Original subtitles

Gee, insidious. Is it with a D -I or a D -E?

D -I.

Guys, come on. Chud, that fool just jammed a fifth -floor Coke machine.

Nothing but cans rolling down the halls.

Sounds like a funny to me. Anything caffeine -free and sugar -free is mine.

Did you hear the man, Simone? He said they're all free.

Tia, forget the Greek classics. You don't want to end up sipping on a warm

of Yulu. Girl, I am not leaving Homer hanging for a jacked -up can of Coke.

I bet you wouldn't stop studying if you wanted to.

No, please.

I'm perfectly capable of putting this down and walking right out of here.

I don't think so.

You are so immature.

Na, na, na, na, na. T, I can't do it. T, shoot.

I can leave whenever I want.

Okay. I'm about to go get my burp on. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Everybody see how different we have come to be.

Step, step, step, step.

Even though I'm glad to be with ya, I gotta feel a thrill for me like you got

do what's right for you.

The book's got more highlights than Mary J. Blige.

Mom, I just want to be ready for anything.

Tia, you're in college, not prison. Relax.

Go take a 30 in the office.

Mom, in college, there's a whole new level of responsibility.

So won't you hurry?

Come on, boy, you'll see about me.

You at the Apollo?

What's going on?

Well, we're forming a girl group for Michigan's talent showcase, and we

nobody will be doing the Supreme.

Yeah, they're so old school.

Watch out now. I went to that school.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We like them, too. And, um, we sure could use a lead

singer, Miss Ross.

Girl, I'm not wasting my valuable study time on campus shenanigans.

Oh, shenanigans?

Let's talk about old school.

Tia, you seriously need to lighten up.

You do realize that's an oxymoron? Of course I do.

I'll explain it in the car.

What's up, y 'all?

Hey, um, if you're here to see Tia, I hope you brought your thesaurus.

Hey, Tariq. Oh, hey, Miss. Oh, I brought over Ray's mail from the office, too.

Now, he comes back from that 100 black men convention on Tuesday, right? Mm

-hmm. Unless they stumble across 100 black women.

Baby. Check out this promotion I got in the mail from the Crest at Lakeside. We

can spend all day Saturday at the resort for free. They got swimming, tennis,

and sailing.

Wow, it looks fun, but I have to study for my Greek culture exam.

I'm sorry.

Even Helena Troy took time out to horse around with the Trojans.

That's good. Look, I'm really sorry, Ty, but I have to go to Eurohistory. And if

you're there early, you can sit next to the map.

Well, there goes my weekend.

Oh, don't take it personally.

She's always been a study bug. She was the only child in kindergarten who knew

her ABCs. Backwards. In Latin.

It's just, it's such a sweet deal. Every couple that shows up on Saturday gets a

new Jeep Wrangler color TV or a classic timepiece.

Terry, you know, I've been around.

I know that's right.

I mean, I know that you're sophisticated, Ms. Landry.

Sorry, those people just want to get you up there, sucker you into buying a

timeshare, and then hand you a swatch.

What kind of swatch?

It doesn't matter what kind.

It's all a scam.

So I should just chuck it?

Yeah, yeah.

Of course, not if it was me.

I could go up to that resort.

and get pampered with a manicure, pedicure, full body massage, enjoy

lobster buffet, then turn on the charm, get my free gift, and get.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why don't you come with me on Saturday?

Yeah, yeah, you can turn on your charm and get my free swatch.

Well, maybe it is time that I start handing down my gift.

So what's the first thing that I need to know?

If we win that Jeep, it's mine.

tell me your man was in charge of the show?

Girl, I'll tell you everything.

Yes, you do.

I didn't know her right here.

Unless you sign it.

Hey, Jordan.

Hey, yourself.

Hey, ladies.

What's that sweet smell?

Oh, just a little something -something my man got for me.

Well, your man has good taste.

Excuse me, Will and Jada.

But some of us are here to sign it for the talent.

show? Look here, Simone, don't make me get jiggy with you.

Just put us down in the girl group category. We're the Simones.

We're the what?

You know, girl, the Simones.

What are you talking about? Well, you told me we needed another person. Now I

had to promise her something.

Why didn't you tell her we wash her car?

Don't make plans for Sunday.

but your routine was a little dry.

Oh, so I'm dry?

Can you say Sahara?

Well, at least I wasn't the one singing all off -key.

I know she isn't talking about me. No, she's talking about Leanne Ryan.

It's not my voice. She's got two left feet. Oh, well, you should know since

keeps stepping on them.

she knows anything about good music.

Well, I know you're singing in the wrong tempo.

And your routine, it's too complicated.

Make it simple. Something like this.

Bam! Bam!

Da -da -da! Slide!

Snap!

And Simone, you're Diana Ross. Let the other two do all the dancing. You just

stand in the middle and act like you all of that.

Finally, some direction I can work with.

fingers if you don't get your hand out of my book.

Direction. Forget it. Give me my book. Oh, please, Tia, with your help, we can

knock this show out the box. Would you please give me my book? Okay, and if you

don't help us, we'll be arguing for the next three days, and you'll never get

any of your work done.

Please.

If I do it, you girls have to promise to rehearse around my study schedule.

Absolutely.

Now remember, Tyreek, we are all about the prizes. The prizes. So when we get

that resort, you let me do all the talking. But I get the swash, right? Ew.

Remember, whatever it is that they're selling, we are not buying.

Excuse me.

Oh, boy, get your butt in the car.

You get your butt covered up.

Mom, I'm rehearsing.

Hey, baby, I'll see you tonight at the show. Bye, have fun. Bye, sweetie.

The next honk you hear in that driveway will be a new jeep. But I get the swash,

right? Boy, shut up about that toy watch.

Finally. Now, can we please start? Can I eat first?

No time.

We are already 20 minutes behind.

Practice first, eat later. Should we breathe later, too?

What's that supposed to mean?

It's a talent show, not the Olympics. And since it's tonight, we should be

relaxing. Yeah, T, you've been riding us for three days. Chill.

You got big dreams?

You want fame?

is where you start paying.

In sweat.

Does this mean we have to go out in the street and dance on a cab?

Guys, check it out.

MTV is going to televise the talent show.

MTV? You are lying. Hey, if I'm a liar, then I'm a liar with a badge. Watch it.

Don't touch.

To see you. They're doing a profile on 50 -year seniors who have no chance of

graduating.

No, no, really, Jordan. What is it?

It's part of their Big Ten campus tour.

They heard about the show, and they decided to hook us up.

You mean we're going to sing on TV?

And best of all, the winners get to ride on the MTV party bus. Oh, I call

shotgun. Hey, if you guys get on the bus, we all get on the bus. So show me

you got. Okay, let's take it.

Well, in that case, I'll go over to Mickey D's and supersize something.

Anybody got 39 cents?

for two days.

Let's go get some ice cream.

I guess we can kiss MTV goodbye.

Well, thanks a lot, Tia.

If you hadn't have pushed us so hard, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Well, I thought you wanted to win.

We wanted to have fun.

But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

I mean, because with you, it's either all or nothing. Excuse me. Not now,

Simone.

Look, I didn't even want to do this.

But you begged me to bail you out, just like always.

Yeah, and you had to take it overboard, just like always.

Not now.

Well, here's something I don't always do.

Like somebody needs her.

dance before.

Look, I'm the victim.

Can we get back to blaming Tia?

Okay, ladies, the party bus has pulled

up. Then tell it to keep on going.

What happened?

Ask my takeover, suck all the fun out of everything, drill sergeant Debbie Allen

wannabe twin.

Okay, so you don't do the show.

It's all good. It's all good. It doesn't mean it's over. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It doesn't mean it's over.

Let me think. I'm brainstorming. I'm brainstorming. I'm brainstorming. Work

me. Work with me.

I got it.

And you guys are going to love it.

Mixed and grub. I got it.

Hot sticker.

No, thank you.

I want to save room for the free lobster.

Oh.

See, Tyreek, that's one of their strategies.

Try to fill you up with free food and get you so tired that you'll find

that they put under your nose.

Tyreek, Ty... Tyreek!

Tyreek!

What are you doing over here?

Listening to the many joys of the timeshare.

Like I was telling your son.

Husband.

Like I was telling your husband, all you really need is a modest down payment

and you are on your way to enjoying your own luxurious love nest.

Two weeks every year.

Where do I sign?

He doesn't know what he's saying. He gets that when he goes too long with our

lobster. Oh, I understand.

No pressure.

We just want all of our guests to enjoy themselves here at the Crest. Let me

just get my manager and he will work out your gift arrangement.

Thank you, Monique. Mm -hmm.

Here comes my SWAT.

And here comes the back of my hand.

Don't you see what they're trying to do?

They send over a little Miss Thighmaster until you're ready to sell a kidney to

get that time, don't you?

But they did not count on Lisa Landry. That little sales ploy won't work here.

know every trick in the book, and we are going to get the... Excuse me.

Oh.

I'm Lisa Landry, and you are?

The manager.

Armandi.

Armandi.

Armandi. It kind of just rolls off your tongue, doesn't it?

Armandi. You know, of course it does when you say it like that.

Monique tells me that you folks aren't sold on our timeshare opportunities.

Perhaps I can answer your question.

Yeah, I'm sorry, sport, but the little lady and I...

Well, we don't have any questions, so if you could just fork over my swatch.

Hush up, child. Don't you see grown folks talking?

I wish that there was something I could do.

Well, there is one thing, Miss Ross.

Girl, let's get on that bus.

Let's do a different song. But we don't have time to rehearse a new song.

Who's talking about rehearsing?

I'm talking about having some fun.

Put your hands together for the Simone.

Stay up on food.

Get your good... Get your good time.

And if you keep... We'll keep arguing for the next three days. You'll never

any work done.

What? There's a whole new level of responsibility.