Original subtitles

Tomorrow we're taking an exam for our driver's permit.

Even though it's only a permit, it's the first step to freedom. I mean, when

we're able to drive, we'll be able to go anywhere we want to go. Yeah.

Where do we want to go?

Anywhere. We can drive to Hawaii.

I ain't terrible.

I'll get it.

No, no, no.

Don't get up.

Please, please, allow me.

Oh, is that the doorbell?

What's up, Mr. Campbell?

Oh, I don't know, Roger.

How would you feel living with three females?

Don't mess with my head, man.

What do you want, Roger?

Well, your new books are here, so I thought I'd deliver them to you

Great, I've been waiting for them.

So what's in it for you?

Hopefully a peek at the twins.

They're taking the test for their driving permits.

Oh, hurt me.

Tea and tamera on wheels?

That's a lethal combination.

You know, Ray... Go home, Roger, and don't call me Ray. It's customary to tip

the guy who delivers your books. Really?

It's true!

Finally here. I can't wait.

When the Victoria's Secret catalog comes, I'm gonna have to hold you down.

I took out an ad for Ray's limousine service.

I'm anxious to see it.

Did the Victoria's Secret catalog come?

Come on, Ray. Let's see the ad.

Yeah, yeah. Let's see. Where is it? Oh, there's a bullet limo, a speedy limo,

slow but thuddy limo. I like that. It's going to do well.

Where's mine?

Ray, this is your address and phone number.

Oh, there's your picture up in the corner.

Oh, that wink's a nice touch.

That can't be me.

Wait a minute. This is all wrong.

I don't own that gay limousine service.

What is me?

That wink takes on a whole new meaning.

I spent years billing up the Ray limousine service, not that gay

service. Oh, well, Ray, this is a simple mistake. They just dropped the

apostrophe and the F, changed the R to a G.

Okay, somebody's got it in for you.

I'm calling them up right now and demanding that they get this straight.

Correct it.

Mother's reading this.

Was he domineering?

We did it! We did it! We got her driving for me! Oh, congratulations!

I'm so proud of you!

This is a big day in your lives. We should celebrate.

Great. Let's go drive.

Right now?

In a car? With you?

Well, I was thinking more like we stay home and have some ice cream.

Come on, Dad. We have to drive with someone over 25.

Well, that leaves me out.

I don't want anything to happen to my baby.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

I meant my Bieber.

But you too, honey.

Come on, Ray. There's nothing to worry about. These girls can do anything.

Yeah. All right, all right. Up, but first, we must have the traditional

of the spare key from father to daughter.

All right, here you have your Swiss Army knife, your mini flashlight, your mace,

your alarm, and your pepper spray.

Dad, where's the key?

Oh, yeah.

I'll get one made.

Here you go, Tia.

If you squeeze a little murk, his eyes bug out and he burps.

I'll stand

back.

You may now approach the vehicle.

You may now enter the vehicle.

Okay, I lift, you pull.

Okay,

when

you get behind the wheel...

So buckle up.

Okay, bungee up.

Hands at ten and two.

Now, what's the first thing you do? Find a good radio station.

No, check the mirror.

Check your mirror.

Make sure your makeup's cool. You never know who you're meeting.

Put it in gear.

limit here is 30 miles an hour.

How am I doing, Mom?

You could go 27 miles an hour faster.

Go ahead.

You can do it, baby.

The light is your friend.

All the same to you. Watch your nose. Don't just stick your mouth.

You did good, baby.

Always keep your concentration.

Yellow.

It's for you.

Hey! Yeah, I'm driving!

Keep your eyes on the road!

Oh, you're at the mall?

Oh, sure, I can pick you up.

yelling at innocent pedestrians.

Sure, take their side.

And in the future, when I say left, I mean left. You said left, and I said

and you said right.

I meant right, go left.

How was I supposed to know that?

I think driving on someone's lawn was a clue.

I'm going upstairs to do my homework.

You just do that.

And I'm not coming down till it's done.

Well, I could care.

Okay.

I'm not talking to you. Tia, Tia, when are you going to start not talking to

I can't tell you because I'm not talking to you.

Oh, Miss Thing.

Pretty scary, huh?

Ray, for 30 seconds today, I was white.

Ray, what are you doing?

Her driving drove me to drink.

Ray, drinking is no way to deal with your problems.

And if you're going to drink, you shouldn't be doing it alone.

Bourbon neat.

This is supposed to be a wonderful bonding experience.

Tear bonded with a mailbox.

Really? Mm -hmm. Don't worry. I left a note in that door.

Oh, that was very responsible of you, Lee.

I knew you'd feel that way. That's why I signed your name.

I didn't have this problem when I learned how to drive.

Oh, me either.

It was fun.

My boyfriend, LeBron... Hutt taught me to drive.

We spent hours in his car.

Must have been tough learning how to drive in the back seat.

Oh, that guy could really handle the curves along the Lisa Landry Expressway.

Lisa, please, I'm getting car sick.

So, Ray, who taught you how to drive?

Uh, my grandma.

Oh, that explains why you drive like old Betty.

Excuse me?

My grandmother was a wonderful driver.

Ah, she had reflexes like a cat.

She could catch line drives at the baseball game.

Used to play dodgeball with all us kids. Well, up until she broke a hip.

Ah, she was some kind of woman.

God, I miss her.

Ray, Ray, Ray, I think you had enough.

You know, Lisa, you look kind of cute.

I have had enough.

You know, Ray, maybe we had some different experiences in high school.

I had a good time, and you played ball with Grandma.

But we had one thing in common.

Neither of our parents taught us how to drive.

Yeah, you're right.

That's what we're going to have to do, don't you?

Ray, I have no idea where LeBron Hunt is and Grandma is dead.

No, Lisa. What I think we have to do is I teach Tia, and you teach Tamara.

Oh, no, listen, Ray, I got a better idea.

You teach the both of them and I'll stay home and pray.

Come on, Lisa, we'll go out and we'll find a big empty parking lot.

It'll be early in the morning, no other cars around.

Or mailboxes.

Completely controlled situation.

away from the car.

Stay a world away.

Mom! Dad!

Mom! Dad!

Dad, are you alright?

Hey, are you okay? Is my baby okay?

I'm fine, Mom. Dad!

I'm alright. How about you? I'm okay. It was all Tia's fault.

My door's jammed.

I can't get out. Oh, Ray, I wish I had the joys of life.

You do. I've seen you eat.

Ray, do the words up ahead mean anything to you?

Please, if you'll help me, please get the door open. Yeah, yeah, all right.

on, girls.

Now, now, you lift, I'll pull.

It's just like my car.

Oh,

my baby.

I'm really sorry about your car, Dad.

No, I meant you.

Mom, maybe I wasn't ready to drive. Oh, no, no, no, honey. You were doing great.

Anyone hurt here?

No, we're all fine, officer.

I'm hurt.

What happened?

When I heard the crash, I spun around really fast, and I got whiplash all up

my neck.

You're an idiot.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

So, what happened?

I hit the brake, and I hit the gas, and I hit my head.

Let me explain. You see, we were teaching our daughters to drive.

So you're married?

Please! This has been rough enough.

Officer, I think we'll be fine if you could just call us a tow truck. Sure, no

problem.

Say, haven't I seen you before?

Uh, no, I try to stay two steps ahead of the law.

No, I know.

You're the gay limousine guy.

Wait for him, Ray.

We'll see.

Look, do you give cops a discount?

My significant other and I need a limo for the gay policeman's ball.

Uh, sure, yeah.

I think it's great that you have such a liberal attitude.

Well, I pride myself on being an open -minded guy, able to see everyone's

of view, make no judgments.

Why don't you bring a date? I'm busy.

People, people!

Rocketburger employee does not sit on his butt.

Rocketburger employee has a rocket strapped to his butt.

That wasn't in the manual.

Come on, Steve. Tears a little shook up.

I was trying to do a car accident.

Well, it'll show that I'm a caring employer.

I'll give you a few minutes to get your life together.

That's really sensitive of you, Steve.

Excuse me, Denise, but were you in an accident?

Well, once when I was five years old, I was jumping on the bed... You out!

Look at my hands. They're shaking.

Ooh, I like your nail polish.

Tamara, what if there's another accident?

Tia, there won't be. I don't think I ever want to drive again.

You've got to be kidding.

No, I quit right now, but I keep hearing my mother's voice. You could do it,

baby. You could do it, baby.

Tamara, I heard about the accident. I rushed over as soon as I could. I'm here

to offer medical attention.

I'm fine, Roger.

Are you sure you don't need any CPR?

No. Mouth -to -mouth resuscitation?

No, Roger.

Uh -huh.

Go away, Roger.

Tia, I rushed over as soon as I could. Stripped to the waist.

Be perfect.

You're driving better, baby.

Really, Dad?

Of course.

Would I lie to my daughter?

What's the matter, Ray? I just lied to my daughter.

Oh, Ray, your service called.

You've got a booking for a wedding on Saturday.

Oh, who's the lucky couple?

Jeff and Scott.

You know, I was a bit resistant to all of this at first, but these guys are big

tippers, and they're really tidy.

Fine. Where's Tamera? Oh, she's upstairs. We were out driving.

Mom, do you mind if we wait a while before we go out driving again?

Oh, no. Of course not, honey. You take all the time you want.

Oh.

Okay.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I just thought you would say, you can do it, baby.

Oh, well, you can do it, baby.

Maybe later.

Maybe later.

So what's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, you know, you're usually very encouraging. More than encouraging.

Pushy.

Wait, she's not ready to go back out there yet. She was in an accident.

Oh, come on, Leah. It was no big deal.

No big deal. It was a head -on collision. It was flames twisted still.

Oh, the humanity.

Sounds like you and Tia have a problem.

There is no problem. I don't have a problem, and my daughter definitely

have a problem.

Come on, honey.

You sure you don't want to drive?

I still don't think I'm ready, Mom.

Just let me settle down with my husband and raise a family.

Once my kids are in school, we'll talk about it. I promise.

Mom, we're not moving.

Mom, why aren't you driving?

I can't anymore.

I've been driving you my whole life.

It's time for me to pocket.

I ain't had no life, but don't you worry about me.

But, but mom, what's going to happen to me and the kids?

What am I going to do? I can't drive.

I thought about that, baby girl.

What's this?

A laminated bus pad.

Good luck.

Oh, come on, baby. That's not such a bad dream.

You got old and gray and shriveled up and died.

Bad dream, bad dream.

Mom, I don't want you to waste your life.

It made me realize that I'm ready to get back out there.

Oh, that's nice.

Maybe over the weekend.

No, let's do it now.

Now, now?

Come on. There's no time like the present. You're always telling me that.

I was talking about cleaning your room.

always pushing me to do things.

And you've always been so confident in me.

Well, yes and no.

Mom, what are you talking about?

When I was only five, you let me walk with the neighborhood kids to

kindergarten.

I followed you the whole way there and back, going tree to tree.

You did?

Like a dog.

Well, how about when you bought me my first bike and you let me ride around

block at night?

Tree to tree.

How about my first date? Tree to tree?

Oh, no.

Shrub to shrub.

So you never had any confidence in me? Oh, no, now, baby, that's not true.

I was just overprotective of you. But I didn't want you to think that, so I

acted like I was confident in you.

So you won't take me driving because you're overprotective?

Oh, no.

Because you're not confident?

No. Well, what are you saying?

I'm scared.

You're scared of me?

Oh, no, I'm...

I'm scared of the situation.

Honey, in the past, I was always able to protect you.

But now you be in the car and all those other drivers are out there. What do you

want me to do, not drive?

Why don't you do that for me?

Mom, you always taught me to face my fears head on.

It's an unfortunate choice of words.

But in this case, I probably should take my own advice, huh?

If you ever want me to trust you again.

You're a tough girl.

You taught me to be.

Come on, Tia.

Let's hit it.

Another bad choice of words.

You're doing fine.

I'm confident.

voice sounds familiar.

LeBron?

LeBron, huh?

Oh my, after all these years.

This is Lisa Landry. You know, Moanin' Lisa.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm fine.

I was just talking about how you taught me how to drive.

Yeah, we were never in neutral.

You want the gay limousine service?