Original subtitles

Hey, Tariq. I am so glad you showed up. Yeah, yeah. Can you help us with these

boxes, please?

Because, you know, my back. Oh, dear. Oh, it's a little.

Now, you see, ladies, it's all about technique.

You just got to live with your knees.

Oh, well, I think these biceps have a little something to do with it, too.

What?

Oh, well, um, the Avion, she was just telling me that all the girls are saying

you should try out for the calendar.

What calendar?

Oh, um, the calendar.

The men of Michigan, the 12 finest looking men on campus. Yep, they're

one spot for a freshman, and you could be that freshman.

Not me.

This is just not my flavor.

You can win a trip for two to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. The Pro Bowl?

That's my flavor, but I don't know anything about modeling.

Well, hey, I could school you. How can you say no?

Hold on, wait a minute. Now, what do you two get out of this?

Nothing.

I'm just helping Diabian.

Diabian?

Come on.

Oh, all right. The committee member who signs up the most guys wins her own trip

to Hawaii.

Why do y 'all say so?

I'll help a sister out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're the best.

Hey,

there's Steve.

Oh, Steve.

I am so glad you showed up.

Even though I'm glad to be with you, I thought I feel a thrill in me like you

got to do what's right for you.

Well, I'm not worried. Yesterday I hid some cute dresses in men's suits.

Amateur. I bought my stuff last week. I'm returning it today and buying it

at the sale price, okay?

Well, my items were set aside last month.

I used to date the manager.

Oh, good afternoon, lady.

Hey, Ray.

Hi, Ray. How you doing, Ray?

Lisa, have you seen my invitation? I put it on your desk.

Oh, good.

Did you stitch up that tear in my tux?

Yesterday. Now, Ray, next time you go to a wedding, let the young guys fight for

the garter.

I was just close.

Oh, oh, did you get my tuck shirt pressed? Yes, Ray. Oh, great.

Thanks a lot.

Goodbye, ladies.

Bye -bye.

Woo! Come on, girls, let's go.

What?

Look at her, Monica.

She's so used to being a doormat, she doesn't even know when she's being

on.

What are you talking about?

Ray. He was just ordering you around like you were his maid.

Yeah. He did everything but call you Beulah.

Now, look, ladies.

No man tells me what to do.

Come on. Lisa.

Lisa. One more thing.

I promised the girls I would cook dinner tonight, but I forgot about my

fundraiser. Would you please?

Oh, sure, Ray.

Uh -huh.

Now I know why no man tells you what to do.

You too busy taking orders from Ray.

Keep that, please.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Oh, um, Harry is signing up for the Men of Michigan calendar.

Really? Huh? Doing that pin -up thing, Tyson?

That's not funny, man. The winner gets two Pro Bowl tickets. Pro Bowl?

You're taking your best dog, right? I gotta get picked first.

All right, so far I can't even get past the form, man. Well, no problem. Let me

handle this.

Jordan F. Bennett. The F stands for forms.

Let's check this out at one price.

He is a shoo -in for the calendar and he doesn't even know it. Can you believe

we had to twist his arm to get him to sign up? I don't know.

Why don't you guys ask Jordan?

and my baby doesn't have what it takes to be in the calendar? No, no, no,

don't get me wrong.

Okay, um, Jordan's adorable and all, but he's got more of a brain than a body.

We all have different gifts.

Excuse me?

But, um, Jordan has a body, only he isn't flexing every chance he gets, like

some people who are main name is Tyreek. Oops, did I say that out loud?

Whatever, Tamir. You know, I'm gonna go ask him.

Oh, no, yes.

wasting her time.

There's no way he'll agree to... Look, assistant.

June's too smart to fall for that eyelash thing.

Oldest trick in the book.

Where do I sign?

Hey, Russ.

Oh. Hi, Lisa. How'd the fitting go?

Long.

Mrs. Ford wanted a handmade dress.

We had a hand -me -down price.

Only one thing worse than rich people.

Cheap rich people.

You're still talking about Mrs. Ford, right?

You're safe for now, Ray.

Oh, ooh.

There you go. Just sit back and relax.

Ooh, I don't mind if I do.

Ooh, Ray, could you put on some water for tea?

Sure, after I finish this.

Oh, never mind.

I'll get it.

Yeah, while you're up, would you get me a cup? Sugar, no milk?

Sure, Ray. Yeah, and a couple little snickerdoodles.

Anything else?

Well, now that you mention it, I'd love to have a sandwich.

Now get it yourself!

Are you all right?

No, I'm not.

And I'm not your doormat either.

So you can just quit walking all over me.

I don't walk all over you.

Well, not anymore, you don't.

It's a new day.

Nick at night.

Thank you.

Thank you, Steve. Our next contestant is Tony Dixon.

Oh, Tony.

Get up there and show them your calendar material.

Hey, hey, but don't get up there and start running off with your mouth. Word.

Tony, describe yourself in one word.

That's a tough one.

I can't really describe myself in one word because I've got so many loves.

Wow, you've probably got some verbal skills.

You might have a chance.

It sounds like you want him to win.

This is a contest, not a support group. You want him to lose, okay?

There's only one freshman slot, and it's for you.

Quit dreaming. Do you know it's all about Jordan?

What? Girl, you're the one that needs to wake up because it's Tariq's world,

okay? Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, please.

You see, that's the difference between men and women.

We don't care about who wins. We're just here to have fun. Oh, that's right.

But look, watch Uncle Kool off, okay? Because you're tripping and it's

to disturb our vibe.

Which concludes the many levels of Tony Dixon.

You sure you finished?

Word.

of Michigan Hopeful is Jordan Bennett.

Mr.

Bennett, why should you represent the freshman class in the next calendar?

Because I have the spirit, the drive, and the GPA to lead our class into the

21st century.

And if I win, I promise to tell everybody on the beaches of Hawaii to go

Michigan. Wolverines on the beach! Yeah!

My baby knows how to improvise. Okay.

Tyreek Scott.

Yes, yes.

Okay, you're a campus escort. Now, what can we expect from you if you become a

man of Michigan?

Oh, it's peace of mind.

Yeah, every lady at Michigan can feel safe and secure.

And knowing that my flashlight is always on.

I'll keep you on the flashlight part.

Our next contestant is Jason Phillips.

to see that you two have calmed down me too because all that tension just wasn't

helping hey you know what you guys are right okay this is all about funny and

you both did a great job yeah and you both deserve to win it's all you

everyone okay the judges have made their decision the freshman finalists for the

men of michigan are dash hawkins you demand

said my baby wasn't calendar material i'm about to be chilling in white kinky

you're gonna be chilling all right in the michigan winter terry's got this

sewn up girl please be about to crank this competition up a notch okay well

may the best man win oh don't worry

goes with the eye.

Oh, could you be more obvious? I mean, how stupid do you think I am?

Let me rephrase that.

Now, I'm not giving you any information you don't already know. From this moment

on, you getting in that calendar is between you and the camera.

The judges are making their decision on how good you look in their photos.

Thanks for nothing.

Come on, grab the candy.

Grab it all. Get it.

Anybody?

Rebecca.

Jordan, I see Tamara has you looking like you stole your big brother's

Well, they must all be in the family.

Because you look like you got on your little brother's shirt.

And, uh, what's up with the Lord of the Day and... At

least they fit.

Gee, that is so tight.

Let's go, Jordan.

Looking tacky might be kind of...

You should know.

Did you see Tyree?

We got a lot of work to do.

Jordan look great.

We got a lot of work to do.

Last night, Ray came in the kitchen looking for a hot meal.

All he got was a cold shoulder.

Well, work the shoulder, sister.

And if the shoulder doesn't work, throw a fan. That's new, ladies.

Oh, well, uh, I like it, Lisa.

Well, good.

Well, don't let me interrupt.

I'm off to run some errands.

Good.

Well, now, while you're out, though, I'd like you to pick me up a few things.

I'd like a spool of yellow thread.

My dry cleaning, TV guide, and some dental floss. Oh, and some Funyuns.

You got a problem with that?

He was afraid to ask you for the money to pay for your thing.

Money?

Ray never asked me for money. He always takes care of my little odds and ends.

Come on, Lisa. I know you don't have it like that.

Yeah, admit it. He's going to tack those odds and ends onto your rent.

What rent?

I've been trying to pay Ray rent for six years. He won't accept a cent.

No rent?

And you have the nerve to treat him like a valet?

What kind of friend are you?

Because we paying rent.

Well, I guess I'll be paying rent, too, if I don't get this furniture rearranged

like my dear friend Ray likes it.

This

smells

pretty good.

What's in it?

Oatmeal, papaya, honey.

Making me hungry.

I just lost my appetite.

Whatever happened to good old -fashioned chemicals?

Oh, they're too hard.

Now look, when the camera zooms in, your skin should be firm, smooth, and tight.

And tight.

We better take this off.

You got a tizzle? Okay.

The wax is ready.

Wax? Mm -hmm. Well, are we washing the car?

No. We're taking care of your eyebrows.

Hold on. Whoa.

What's wrong with my eyebrows?

Ty, the camera doesn't hide any flaws, okay? And right now, you have two big

bushy ones.

Now, hold still.

All right.

Look, just don't get any of that on my mustache.

What mustache?

What were you talking about? My mustache.

Oh, oh, okay. I see it. You don't need to worry about that, no.

Yeah,

there.

Smooth as a baby's bottom.

for the finishing touch, and herbal astringent. Bring it on.

Now, this may sting a little.

Girl, please.

All right, I'm a man.

Nothing stings me.

Jordan P. Bennett, the peace dance for pain.

Now, this may hurt. Hurt?

Oh, Tia, this is just whack.

Don't catch a problem with women. You guys don't know how to deal with a

pain.

Get ready.

One, two...

Lisa, I got everything you wanted, except for the Funyuns.

Can you live with Cheetos?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I can live with anything.

As long as I'm living here.

Let me give you a little gas money. Oh, no need.

Lisa, we need to talk.

Oh, no, after dinner, Ray, I made your favorite turkey meatloaf, potatoes au

gratin, and spinach souffle.

Lisa, dinner can wait.

Now, about our situation.

We don't have a situation.

I think we do.

Why don't you have a seat?

Lisa, when two people live under the same roof, obviously there's going to be

little tension.

Oh, Ray, tension is such a strong word.

I prefer to think of it as affection.

Well, your affection has been snapping at me for the past two days.

Obviously, we have a problem, and I think change is in order.

Change? Oh, no, Ray, everything is fine.

In fact, I have never been happier.

End of discussion. Let's eat.

Now, we've got to look at this problem square on.

Only one solution.

Yes, Ray?

Well, I think we need to set aside some regularly scheduled time for a chat.

Huh?

Yeah. So that when there's something on your mind, we can talk about it before

your affections start building up.

Is that all you want to talk about?

Always making mountains out of molehills.

Give me a break.

We're living in good times. We should be celebrating what's happening now.

I get that. That's my mama.

I better put a block on that DEP.

baby okay i'm gonna go talk to the dog cool all right okay thanks tony see that

wasn't so bad word hey was it awful word excuse

me my client has arrived jordan gq bennett

the initials say it all i hope you brought a change of clothes gq see we're

looking for the men of michigan not the men of armani

his jacket and loosen his tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking. Get off.

I guess that could work, but I need it relaxed and natural, not posed. Not

posed.

Tyreek is in the house.

You're early.

This is our time. Too bad.

Tyreek needs to be shot when his muscles have peaked.

Something you obviously don't have to worry about.

Well, see, we are in the middle of our session, so, um, Tyreek would just have

to park his pet.

All right, Jordan, show me who you are.

Okay, work it, baby.

That's it.

That's it. Make the camera love you.

shirt for the muscle pose the muscle what the muscle pose yeah jay go ahead

them what you got

Tony does look good under that mistletoe.

Well, at least I got something out of this.

Smooth skin.

I was going to say something about that dog.

Looks good.

Thanks, dog.

Thanks. Love the arch. Oh, you like it? Yeah.

Well, hey, it's like I always say.

Men are all about egos. You know what? You are right. You see, women are

different.

More into cooperation than competition. Thank you. Guys, guys. I just heard the

men's calendar was set to hit. They're coming out with a women of Michigan

calendar. What?

Well, may the best woman win.

50 -minute women. We don't care about who wins. We're just here... All I know

if you guys had to be so out of...