Original subtitles

Hey, look at you. What are you all dressed up for? Oh, please, Ray. I don't

a special reason to dress up.

Well, look who's here, mister. I don't need a special reason himself.

Hey, Ray.

Lisa.

So, uh, who's your prickly pal?

Oh, I'm staying in a hotel while they're fumigating my new place.

And the lovely lady of the house agreed to watch my plant for me.

My, don't you look delicious.

Tell me something I don't know.

I'll tell you something I know. No fraternity brother of mine will be

a hotel. You can stay right here.

Here? Well, no, I don't want to impose.

No imposition at all, is it, Lisa? Well, um... Think it's settled.

We can move in tonight.

Mom, Ray, could you please... Tell Tamera she is too sick to do her radio

tonight. I am not sick.

Tamera, you can't go to work sick.

You go to work sick.

I have to. I'm the boss.

Tamera, if you don't mind me saying, you can't go to work sounding like that.

I mean, your fans expect perfection, not infection.

So you won't be staying home for you. You'll be staying home for them.

Well, I guess you're right, Victor.

Didn't I just say that?

Yeah, but you're her father. She has to ignore you.

But who's gonna fill in for me?

Me! Me! Hey, hey, hey, Tamara, I've heard every one of your shows.

Okay!

Sounds just like you.

Oh, no.

Hey, what's the matter, huh?

What, you don't trust me?

Tia, of course I trust you.

You better get over that radio station and rep this.

be so exciting isn't it though follow her you know and

now

everybody see how different we have come to be

I gotta feel it real for me, like you got to do what's right for you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hi,

sweetie. I bought you some chicken soup.

for her tonight will be me, Zip the T.

Come on, Sister T.

Say something, Tia.

I'm gonna be sick.

Larry,

you still there?

Yes.

Well, uh, Sister T had to break. You're on with... the Mad Hatter.

So, Mad Hatter, do I buy her a gift or not?

Tell me, Larry.

How's your cash flow?

Slow, dog.

Slow.

Don't waste your money on a dead relationship.

Save what few Benjamins you have for your next honey.

Believe me, it's a lot easier to attract a new babe with a little cash in

your...

You're ruining my show with that Mel Gibberish.

Tamara, calm down, honey.

Oh, you need to vaporize it.

Fellas, listen to the Mad Hatter. Remember this. There's ten of them to

us. So who's got the upper hand? Do you hear me?

Oh, I hear you.

I think pillow chat's about to become a pillow fight.

with the Mad Hatter. What's the deal, yo?

Mad Hatter, this is Linda.

I love skiing, but my new boyfriend won't take me because he thinks I look

fat in ski gear.

Don't you think he's wrong for that?

Be real with me, Linda.

How much do you weigh?

Well,

I'm not, like, enormous.

Well, are you, like, pudgy?

then maybe he's trying to save you some embarrassment. So do him and yourself a

favor. Back away from the buffalo wings and head straight for the gym. Do you

hear me?

Yeah. Feeling better?

Guess not.

If he really loves me, my size shouldn't matter.

It matters when you tumble down the slope and take out the lodge.

I know, if I was... Sounds to me like your boyfriend is using you as... an

excuse because he can't cut it on skis. Okay?

Lady T, is that you?

You know it, girl.

I thought you were sick.

Yeah, sick and tired of hearing my callers abused.

Look, callers, I have to apologize for my insensitive boyfriend. Honey, you

you never ask a woman how much he weighs.

The Mad Hatter was just trying to keep it real. Yeah, real rude.

Let's flip the script, okay?

Would you still go out with Lady T if she gained 50 pounds?

50 pounds.

But you have gained about five and I'm not tripping.

Wrong answer.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Victor, I didn't expect you this early.

You know, Lisa, we've only been going out a few months and I'm already moving

in.

Yeah, I've gone from girlfriend to innkeeper.

Are you kidding me? Come on, it's good to have another man around the house.

Oh, Ray, now we can't possibly ask Victor to stay in that dingy old guest

bedroom. I'm sure he'd be much more comfortable in a nice hotel.

Lisa's right.

You can't sleep on that old pull -out sofa.

You can stay in Tamara's room upstairs. She's got a queen -size bed.

Tamara's old room, which is next to mine?

got to give him an ultimatum it's either commitment or find somebody new yeah

why share your man when you can have no man at all okay

listeners lady t thinks it's time to play a jam so here it is you know what i

cannot believe you you can't believe me no i try to do you a favor and you come

down here acting all crazy and you can't believe me where are you going look

lady t this is your little world and i will never answer it again no matter how

much phlegm you're coughing up

Where are you going, champ? Home. No, no, no, you can't do that. Why not?

Ever since you two went Venus Mars, the phones have been hot, hot, hot. Well,

too bad, because he's got to go, go, go. Go, go, go.

Okay, all right.

Okay, slow down, ladies.

This is my, I mean, your chance to get on the map.

This partnership could go national, baby.

No, but we are not a team.

Well, let me put it this way.

No team, no talk.

Okay.

You shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did. I'll take a short stack.

Morning, dear.

Can I interest you in some bacon and egg pancake grits?

Uh, no thanks.

Still recovering from last night.

The whole campus heard me hurl.

It's so embarrassing.

Oh, don't worry, dear. Yeah.

Thanks, Ray. I mean, once Jordan took over, no one even knew you were there.

did like your show last night. Oh, you and Jordan work so well together.

So, I guess you didn't like the show when I did it alone, huh?

No, I mean, I liked it. I just really liked it last night.

Thanks for the support, Dad.

them to bake with, that's all.

Well, you gotta break a few eggs to make an almond.

And you have to dirty up every pot and pan in the house as well.

Oh, yeah, I was just about to get that.

Yeah, whatever.

I'm gonna go buy some more eggs.

Some Grillo pans.

What did I say?

The only woman I understand is Mrs. Butterworth.

home to visit her family, and I'm left on campus hanging by myself.

Well, Mike, that solution is very simple. Just get to know her family and

home with her.

Forget that, dog. Get yourself a weekend woman.

You mean to tell me you want him to cheat while this sweet girl visits her

family? Every weekend?

Shoot. She's going back for a lot more than Mom's banana pudding.

I'll bet hometown Henry's on the creep.

Which one of us? Both of y 'all.

I think I'll just go home with my girlfriend this weekend.

It's time for hometown Henry to get a beat down.

Right.

Okay, well, we only have a few minutes of pillow chat. I am Lady T. And I'm the

Mad Hatter. But before we take our last call, I'd like to give some shout -outs

to my people. My boys, Tyreek, Jamal, my pops, Michael Jordan, Halle Berry.

Halle Berry.

My number one, Pete, you the fan.

That's right, because without your support, there'd be no Mad Hatter. Just

brother with a hat on. Yeah, but there'd still be a Lady T with a mic on. You

are on the air.

Hi, this is Gina in Lansing.

Free your mind, Gina.

Well, I'm a freshman, but my boyfriend is still in high school.

Now, should I wait for him to graduate or dump him?

Wait for him.

Thank you, Gina.

He's a boy. You're in college. You need a man.

who's mature and intelligent. Someone who could buy you fries and a shake.

Okay?

For real, girl. I hear you, Lady T.

Now, here's a mad hatter. If your tenderoni makes you happy, you should

appreciate him for what he is, not what he can supersize. What he is is a minor.

Gina, bounce that rogue right and don't look back. We are out of time. I am Lady

T. Get on with it.

Have a good week.

Hey, hey.

Tonight's show was fantastic.

The more you argue, the more the phones light up.

See you here again tomorrow night.

Great.

Yeah,

right. Hey, dear.

Hey, Peter.

Oh,

who's the new racquetball champ, huh? As I like to say, to the victor go the

spoils. Drinks on you.

Okay, Fred, but don't get used to this just because you had one lucky day.

Something wrong?

No, uh -uh. Make yourself at home.

Oh, well, let me get my bag out of the way. No, no, let me, let me.

I'll do that. You are the guest.

I certainly wouldn't think of having you clean up after yourself.

If you need it, it's in there next to your cactus.

Thank you.

Uh, I think I better go wash up for dinner.

Dinner?

You talk like I should already have something on the table.

Don't think we're playing house up in here.

Well, actually, I've made reservations for all of us tonight at Maxfield's to

thank you for your hospitality.

Oh.

You're welcome.

Uh,

Mom?

You've been dying to go to Maxfield's.

you act like it when victor just told you i'm keeping him in check girl can't

let a man get too comfortable they start taking advantage taking advantage mommy

he's cooked for us okay he's fixed the washers and cleaned the gutters and now

he's taking us to one of the finest restaurants in detroit i hope he never

leaves no that's a problem honey i feel the same way okay now i'm really

lost

Tina Victor is here. Oh, he's fantastic.

He's the kind of man that I thought I'd never, ever find.

And here he is. He's living right under my roof.

Then why are you treating him like toxic waste?

Tina, see, honey, relationships, they can be tricky, you know?

I mean, if things go right too fast, then they can go wrong even faster.

And I don't really want it to end.

But if it does, then I want it to end before I get in too deep.

But haven't you always told me life's about taking chances?

When you start listening to me.

Mom, give yourself a chance.

Let them know how you feel.

Look, as you said yourself, you've got to respect the power of love.

That wasn't me, honey. That was Luther Bandra.

Permission to enter.

Permission granted.

You're just in time for your... Where are you going?

Motel 6. They're leaving the light on for me.

Well, I baked your favorite cake. I went out, I bought eggs and everything.

Great triple A.

Fresh. Maybe I'll have a piece.

To go.

Oh, why are you going?

Lisa, you have been pushing me out ever since I got here.

Look, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later.

But before I do, let me say this.

Being with you has made me happy that I've been a bachelor all these years.

Well, living with me wasn't all that bad.

You did get some free food.

No, no. What I mean is that... is that I'm glad I waited for the right woman.

See, I always thought that people who talked about searching for their

soulmates... We're just looking for an excuse not to settle down.

And then I met you.

Now all I think about is settling down.

You know, I hear your voice and my heart starts beating.

You look at me and I melt.

I look into your eyes and I... I get weak.

I guess what I'm... Look, what I'm trying to say is that I love you.

Oh, what the hell, Victor? I love you, too.

Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

Nothing. Just waiting for the song to end so we can do this fun show.

I wish you would have come with me to the library last night.

Why, do you miss me copying your notes?

No, I miss you.

Look, I miss you too.

Gosh, we really never talked since we yelled at each other on the radio

yesterday.

Look, I don't want this show to come between us. It doesn't have to. All we

to do is stop arguing.

I can't argue with that.

You know what?

I think it's about time that we start showing a little love up in here.

Okay, sweetie.

Well, let's do this.

Do it.

You're on the air with Lady T.

And the Mad Hatter. Speak to it.

This is Melody.

First of all, I just want to say how much I love your show, Lady T.

Oh, thanks, but you have to get my honey here, his bro.

Big up to the Mad Hatter.

No, that's more like it. What can we do for you, Melody?

Well, my boyfriend has his little female fan club, but won't let me have any

male friends.

Now, am I wrong in thinking he's not right?

Honey, you want to take this one? Oh, no. This is Lady T's world. I'm just

living in it. Well, first, I just have to take the moment here to say that I am

so lucky to share the mic with this man.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm the lucky one. And I'm waiting for my answer.

Oh, well, Melody, I say tell your boyfriend to drop the insecurity and

stress. Ooh, now I know the Mad Hatter. is about to go off.

No, actually, I couldn't have said it better myself.

You could at least try.

Oh, for those of you just joining us, this is the all -new and improved Pillow

Chat, where harmony, cooperation, and love reign supreme.

Isn't that right, baby?

You know it, boo -boo.

Okay, let's take...

Let's try line two. Line two.

Hello, anybody there?

Yeah, I'm here.

Greetings and a big old radio hug.

You guys make me sick.

Well, all righty then. Let's go to a sauna.

What's going on in here?

Well, we decided that if we're going to do the show together, we're going to do

it without fighting.

Well, then we have a problem, because no one wants to listen to the happy non

-fighting couple show.

Let me put it in layman's terms.

No fighting, no show.

No show? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That was just showbiz talk.

No show means let's compromise.

Okay, here's the compromise.

The Mad Hatter hangs up his hat.

Lady T gets her show back.

And I get my girl back.

Works for me.

Lady T, you were on in 15.

Do your thing, Lady T.

interest you in some, uh, pancake?

I mean, some egg bacon pancake?

I left something for you. Oh, good. Okay, good.

You mean you want him to cheat while this girl visits her sweet family? I

no. While the sweet girl visits her family?

Yeah.

Let me say this.

I am so happy that I messed up this line like this that I have totally

forgotten.