Original subtitles

Hey, Darnell loved ding -dongs. Oh, Darnell always gave me these cute

Is this boring or what?

See, you just got here.

I've been listening to this for days.

Darnell this, Darnell that. Hey, hey, who's talking about Darnell?

See, Darnell, he was my best friend when we were kids. And his mom, Patrice,

she's my mom's best friend forever.

Anyhow, they moved away when he was nine, but now they're moving back, and

they're going to come stay with us for a few days.

How are you? Hey, Tamara, while Darnell's here, maybe we can all hang

Oh, gee, Tia, your little friend Darnell sounds really sweet, but I've got a

full weekend planned.

Oh, my gosh, Tamera, there he is. Come on, you've got to meet him.

Whoa! Come on, Tamera, he's never seen you. Hey, he's seen you, he's seen me.

Now, look, you two go blow bubbles in your milk and talk about your old times,

because I'm really not interested in meeting you. Oh, Darnell!

What's up, T?

Oh, yeah!

I ain't ever gonna let it go.

Samira. Hey, what's up?

My blood pressure.

Who let these bluebirds in here?

Anyone want to tell me what's going on here?

Hey, Ray, this is Darnell.

Little Darnell?

Still talking with the cab driver?

I got the digits.

Trace,

this is Ray. Oh, Lisa told me so much about you.

Really? Well, welcome.

Oh,

making sense now.

Okay, I saw some gangster dude come in here with a suitcase, and he hasn't come

out yet.

You're that dude.

Yo, what's up?

Hey, Roger, this is Darnell. He and I grew up together, and he's staying here.

Let me get this straight.

He grew up with you, and he's staying here?

Right. And I grew up with Tamara, and I'm staying way over there?

Man, I grew up with the wrong twin.

I got my eye on you, Snoop.

Oh, and remember when we sneaked into the zoo gift box? and bit all the heads

off the chocolate giraffe.

Hey, do you want to do it again?

Well, you know, I really don't care much for sweet stuff anymore, Tia.

Although I did have my share of sugar in Atlanta.

Oh, so now you have a girlfriend back there?

Oh, phew.

Let's see, there was Tanya, Vanessa, and Janet. Oh, she was fine. Then the week

before that... Whoa, whoa!

Slow down!

When did you become a player?

Well, you know, Honey gets too serious all up on your case. That's when it's

time to step.

Now, speaking of honeys, who's up with your sister?

Uh, what do you mean?

You know, Tamera. She's got it going on.

Kind of like to get with her.

And do what?

Oh.

Oh.

Uh.

Um, I don't think so, Darnell. I mean, Tamera, she's not your type.

Baby, once they meet me, they're all my type.

Good morning, Tia.

Hi, darling.

Oh, Darnell.

So, what up, Newton?

You kicking with me and Tia today?

Sure. Oh, no, you're not.

Um, Tamira, what happened to your full weekend?

I emptied it.

Cool. Then we out.

I'll meet you outside.

Uh, listen, Tamera. Tia, I think Darnell likes me.

Isn't that great?

Your old best friend could be my new boyfriend.

Uh, Tamera?

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, since Tia's gonna be with Darnell today, what do you say you and I do

something together like, oh, I don't know, drive to Miami?

Sorry, Dad, but I'm kicking it with Tia and Darnell today. Oh, no, no, no,

Tamera, that's okay.

I mean, we just bore you with our boring old stories about our boring

childhoods. Uh, wouldn't you rather kick it with your dad?

Uh, no.

Let's go. I got shotgun!

Don't be afraid to use it.

Ooh,

nothing like getting up early in the morning and going out for biscuits and

gravy. Oh, nice try.

Where have you two been all night?

Catching up.

the mariachi band breaks a pinata over your head.

Are you two going to scream all weekend?

I'm sorry, Ray, but hey, when Treece and I hook up, hey, well, all I can say is,

ah!

Where the girl?

Out with Darnell.

Oh, isn't little D the sweetest thing? He always was the most adorable little

boy. Well, he's a big boy now, and he's out with my little girl.

She's so harmless. Why am I so nervous?

Probably because Teresa and I keep going, ah!

Had to be a pretty big cat if he got your tongue.

Tamara!

I just gave off cigars.

Phew, that was a close one.

Ooh, Ray wouldn't know fun if it hit him in the butt.

He may not know fun, but he's showing us how to keep you from having any.

Well, it's obvious you can't be yourself around here.

At least that man looked down on you.

Oh, Patrice, Ray...

the way I talk and how I always clip my toenails while I'm watching Savannah.

Aside from that, we got no problems.

Child, please. A man like Ray judges who you are by where you're from.

I'm talking about our old neighborhood girl.

Oh, Patrice. Now, Ray may be buttoned up a bit too tight, but I can't believe

he's prejudiced. Well, I've met people like him my whole life. He's judging

judging me, even my baby Darnell.

Now, believe it, girlfriend.

I know I shouldn't let those girls go anywhere with that bag of pants wearing

troublemaker. Where in the world are they? Oh, I see.

You're worried because they're with Darnell.

You trying to say you don't trust him?

No, I'm not trying to say it. I'm saying it. I don't trust him.

Why? Why? Is it because of where he's from? Because I'm from the same

neighborhood that he is.

Oh, that makes me feel a lot better.

What are you doing here, Roger?

What kind of a father are you?

Those poor defenseless girls are out there somewhere with the Fresh Prince of

Detroit.

Well, thank you for your concern, Roger, but I can handle this. You're right,

Miss Gamble. You handle it.

That was fun.

Where have you been?

Dad, Darnell was showing us around all his old hangouts. It was fun, right,

Not much. When you guys ditched me, I had to keep driving around the block to

keep anyone from stealing the tires.

Well, what can I say? The old neighborhood just ain't what it used to

Yeah, and a lot of things ain't what they used to be.

Well, look, just gonna grab some sounds from my crew. Be right back, Slim.

Can't wait to meet your crew.

Excuse me?

A couple of Darnell's friends invited him over.

A house party?

Maybe we're not, but I am.

Oh, no, you're not, Missy.

As long as you live under this roof, you will live by my rules.

I know what's good for you. And why do I get the feeling everything I say is

going in one ear and out the other?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, Dad.

Whatever you say.

Well, that's better.

I appreciate you being reasonable, honey.

I'm only thinking of you.

Tia, can you believe him?

Tamara, I hate to say it, but he's right.

I've been trying to tell you that Darnell's changed.

I don't even know who he is anymore.

But I do know that he's not right for you.

Oh, so I guess you'd be happy if I didn't go with Darnell tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Very happy.

Tamira, I am not happy.

Tamira, I know what I'm doing. Now go home. Oh, oh, like you alone with

and his friends?

Yeah, please.

You're talking like it's dangerous in there.

Come on, let's go. Man, let's get out of here. Who know? I mean, let's dance.

Come on, Slim.

What's up, G's party over here?

Hey, yo, Pickle Man, that's the same dude who started riding up the street on

swing.

What you want, banana seat boy?

Just came to get my groove on.

Hey, yo, can I see that dance again, little man?

Pretty smooth, huh?

Listen,

uh, Tamir, I got the keys to the apartment next door.

It's all off.

Ours? For what?

No, so we can have a lot more fun next door.

Fun?

Strength twister?

Fun's over.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's wrong with you? I mean, I thought you liked me.

I do.

Then prove it. Let's go.

Darnell, I... Darnell, she's not going with you.

Yo, what's your problem, Tia? You!

You turned into a major jerk.

Well, yo, I grew up.

Maybe it's time you tried.

Well, you grew up all right. And to a dog.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your sister seems to think different. Tamera, are you coming or

Tamera?

Gee, I can make my own decisions, okay?

Darnell, go aim your bullet head at another target.

Oh, it's like that?

But why'd I even bring you to this party? Forget you.

Come here.

I'm very proud of you.

Yeah.

You were right about him.

I feel so stupid.

No, you shouldn't. Oh, yes, I should.

to any wild party. Well, he did.

If that dumpster had been full of rocks instead of Chinese takeout, I wouldn't

be here to tell the tale.

I'm going to kill that Darnell.

Tamara has never defied me like this before. It's all his fault.

Oh, sure.

Blame Darnell.

He ain't no good because it's from my hood.

You're judging him, right? Oh, don't be ridiculous. You're the one judging him

because you assume he can do no wrong just because he's my little Darnell.

Can you just be focused, people? We have a situation here.

They're not in there. So don't go acting like a jackass.

That boy thought I was 19.

It's not that dark in here.

We didn't come here to party. Well, we might as well. I mean, the girls aren't

here, and we are.

Ooh, tater tots.

Lisa, sometimes you are so... So?

So what?

No rent?

Well, I settled for low rent. You pay no rent.

I have some problems with you. Like the way you pulled my ear for luck on bingo

night. Or at dinner when you asked me, are you going to finish that? And I

haven't even put my fork in it.

Lisa, I don't care where you're from.

It's you I can't stand.

Oh, Ray.

That's so sweet.

Come here, let me pull your ear. Don't even think about it. I got more drinks.

Is that Darnell?

Groupie and stuff.

That's all I'll listen.

What y 'all doing here?

Warming up.

Now, where are my girls?

Why you sweating me? I ain't they keeping?

Little boy, I know you did not just get smart with me. You better recognize...

I'm down with...

Because once they dissed me, I took the car.

Yeah, well, they cut me down, Aunt Lisa. Right in front of my crew.

Now, a man shouldn't have to go out like that, huh?

A man?

Well, I don't see no man in here.

I see a little child and big boy. I told you it was me. I know that.

Dag, I'm sorry, Aunt Lisa.

Yeah, not as sorry as you're going to be when me and your mama get through with

you.

You've got a point, Ray.

What point? Wait, would somebody point me in the direction of the point?

Ray, Ray, Ray.

When a baby falls down, you just want to pick her up and kiss the boo -boo. But

look, they're not babies anymore.

And if they fall, we've got to let them get up all by themselves, or they'll

never learn how.

That's lovely, Lisa. Sew it on a pillow.

Tamara, I'm your dad.

Protecting you is part of the job description.

ourselves in the bathroom, you must be very proud.

Well, I admit, Tamara, you do make sense in some loopy, teenager -y way.

But it still doesn't get you off the hook.

Well, Dad, before you plan on punishing me, remember, having your daddy bust

into a bathroom to pull you out of a grown -up party is pretty darn

In fact, a punishment in itself.

Nice try. Come on, we're going home.

get ready for emergency maneuvers.

There's some pretty scary people out there.

Roger?

Greetings, my little bathroom buttercups.

Hey!

What happened to the party?

Beats me.

There sure is a crowd down at the testicle station.

What are you doing here?

Do you even have to ask? When my girls are in distress, it's Roger to the

rescue.

came to rescue us?

Oh, Roger.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. It's okay if Roger rescues them.

What's wrong with me?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

You always make these numbing, numbing noises when you chew your food.

away when he was not. Wait, I said Darnell.

And his mom, Patrice, they've been best friends. Did I? No.

And his mom, Patrice. Wait, I said something wrong.

Oh, I admit to Mary, make sentence.

Make sentence?

As long as you live under this roof, you will do as I say.

Now, I'm only caring about what really concerns me.