Original subtitles

Previously on Three Moons... If one full moon is romantic, three full moons have

to be phantasmagorical. If I agree, do we make out?

Is it the moons, Max, or is it you?

You like her, then? Yeah, but not necessarily in that way. More like a

You're so beautiful.

It's the moons. I mean it.

My son is in high school, and he's 16 years old.

What difference does it make? Shouldn't we do what makes us happy?

Sure as the moon.

Sure as the moon.

How's business, Gerhard?

Fair. I'll give you $100 to play Hyacinth Rag.

Don't know it.

$200 for the Prelude to God or Dameron.

Sorry. Okay, here's $5 for Lady of Spain.

Two scoops of vanilla on it.

Put two on a plate. You want three, I need a bowl.

Better get the bowl.

Oh, do you have anything smaller than a hundred? Keep it.

Can you do a headstand?

I could five years ago.

Okay, here's the deal.

You do a headstand for ten seconds, and I'll give you three hundred dollars.

Sorry. Four hundred. This is dumb. You're kidding, right?

Five hundred.

But you gotta touch your nose with your left hand when you do it.

Okay. Going.

Going. Okay, okay.

All right.

Can I do it on the carpet, though?

Why not?

Touch and own.

Three moons thing?

It feels great.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, pretty lady.

Oh, you sold eight.

That's good. Only one and a half million to go.

Hey, you want to buy a chocolate bar to support the school?

How much money do you need to rebuild that school your daughter put a match

As of today, $3 ,999 ,472.

Damn, I'm a little short. Oh, well.

But I saw that movie with Robert Redford.

Repaid that gal a million dollars to sleep with her.

So here's the deal.

I'll give a million dollars for the school fund to spend a night of bliss

you. What do you say?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Come on, I just paid a man $500 to do a headstand. That ought to give me some

credibility. She was getting paid a million dollars to sleep with Robert

Redford. You're absolutely right.

Two million, that's my final offer. Can you guys just wait until I'm 15 seconds

out the door before you all start chuckling about this?

I mean it for the school.

I'll write the check.

You're no Robert Redford.

If the sky is falling,

I'm living for today.

I'm living for today.

Together again.

By completing some magic circle of time.

That feels good.

You were so good for me.

Do you know, with you, I feel like I'm finally getting to be a grown -up.

Well, that's good.

Do you know, since last time we did this, I learned to make French toast.

And you have not seen the best of me until you've tasted my French toast.

I put vanilla in the eggs.

I need

to

go next door and borrow a snack. But you can stay here and think of ways to

thank me.

Jonah? Hi, Mom.

Oh, my God, Jonah.

Oh, look at you.

I don't believe it. What about school?

I left.

What do you mean you left? I thought you had to have permission to leave.

Well, it doesn't matter. I'm just so happy to see you. How did you get here?

You didn't hitch, did you?

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Jonah.

Hi, I'm Mac.

This is Mac.

He's an old friend from...

high school, believe it or not.

And this is my wonderful, wonderful son.

Visiting from Wyoming from school.

Utah, actually.

Wow, your son.

Well, it's nice to meet you, Jonah.

You going to be here for a while?

Oh, I don't know. I'm just passing through right now.

I really got to get to the office.

I'll leave you two.

Bye. It's nice to meet you. Bye.

I can't believe you ran away.

You sent me all those letters telling me how great it was.

Mom, they made me write those.

Your father spent a fortune sending you there.

I didn't have to go there.

I mean, it was basically a jail for brats, you know? It was never anything

those kids.

He was supposed to be helping you with your self -discipline.

I got that under control myself.

I missed you.

For what it's worth, I didn't want him to send you there. He didn't ask me.

It's okay, Mom.

I gotta get ready for work.

I got a job as a waitress. I hope that doesn't embarrass you. No.

So, uh, who's that guy, Mac?

Yeah, he's very special.

You'll like him, really. He doesn't have any tattoos. He drinks one beer and no

more. And he's a lawyer.

How do I look?

Fine. You always look pretty.

You're so sweet.

You can come with me if you want.

Maybe. Well, you can come later.

I love you.

Do you know who Walt Deakins is?

Yeah, he's got a contracting company that does some road paving for the

Why? He said that if I slept with him, he'd give the school fund two million

dollars.

Wow.

I thought the top rate was a million. You must be something.

He paid Ted $500 to stand on his head.

Why would he do that?

Albert McIntyre, attorney.

Today?

Um, yes, I think so.

Hold on a minute.

It's Martha Deakins wants to come in today.

Those are really cute shoes.

Ferragamo? Tards, actually. From another lifetime.

I'm Martha Deacon.

I have an appointment.

It all started when he brought him sushi from some business luncheon. I don't

really like the idea of raw fish.

And he wanted me to try it. I said no.

He said, I'll give you $100.

I said no.

He said $200.

Anyway, I ate some for $300.

And?

I didn't really like it.

But he got some weird kind of kick out of the whole thing.

And that night in bed... He wanted to pay $1 ,000 if I would just dress up.

Well, you get the picture.

That's a new thing with him?

Oh, he's always been a practical joker, but it's always been things like

birthday candles that you can't blow out, that sort of thing.

Anyway, the next morning, I wake up.

He's out in the garden with a leaf blower and a blue bandana over his face,

he has offered to give the gardener a check for $20 ,000 for his old beat -up

pickup truck and all his gardening equipment. And when I ask him why, he

always wanted to feel what that was like, too.

People have been fulfilling fantasies a lot since the moon.

He called up Jessica Simpson's record company and said that he would pay $50

,000 if she would sing I'm a Little Teacup and put it on a CD for the car.

All right.

I'm all in favor of people indulging their fantasies in times of stress, but

this has got to stop. I need you to stop him. I'm going to be broke in a month.

I mean, what's next? He's going to pay Tiger Woods a million dollars to teach

him how to play golf?

Yeah, who knows what's next?

What do you want me to do about it? Some kind of a restraining order?

On what grounds?

Well, that he's crazy.

Well, what is the standard for craziness, anyway?

Well, you petition the court, judge sets a hearing, appoints a shrink.

People listen, shrink ways in. Judge says wacko or not wacko. Well, he is

Wacko is a technical legal term. Only a judge can decide that. You need a judge

to decide if a guy who wants to give up everything he owns for a roll in the hay

is crazy?

What, you don't think you're worth it?

Well, it is starting to look kind of attractive to me. Hey, if the guy paid

$2 million to sleep with him, I'd have to give it some thought.

Can I ask you something seriously?

If I said yes, do you think he would?

Hypothetically? Hypothetically.

I think he's divesting.

You know, he wants to get rid of all his money before a moon comes down, and

he's looking for clever and unusual ways to do it. He could just buy things.

Then he'd just have a bunch of things.

He wants to get free.

So he would.

As a hypothetical, yes.

Do you think he's crazy?

I think his wife has a reason to be concerned.

It's Judge Frost.

I'm going to ask him to freeze while Pat's at, so in a minute, it may be too

late to collect your two million. I want to rethink it.

I'm waiting for a better offer.

Last chance.

This is our booth.

Really? I guess I might put that on your plaque.

Eject. Kurt, don't be such a turdoid. We can sit anywhere.

Hi.

Lydia.

This is my son, Jonah.

Jonah, this is... Lydia.

Right.

This is... Luigi.

Luigi Parandello.

Kurt.

Jonah just got into town this morning.

Oh, from where?

Utah.

I'll get you guys some menus and you guys get acquainted.

So, what are you?

Mormon? No.

Are you?

No.

Well, would it bother you if I was?

No, you can be whatever you want.

Did you just turn off your girlfriend?

I'm not his girlfriend.

Yeah, she's my concubine.

I'm not your concubine.

So that's your mom, huh?

Cool.

She forgot her menus.

Okay, well, uh, see you later, Lydia, Kurt, or Luigi, or whatever.

You get, like, a D-, and walk a wagon.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm hooking up a scanner.

It goes in the USB port.

All right, then. Oh, thank you.

See, that's the sort of thing only a sane man would know.

Did you mean it when you said you would pay $2 million to sleep with me? See,

that's the beauty of it.

You'd never say yes for yourself. It's for the school. The school your daughter

burned down.

I know how you feel.

How do I feel?

Like you want to make things right for your daughter's sake, for yours.

So you're serious?

I brought my checkbook.

I'll have to wait a couple days for the check to clear, though, but I've never

not paid in the debt.

Been in business 35 years. You can check at the bank.

Yeah, but have you ever paid a woman to sleep with you before?

I have never been unfaithful to Martha.

That's the truth.

What difference does it make?

We're all going to die anyway.

So why do this?

Because I'm really, really pissed at life.

But I want to do good. It's a duality thing.

You are so full of crap.

You're full of crap.

Okay, big boy, get out your checkbook.

What? Right here, right now. Two million dollars. Put up or shut up.

Where? On the desk. On the sofa.

It's your money, big spender. You tell me.

You think I won't. I'm here to see you prove it.

You think I don't have the money?

Not the money I'm worried about.

What's the matter?

You need to take a little pill before we get started?

School can have it. Two million dollars.

You don't have to do a thing. I mean it. What do you think I am, some kind of a

dirty old man? You don't even have to give me a peck on the cheek. I'll write

the check. I'm doing it because I want to.

Who'd I make it out to?

Um, the steering committee to rebuild... Hi.

Hi, Lydia.

Mom, it's our next -door neighbor, Claire.

Hi.

I need carrot sticks.

Hi.

Can we talk?

I don't know.

This whole thing is humiliating for me on so many levels. I can imagine.

I just wanted to try and set it straight.

But... Hey.

And, Mom, what happened was my fault, not hers.

I made up a fake name. I told her I was in college so she would think I was

older.

So what is this? The truth is that I have a computational knot.

A knot?

I'm totally stuck on this gnarly multivariable analysis, and, frankly,

best people in my department took off after the moons, and there isn't a

brain there to run this stuff by. So you want Alex, like, for a homework date?

He is right next door, and I'm desperate to talk equations.

What happened was a stupid misunderstanding.

She wants you for your math.

Hi. Can I have a coffee? Sure.

Here you go. Thanks.

Hi.

Hey.

I'm so sorry about Gert. He can be a little, I don't know.

Reactive? Overreactive.

No worries, I'm cool with it.

So, you into the occult?

Wicca.

It's a girl thing.

I have my broomstick parked outside. Oh, it's cool.

I've read some Alistair Crowley.

I mean, I'm not an expert or anything.

So, chatting with friends from Utah?

Oh, they're local, actually.

You know, just... Hooking up with some people.

There's a get -together on Saturday afternoon.

I think it's 43 Laurel Avenue. It's right at the corner of Wilmot.

You know where that is?

Yeah. Good.

You can show me. Who's going to be there?

Oh, you know, just kind of a variety of people. Should be pretty laid back.

You can bring your boyfriend if you want.

He's not.

Um, he's not my boyfriend.

Either way.

Just a couple of days ago, you kept talking about how loony he was.

Now that the school gets the money, it was just a bad case of postulant or

stress? I never said he was legally crazy. I was just saying I thought he

odd. Odd?

I don't remember the word odd being used.

Crazy and wacko, I remember.

Can I ask you something? What?

Nothing happened between you two, right?

What are you talking about?

I mean... Oh, forget it. Are you asking if I slept with him for the two million?

Nope, nope, never mind.

So let me ask you, did you ever sleep with anyone for money?

You're right.

You're right.

I'm interested in all those things about you. I never asked you about Miss

November 1993.

I'm sorry I asked. I mean, if you and the walking halter top want to do it on

the steps of the town hall, what business is it of mine?

What does me and Sarah always have to do with any of this? Nothing.

Oh, we could test that all the regression coefficients of the exogenous

variables are zero.

Yeah, that's a start.

You have to cluster the sample, or else your variance estimates will be too low.

Okay, I get it.

When I keep coming up.

Yep. Thank you.

Okay.

I'm just asking you to think about the good that money could be doing.

The whole point was to humiliate people.

Please be careful with that.

I know it doesn't look it, but that's a very valuable piece of sculpture that

was commissioned for us. It was the only deed that sculpture would do in a

series of 26.

Hey, is that support?

Over there.

The gardener hit one of the supports with his tractor the other day. It

,600 pounds.

So why would he give you money without humiliating you? I'm his wife. He'd

do that for me. I don't think it would be very good for Walt to be judged and

fined. The other day, he had the pool man doing splits and eating caterpillars

for $100 bills.

Anyway, I don't really think I need to be taking your advice, if you know what

mean. There were no strings.

Walt gave the money because he believed in the school.

Now, even if that was true...

Two million dollars? That's almost all that there is. That's the bank account,

the retirement account. There's no equity in this house since the drop in

estate. Well, I just wanted to do something good.

Before, you know... Let him do something good for his family, you know? Hey,

your mom's going to be mad when she gets home from shopping. She's not going to

give you any more presents.

My life.

Hey, do you want to go to the movie tomorrow night?

They're showing the whole Matrix trilogy at the Deerfield Vista.

That sounds great, but I already told Jonah I might go to this thing.

What thing?

It's a party or something.

Yeah, a party of two.

A whole bunch of people at this kid Mitch's house.

That yellow house on the road.

Well, I gotta hand it to him.

Kid moves fast, doesn't he? Come on, you guys just got off on the wrong foot.

Look, I'm just saying, be careful.

He seems all chill on the outside, but that guy has got the eyes of a date

rapist. You dork.

You don't even deserve this.

If he is crazy, do you really think the school should get that money? Yes.

Just yet?

I think the money should go away just as good. Kind of a Robin Hood theory.

And I don't think he is crazy or wacko or anything else. I really don't.

You know you're entitled to counsel, Mr. Deacon.

This is fine.

Are you sure? You don't want to get yourself a lawyer.

Do you work for Mr. McIntyre?

I'm just concerned... I don't need a lawyer. I'm perfectly sane. I don't need

pay anybody to prove that.

Mr. McIntyre is going to ask you some questions.

Dr. Rappaport and I are going to listen, and the court report is going to take

it down.

You okay with that?

No problemo, Your Honor.

How are you feeling, Mr. Deakins?

I feel good.

You ever have any headaches?

Sometimes. Bad ones?

I don't know. Middling, I guess.

You take any medications?

I take something for my cholesterol.

Anyway, I take that, the occasional laxative.

No antidepressants, antipsychotics, no mood -altering drugs?

No, sir. So why do you want to get rid of all your money?

I think it's a pleasure I never had.

Thought I'd give it a try.

Does it feel good?

So far, it's not as easy to do as I thought.

You have a family, Mr. Deakins?

Got a wife, two daughters, a couple of grandchildren.

You worry about your family?

All the time.

I mean, do you worry about what they'll do if you give away all their money?

They won't die.

Not from having the money shut off.

You can die from lack of water. You can die from a moon hitting the earth.

That's true. Truth is, we were probably all happier when we had less.

So you think they're spoiled?

Maybe.

Guess that'd be my fault, huh?

Why'd you make people do all those crazy things?

Standing on their head. I mean, that's the basic purpose of money, as far as I

can tell. Make people do things they wouldn't do otherwise.

Other than trying to be mean -spirited. Trying to do the opposite.

Have a little final fun.

I mean, what do people want me to do, buy Cadillacs?

Did you offer $2 million for the school fund?

Uh, Your Honor, can I have a word with Mr. McIntyre?

I don't see why this has to be the right time.

The record is sealed. It's completely private.

You don't know.

Did you offer $2 million for the school fund if Miss

Davis here slept with you?

Sleeping wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

I'm sorry, man.

It's all right.

Were you sincere?

Never more. Even if it made paupers out of your family?

Paupers? Makes it sound like David Copperfield.

No, he didn't have to sleep with me for the money. I gave it on my own free

will. I want the school fund to have the money. Maybe they can put my name on a

gym or something.

Well, hell, that doesn't sound insane to me. I know this started out kind of

creepy. But deep down, I was trying to do good.

You know, trying to adjust to everything that's happening.

Trying to be giving and good.

I feel better now. I feel better about myself.

I think we're all glad to hear that. Giving is blessing.

We all agree.

What would Jesus do?

Exactly.

Can I borrow your iPod?

Dude, come on.

That was you and Claire.

Look it back.

Wow, that's her bedroom.

Yeah, her wireless doesn't reach downstairs.

You were there for her wireless, right?

Shut up.

And you can watch her whenever.

No, I wouldn't do that. She just needed help on some work thing.

And did Mom say it was okay?

Don't tell her. You can keep the iPod for an extra night. Great.

Fine.

There's a little... There's a little blingy thing on the side screen.

Oh, crap. I forgot to turn it off. Oh, my God. Is that happening right now?

No. No.

It was an accident.

Whatever, I'll give you and your virtual girlfriend some privacy.

It's the first half of 1995.

It's all your court documents. Scan into files and reference them, that thing.

That's a miracle.

I'm sorry we had to square off in court.

I know how much the school means to me. You don't have to apologize.

I'm just glad the school gets the money.

Nah, it's only the school. Probably never be filled. No, don't say that.

True.

What are you doing?

For the school finance.

Not two million dollars.

Oh, you already did that.

Well, this is a little more.

Maybe I'm divesting, too.

Probably never be a school.

Then there'll be the making of a school out there.

You aren't, like, luring me into some wild orgy, are you?

Do you know what a wild orgy entails?

No.

Are you Jonah?

I'm Mitch. Hey, man, it's nice to finally meet you.

This is Lydia.

Welcome, Lydia. This is my wife, Mindy. Haven't told Lydia much about the group

yet. Well, I'll take care of that.

After you.

So we have a couple of new friends with us today.

If no one minds, I'll do a little introductory thing, and then we can move

our discussion. Is that cool with you all?

All right, so here's the basic thought, guys.

The moon's coming apart is a sign, only that.

Still, it's the best thing that's ever happened to us as a people because it's

focused our desires, made us think, made us act.

I'm sure none of us ever knew how much time we had left before, but...

We didn't think about it.

It made us uncomfortable.

And now we cannot think about it. It's around us every day.

The most precious resource is no longer our time. It's our energy.

Where do we put it?

It's no secret a lot of us put it into self -doubt and frustration and anxiety,

but we don't have to.

The path is about transforming ourselves so that we put our energy into finding

our own happiness.

It's a being fulfilled.

You've got to be kidding me.

Come on.

Let's go.

He took you to a cult meeting.

Dude, that is so classic.

I'm already telling this story in my head.

How glad are you that I showed up?

Not glad at all.

What? What's wrong with you?

Lydia, don't tell me you drank the Kool -Aid.

They're just people who are interested in things other than skateboarding and

baking out.

Yeah, like taking all your money and worshipping a head of lettuce.

Did Jonah hit you up for cash yet?

Why do you always have to be so cynical? Jonah's not like that.

You know what I think?

You've got to think for him.

I barely even know him.

Admit it.

No.

Okay, just let me drive you home.

No.

Fine.

I already turned it off.

Claire, I... Why aren't you at home watching me take off my clothes, or are

here to steal my underwear or try on my bras or something? Oh, you saw?

It was an accident. I swear on my life. An accident is when you rear -end

someone because you're putting on mascara while you're driving.

There's no way to accidentally reprogram someone's webcam to capture onto your

hard drive.

I wasn't recording it, yeah? I reprogrammed it, but we got so into our

completely forgot... Do you think I wouldn't find out?

I never meant to see you in that black lace. Do not reference my lingerie. It

was just to watch us work.

I'm so telling your mother.

No, don't. I'm serious. She'll make us move. Get out of here.

No. At five o 'clock, go to your room, turn on your computer, and call me for

further instructions.

But... No.

Go out the way you came.

Thank you, everybody.

I just want to say how good it feels to give unconditionally.

We love you all.

I love you, too. I do.

I feel like I have a new life.

You know, I've been thinking about it. So much has happened.

We've gone through such a trial here on this planet.

Like some of you, I didn't know how to deal with it.

But, Laura, could you come on up here for a minute?

Come on up. Laura Davis, everybody.

Come on.

I know there's a rumor going around about what might have happened between

facilitate this donation.

I don't want to go into any details.

Just want to say this woman, who I respect so much, who is so dedicated to

she believes in, was willing, if not eager, to take part in whatever

were thrust upon her for the benefit of good old Milford High.

Of course, I turned her down.

Yeah, right.

She turned me down flat and brought me into the light, turned my life around.

I'm not a scorner or a taker anymore. I'm a giver.

And that's how I want to be remembered for all time.

Thank you.

Looks like you got nothing left to give away, Walt. Oh, not so, not so. That's

the other thing I wanted to say. I was thinking about a kidney.

Now, I've got two. I only need one.

At first I thought maybe an eye, but you can't drive with only one eye. You know

what I mean?

You're kidding, right?

Um, no.

Hit it.

One, two, three, four.

I know this may be hard to accept, but I think he actually loves you. I don't

care. It's too much. It's just too much.

It is very hard to give a kidney away unless you're giving it to a relative or

very close friend.

Could you leave?

You know nothing ever happened between Walter and me.

I want a new hearing. I want him declared insane. I want Sue to get my

back. Maybe if you just talk... Okay, I'm going.

Are you my lawyer or not?

I'll petition the judge for another hearing.

Thank you.

I know you think I don't love him.

But I do.

To just give a kidney away to anyone, you must first pass a background check

psychological tests.

They want to make sure you're not selling the kidney.

Selling? Why would I want to sell? I want to give. That's the whole point.

That's the rule.

I'm so sorry about Kurt again.

I wanted to come back in. I was so embarrassed.

Look, I probably should have given you a little bit more info before. I mean,

it's just when you say personal growth, most people either think religion or

cult or something in it, so not that.

I mean, it was a surprise, but it was interesting. So if you don't mind me

asking, what were you like for the past?

Honestly, I was a lot like Kurt.

You know, I was ticked off, closed off, just unhappy.

But I'm a lot better now.

You seem good to me.

Oh, I want to give you something.

You do?

You bought this for me?

It's a Wiccan chalice.

Jonah, that is just so nice.

Hey, maybe we could hang out again sometime.

I would really, really like that.

And seriously, thanks again for bringing me.

What's wrong?

Lydia, I should have been more clear.

One of the things about the path is that we avoid premarital sex.

Whoa.

Who said anything about sex? I was just giving you a hug.

Yeah, but to us, a hug is sex, you know?

Holding hands is sex, or at least it can lead to it, you know?

I mean, no disrespect to you. It's just about keeping ourselves focused, you

know?

I mean, there are other things we can do, though.

For example?

Well... You can share my milkshake.

I don't understand.

What does he have to give away for the court to realize that he's crazy?

I don't know what to tell you, Martha, but I'll crack open the law books and

if I can find another way into this.

What if he gives his brain away?

Will that make him crazy?

He's right in the midsection.

His brain's ruptured.

I think her kidney's going to be shot, too.

Breath, okay?

Okay. Five o 'clock. I know you're going to ream me.

Before you do, you've got to believe I never meant to see you. Stand up.

What? Why?

Just do it.

Now back up.

I feel like an idiot.

You're not that bad, actually.

I'm not?

Hey, what happened? I can't see you.

You don't need to see any more of me than you already have.

Dance, boy.

Now the pants.

So you liking it?

How about this?

Very good.

Oh, God.

Nothing for Alex. He's not eating.

Where is he?

Locked in his room. I think he's starving himself to death.

Stop screaming. Stop. Stop.

Stop pornography.

Oh, Jesus.

Go away. Oh, my God. It's gay porn.

It is. I'm okay with it.

It's not. It's... Alex, I'm a very open -minded person.

A same -sex attraction can sometimes be... Out. Out. Out. Get out. Get out.

We're just about ready for the kidney transplant procedure, Mr. Deakins. All

right, they want to prep an IV on her.

How you doing, babe?

I'm okay.

That's good.

Will you please leave?

Do you need a ride?

Uh, what's that?

You can help driving.

It's gonna get to Alaska.

I'm tired of driving more.

That's a very nice stone.

Good color.

No flaws or inclusions.

Without removing it to weigh it, I'd say

it was just under two carats.

We insured it for 30 ,000. Oh, I can't give you that.

But I do have a buyer for a diamond of this quality.

I could give you 20.

Twenty -two thousand.

Can you write a check?

Yes, I can.

Make it out to the steering committee to rebuild Milford High.

My daughter burned down the school.

Yes, we all know that.

Trying to do what I can.

Well, dear, there's trying and there's trying.