Original subtitles

Mmm,

that coffee smells kind of good, Dad. Do you think I can have a cup?

No, Tamara, you much too... Oh, why not?

You know, I was about your age when my father sent me down to the breakfast

table, gave me my first cup of mud.

Sure, pour yourself a cup.

I could barely choke down my first sip.

You probably want to add lots of cream and sugar.

That old Java can be mighty bitter.

Yeah, you're right, Dad. It is kind of bitter.

You know what?

You ought to try the Guatemalan dark. It has a little more body, and it's great

with a nice biscotti.

Not everybody knows I ain't ever gonna let him down

visit this fancy prep school, Excelsior Academy, this weekend. I feel sorry for

the poor kid. She'll never be able to leave me permanently.

I know my sister. She's a real homebody.

Hey, sis, I'll give you a jingle from Chi -town.

What?

Chicago? That's where Excelsior Academy is?

Look at her.

She's been pretending she's gonna go all morning.

It's really kind of pathetic, isn't it?

Tamira, of course I'm going.

Excelsior has one of the finest... academic records in the country, and

the fast track to all the Ivy League colleges, and I'll make future business

connections that could someday make me filthy rich.

Yeah, but you're Miss Hank Finley scarfed to your barf party.

Yeah, you're right. Where are my priorities?

Come on, Tamira, I know how you're feeling. I mean, if I was to get in, I

miss you, too. But I'll still be able to come home every other weekend, and I'll

still be able to do your homework for you. Just fax it to me.

Now, Tia, why would I want to fax something to you when you're going to be

here? Duh.

Oh, I still can't believe it. My little Tia invited to Excelsia Academy.

I can't tell you how proud I am of you, Tia.

Thanks, Ray.

Tia, don't encourage her. You're going to make her feel bad when she backs out.

You know, Ray, you have been a wonderful father to Tamara and a terrific,

terrific step, a half, a foster, you know, whatever you ought to tell you.

But I just want to thank you for all you've done these past few years.

How much money do you want? Oh, just a little bit.

It's for Tia's education. I've been saving for years, but I still can't seem

put away enough money to send her to a place like Excelsior. Well, don't say

another word. I'll be happy to help you out. I insist.

So how much money do you need?

$2 ,000.

Ooh, wow. Boy, hey.

That's a big chunk of change.

But Tia's worth it.

Well, that's just a deposit to save her space.

There's another $4 ,000 for tuition.

Mm -hmm.

Wow. Boy, those fees really do stack up, don't they?

But education is something you just can't skip on. Mm -hmm.

And then there's another $5 ,000 for room and board.

$5 ,000?

That's a lot of money, Lisa.

Oh, what am I thinking? That's just too much money for you to just be giving me.

Okay, fine.

I insist on paying you back.

So is it true to you?

You're leaving?

Forever?

Well, I'm going to visit the Excelsior Academy this weekend, and I'm going to

have an interview with their wellness.

If everything goes well, yeah, I'll be leaving forever.

But we were supposed to get together this weekend.

Oh, I see.

The start to your boss party obviously meant nothing to you.

You know, Ernie, you really ought to get another after -school activity besides

the drama club.

Can't you see the subtext I'm playing?

I'm going to miss you.

We're all going to miss you, Tia.

Are you sure you're doing the right thing?

I mean, it's going to feel weird being in a school where you are the only girl

that looks like you.

Denise, you're the only girl here who looks like you, and you don't feel

do you?

Actually, yeah.

Tia, you can't go. The Roosevelt Hiberniacs have a chance of making

the academic decathlon this year.

I'm not in yet. Besides, you can get somebody to fill in for me.

How about Debbie LaRue?

Sure. Good idea. And while I'm at it, I'll just have my cocker spaniel handle

19th century German poets.

You can't leave, Tia.

You're supposed to be tutoring me in English, man.

Steve, we spent the last four months going over that material.

Yeah, but I wasn't listening.

So quick, tell me everything you know about that Shakespeare guy again.

The man wrote 37 plays and 154 sonnets. I can't possibly catch you up before I

leave. Slow down, man.

37 plays.

Look, you guys, I'm sorry.

I can't carry this school on my shoulders anymore.

Ernie, I'm sure you'll find somebody else to barf with.

Barry, the Brainiacs will get along without me. And Steve, I'm sure you do

on the test. You guys, I'm moving on to bigger and better things, so just deal

with it.

Well, I see someone took an I love me pill this morning.

Yeah, Cyrus, so much of a burden to you.

Fine. Go to Excelsior.

I'll see you at the academic decathlon.

And bring your thesaurus, baby.

Yeah, we don't need you, Tia.

Anybody know what a sonnet is?

Oh, hello?

Oh, I watch public television all the time, and I want to talk to you about my

pledge.

No, no, I don't want to make one. I want my back.

No, see, I got to have the money.

I never heard that kind of language on Sesame Street.

Oh, hi, Lisa.

Oh, uh, Ray, um, I've been thinking, well...

It looks like Tia's going to Excelsior. We need to talk about my continuing to

live here.

You don't have to say another word. Oh, yes, I do.

I'm not leaving.

Great. Any more good news?

Yeah. I want to thank you for getting this job for me, making this dress for

your friend.

Ooh, this silk is expensive.

Size 18.

You got any more rich fat friends?

No. Too bad, because I am determined to pay back every cent I borrowed for Tia's

tuition. Oh, by the way.

Another one of my regular clients, he's an executive with the Detroit Lions, and

they want a huge banner to hang at the Silverdome a week from Sunday. I told

you would do it. Oh, well, what does he want it to look like?

Honolulu blue and silver are about 20 feet long with the words, Go Lions.

Oh, no problem. Oh,

and I could put a nice gold trim around the edges and set it off. Maybe.

Oh, and some big paw prints.

with sequined claws.

I don't know about that.

And I could hand -stitch a scene from The Lion King in the background.

Ooh, I love that part where Mufasa gets trampled by the wildebeest. Oh, that was

so sad.

Lisa, they don't want a huge dead lion hanging over the concession stand.

They want Honolulu Blue and Silver with the words Go Lions on it.

Now, where's the fun in that?

$2 ,000.

Honolulu Blue, huh? I like it.

I'm ready to go.

Have a good time, Tia. I know you're going to like it there. Oh, thanks, Ray.

Hey, Mom, are you ready to drive me to the station? The train leaves in half an

hour. Oh, sure, baby.

Oh, uh -oh. I had to have this dress ready in an hour. She'll be over here.

Ray, could you finish someone on this sequence for me?

I don't want to do this. Come on, Ray. Come on now. I would continue to stay

here and work my fingers to the bone, but I have to drive my only child to

hole of her dreams.

Oh, all right. How difficult could this be?

Ow!

So, Dad, did you see Tia with all those suitcases? Can you believe she actually

went through the motions of packing her bags? As if she was really going to

Excelsior. And I don't know where she got that phony train ticket.

What kind of fool did she take me for?

A pretty big one, I think.

What do you mean?

She's on her way to Excelsior.

What?

But try and get Caldwell.

His family is tight with Colin Powell, so he's got a lot of pull in D .C.

He knows Colin Powell?

Do you? Oh, well, we've got to talk. I've got some great Coley stories.

You're going to fit right in here, Tia. You think so, Muffy?

Well, what do you guys do for fun? Do you guys, like, hang at the mall?

Oh, right.

With those people?

Well, we're going to hang at Minnelli's.

Wolf of the, goof on townies.

You want a hug?

Ah, no thanks.

Once you goofed on one townie, you goofed on them all.

Right.

Hey, guys, before we go, I've got to get out of this clothes.

Definitely.

Honey, I can't wait for you to tell me all about your weekend at Excelsior.

Well, there isn't much to tell, Mom.

It went great.

Oh, so if the interview goes well, then I guess you'll be going away in a couple

of weeks?

Can't wait.

Honey, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, I told all the relatives.

Aunt Felicia was so upset.

Oh, that's too bad.

No, that's good.

She's always bragging about her little dachshund.

Yeah, well, her little dachshund didn't go to prep school, I can tell you that.

I can't tell how much I miss my good old house, my good old room, my good old

bed.

Where's my good old bed?

Oh, under my good old brand -new king -size bedspread.

You stole my bed?

Well, Tia, I was just checking it out for you to go away to Excelsior.

Oh, man, does it feel great to have a huge...

Until you came back, of course.

Tamara, what's going on here?

Well, Tina, I figured you were going away in a couple of weeks, so I might as

well get a head start in helping you pack up your stuff. And while I'm at it,

put up more money.

Mr. Froggy?

Well, Tia, you can't take all this stuff with you to Excelsior.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

That's why I'm not going to go to Excelsior.

Tia, what do you mean you're not going to Excelsior?

Tamir, it's weird there.

I mean, they have names like... Muffy and Hunter and they... I

don't even know what that means.

It means eat pizza, then make fun of the locals.

Well, maybe you should go there. Just pretend you know Colin Powell.

Colin who?

Never mind.

Well, Tia, what did Lisa say when you told her you weren't going?

I haven't told her.

I mean...

It's your life's dream that he go to a great school like this.

It would break her heart.

Well, T, you don't know that.

She might be relieved if you don't go. Besides, what does she have to lose?

She already has her own room.

You know, you're right.

I'm going to go down and tell her right now.

Can't you sew any faster, Ray? I'm sewing as fast as I can. Ow!

Considering that I have no blood of feeling in my fingers.

Mom, uh, I want you to know that I really don't have to go to Excelsior if

too expensive.

Oh, no, honey, now, don't worry about the money. That's all taken care of.

Right, Ray? Uh -huh, right. Ow!

Yeah. So, you're absolutely sure you want me to go to Excelsior? Ooh!

More than anything in the world, baby. Ooh!

The day you get accepted, that will be the hap - Happiest day of my life. You

know, I've always wanted to say, there goes my daughter, an Excelsior girl.

You just start preparing for your interview. That woman from Excelsior

here tomorrow, and if you don't do well in the interview, you might not get

accepted.

Really?

So,

all I have to do is fill this interview, but I don't know how.

Well, what if you were rude, unmotivated, and disrespectful?

How am I going to do that?

Finally, I get to teach you something.

Now, the first thing you have to do is to get that pleasant look off your face.

Now, do what I do.

See ya. Mrs. Capcart is downstairs.

Oh, you're gonna do fine, fine. Don't worry. Now, I'll leave you two alone so

you can have the interview in peace and quiet.

We're almost there.

Tamira, what am I gonna do now? I mean, she's downstairs.

I can't learn to be rude, unmotivated, disrespectful.

It's perfected.

Yeah, you're right. But look, you went as far as you could. Now you just ride

the pine and let the bullpen finish up.

Don't worry.

I got your back.

Hello there.

I'm Emily Cathcart. How do you do?

Nice suit.

Thank you.

Maybe you'll come back in style someday.

Yes. Well, let's sit and chat for a few minutes, shall we?

Oh, that's cool. As long as I can watch the two. There's a new Coolio video

that's supposed to be slamming.

Well, actually, Tia, if you don't mind, I... Slamming or not, I think we

should conduct this interview on TV.

Well, we did Nickelodeon, but we don't... Don't get no saw on TV.

Turn it off, please.

All right.

Why don't we begin by discussing some of your academic goals? For example,

what's your favorite subject?

Oh, I'd have to say chemistry.

Interesting, and why is that?

Because you get to work with things that can burn a hole through human flesh.

We need to continue with this interview?

Yeah, this interview lasted longer than the one from the last prep school.

Welcome to Excelsior. Sorry I didn't... What?

You've got straight A's, extracurricular activities, community service, and

you'll bring diversity to Excelsior.

But I was such a jerk.

Well, I myself had a little chewed when I first went to Excelsior.

And look at me now.

I'm really dull.

And a sense of humor to boot.

Well, toodle -oo.

Now that you're an Excelsior Eagle, I can share the secret school password

you.

Cool!

Back at ya.

I said I hated school and I insulted her suit.

What'd she say to that?

Car!

What does that mean?

You're in.

What?

Oh, there you are.

Come on, you gotta help me with this banner. We're running out of time here.

Well, I'm trying to get ready for Tia's farewell party. Finish it for me,

please, right? Oh, all right.

But I'm warning you.

This inferior synthetic fabric tends to pleat when I cross -stitch the seams.

If your applique is a bungee, I won't be held responsible.

Jesus,

Stace. Oh, this is going to mean so much to her. She's going to miss all her

family and her friends.

Sure hope you're right. She didn't seem too broken up about leaving a few days

ago.

Tia!

Get ready now. She'll be down any minute.

Good, because I've got an English test Monday, and I've got to find out who

Oscar Wilde dude is before she leaves.

Surprise!

Forever and forever farewell to you.

If we do meet again, why, we shall smile.

Hey, dude, say that Shakespeare stuff again. I think it's on the test.

full of myself the other day, but you guys still came to say goodbye to me.

Well, of course, Tia. We all care about you.

I guess what they say is true.

You never really know what you've got until you have to give it up.

And all I can say to my mom and to my sister and all of my friends is, you

guys, I'm never going to forget any of you because I'm not leaving.

Looks like good luck to you to me.

Oh, shut up, Steve.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't want to go to a prep school.

I would miss my family and friends too much.

Well, to tell you the truth, Tia, I'm glad you're not going either, because I

would miss you too.

But why didn't you tell me sooner?

Well, I knew how important it was to you, and I don't want to let you down.

Oh, honey, the only way you would let me down is by doing something that you

didn't want to do because you didn't want to let me down.

You understand?

Yeah.

You do?

No, I just said that because I didn't want to let you down.

Do it again.

Look, you guys, I'm sorry I made all of you guys come down here, but I really

appreciate it. You guys are the best friends anybody could have.

Hey, no problem, Tia.

We're just glad you decided to stay.

Oh, this is a beautiful moment.

Do we get our gifts back now?

No understanding, Mom.

I'm just sorry you went through all that trouble to raise the money.

Oh, honey, that wasn't any trouble at all.

I did it! I did it! I finished in time!

Wait till you see this, Tamara. Roll it up.

What do you think?

Well, Ray, I tell you, I think the loins are going to love it.