Original subtitles

It is the year 2020, and the world has changed.

In 2020, times are tough.

This man's tougher.

Come along, come along. Let Professor Usher guess your age. Step up, little

and win a prize if I'm wrong.

But Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Ha! Guess your weight, ma 'am. I'm afraid I'll guess it right, and your

boyfriend would know.

But remember, Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Ha! Ha!

Woo! Thanks.

Here you go.

Extra butter?

Yeah, man. Tastes better with extra butter.

Yo, this place is dope.

Have some of it. Here's some of it, man.

This is fun, man.

Lyrics, kid, lyrics.

I'm G.

I'm L. And I'm Odin. X.

And I'm sorry. These are my cousins from out of town.

Smash. Rice, rice, gravy.

We're the land navy.

Come along, come along. Let Professor Usher guess your age. Win a prize if I'm

wrong.

Oh, my. What a beautiful vision.

May I guess her age?

Even if I miss by only a year, you still win a prize.

Look, child.

Look what you can win.

Oh, come on, Tammy. Do it. It's only a dollar.

Only a dollar.

Excellent. Thank you. Someone else takes the challenge.

Let me look at you.

Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Look me in the eye.

Ah, those eyes.

My child, my child, there is so much they have yet to see.

But the beauty, your beauty, it is timeless. It belongs to the ages.

Oh, this is difficult.

Very difficult.

You are... You are 18!

That's right!

He's right!

Ah, but you can have the prize anyway.

Yes, Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Yo, baby, I got a lot of money and a college degree.

I got no college degree. Don't listen to them. I got the doctorate.

Excuse me. We'll be back in a moment.

Man,

what was all that about?

Don't worry about that, man. Just tell her, man.

Yeah, but where did Rice and Rice go?

Somewhere, I guess.

I didn't think you guys' metabolism functioned when you split up. Come on.

are you going to remember to breathe?

Don't worry about that.

Help! Somebody call the police!

What was that?

Sounds like a D .U .O.

What's that?

Therban for unknown origin.

Call the police!

Please, now!

Oh, my.

In all my years, nothing like this has ever happened.

This is Candyland.

Candyland. What a bitter taste this leaves in one's mouth.

Terrible irony.

If Mrs. Usher were alive to see this, it would surely kill her.

Jennifer. Yeah? I've looked everywhere for my sister.

All over the park.

Maybe she ran off. Maybe she's ditched you. No way. I have her money.

We were going to take the snake home and play.

Snake?

Well, she had just won it for having her age guessed.

It was a stuffed snake, you know, like a teddy bear.

A teddy snake, huh?

She named it Satchmo, but you have to help me find her.

Jennifer, see that lady right there? That's Ms. Eckhoff.

She's social service.

They're going to have to take an official statement.

Hello. Hey.

Oh, Satchmo, good.

Yeah. You see anything at all?

No, I was with Gravy and my two other cousins.

Where did Rice and Rice go?

Wait, Rice and Rice?

Yeah, Rice and Rice and everything nice.

And that's twice.

Nicknames when we were growing up. LX, GX, and Otis X here called themselves

Rice, Rice, Gravy.

What was your nickname?

Cuddles.

Excuse me?

Cuddles. Cuddles.

Never mind.

Cuddles?

Where have you guys been?

Us? Yeah, you.

Nowhere, man.

Good morning.

Good afternoon.

I was allowing you to sleep.

Why are you stacked out in the lab?

My cousin.

Taking over my plate.

I'm trying to sleep. They play their music all night long. It's like jump

Eating you out of house and home, no doubt.

Oh, and they drink milk like there's no tomorrow.

Hey, listen, FX, how well do you know your cousin?

Too well.

Well, I grew up with him.

He kind of dropped out of sight a couple years ago.

He turned up again.

Sometimes I can't get lucky.

What?

I just got this weird feeling, you know, like they acted kind of suspicious

yesterday.

Like they were hiding it.

What are you talking about?

You know that girl that disappeared yesterday?

Yeah. Your cousin disappeared at the same time.

E .B.? Ahead of you, Zack.

I can find no criminal record for L .X. Spinner, G .X. Spinner, or Otis X.

Spinner. But this is not the first disappearance of a girl from Candyland.

I show sporadic incidents over the last 20 years.

Well, why wasn't there a red flag on that last report, then?

The disappearances have been too few and far between to pop up on a police

computer, and most have been classed as runaways.

Oh, right, right.

Social service police aren't set up to handle criminal patterns.

Sorry.

Where are you going?

On a date.

Good night.

Nice throw, huh?

What?

What happened? You won.

Clyde, remember, this isn't really a date.

I just asked you to help me undercover with this unofficial investigation.

Of course, I was just trying to play the part.

I firmly believe it's not within the best interest of the department.

Or my career for officers who work together today.

Together, that is.

You hungry?

Robin. Come along, come along. Let Professor Usher guess your

age. How about splitting one of Mrs. Usher's famous chicken fire?

Sounds good. You know, they haven't changed a recipe in over 25 years.

a prize if I'm wrong.

Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Hello, my child.

Guess your age.

Win a prize if I'm wrong.

Of course, Professor Usher is rarely wrong.

Drop the guns. Hey, it's Zach Stone.

Hey, man.

Drop the guns.

Come on, man. You guys aren't supposed to drop your guns that fast.

It's three against one. What do you want to do, shoot him?

All right, what's going on?

Take a look. I got the ID where you could see it.

P -O -L -I -C -E.

And we didn't get him from Candyland.

He could see that. He's a policeman.

Wait a minute.

You guys are cops?

You're a brother of a brother, and we're deep undercover.

You guys are CDI operatives?

We're a duo.

Oh, no, not duo again.

Three is a trio.

No, a D -U -O.

Deep Undercover Operations.

That's why E .B. couldn't find a record on you guys.

Now, Gravy, you, I can believe, maybe, but right square?

So you're saying, little computer, you run the whole Hungerford Industries

living inside this square box?

I don't think so.

No. Now, look, I don't live in this box. I am this box.

Well, no, actually, what I mean to say is that... Then why do you look so

Hey, Rice, doesn't he look funny?

Every one of these girls disappeared from Candyland.

All will I see there?

or headed there, or thought to be headed there.

Screams at you. How could anyone miss the connection?

They had a history of running off with carny guys, family disputes, or no

at all.

Fell through the cracks.

EB put it together for us. LX put it together for us.

Right?

Oh, no.

Zach, you worried about Klein?

No, she's good.

If it's way out, she'll find it.

If not?

She knows we'll find her.

She'll be fine.

Yeah, but all these girls have disappeared over a 20 -year period.

Must have been all kind of changes at Candyland in 20 years. I mean,

employees.

Only two things have remained the same in the last 20 years at Candyland.

Number one, Mrs. Duster's chicken pies.

And Professor Usher.

Ah, pretty woman.

Such a wonder.

what you are.

Your beauty is quite beyond a man's ability to understand it. But I, I can

preserve it and possess it.

There, how's that, my child?

Oh, if you could only speak, how you would thank me.

Your beauty is so fragile, so fleeting, but now it is frozen,

preserved, so it will never leave you, nor...

Leave me.

All of you, welcome your new sister.

Love her.

Appreciate her as I do.

For after I am gone, you will all remain lovely and beautiful

and tantalizing and wondrous.

No.

Weak.

I don't know what to say.

Mud duck?

Let's call this Operation Decoy.

How are we going to catch this guy, man?

Why don't you use a female operative?

But we've already blown our budget, guys.

On what, that dress and wig?

Yeah, and this micro -miniaturization, two -way communication, and tracking

device. And that's your only plan?

Yeah, but one of us will have to wear it.

It'll never work.

For women, you three or two, course.

Women are coursing through our veins all the time. Yeah, we're always thinking

about them.

But you don't understand them.

I mean, there's something about women. It's the way they do things. You're like

sipping coffee, dancing.

When they're standing in the mirror, just combing their hair.

What are you looking at?

No.

No. No.

Watch it, buddy.

FX! What?

I think he likes you.

That's not funny, man.

You guys with me?

Read you loud and clear.

EB, you with us?

Only in spirit, thankfully.

Chill, guys.

I'm getting close.

Come along, come along. Let Professor Usher guess your age.

Win a prize if I'm wrong.

Yes, sirree. Young lady, young lady, would you come here?

Me? You.

The beautiful one.

You couldn't... You couldn't mean me.

Oh, indeed I do.

Your contacts must be a little foggy today. Certainly not. You look

stunning in that dress.

This old thing? Your features are perfectly defined.

You really think so? Yes.

Well, thank you.

I'm not really looking my best today. I stopped working out, and I haven't been

sleeping well.

But it suits you.

May I guess your age?

Win a prize if I'm wrong, but... Professor Usher is never wrong.

Then allow me to give you a prize anyway as a token of my undying appreciation.

I think we pegged this guy wrong, you know?

He's really kind of charming.

He gave me a present. A cute little stuff.

FX. FX, what happened? Are you all right?

I sure got him. Let's go.

Yo, they're close by.

Where? Come on, there's nowhere.

What's that?

I don't know, but the thing was going from there.

Let's go.

Wait. Wait, wait. Can't wait. Come on. What is it, E .B.? I recognize that

sound. Get back to the lab at once.

But E .B., FX is in trouble.

He'll be all right. But if you don't get back here, you'll never save him.

Trust me. Mizak.

Hurry!

Hey!

Hey, I'm having trouble moving.

No, no, my dear, don't ruin the pose.

What have you done to me? Why can't I move? It'll take just several minutes to

cure, but it will be painless, I assure you.

Nice!

Hey, man, not bad.

You'll freeze and look.

Yeah, they're just as frozen as... Hey, it's them!

Them, man. All of them, man. All the missing girls. Welcome to my hall of

beauty, gentlemen.

Freeze! I might make the same request of you.

Look out!

He's like a fop.

Okay, Mr. Render, let's go.

Molecular immobilization?

Precisely. The sound of the device is unmistakable. It was used in carnival

sideshows up until it was made illegal at the turn of the century.

By lining up all the atoms magnetically in the same direction, all molecular

activity stops.

Like being frozen.

You could think of it that way.

A person could live forever.

That's why it was outlawed, Philistines.

Will I be immune in the suit?

Not exactly, but the gravitonic shield will take you below the freezing point

into negative polarity.

I'll be super cool, like those fish up in the Arctic.

I'm feeling particularly immobile.

I know how you feel, man.

I can think of worse fates than being frozen here looking at all these fine

ladies. Oh, no, I'm afraid that won't do.

I'll have to kill you.

I can't have you despoiling my hall of beauty.

Despoiling? What about effects? That roach?

He's no beauty.

Oh, thanks a lot. Just point it out. to them, why don't you?

Oh, no, no, no.

You are the most beautiful of all.

Why is it bad guys are always nuts?

25 years ago, I lost my Christine.

She was everything to me.

She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

I was beside myself that the world would lose such a lovely flower as she.

Then it occurred to me I could preserve all beauty, freeze it in time, keep it

forever, so it would never be lost.

And now my task is complete. I have come full circle. I can finally preserve

my dear, departed Christine.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear!

What's happening?

Where are you?

going on. Stop.

Oh, my.

Get back. I'll simply freeze you all again.

Yes, this won't do you any good.

Fight by the sword.

Die by the sword.

It's just the way some...

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