Original subtitles

Okay, what's different about it? Come on. Guess.

No, not the hair.

No, not the sweater.

Okay, the sweater's new, but that's not what we mean.

Give up?

It's this.

Look,

we're happy.

Smiles all the time, see?

Tia, it's a permanent condition.

Man, I hope so. See, I'm dating this guy, Russell, and you know he's really

sophisticated. And I'm seeing Emmett. He's the captain of the b -ball team.

Samira. Since when are you dating him?

I'm not. I said I'm seeing him. You know, I see him at practice. I see him

the bus. I see him when I close my eyes.

Hi, Emmett.

You look good in blue.

Basically, things are going great. Even our basketball team is on a winning

streak. We creamed the Spartans last week.

Funny. They seem to have a little concentration problem. Maybe from the

finding their uniforms dyed powder pink.

Hmm. I wonder what kind of twisted little cheerleaders would do something

that.

Anyway, everything at school is just perfect. So get used to these smiles,

because something tells me they're here to stay.

We'll be right back.

Wait a minute, Ma.

You got a job at our school?

Doing what?

Well, you know old Mrs. Dunwoody?

Two -ton Dunwoody, the cafeteria lady?

The one that serves the food going, that's one for you and two for me?

That's the one. Well, and her.

Lisa, you got a job at the school cafeteria?

That's right.

I was in for my weekly overhaul at the Mighty Afro Daddy, and there was old

Dunwoody sitting right next to me getting a toenail touch -up because it

taking her a little while longer, what with that extra toe -hurs and

Lisa, I have food in front of me. Ooh, thanks.

So, anyway, it turns out that she's retiring. And when she found out that I

looking to make some extra cash, she helped me to get the job.

Oh, isn't that wonderful, honey? I'll be around you all day long.

Won't that be fun?

Yeah, I guess.

No offense, Lisa, but don't you need certain basic culinary skills to get a

like that?

Wait, I hope you're not suggesting that I can't cook.

Last week, you made a cherry pie with bones in it.

Just a couple of press -on nails. Now, let it go, Ray. Let it go.

You guys, what's the problem? Have you ever eaten cafeteria food?

Lisa would fit in just fine.

Thank you, Tamara.

Oh, boy, Lisa's gonna be a cafeteria lady.

Wear plastic sides with Christmas bells hanging from it.

And maybe some big old Frankenstein boots.

And a hairnet. I can't wait to see her in a hairnet.

Girl, you're going to look fine.

I was just kidding. Can't you take a joke? No. Don't you try to hit me with

bathroom.

Tia, what's wrong?

Weren't you listening?

Tamira, my mother's going to be right there at our school every day.

So?

So, Tamira, school is our place.

Look, I love my mom, but I don't think I want her there, especially wearing a

hairnet. I mean, how would you feel if it was your dad?

Oh, humiliated. My dad inherited his plug ugly.

Tamara. Oh, Tia. Look, I'm sure if it was my dad, I'd feel a tad concerned.

But Lisa's a cool parent. Trust me. She's not going to do anything that's

embarrassing.

Isn't it a deep -fried tuna ball day?

Hey, this is the cafeteria lady. She's really wild.

Lisa in the house!

Ooh! There's my baby. Tia and Samantha, come on down!

Excuse me, uh, personal friends of the cafeteria lady.

Uh, hi, Mom.

Hi, baby. Give me some sugar. Oh, oh, never mind, never mind. I'll just give

some. Now, baby, now, don't you eat this until you finish your tuna balls. Oh,

wait, wait, wait. Here's some hot sauce. Might help that.

too close to your plate, you'll lose your eyebrows.

Thanks, Ma.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, here. Now take some extra tater tots.

My baby, live tater tots.

No, no, no, really, Ma. I'm not all that hungry.

I'll take them.

Yeah, better load me up with a few of those pudding cups, Miss Landry. I gotta

carve up. I'm on the team now.

Since when?

Since I figured out this jacket is a honey magnet.

I've been having to fight the women off.

Shoot, get away. Go.

Lisa, he's just a team man.

I gave him a jacket because he cried.

I had my tiger head on. You can't prove nothing.

See you later, Lisa.

Come on down in there. Slide on down.

Well, this ain't half bad.

Got that right. I'm in tater tot heaven.

What's wrong, Kim?

Well, this is a little embarrassing, okay?

I mean, Mom is being so...

My dogs are howling.

Five hours on my feet, they swallowed up so bad, they exploded right out of my

shoes.

I don't get it, Lisa. Why are you putting yourself through all this?

You have your own business making dresses.

Yeah, well, dressmaking ain't making me no money. At least not right now, and

what I need right now is extra cash.

For what? You gonna start paying me rent?

That's a good one, Ray.

No, no, I'm talking about something important.

I was window shopping last week.

When Tia saw this, I'm saving it to give it to her for her prom night.

Ooh, Lisa, this is beautiful.

But can you afford it?

Nope, no, I can't.

At least not without this extra job.

Oh, Ray should have seen Tia's eyes light up when she saw this in the

Oh, but she didn't even ask for it because she knew there was no way she

going to get it.

And I'm tired of that, Ray. I'm tired of saying to my child, someday.

You know, Lisa, you could have asked me for the money.

We are both tired of that.

Nope. This is a gift from my heart and my wallet. And my feet, they can blimp

like banana bolts. It'll be worth it.

Just to see that look on my baby's face.

Oh,

baby, there you are.

Didn't you hear me honking from the car after school? I want to give you a ride

home.

Oh. Oh, sorry, Mom. I was, um, I was talking to Russell.

I guess I didn't notice you.

Oh, is that that fine boy that's taking you to the prom? Oh, I want to meet him.

How about tomorrow?

You mean at school?

In the cafeteria?

Sure. Haul them on over to the steam table and hook us up. And if I'm not

just bring them on back to the kitchen. I promised Elmer and Dawkins that I'd

teach them the Lisa Limbaugh. We put a big bologna roll on the stick, and every

time you go under, you take a little bite.

Uh, listen, Mom.

Are you sure you like this job?

Ooh, yeah.

Oh, I'm having a great time.

Why?

Uh, no reason.

And, honey, don't forget to be in town tomorrow for the smacker snack.

They asked me to be more creative with those leftover deep -fried tuna balls,

I filled a piñata with them and said to my baby, you get to swing the bat first.

Pow!

Oh, wait, wait, wait, girls, here, have some extra taco. They're really moving

today, and I mean really moving. Ooh, look, there goes one right now.

Oh,

and Tia, don't forget, I want to meet this Russell the minute he comes in

Doesn't Russell have study hall this period?

Yes, thank goodness.

Hi, Ennis.

Gosh, even Q's cute.

See you at the game tonight.

Oh, I'm so awfully sorry.

Not.

Big dumb goon. And hello to you too, sweetheart.

Mr. Groves, you know, you're looking a little faint.

How about a little mouth -to -mouth, huh?

How about a little fist -to -mouth?

Yeah, Marlin, don't choke on your lunch.

I already did. Laughing at that whacked -out weirdo behind the counter.

Man, check out that sombrero, man. They must be hiring right out of clown

college. Hey, you jerk. That clown's my mother.

Your mother? Oh, you must really be proud.

Ew. Mommy's a moron.

Who cares what he thinks about your mom?

Tamera, tell me the truth.

What do people think about my mom?

Tia.

Tia.

Are you all right?

Russell, you're supposed to be in study hall.

Well, I was, but I...

Only thing I felt like studying was you.

Oh, baby, I'm taking my break right now. You wait right there, and I'll bring

you a lisa quesadilla.

Boy, that new cafeteria lady is really friendly, you know?

Oh, me?

Um, listen, um, it's awfully hot in here, don't you think?

Let's hear it for your Roosevelt Tigers!

Go,

Tigers!

Go, Tigers!

Go, Tigers!

Go, Tigers! Auntie,

you thought your mom was embarrassing.

It took me half an hour to talk him out of bringing pom -pom.

Mom's so wiped from working in the cafeteria, there's no chance she can

here.

This is in the team.

Roger,

pause off now. These are for the team.

The mascot's part of the team.

You keep telling yourself that.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Well, I couldn't just let you down.

I just wanted you to know that I'd be there for you and your friends all the

time. A b -ball, I just whipped them up in the cafeteria.

What are these things?

That's a batch of deep -fried tuna balls.

Cute, huh? I made the seams out of cheese whiz.

And if you dip them in this, they make little slam dunkers.

Good work, Tina.

Well, uh, thanks a lot, Mom, but why don't you sit in the stands, please?

Tina, Tina, Tina.

You were great out there.

Russell!

Russell? What's here? Aren't you going to introduce us?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

But first, um, Russell, could you go get me a root beer?

Sure, I'll get a can out of the vending machine. No, no, no, no. Would you mind

getting me a bottle? You know, from the 7 -Eleven?

Across the street, down the block.

Uh, Tia, would you mind telling me what's going on here?

I gotta go.

Tamira, are you okay? You look a little weird.

Actually, my stomach feels funny.

Well, maybe you better sit down. Are you kidding?

Emmett's looking right at me. I finally got his attention.

Give me a...

You need a little something to eat. Oh, no, thanks.

I think that's what made me sick in the first place.

My tuna balls?

Well, it can't be. I had one myself.

Of course, I may have built up a natural immunity to my own cooking.

Oh, my gosh.

Mom, you gave them to the team.

Yeah, well, I... Yes, I did. But come on, now. They're not my tuna balls.

Because, look, the team is just fine.

Except for number 10 over there.

Yeah, number 44 looks a little sick, too.

Yeah, but you can't count number 12, because number 9 hit him on the way

You? Hello?

I'm the twin with the tuna ball, Tomei.

I'm sorry, girls. I'll make it up to you and your friends. How about next week I

bring a jar of olives to the cafeteria and teach everybody to spit pits for

distance?

Just whatever you want, Mom.

It's not like I'll be there.

What?

Tia, what do you mean?

Mom, you know what I had for lunch today?

A cracker I found in my pocket.

I can't stay in that lunchroom, Mom.

I'm just too...

Embarrassed? Embarrassed by me?

Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings.

But ever since you showed up at school, it's been really hard for me.

School was going great.

Mom, now it's ruined.

Well, somebody who didn't want to hurt my feelings, you're doing a heck of a

job. Attention, please. The game will be delayed.

Someone is passing around tainted tuna balls.

It was a cafeteria lady.

I've just been informed.

It was the cafeteria lady. There she is. She's right here.

Leave her alone.

Tia's mom poisoned the whole team.

There you go, Peachy.

Dad, no offense, but could you drop the food -related nicknames tonight?

I'm sorry, Puddin'. I mean, Sweetie Pie.

Tamara. Oh, boy.

If this bathroom gave frequent flyer miles, I'd be going to Europe tomorrow.

What you got there, Tia?

Mom wrote me a note.

She's finding another job and tomorrow's her last day.

Tia, your mother is very hurt.

Don't you think you owe her an apology?

Ray, she poisoned the whole basketball team.

Good point.

And I'm not saying that she doesn't owe you an apology. I just meant... Can I

think for a second? I'm a little confused.

Just forget it, Ray.

Look, I know I hurt her feelings, and I don't feel good about it.

But an apology wouldn't help.

She's not talking to me.

What makes you think that?

It says so right here.

I'm not talking to you.

Ray, I love my mom. I really do.

But I just wish she would have thought about me before she took a job at my

school.

Oh. Well, can't argue with that.

I mean, Lisa has her good points, but let's face it, she can be pretty darn

selfish.

Got that right.

Like the time you sprained your wrist playing Donkey Kong?

She actually stayed up all night long typing your turn paper. The nerve of

See, I was... And remember when you wanted those tickets to see boys to men?

I'll dare her stand in line in the rain to get them for you.

Well, I was... And if I'm not mistaken, didn't she wrestle that security guard

to the ground so you could go backstage?

Okay, okay, Ray, you're right.

She does an awful lot of things for me.

Well, let me bring it on home for you.

And if you tell your mother I showed you this, I'll lie like a dog.

It's... It's that necklace I wanted.

Ray, how could Mom ever afford this?

She couldn't.

That's why she took that extra job to pay it off.

She wanted to make you happy.

Oh, man.

I hurt her so much.

Ray, what am I going to do?

Well, I think you're going to have to gobble down a big old slab of humble

Morgan here.

It's at least a boycott.

The team took a beating, so nobody's eating.

Oh, no. How long has this been going on?

Well, cafeteria opened at 11 .30, so pretty much since 11 .30.

Poor mom.

Tried to talk to her last night, but she just went to her room and locked the

door.

Roger, what am I gonna do?

Hey, you guys!

Great news!

The basketball... coach is throwing up.

Hey, my Uncle Ernie's got bronchitis. Go throw yourself apart.

Anyway, everybody listen up.

Look, Lisa didn't poison the team.

The Spartans did.

They were getting back at us for dying their uniforms pink.

You mean it wasn't my tuna balls?

No, Lisa.

See, the Spartans sent a box of brownies to the locker room before the game.

I didn't eat one of them.

Well, duh, because you gave yours to me.

See, it wasn't the tuna balls because the coach didn't eat any.

But he did bring home some brownies.

Now he and his whole family are fighting for the bathroom.

Lisa's innocent.

That's great.

What's the matter with you people?

Up till today, you loved having my mom work here.

The only one having a hard time with it was me.

I was wrong.

Okay, okay, okay, she's a room rocker, but so what?

I'm happy to be in any room she's rocking, because I'm proud of her.

And I want her to stay.

Come on, Tamir.

What are we doing?

Getting lunch.

What's on the menu, Mom?

Sloppy Joes.

Um, is there a second choice?

Perhaps a clear broth?

Sarah, two Sloppy Joes, please.

See, you must be hungry.

One of them's for you.

Mmm.

Delicious.

Now, who's with us?

Okay.

Okay, that's better.

Goodbye.

Thank you, baby.

No, Mom.

Thank you.

Oh, and by the way, there's someone I want to introduce you to.

Russell?

This is my mom.

Oh.

What's the matter with you people?

Until the day you loved having my mom work here.

The only one having a hard time with it was me.

Well, I was wrong.

Okay, okay, okay. She's kind of a room walker.

Room walker?

You mean it wasn't my tuna balls?

No, Lisa.

See, the Spartans in a Brock... Brock the...