Original subtitles

You wanted to see us, Principal Gordon?

Yes. I want to discuss your test results on the SAT.

The SAT?

Do you have our scores?

I do indeed.

Ladies, the SAT is the most important test you will take in your entire life.

As a part of your permanent record, your scores will determine what colleges

accept you, what jobs are available to you, even the type of men who will date

and ultimately marry you.

Really? Hmm.

You never think of a guy saying, Oh, check out the SAT score on that, babe.

This is no laughing matter.

Now, you both got the lowest scores in the history of Roosevelt High.

If only you'd been serious students.

But we are serious students.

Then why do you continue to come to school in your pajamas?

SAT dream again? Yep.

Only this time, we were wearing our pajamas.

That's way more than we were wearing in my dream.

Well, it doesn't matter what we wear.

We're gonna fail the SAT!

Even though I'm glad to be with you, I thought I'd feel a thrill for me. Like

you got to do what's right for you.

I just talked to my cousin in New York who took the SAT on Saturday.

Well, what did he say?

That the only way to get through the verbal is to memorize every single word

the dictionary.

Only an insane person would do that. Yeah.

So how far have you gotten?

Halfway through the case. And the test is next week, you guys. I just know I'm

going to blow it.

I can't believe her. I keep telling her that she's smart, but she's too dumb to

listen. Hey, wait, wait, wait, you guys. I got it.

The problem is we've been studying individually for weeks.

Let's get together and form a study group. Now, that's on point.

Now, Tia, you're good at math. Doc can cover English, and I've got logic down.

And Tamara can be in charge of pizza.

Hey, I can handle more than pizza.

You're right. You're on drinks, too.

That's bad.

What's up, honeys? Hey, Roger.

Ooh, cool jacket.

Don't encourage them.

Why you guys all huddled up? We're planning a study group for the SAT.

Hey, what's up, my peeps? Hey. Hey, what's up?

Hey, anybody down for a movie tonight?

Movies? Sean, are you bugging?

Everybody's got to study for the SAT.

Not me. Girl, I'm ready. I got a tutor through the SAT prep program. He taught

me everything I needed to know. I heard about that program.

SAT, ASAP?

Girl, that's it.

And my tutor was one fine college man.

Well, here's something to think about.

In a year, I'll be one fine college man.

Yeah, but right now, you're in the way.

Well, that's cool.

My keyboard's calling me anyway.

Never mind him.

Sean, tell us about the tutor. Girl, he was drop -dead gorgeous. He was about

six feet tall. Who cares what he looks like? I do.

Wait,

what the hell is that?

Vivica made this for me.

Oh, the handmade gift from the girlfriend.

I knew nobody bought it.

Hey, hey, hey.

Vivica put her heart and soul in this to show me how much she cares.

And you still going out with her?

I think this really adds something to the kitchen.

Yeah. Ugly.

Hi. Afternoon, girl.

Hi. Hi, girls. How was school?

Funny you should mention school, Dad. I was just telling Tia not to sweat about

the SAT.

Good advice.

Tia, listen to your sister.

Yeah, it's no big deal if we don't do well. We just won't go to college.

Tia, don't listen to your sister.

You two are going to college. Wait, Mom, I heard you telling Miss Parker that

college wasn't right for everyone.

Yeah, but I was talking about her stupid old kids.

Well, how do you know we're not stupid?

Do you like this elephant?

Not really.

Then you're not stupid.

Mom, I think I'm smart enough to know when I need help.

What kind of help do you need?

Well, you see, Sean's parents got her this really great SAT tutor, and she

that he really, really prepared her.

You don't need a tutor. You got me.

In college, I was known as Calculator Campbell.

Dad, no offense, but it's a lot different than when you took it.

Now it's in a classroom instead of a cave.

I'll remind you that I graduated at the top of my cave.

Ray, we know you're really, really, really smart.

But what if you tutored us and we tanked?

You'd have that hanging over your head for the rest of your life.

We're thinking of you, Dad.

Very good point.

Lisa, I think it's time we get the girls a tutor.

Good answer, cack -a -later.

Yeah.

Okay, Dumbo.

Maybe you won't look quite so ugly in here.

Wrong.

Let me see now. Where can I...

Ray's gonna think that I broke this thing on purpose.

Maybe I did.

Hey, Lisa.

Hey. Hey, Ma.

We cleared out our stuff from the attic for the church toy drive. Oh, that's

good. It's so sweet of you guys to give away your toys.

I could never do that. My little pony stays with me forever.

That's how I feel about my little elephant.

Girl, you can't be a kid forever. It's time to act sophisticated and worldly.

It's time to act like me.

Yep.

Childhood is over.

with dad's elephant uh in the kitchen he's hungry he's so cute can i hold him

why don't you girls go upstairs and get your books before the tutor gets here

you know it is real chill of you guys to share your tutor with us especially if

he's as cute as sean's tutor oh i better freshen my lipstick this isn't about

your lips it's about your brain oh

okay heavy d

You'll be back to your nasty old self with just a little bit of glue.

Once glue has been applied, hold for 15 seconds.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.

Hey, Lisa.

Ray, what are you doing home so early?

I always come home about this time.

And I've always thought it was too early.

What are you doing with my elephant?

I'm just rubbing it for luck.

Please stay together. Please stay together.

I knew in time he'd grow on you. You got that right.

He's so cute, I can hardly bear to put him down.

Be careful with it.

You hear that?

That's probably the girl's tutor. Why don't you answer it?

Answer it!

Okay.

Is that the tutor?

I'm Kirkpatrick from S -A -T -A -S -A -P.

I'm Ray Campbell. I'm Lisa Landry. And I am totally disappointed.

He looked like my daddy.

No offense, but, um, uh, we were expecting somebody a little younger. Of

you were. I'm just the district coordinator.

Meet T .J. Henderson.

He's your tutor.

What are you all staring at? Let's hit the book.

Uh -uh.

Hold up.

This is the most important...

in my entire life, and there is no way that I'm being tutored by Wayne Head.

That's funny. I just hope you know as much about calculus as you do cartoons.

Look, I don't know what kind of scam you guys are running, but our girls need

help with their SATs, not their ABCs.

Once again, discrimination rears its ugly head.

If my girls don't get some real tutors, you will see some ugly.

What Lisa is trying to say in her very own special way.

is that, well, T .J. is not quite what we expect.

Maybe I should tell you a little bit about T .J.

First of all, T .J. is a certified genius.

Only in Canada and the United States.

International acknowledgement is still pending.

T .J. is our most successful tutor.

You guys are lucky to have him. He only works on weekends.

It was either this or a paper route.

I'm sure T .J. is a real smart guy.

But I think the girls would be comfortable with an older tutor.

Mm -hmm.

Look, um, nothing personal, but if you need a babysitter, just give us a call.

Nothing personal, but I don't think so.

Let's go. I'm obviously not wanted here.

Okay.

But I should tell you that every one of T .J.'s S .A .T. students has scored

above 1450. And his last three pupils got early admissions into Harvard,

Princeton, and Stanford.

I suggest that Chelsea get away from the White House.

Chelsea?

1450?

You're hired.

Don't get your blanket in a twist.

That remark is going to get this whole group extra math drills.

I'm about to go holyfield on the short stack.

Did you guys cut it out?

I didn't even finish the verbal.

Anne, I totally choked. What is wrong with me?

You're not concentrating.

Take the test. Don't let the test take you.

Can the test take us to the kitchen for some cookies?

A change of venue might be stimulating.

I heard that. Yeah, I heard it. I just didn't understand it.

You know what would be great with cookies?

Milk?

No. Vocabulary grill.

I'll bring the class card.

Tamara, I'm very encouraged with your progress, but your sister is struggling

keep up.

I'm sure you hear a lot of that being the smart one.

I never hear that.

Say it again.

She's not a poor student?

No. She always gets straight A's. She's just so freaked out about the SATs she

can't think.

That's too bad.

Those are the ones that usually always tank.

I knew my lack of caring would pay off someday.

Okay,

the word is sporadic.

The room under the roof where the spores lived?

around a break.

Oh, man.

You know, I used to be so good at operation.

Well, not as good as me.

The doctor is in.

Okay, fine, TJ. Just give me the next word, okay?

Okay, the word is impusant.

Impusant. Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me.

Okay,

tell me.

See, if you don't calm down, your mind will become powerless to come up with

answer. Which, by the way, is the definition of impusant.

Okay, fine. Just give me one more word. One more.

Relax.

Relax.

To make less pins, to loosen up.

I don't want you to define it. I want you to do it.

Relax. I've tried, but I just can't. Mathea, why don't you come over here and

take a turn in operation?

That took my mind off the test.

Tamera, your mind was never on it.

Besides, I'm not going to play some dumb, silly kid game.

I know exactly what you mean, Tia. I never wasted my time on silly games

Really? Yeah. When the other kids were out learning to ride their bikes, I was

in the lab constructing a prototype for perpetual motion.

I came this close.

You mean you never learned how to ride a bike?

Oh, well, break's over. Let's get back to work.

No way.

You've been tutoring us all morning.

Now it's our turn to school you in on how to be a kid. And we can start with

bike riding 101.

You mean there's still a chance for me? Of course there is.

You get the helmet, I'll get the band -aid. Right.

Hello?

Guys?

V -S -A -T?

We're still studying here.

Tia, we have a chance to make a difference in this little kid's life.

Can you turn your back on that for some tests?

Yeah.

And, T .J., Ted Funnyball.

kidding i love bed then why are we sitting here let's go the boys excuse

me am i the only one who realizes how important the test is you guys

i won't go to junior college i won't

secret on how to score a 1600 on the SAT.

What do you say to that?

Last one to the duck house is a rotten egg.

This place is

fascinating.

Bucky Duck is all about it. I used to come here every single Saturday.

Oh, the spaceship's free?

No, the spaceship's lame. I'm going to get my joke known at the basketball

Well, uh, I'd like to get my SAT on.

Now, can you give me your secret tip now?

Whoa, what's that?

It's the ball pit.

I'll race you to it. Yeah!

Cheated. Well, uh, I got a little something for the both of you.

Lydia,

do you realize this is the first time you laughed in three weeks?

Hey, you're right.

Remember the first time you ever went to a place like this?

Yep. Um, I gorged on pizza.

ice cream and yacked all over bucky duck so did i it's here you know the only

thing that would have made being a kid more fun would have been having you

i'm here now so let's make the most of it

first 500 wins oh girl you don't want none of me

I'm telling you, it's not like Tia and Tamera to leave the house without

us where they're going.

Well, it's not like Tia.

I'm sure it has something to do with prepping for the test.

Oh, then why are there study guides in that book still sitting in here? I knew

that little pipsqueak was up to no good.

I can assure you, Miss Landry, that wherever T .J. has taken him, they are

studying harder than they've ever studied in their lives.

Bucky Duck! Quack! Quack! Bucky Duck! Quack! Quack! Bucky Duck! Quack! Quack!

Bucky Duck!

Quack! Quack!

Where have you been?

We've been at Bucky Duck.

Quack! Quack!

Dad, Tia was the big winner. Go on. Show them your Duck of the Day medal.

Yep, and look at all the loot I scored.

I would have won more, but we left early because the other kids started crying.

This is outrageous.

Dad, we're going to give him to the church toy drive.

Not that.

You girls have been playing instead of studying.

Maybe I should explain.

Maybe you should.

We hired you to tutor them, not to play with them.

Mom, Ray, you hired him to prepare us for the test. And I never felt more

prepared. You mean you're not stressed out anymore?

No, this test is going to be a piece of cake.

It's not all... about learning the material.

It's about learning how to relax.

Yeah. And we're gonna take the test.

We're not gonna let it take us.

Well, you certainly sound prepared.

Mm -hmm. Well, I guess you are worth the money.

Once the mayor told me that Tia was stressed, I knew it was time for Bucky

Excuse me?

I con all my stress overload students into taking me there. It gets them to

relax and I get to have pizza.

You mean you tricked us?

You weren't denied a childhood?

Please, they have my picture hanging in the Quack Quack Hall of Fame.

Well, I must say that I am impressed.

How'd you come up with something like that?

Hey, I am a genius.

into a college.

Oh, I knew my girls could do it.

Me too. Let me get a hug.

Oh.

Hey.

How could you be so clumsy?

Oh, terrible.

I mean, this is the one of a kind. Vivica worked so hard on this. Well,

apparently she had some help. This piece is made in...

It's all about you, Dad.