

I’m about to form

the cooperative brewing company of Tobiki.

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

Officers’ Club at Awasi, please.

- We gonna make brandy? - I’ll tell you in a minute.

Officers’ Club at Awasi?

This is Captain Fisby speaking at Tobiki.

Yeah, oh, major? Major, this is Fisby.

You know, when I was with your unit

we had a hard time keeping a supply of liquor?

You remember? Yeah.

Well, major, I think I have stumbled on to something

that might be of interest to you.

Yes, as you know, Tobiki

is the heart of the brandy industry.

(major) ’Brandy? Did you say brandy?’

Yes, brandy.

Look up the word sweet potato in my dictionary, Mac.

See if there’s a fancier word for sweet potato.

Oh, I’m here, major. Yes, here I am.

Yeah, now, look, major, I might be able to supply

some of that brandy to you

that is, of course, if you’re willing to pay the price.

And you keep the source secret.

Yes.

Oh, they’ve been making it here for generations, sir.

Oh, yes, as a matter of fact

I’m sure you’ve never tasted anything quite like it.

Hold on a minute, major.

The Haitian name for sweet potato is B-A-T-A-T-A, Batata.

Major, you’ve heard of Seven Star Batata, haven’t you?

Oh, well, they make it here in Tobiki. Yes.

The Seven Star got him, I think.

Brandy eight or ten-day-old, better. Nine or ten-day-old.

Major, we also have Eight Star Batata, and we have Ten Star.

Of course, the Ten Star, now mind you

that comes a little bit more expensive, yes.

That will run you, uh..

...100-occupation-yen a gallon.

Delivered.

Yes.

What? How many?

Five gallons. Yes.

Five gallons will be delivered in one week.

It’ll be delivered by our Department of Agriculture.

Yeah, right. You’re welcome, sir. Right.

[all cheering]

Alright. Alright, let’s..

[phone ringing]

Hello?

News kind of gets around fast, huh?

Hello?

Oh? GHQHH...GHQPX.

Yes. Yes.

Oh?

- Uh, 30 gallons? - No.

COD?

Yes. Right.

It’ll be there.

Right. Thank you.

Thirty gallons!

Let’s go to work, huh?

I don’t have to tell you. Let’s go to work.

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

I’ve got my cricket.

Put a label on that one. Put a label on that one.

Seiko, 150 more gallons

to the Naval Officers’ Club, Big Koza.

COD. Take it away.

Yatoda!

Hey, Sakini, what are they doing here?

We’re diverting water for a lotus pond.

You can’t have a teahouse without a lotus pond.

Yeah, where’s your goldfish, Mac?

When you have a lotus pond, you gotta have goldfish.

Hey, boss.

Everyone send me to bring you to teahouse opening, boss.

Mac, look. Isn’t that something?

This first-class, boss.

Hey, boy, that’s really something, Sakini.

How about that?

- Well, come on, let’s go. - Lead on.

Okay.

[bells chiming]

Take shoes off, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

Thank you. Good evening to you.

Boss, you sit here.

Lotus Blossom gonna dance in your honor.

Hey, Mac, you hear that? She’s gonna dance.

Come on. Sit down, Mac. This is in my honor.

How can I stall Purdy so I can stay down here?

I’ll have a relapse for you.

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[applause]

[speaking Japanese]

Chrysanthemum bud in full bloom now, boss.

And now, happy birthday.

Very good.

Well, I’ll be.

- How did you know? - I gave you away.

Boss, now everyone like to show appreciation, boss.

Happy birthday.

How very lovely you are.

And a happy, happy to you.

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

Oh, boss, you know what you do?

It called for flowers, sort of, you know?

That mean you give your heart to her.

Well, I do. We all do, huh? Wasn’t it beautiful, Mac?

Oh, she can dance in my chaya any day.

Pardon me, sir.

Are you sure this is Tobiki village?

According to the map, sir.

- The place seems deserted. - There was a light over there.

Come on.

What? What is this? Sakini, what do they want?

They want you and doctor to sing song.

Sing? No.

Alright, come on, come on, Mac.

Come on, we’re gonna sing something.

How about "Deep in the Heart of Texas?"

Why not? There aren’t any Texans here, are there?

We’re gonna have some fun now. Come here, Sakini, look.

Tell them they’re gonna help us.

When we clap four times and sing they have to join in.

I know that song. Very nice, boss. We demonstrate.

- What is it? - Stars at night.

♪ Stars at night ♪

♪ Are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

[speaking Japanese]

Deep in the heart of..

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Then we clap four times.

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

Hey, we’re all ready. Hey, we’re ready.

Alright. You ready on the left? Ready on the right. Here we go.

♪ The stars at night are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heat of Texas ♪

♪ The prairie sky is big and high ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The stars at night are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The prairie sky is wide and high ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The sage in bloom is like perfume ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

Captain Fisby!

♪ The one I love deep in the.. ♪

What in the name..

What?

I see you, Fisby.

Fisby, I see you.

[speaking Japanese]

Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

Fisby. Fisby. Come out of here.

Come out of here.

Sit down!

How many lectures have you delivered

to the village children on democratic theory?

- Well, now, let me see, sir. - Four, five?

No, no, it wasn’t that many, sir.

- Three? - No.

Two?

No, no.

You’ve only delivered one lecture?

None, sir.

Don’t tell me you haven’t delivered a single lecture?

Yes, sir, I’ve not delivered no lecture.

Any lecture.

Have you organized a women’s League for Democratic Action?

Yes, sir, I did that. I sure did. I sure did that.

How many lectures on democratic theory did you give them?

- Uh...none, sir. - You can’t mean none.

- You must mean one or two. - No, just none.

- I refuse to believe it. - I’m very glad, sir.

- Sir, I must go! - Where?

My seedlings are wilting. I have to transplant them.

Captain, you’ll pack your gear and transplant yourself

to your unit at once.

Yes, sir.

They’ll die.

Yeah.

This is murder.

Please, take care of my beans.

Now, is the schoolhouse finished?

No, sir.

Well, why isn’t it finished?

W-well, we-we haven’t started.

What did you do with the lumber I sent?

We built a teahouse.

I don’t suppose you have any aspirin here?

Huh? I...no. I don’t think so.

What in the name of occupation do you mean by saying

you’re building a teahouse!

Lotus Blossom, she had to have a place

to teach the Ladies League geisha lessons, sir.

- Fisby! - Yes? Yes, sir?

What?

Uh..

How could you sink to such depths, man?

I was only giving into what the majority wanted, colonel.

I don’t doubt that statement, not at all.

It’s a sad thing it took a war to convince me

that most of the human race is degenerate.

I thank my stars I come from a country

where the air is clean, where the wind is fresh--

Oh, for heaven’s sake, sir, there’s nothing that goes on

in a teahouse that your own mother couldn’t watch.

You be careful how you use my mother’s name, Fisby!

Well, my mother then, sir.

Sir, there’s nothing immoral about our teahouse.

Well, answer me this, what’s bringing all that

occupation money to this particular village?

[telephone ringing]

Uh...it’s, uh..

- Well, answer it. - No, no, no, no, no.

- It’s nothing, nothing. - It might be for me.

- It’s noth-- - Answer it.

No, this phone rings all day long.

Then I’ll answer it!

Hello?

What do you want?

Who is this?

Well, Commander Meyers, you must have a wrong connection

this is not a brewery!

- Yes. - Hmm.

Yes.

Yes. Ohh, I see!

I see.

I see.

Well..

...there was nothing else that we could make

that anybody would want... would want to buy.

Brandy.

This ends my army career.

When I’d promised Mrs. Purdy I’d come out a general..

You’ve broken a fine woman’s heart, Fisby.

I’m sorry. I’m very sorry.

You sullied the reputation of your nation!

- And all the tears-- - Alright! Shall I kill myself?

Oh, don’t minimize this!

You don’t know the enemy’s genius for propaganda.

What’ve you done with all the money you made so dishonestly?

I banked it in Seattle.

Oh! That’s despicable!

Making a personal fortune off the labor of ignorant people.

I haven’t touched a cent of this money, colonel.

It’s all banked in the name of the Tobiki Co-operative Company.

Everybody in the village, they’re partners, don’t you see?

You know?

You know, share and share alike--

That’s communism!

It is?

[sobbing]

I-I’ll be lucky to get out of this war private.

- Captain Fisby. - Yes, sir.

You’ll consider yourself under technical arrest.

You will proceed to HQ at once to await court-martial.

I intend to wipe this stain from our country’s honor.

- Gregovich! - ’Eh, you called, sir?’

I did!

[women laughing]

Yes, sir.

We have some business to attend to here before going to Owase.

Yes, sir, I’m glad to hear it!

May I congratulate you on what you’ve done for this village!

- It’s a dream! - Thank you very much, sergeant.

It’s an alcoholic dream!

It’s one vast distillery!

I want you to take a detail and some axes and smash every still!

Destroy them? Ha ha ha!

- Beyond repair! - Ha ha ha!

Take another detail and rip down that teahouse.

- But colonel-- - Pile the lumber by the road.

Ha ha ha.

That’s an order. You understand?

Yes, sir.

[woman sobbing]

[thudding]

[speaking Japanese]

[pots shattering]

I know.

[shouting in Japanese]

[sobbing continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Hot water.

[chuckling]

[speaking Japanese]

[sobbing]

Uh, boss. Sorry, boss, jeep all loaded now.

I’ll be along in a minute, Sakini.

You gonna take Lotus Blossom with you, boss?

Sakini.

Ask her for me if there’s anything that I can...do

for her before I go.

Ask her.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

What did she say, Sakini?

Oh, she say she want to marry you, boss.

Now, why...why would she wanna marry me?

Oh, she say you nicest man she ever seen, boss.

Oh, no, no.

No, you...you tell her for me that I’m clumsy

I...I got a talent for destruction.

I’d only disillusion her just-just the same way

I disillusioned all her people.

[speaking Japanese]

She say she-she like to go to America, boss

where everyone happy, sit around

sip tea while machines work.

But tell her I’ll never forget her.

I’ll never forget this village.

And on the other side of the world, in the autumn of my life

when an August moon rises in the East

I’ll remember what was beautiful..

...and what I was wise enough to leave beautiful.

[speaking Japanese]

[chuckles softly]

[speaking Japanese]

She say, boss, she never forget you.

She like you to know that she go and make up

her own song story about you, to sing in the teahouse.

[chuckles softly]

And she say, maybe in 100 years from now

you gonna be famous all over Okinawa.

[instrumental music]

I’d like that.

[whispers] I’d like that.

[clogs clattering]

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, he sure wanna push her wheelbarrow for her, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

She say okay but not to think that she’s his property.

[chuckling]

He very happy fellow, boss.

[clogs clattering]

[speaking Japanese]

She going now, boss, but you still her boss.

So she say she not go till you drop fan from face.

[speaking Japanese]

[instrumental music]

I’ve written a full report of this affair

to your commanding officer!

I’m only glad you don’t belong to my outfit.

I won’t tolerate rotten apples in my barrel!

[telephone ringing]

Hello!

Who?

What!

When?

Ohh!

Uh, sit down, captain. Sit down.

Sit down. Heh heh heh. Make yourself comfortable.

Uh, give me your hat.

Have some of these tsukemonos.

Take your shoes off. Uh, I’ll be right back.

- You going now, boss? - Yeah, I guess so, Sakini.

Hey, boss, since you not take Lotus Blossom

you maybe take me?

No, Sakini, no.

I’ll work for you for half price, boss.

Um, Major McAvoy is coming down here to take charge

and, uh...well, he’s gonna need your help, you know.

Oh, you very hard man to bargain with, boss.

Okay, you want, I work just for rice ration.

No.

You mean you gonna make me work for nothing, boss?

I mean, yes, you’re not going to work for me at all, Sakini.

- Now, you belong here. - Okay, boss.

Tsk.

Ohh, boss.

You know what I think gonna happen

when American leave Okinawa?

No, what?

Ohh, I think we gonna have to use a Pentagon-shape schoolhouse

for teahouse.

[laughing]

Ho ho!

[laughs] So long, Sakini.

You’re a rare rascal.

So long, boss.

Say, you know, I’m gonna miss you.

- Hey, boss. - Yes?

You not failure.

I’ll tell you something, Sakini.

You know, I used to worry a lot about not being a big success.

I-I think I felt an awful lot like you people felt

always being conquered.

Well, you know, now I’m not sure who’s the conquered

and...who’s the conqueror.

So..

I’ve learnt in Tobiki the wisdom of gracious acceptance.

See, I don’t wanna be a world leader.

I’ve made peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions

and my limitations.

That’s good, boss.

What’s a step backward in the right direction?

Take care.

Socks up, boss.

[panting] Sakini! Sakini!

Sakini! Sakini!

Where’s Captain Fisby?

Ohh, right over here, boss. This way.

- Fisby! - No, no, no, no.

- Over here. - Fisby! Fisby!

Fisby, come back here at once!

I’m not in shape. Too much paperwork.

- You called, sir? - I’ve been looking for you.

You can’t leave. You’ve got to stay here.

- You’ve got to help me, Fisby! - I don’t understand, colonel.

We’ve got to pull this village back together again.

The lid is blown off of everything!

- Where’s Gregovich? - Well, he..

He’s out there breaking up the rest of the stills.

- Oh, no! - Why? What’s the matter?

I radioed the report to Washington.

Some fool senator misunderstood.

He’s using this village as an example

of American get-up-and-go in the recovery program.

- We’re all over the newspapers. - That’s wonderful, colonel!

It’s not wonderful, a congressional committee

is flying over here to study our methods.

They’re bringing photographers for a magazine spread.

- Tonight, Fisby, tonight! - Oh, that’s bad, that’s bad.

- Gregovich! - Um, colonel, wait a minute.

Maybe there’s some way we can stall ’em.

Ah, maybe we could quarantine the place or something.

You can’t quarantine a congressman.

They’ve got immunity or something.

- Fisby. - Yeah?

- Help me. - Yes, sir!

I don’t ask you for my sake..

...I ask you for Mrs. Purdy.

I could be a brigadier yet.

Gregovich?

- Gregovich! - Oh.

(Purdy) Gregovich!

- Gregovich. - Did you call, sir?

Come here. Come here, Gregovich. Come here.

Come here. You haven’t destroyed all the stills, have you?

- No. No, of course you haven’t. - Oooh, yes I have!

[grunts] I carried orders out to the letter.

Why can’t somebody disobey orders once in a while?

What’s happened to the American spirit of rebellion?

[coughs]

- Sunstroke? - Uh, potato brandy, sir.

Oh.

(Purdy) ’Sergeant, wake up!’

Do you hear me? That’s an order.

Colonel, I’m afraid he’s passed out.

It’s desertion. I need every man.

- Gregovich, get to your feet. - Come on, sergeant.

- Heh heh ha ha! - Come on, sarge...sergeant.

Gregovich!

- I wanna ask you questions. - Sorry, sir.

Stop weaving!

You’re weavin’, sir. I’m standin’ perfectly still.

- You smell like a brewery. - Oh, well..

I fell in a vat.

- You got drunk. - No, sir. I fell in a vat.

Naturally, I had opened my mouth to yell for help.

Go to the office and sober up at once.

Yes, sir.

Oh, sergeant. Uh, sergeant!

- Fisby. - Yes, sir?

- I’m gonna need you. Stand by. - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[airplane whirring]

Oh, no!

[whirring continues]

I’m a sinking ship..

...scuttled by my own men.

- Colonel Purdy. - Don’t bother me.

- Stills not all destroyed. - I haven’t got time.

What did you say?

We not born yesterday.

We get sergeant drunk, give him water barrel to break.

Sakini!

My friend. You’re not saying this to make me feel better?

No, stills as good as ever, boss!

Production not cease yet.

Sakini, you really are a rascal.

No, he’s really an American.

- He’s got get-up-and-go. - Sakini, listen.

If you get the people in the village to work together

how long would it take them to rebuild the teahouse?

Oh, we don’t destroy, boss. We just take away and hide.

Come here.

[Purdy panting]

Now we gonna show you Okinawa get-up-and-go.

Oye!

[shouting in Japanese]

[man shouting in Japanese]

[singing in Japanese]

Oye!

[speaking Japanese]

Be right back.

[singing continues]

[speaking Japanese]

[singing continues]

It’s a land of mystery of the Orient.

It’s-it’s beautiful.

- Simply beautiful. - There’s only one thing wrong.

It needs a sign to tell people what it is.

And we oughta put another sign up over there

naming this Grace Purdy Avenue.

And another sign--

Sir, how about a nice cup of tea? Hmm?

Alright?

[laughing]

Twenty Star for the colonel, Sakini.

Okay, boss.

[clogs clattering]

Little story now concluded

but history of world unfinished.

Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen..

...go home to ponder.

What was true at beginning remains true.

Pain make man think..

...thought make man wise..

...and wisdom make life endurable.

So, may August moon bring gentle sleep.

Sayonara.

[Japanese song]