Original subtitles

You gotta clean out this closet.

What for?

You just did.

I'm looking for the card table.

Well, look out in the garage.

That needs cleaning out, too.

This is serious.

My buddies are coming over tomorrow night for Domino's.

Oh, no, they're not.

My lady's book club is meeting here.

I'm not giving up my Domino's night for some woe -is -me -I -don't -have -a -man

-relationship book.

your little bone -slamming buddies interrupting our discussion.

Well, if you got out of the house, you wouldn't need a relationship book club.

Well, maybe if you were in a relationship, you wouldn't be so bitter

relationship books.

Well, my guys are coming over, and that's that.

Well, my girls are coming over, and that's that.

Well, that's that.

Well, fine. I'll take the kitchen. You take the living room. Yeah, and don't

have your stellas distracting my guys.

Oh, don't you worry. They're allergic to Rogaine.

Stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop.

I got my own mind.

I do my own style in my own time.

And now everybody sees how different we have come to be.

Stop, stop, stop.

Even though I'm glad to be with you, I thought I'd feel it real for me. Like

got to do what's right for you.

I'm talking about Tia and Tamara going to Chicago.

Yeah. Isn't that something? Yeah, they're representing the school at the

United Nations Conference. Now, that's what I call perfect timing.

Every honey at Michigan is going to be at this homecoming dance.

You guys are free agents.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. See, we don't play that. We're true to our women. Right,

Doug? Oh, you know it.

Now, Tyreek, I heard you and Tia broke up. Who are you being true to, yourself

or Wesley?

Brother, you don't know T and I like that, all right? We have a relationship

that you couldn't possibly understand.

That's right, because I know both of them. I don't understand.

You guys are so whipped.

Not going to the biggest party of the year. We're not whipped, okay?

Now, we're going to the dance.

We're just going solo.

I get it.

Why bring sand to the beach?

A couple of players.

Couple of hungry players later, man.

My brother has issues. Issues.

Hey, guys. Hey, Jamal. What a long face.

I'm so frustrated. I'm this close to turning in my resident advisor badge.

I got a couple of homesick freshmen in my dorm who are on the verge of dropping

out. Man, you gotta be kidding me. So what's the problem? Well, they're really

shy girls for having a hard time fitting in.

There they are.

Over there.

If they could just get somebody to take them to the homecoming dance...

I know they'd think twice about leaving.

Well, who are you going to get to take them? Yeah, it must be somebody pretty

desperate, you know?

Or two really nice guys who are going to the dance all by themselves. No, don't

even think about it. I know it would mean so much to them. You two could keep

these girls in school.

And who's going to keep us out of the hospital when Tia and Tamara find out?

Guys, this isn't a date.

This is an act of mercy.

It's charity work.

Couldn't we just write a check?

Come on.

It's just a lift to the dance, so they don't have to walk in by themselves.

Like you said, no one's going to think it's a date. Of course not. Come meet

them.

Not a date, right? It's just a ride, man. We like cabins.

Cece, Ginger, I'd like you to meet my friends, Jordan and Tyreek.

Hey, what's up?

Not much.

Hey, uh, well, you know what Jordan and I... We're riding together to the

homecoming dance.

And we were wondering if you guys would like a lift.

With the two of you?

In the same car?

If that works for you.

Well, what do you think, Cece?

I think we have dates.

Wait, did I tell my mama?

Tell your mama what? I said we got dates with two fine men from Michigan.

I think they just might stay in school.

Oh, hey, Jordan.

Hey, Ms. Landry. Do you know how I can reach Tamara in Chicago?

She never pays me with the number.

Well, I have the number to the hotel, but she'll be in conferences all day.

What's up? Nothing. I just wanted to call and tell her something real funny

happened.

How can you use a good laugh right now? Tell me.

Well, it is funny.

Simone told me and Tyreek about these poor, pathetic, homesick freshmen that

needed a ride to the homecoming dance.

Well, you know, being the gentleman that we are, you know, we offer the poor

things a ride.

Wait.

This is where it gets funny. You're going to crack up.

You see, they misunderstood.

and think that we're their dates to homecoming.

Isn't that funny?

You think Tamara will find it funny?

Uh -uh, she gonna kill you.

I know.

Hello? Tamara, I caught you. Hey, baby.

You would not believe how great this mock United Nation is. Sounds fun.

Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something.

Tamara, you better hurry up. We're going to be late.

Oh, um, Jordan, I've got to go.

T and I have an emergency peace conference at Baskin -Robbins.

It's very important. It's about homecoming dance. Oh.

Guess what?

We may be done early and can catch a flight back in time for the dance.

No! You need to put yourself out. No.

It's just a dumb dance.

You're right.

Well, um, you boys better be good now.

I've got my spies on the lookout.

Bye. Bye.

Somebody's about to get down.

I just hope it's not me.

Hey, guys.

Look, about the homecoming situation, right? Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.

Look what my mom sent me, a money gram.

What for? You going out of town?

No, it's for my homecoming dress.

It's my babysitting money from the last eight years.

Well, look, wait, wait, wait. Now, now, we can't let you ladies spend your last

dime on dresses.

There's something I need to say. Wait, let me go first.

Guys, for the first time, I really feel like I belong here. Me too. I mean, it's

all because of you.

Thank you so much.

Uh -huh.

See you tomorrow at 8. Bye.

Bye.

This is definitely not good. No.

Here we go, fellas.

Yes. All right.

Ray, what are you doing carrying the tray? I thought you said there were

in the kitchen.

And that's where they're going to stay.

Yeah. Yeah.

I told Lisa her and her little hen party are going to have to keep quiet.

You said that?

Hey, man, you got to put your foot down. Let them know who's boss. That's right.

Keep them in the kitchen where they belong.

Shh. Trying to get me killed?

At least it is so good to have you back in the book club.

And just where have you been for the last two months?

I had a man.

Well, he must have wriggled off the line of you back here with us.

book is when you fall asleep with it on your pillow you know it'll be there when

you wake up and it doesn't snore slobber or scratch you with its toenails

lisa you have another guest sorry

i'm late but i had to finish the last chapter well in that case you can just

start the discussion

Lisa, may I remind you that the living room is off limits to the Lonely Hearts

Club. And may I remind you that this is a testosterone -free zone.

My pleasure.

Girl, you sure handled him. You gotta put your foot down. Let him know who's

boss.

Dead men walking.

Calm down, man. Now, Tamara is not

going to find out about this. Man, she's probably got spies all over that thing.

All right, anybody that sees us with those fag girls has got to know it's

mercy date.

Mercy.

So, what should we do first?

Stand? Walk around?

Hide behind one of these trees?

What? Huh?

I said, uh, look, there's Tyreek.

Ooh, I love his CD.

Well, why don't you go get an autograph before he runs out of ink?

Take your time.

All right, look.

If you play it low -key, maybe we can make it through this dance unnoticed.

What's up, players?

Players, what did you think?

Nothing but dreams.

For $5, I hooked each couple up with a photo memory.

Let me get one of you and your lady. Hey, look.

We told you we don't have ladies.

Look, I come correct with my woman. That's how I am. Oh.

I hope we didn't take too long. And who are these lovely ladies?

Smile. Hot in here.

Oh, please.

Don't be so obvious.

What? Can't a brother wipe his brow?

Oh, since when do you wipe your brow with the back of your hand? You were

clearly indicating five. Five? Thanks for the tip, Ray. Because a nickel and a

nickel and a nickel is ten.

I'll get some paper towels. I'll help you. Oh, no, no. No, you don't. Only one

cheater in the kitchen at a time.

That's my bones, Mark.

Desperate losers do desperate things.

I was just about to page that man for the third time, but I picked up a

book, and I reread what she said about dignity.

And I realized right then that I had to release him and move on with my life.

That book was worth every penny.

Where's my $22 .50?

I told you to set that man free last week.

Excuse me, ladies. I just want to get some paper towels.

Make it snappy.

But, you know, I have to give it up to Miss Iyanla for inspiring you. Now, I

could not have said it the way she said it. You ladies talking about Iyanla

Vanzant? Is there another Iyanla?

You got a point.

Wasn't it deep the way she compared preparing your heart for love to

house? You've read In the Meantime?

Oh, it changed my life.

She made me realize that I didn't clean the house after my first marriage, but

after number two, I started wearing that dirt devil out.

Um, I just bet a sensitive man like you would love One Day My Soul Just Opened

Up. That's next on my reading list.

Why read? I've got the book on tape in my car.

Well, I've got it in my purse. I'll go get it.

It's like somebody's trying to be wife number three.

And could she be more obvious?

Another puff, Daddy?

He's taking too long.

Martin, you play something for him. I am not playing my partner's hand.

Well, if you don't, I will.

Oh, no, you don't.

I will not have you dogging that sweet man's hand.

I'll just play this one for him.

No problem. You just have to maintain a clear airspace.

Ventilation is key.

Oops, I scratched.

Yo, let's give it up for Tyrese.

Thank you.

I'll be in the back, and I'll be right out in five minutes.

We could show you some posts.

Sounds good. We'll be right back. Okay.

Has your date said anything about going home yet? No.

But I swear I heard your day whisper something about a midnight breakfast at

house. Oh, no, no, no. You better fill him up on finger sandwiches, man,

I spent all my money on pictures.

Guys,

I can't thank you enough for what you've done for Susie and Ginger.

Just look at them.

You guys have made this a night they'll never forget.

Or maybe she's right.

We should be proud of ourselves.

Before they met us, They were sad and pitiful.

Look at them now.

Bold and beautiful.

Thanks, guys. They're going to graduate, man.

I don't know about you, but I just feel good about myself.

I feel better.

It's Tamara.

Conference ended early.

Plane arrived in 45 minutes.

I feel thick.

How can we get Tia and Tamara?

I mean, we just can't dump the girls.

But they can dump us.

That's because you were holding back, baby.

Watch out, robot.

Coming through. Uh -oh.

Uh -oh.

Hey,

my bubble used to do that dance.

I'm feeling it.

All right, that's enough. Everyone's looking.

Why'd you stop? What's wrong?

We are.

We should have just been honest with you guys from the beginning.

Go ahead, Jordan.

Well, the truth is, the reason we went so trained on you guys is because we

wanted to turn you off so we could leave early and pick our friends up from the

airport.

Why didn't you just say so? I mean, we don't mind if you leave.

Are you sure?

Because we didn't want to ruin your evening.

Actually, you've been slowing down our evening. Yeah, I mean, we've been

down dances all night.

Really?

From who?

No, no, no.

Let's go. Drop it. We can go.

Okay.

That's gratitude, man.

We risked our neck to keep these girls in school, and they're ready to dance

with that coke -drinking croon.

I drink coke.

I'm hurt.

I'm deeply hurt.

is ridiculous now where's ken with those beer nuts oh beer sounds good to me

bring me a cold one ray suddenly we see that love

costs all we are and will ever be yet it is only love

that sets us free speak brother speak

may i speak with you a minute please

See that Ken is exhaling?

Yeah.

Yeah, why you trying to stop our flow? Can't you see we healing in here?

Well, you have to hold up all of your healing, because I need Ken back at the

dominoes table.

Ray, I was coming right back. It's really not a big deal.

Now, see? See? If you were a better host, they would not be abandoning ship.

Lisa, I really wasn't abandoning ship. Oh, go on back to your dominoes table.

I thought we agreed to have separate parties.

Yes, well, I can't help it if my party's more stimulating than yours.

Oh, yeah? What about Proud Murray and that eating up all my beer nuts?

Well, that kitchen door swings both ways.

You know, you've ruined this entire evening for everybody.

If anybody's ruined it, you did.

I'm down.

What were we arguing about?

You were the one who was arguing. I was just trying to throw a party.

Looks like I did.

Oh, Ray, put on the parliament. I'm feeling funky.

all right? It's a classic. A classic piece of junk.

You need to get a windshield.

Wait a minute.

Where are the girls?

Wait, are you sure they say gate 23?

I know how to read a pager.

Excuse me. Are we too late for the flight?

No. In fact, you're early. See?

That flight was delayed until tomorrow morning due to fog.

That is just our luck.

What? Man, look on the bright side.

Everything worked out great.

Cece and Ginger at the dance having fun.

And most importantly, we didn't get in trouble for taking it.

Yeah, I guess you are right, man.

So, uh, so what do you want to do now?

We celebrate.

That's right.

All weekend we've been doing what women want us to do.

It's our time now, dog.

Man time.

Yeah. It's all about us men.

That's right.

Want to go watch the planes take off? Yeah. Yes.

sure you told them gate 32 and not 23 tia i know how to dial a page see

not here either you know what i can't believe you rushed all the way back for

homecoming and they're not even here to meet us well they better not be watching

planes take off for they're in so much trouble you got i

don't

want the crew i just want you

I'm from Watto. I'm ghetto.

No more games of drama. If you live by the nana, you die by the nana.

Nobody know how far we'll go. But I do. I don't want nobody to shoot.