Original subtitles

Out of the fire of earth attraction, beyond the limits of the world, where

and machine and spirit unite.

Born by the power of lightning, into the 21st century.

It is the end of the beginnings. It is the time of super force.

And I'm not interested in what she has to say.

Madame Dora is incredible, Zach.

Crystal, I'm sure there's something to astrology in the hands of an expert.

But a computerized mannequin found at the arcade at the pier? Come on!

Listen, the correspondences between the planets don't vary. A machine can

interpret them just as well.

Listen to what Madame Dora says about you. Do I have a choice?

Intelligent and creative if given a chance to use these qualities.

Sure of yourself, except in those moments of self -doubt.

Crystal, that could be anybody.

I'm beginning to worry about you. You know, you go from one fringe belief to

next. You've got to start looking inside for your answers. That's where they

are, inside you.

Skeptical until proof is forthcoming and deeply concerned about your friends.

That's you to a teabag.

Let's get the check.

No, wait, listen. Listen to what she says about me.

When Pluto and Saturn are in alignment this month... Hold it. I've got to stop

you right there. As a former astronaut, I can assure you, thank you, that Pluto

and Saturn will never be in alignment because Pluto's orbit is 17 degrees off

the plane of the rest of the planets.

Zach, I think Madame Dora knows a little bit more about astrology than you do.

A great financial opportunity presents itself.

Don't be blind.

What does that suppose to mean?

Well, I think that's rather obvious, don't you?

Mom. What?

No one has won in over a month.

The jackpot is up to a billion dollars.

No one has won in over a month because the odds are ridiculous.

You got a better chance of being struck by lightning.

A great financial opportunity presents itself. Don't be blind. Lightning never

strikes twice in the same plane. Ha!

That does it.

We need nine numbers.

First, my birthday, 12 -14 -95.

Now your birthday, 7 -10 -92.

Okay. And we need three more numbers. You pick them.

Okay. 2 -18 -94.

What? The ticket cost $5.

Now I get it.

You little scammer.

This is it, Zach.

The winning ticket. I can feel it.

You better hold on to that feeling, Crystal, because reality is going to set

right after the drawing tonight.

I'm too nervous for you to take it.

I'm gonna go leave a tip at the table, and then we'll get out of here, okay?

Okay.

What are you doing?

Oh, I figured as long as the Millennium Power Pack was recharging, I might as

well adjust the rotation on it, too.

Hey, Zach.

What? Can you pass me that hammer?

Yeah, sure.

Is everything all right with you?

You look wiped out. Nah, it's crystal.

Not another cult?

No, no.

She's just convinced she's gonna win that national lottery.

Well, good luck. It's up to a billion dollars.

I know.

Man, she's dreaming.

I hit you in the head with a hammer.

Sorry, Zach.

But your agent did call up and say you needed a new headshot.

Agent? Headshot?

What are you talking about?

The police department needs a photo of you for the new annual report.

Annual report?

Again?

Geez, it seems like that thing comes out every year.

Hello, boys.

Hungerford here.

Hi, Lee.

Goodness, Zach, what's happening?

FX hit me in the head with a hammer.

FX, do be more careful. That hammer is a one -of -a -kind design.

Sorry.

What about me?

Quite right.

You be careful of my tools as well, Zack.

So what's up, Mr. H?

I just transmitted in here, and boy, are my electrons quantum damped.

But seriously, it's almost time for the lottery broadcast.

I thought you boys might want to watch. You know, it's rolled over to a billion

dollars tonight.

That's right.

FX, don't tell me you're wrapped up in this lotto mania, too.

Well, a billion dollars is a lot of money.

Uh -oh. Here's the drawing. I'll put it on the screen. So the winning numbers

are... 12, 14, 95, 7, 10,

92, 2, 18, and...

94. Did he say 94?

Yes, Zach. The final number is 94.

I won.

What? I won!

That's Crystal's birthday. 7 -10 -92. That's my birthday. Guys, this is

incredible. With my new powers, my incredible new perceptions, I was able

reach in and pluck the remaining three numbers out of the air. 2 -18 -94. I

you see?

I've seen the other side.

I've been beyond the beyond.

And I just reached in there and plucked out those three numbers.

Wait a minute.

2 -18 -94?

Yep.

That's my birthday.

Oh.

Well, I thought I saw those numbers before somewhere.

But it doesn't matter, you see, because I'm rich. I am rich.

And this, my friend, this is my ticket out of here.

Admit one?

Admit one. Oh, my God, that's not it. That's not it.

Where is it?

I can't find it.

I lost the ticket.

I give up.

I've looked everywhere.

Maybe you left it in your other suit.

Yeah.

Zach,

calm down.

You didn't wear that on your date tonight. You're not thinking rationally.

I'm sorry, E .B. You gotta forgive me. I just saw a billion dollars go down the

drain.

Well, it's a pretty big plumbing bill.

I can handle it.

I didn't expect to win. But what am I gonna tell Crystal?

Maybe she didn't see the show.

Maybe she forgot.

Yeah.

Someone is entering the lab.

No, not when I know you've won a billion dollars.

We won, we won. I told you, can you believe a billion dollars? I can't

it. Crystal, I got something kind of important to tell you, and I think you

better sit down.

Okay, Zach, but I have something really important to tell you, too.

Okay, you go first.

Zach, the interest on a billion dollars is $70 million a year.

I think I better sit down.

So, what is it you want to tell me?

Crystal, I lost... Come on.

I'm just going to come straight out and tell you. I'm just going to come out

with it.

Crystal, I lost my parking spot, and I'm going right down to talk to the parking

attendant right now. I'll be right back, okay? See ya.

What?

You've got to tell her.

Look at her. I can't.

It'll kill her.

Crystal, I don't have it. I lost the ticket.

You killed her, Zack.

All right. This is the last place where we saw the ticket alive.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Spread out.

Look everywhere.

Ready? On three.

Ready? Break!

Anybody suspects we're looking for, they can want a piece. It could be trouble.

So be discreet.

Right.

Excuse

me.

I was wondering if you could help us. We won the billion -dollar lottery, and we

lost a ticket somewhere in here, and...

we still not have the ticket, but the manager wants us to pay $5 ,000 in

for the riot we caused.

$5 ,000?

I thought he said $50 ,000. Crystal, please.

It's $5 ,000. Now, where did I leave... No, Zach. I'm sure he said $50 ,000. Why

don't I just go and ask him... No, no, no, no, no. Crystal, $5 ,000, $50 ,000.

Who cares?

We're broke.

Zach, think.

When was the last time you saw the ticket?

Well, we bought it at the machine.

And I put it in my wallet.

And then we left.

We didn't leave.

You went back to the table to leave a tip.

Hey, she's right.

I've been watching her. She's been putting her tips in the cash register

night. It could be there, in the register.

So what do we do?

Let me handle this.

I don't know, Zach.

You better be careful.

Guys, I'm a Metroplex police officer. I think I know just a little bit about

putting my hand in the till. Huh?

But I never suspected you were dirty. You covered it up well, changing your

clothes several times a day. But ultimately, nothing can hide the stench

cop gone bad.

Merkel, all I did was touch the cash register.

I'll bet your fingerprints are all over that bar stone.

I'm going to love seeing you cry.

You came to bail me out?

Better than that.

Show him.

What's that, the ticket?

Yes. Isn't it wonderful?

Where'd you find it?

Well, we didn't find it exactly.

Hungerford made it.

He made it?

We figured we lost the real ticket. We'll never see it again, so Hungerford

his... Mr. H used his laser scan and printer board to sort of recreate it.

That's counterfeiting.

That's illegal.

What are you doing?

It's not. He just made something that was ours to begin with that we lost.

So we're just replacing it.

Come on. We've got to get you out of here. A lot of your officials want to

present you with the check where you bought it.

On Melvaney's?

Right, and they want to do it tonight in time for the 11 o 'clock news.

What's all this hubbub?

Amscray, you lowlifes, you can talk to Stone later on. Up at the big house.

Listen, Melvin, I have to tell you something about Zach.

You don't have to tell me anything.

Everything I need to know about this man is written all over his face.

Well, this is his billion -dollar winning lottery ticket, and... It's a

face.

Warm, generous, intelligent face. And generous. Did I say generous?

Trustee, get over here and let my dear, dear friend, Zach Stone, out of Baca.

How long you been in there, anyway?

Guess we had you going, huh?

You know, the guys and all. Just remember, we take care of our own...

hungry? Want some dinner?

You know, Crystal, before the lottery officials show up, there's something we

need to sort out.

Since it was my money that bought this ticket, I feel I'm entitled to, say, 80

of the winnings. What?

No way. It was my idea. My percent should be 80. You're still going to get

million. I can't believe how greedy you are.

You didn't even want to buy it. Hey, stop it.

Both of you.

matter with you two.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm acting like kids.

FX, who do you think should get the 80%, huh?

I think there's something you're forgetting here.

The last three numbers were my birthday. I think I should get a share.

What? And what about Hungerford? He made the ticket. He thinks he should get a

share. What are you talking about? He's a little head to box. He doesn't need

any money. Yeah, yeah, you just want an extra share for yourself. What are you

talking about? It wasn't for me. It wasn't for you.

Aren't you Zach Stone, Epic Spinner, and Crystal Chandler?

Yeah. I wanted to thank you. My daddy was under the influence of an evil cult

leader until you saved me. Thank you for bringing my daddy back to me.

You're welcome.

Now go home, little girl. You shouldn't be hanging out in bars.

Look, we're being stupid.

You're right.

Learned a valuable lesson today.

No amount of money can buy happiness, and no amount of money can buy

Even split?

Even split.

Even split.

You the big lottery winners?

Yep. That's right. Are you the lottery official?

No. I'm Filcher with the Internal Revenue Police.

This is Gunniff, Gould, Scroung, and Crook, state IRP, county IRP, city IRP,

postal district taxman.

Oh, of course. We owe taxes on this money, right?

How much?

Well, $1 billion puts you in the 101 % tax bracket.

What? 101 %? What are you talking about?

The 101 % tax bracket was enacted by Congress in 2011 to discourage obscene

profit, promote equality among men, and to pay for the obscenely profitable

government wages.

You mean we don't win anything?

We owe you all the money?

Plus 1%, or $10 million.

Better pay up.

You know, Zach... paid for the ticket, so he should have to pay all the money.

Wait a minute here.

After all, it was your idea, and in effect, it was your birthday that was

winning number.

This isn't my ticket. It belongs to a computer friend of mine, E .B.

This isn't even real.

He made it.

That's right.

Hungerford made it, so it belongs to him.

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. This friend of yours, E .B.

Hungerford, Made that ticket? That's right. See, he even signed the bottom.

E .B.

Hungerford, see?

Let me out of here at once, do you hear me? I can't survive in here.

The greasy wall socket?

The antiquated current?

It's inhumane. I demand to speak to my solicitor.

It's awfully hot in here.

Did you turn up the air conditioning?

I can't.

Program Hungerford to maintain the life support system.

Oh. Yeah, I thought it seemed like we were running out of oxygen.

Did you open a window?

Hungerford.

Turn on the TV?

Hungerford.

Pot of coffee?

Hungerford.

Does anyone want a place to rape?

Well, I'm not going to sit here and suffocate.

I'm going to reconnect that life support system manually.

Uh, Zach?

Oh, no, Zach!

Oh, no!

Wow, man, what happened?

I accidentally hit you in the head with the hammer.

It was quite a nasty blow, Zack.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

I had the weirdest dream, though.

Hey, you dropped something.

What is it?

A lottery ticket.

Viacom.