Original subtitles

Okay, when it comes to Little J, the acorn doesn't fall far from the... Five

straight up. Yep. We're going to church.

Make mine butterscotch.

Are any of you guys following this?

Ma 'am, Tia started hanging with these two brainiacs from her honors class, and

I never know what they're saying. I might as well be listening to this.

Excuse me?

What the heck are you guys talking about?

Oh, we're just playing a word game.

See, Johnny Newsome's little brother is just like him. You know, the acorn

doesn't fall far from the tree. But instead of tree, I said five straight

like a palm, you know? And I take palm and get church, because a palm's Sunday.

Yeah, and Sunday is my favorite dessert, especially with butterscotch topping.

Get it?

Uh, no.

I'm pretty much out of the loop here, but that's the point of your dumb game,

right?

What? No, no, Tamera. You can play, too. It's easy.

Watch. Hey, guys, is it me or has Charlotte Penway put on some ID4? Show

green card. Your turn, Tamera.

I ain't ever gonna love you.

Oh, Ray, what's in the big box?

Yeah. A very large diamond.

Nope.

A really small car.

Nope.

Oh, I know, I know. Oh, Ray, you got me that statue of Luther from inside the

silver dome.

Afraid not.

Wait a minute. Now, is there a present in that box for me or not?

Not really.

Well, then who gives a duck's butt?

Lisa, come back here.

Actually, this is a gift for the whole family. It's a brand new home

entertainment center.

You mean if it's a bunch of shelves?

Far from it, my fine friend.

Direct from Sweden.

This is a genuine Hugenstrog in 2000.

Well, technically it's a bunch of shelves, but just wait till it's fully

assembled. So, uh, when are the carpenters coming?

Carpenters? I don't need no stinking carpenter.

I'm going to walk this bucket together myself.

What's going on, Dad?

You're not going to build something again, are you?

Why don't you two women folk go do something womeny?

Let a man handle this.

Build something. Yeah, build.

I wish homework made me laugh. I usually weep from start to finish. Oh, no, no,

no, Tamara. This isn't my homework.

It's my slam book. Ooh, gossip. Let me see, let me see, let me see. No, no, I'm

sorry I can't. Paula and Alice and I only show our slam books to each other.

They'd kill me if I showed anyone else.

But I'm not anybody else to you.

I'm your twin kin.

You know, share a room, share a room. Give me that. No, no, Tamara.

Okay, fine.

There's probably some mighty juicy tidbits in there about teachers and

but it's none of my business.

Slam on, little sister, slam on.

Thank you. I knew you'd understand.

I see she wouldn't let you take a look either.

I peep so hard on her shoulder, I think that I'll pop my gluteus tutius.

Look, guys, this is for Paula and Allison's eyes only.

Nothing personal, man.

something about me in that book. That's why you won't let me see.

Tamira, that's ridiculous.

Is it?

I think not.

I know your honor class buddy things are just so way smarter than me. It's your

little secret books and your little code languages. You're probably talking

behind my back right in front of me. Tamira, I could never do that.

Come on, you're my best friend.

Great. So, um, you want to go to lunch today?

Ooh.

Actually, I can't. I'm meeting Paula and Allison.

But listen, you can come too.

I don't think you want me there, Tia. Then how could you talk about me?

Ladies, you finally found my caller.

You're looking at the next Flea Bailey.

Who?

You know the lawyer Flea Bailey?

That's F. Flea Bailey, you big dude.

I object.

Out of orders.

See me in my chamber.

See, I'm a natural, just like Trevor and Todd.

Who?

Welcome home, wherever you've been.

Trevor and Todd, the new transfer students that started up a student

I was just down there watching them strutting and rebutting.

Here they come.

This could be a big chance to hook up with a celebrity.

Beautify yourselves.

Hey, now, don't go crowding us. We have to go and prepare our briefs. Isn't that

right, Trevor?

As rain, Todd, my brother. And how are we going to prepare those briefs? Well,

prepare mine. by soaking them overnight in a dainty dish of lavender water. Then

I put them on.

One leg at a time.

You guys are funny.

Ease up, happy.

Yeah. And introduce us to this double dose of whoa mama.

This is Tia Landry and this is Tamara Campbell.

See, their last names are different.

Here's a quarter, Junior. Go see if you're home. And if you ain't, get

partner. All right.

So, Trevor, which one do you want?

What? Oh, not her.

She's got a little too much attitude.

Hey, no problem, bro.

I'll tame her.

I mean, you want to go out with us, right?

No.

Excuse us.

Todd,

I believe this is a first for us. Yeah, Trevor, we've been double dissed. And in

public, too booed.

It can't be our good looks. No, we're too pretty.

Let's give him one more chance and be a little nicer this time. All right, all

right.

Which one of us do you want?

What's up with you two, man?

Look, we don't want to hurt your feelings. But we got no choice. Get the

out of here. Put your Nikes on your bikies and keep on pedaling. Go on.

All right, ladies, if that's the way you want it.

Hey there, little fella.

I hope you realized we were kidding when we told you to get lost.

Why don't you treat us to lunch? Yeah, and give us the 411 on Snooty and the No

Fish.

Now, you see, those two are going in the book.

See you, ma 'am.

Hasta la vista, sister.

Hey, Tia, you left your locker open.

Read me.

No, no, no, no, I shouldn't.

Okay, well, uh, walk kind of slow.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

Okay, maybe my ears are a little big, but my mom says I'll grow into them.

Okay.

I gotta hand it to you, Tia. Sure don't know how to jump start and have to move.

Huh? What are you talking about?

This.

Oh, my gosh.

It's a copy of my slam book.

Roger, where did you get it?

There's a whole stack of them outside the cafeteria.

This is the biggest scandal that hit the school since Mr. Bonto came back as

Miss Bonto.

There's a nasty rumor going around that you cheated on your math test.

Me?

But I didn't, Principal Gordon.

Oh, is that so?

Well, your C -plus just became a C -me. You're going to have to take the test

over. Oh, come on! That's not fair!

Then I cheated on my math test!

Well, here's a clue.

My sister cheated on her math test.

What?

I knew you were writing stuff about me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, Tamira. I never wrote that. I didn't write

anything on this page.

Okay, okay, okay. It looks like my handwriting, but I'm telling you...

don't, Tia, because it is your handwriting.

How could you do this to me?

Tamira, I... Thanks a lot, Tia. Now everybody thinks I'm bald.

I do not buy my shoes at the swap meet.

People, people.

Now, this woman has not been found guilty in a court of law.

Now, let's give her a chance to clear her good name.

But what about her good name?

This innocent child stands accused of being a cheater and a thief. I wouldn't

take it. Right, I shouldn't. But wait a minute, Todd.

Now, how are these two going to settle this?

I don't think they can, Trevor.

At least not without our help.

They ought to take their case to student court.

Because I can prove you innocent.

Well, you are too darn sleazy to go out with, which ought to make you a heck of

a lawyer.

You're on.

Okay, now, girls, now, enough is enough. Now, you two have got to talk, because

if you don't, there's just this big old silence, and I cannot handle silence. It

is just too awkward. Like, now, I hear silence. I've got to keep talking and

talking and talking. Mom! Oh, thank you, baby.

Look, Mom, I'm sorry, but I can't make up with her.

Not only did she spread my slam book around the whole school, she added a

page of mean stuff I never even wrote. Oh, I did not.

Why in the world would I write that I cheated and then pass?

I didn't have to read her old slam book to know how she really felt about me.

Pia, there is no reason for you to talk to your sister like that.

Words can hurt.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I didn't mean it.

It's just that I'm so furious.

Everything I wrote in my slam book was supposed to be private.

Nobody's talking to me, Mom.

I never wrote that stuff to hurt people's feelings.

But you wrote it.

Honey, it looks like you got slammed by your own slam book. Well, it's totally

Tamera's fault. Well, it's all Tia's fault.

Look, Lisa and I did everything we could to have you two talk it over. But it's

just not working.

So I guess student court couldn't hurt.

Hand me the furgon, will you?

What's a furgon?

I was hoping you knew.

Put the furgon to the sleaze and gung in the doorstep. It's the door.

Put the door.

Piece of cake.

Dad, I just can't believe Tia would turn on me like this. I mean, you don't

think I did any of those things, do you?

Oh, of course not, honey.

Look, I think I've done it.

Wish me luck, Dad.

Bye. Good luck, honey.

Don't worry. I got your back.

Which one are you again?

Tamira, the innocent one.

Oh, yeah, I should write that down somewhere.

How many times did you say that you've asked my client, Tia Landry, out for a

date?

Uh, seven million.

I see.

Now, recount for us, if you will, her last excuse for not going.

Uh, she said she had to wash her hair. And yet, the very next day, she came to

school wearing a hat.

A hat that could have been hiding a head full of unwashed hair. Look, just

answer the question, man. What question? Oh, well, then you admit it. She is a

liar. No more.

Well, you disgust me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. You're supposed to be my lawyer. What are you

doing to me?

Wait a minute. You're supposed to be my lawyer. What are you doing to me?

Why do I always got to be all about you?

Mr. Evans, isn't it true from the moment you first laid eyes on my client right

there? Look at her. Look at anything.

She throw your heart.

Uh -huh. So you admit it. She's a thief.

No more questions.

You disgust me.

I object.

You can't. Only Todd can do that. He's your lawyer.

That's what I'm objecting to.

Let's take a recess.

Oh, goody. I love recess.

Hacky sack in the hallway.

Excuse me. Can we have a teeny little conference?

Heck, there's someone on here.

You're not defending us. You're embarrassing us.

Ooh, and in public, too.

Oh, now, that must smart.

How does it feel to be double -dissed?

Yo, guys, why you bagging on me?

Yesterday at lunch, you said we're gonna be buds. You know, if I told you all

you need to know about Tia and Tamera?

We're lawyers.

We're live.

land book disappear right after lunch yesterday?

Yes.

Tamira, I think we've been set up.

I'm getting out of here right now.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's time to turn the tables on them chuckleheads.

Listen, Ray, you don't know what you're doing, so why don't you let me help you?

Because you're a woman.

I would be breaking the code.

What code?

The guy code.

Code that says only men build things?

That's sort of how we evolved as a species.

Neanderthal man, Cro -Magnon man, and then handyman.

Man, you're talking like crazy, man. Now, you are going to let me help you.

But, Louise... Now, come on, now, we will not break your code. We're just

to bend it a little bit.

You build the darn thing, and I'll stand, and I'll tell you everything that

did wrong.

Yeah, women got our code, too.

Hey,

gentlemen, where's Louise?

I haven't seen her since the recess.

Your Honor, let's not waste any more of this course of valuable time.

Yes, it's pretty obvious that both of our clients are... Guilty, guilty,

What? That's crazy. I'm telling you, I didn't do it. Well, I'm about to prove

who didn't. Who's behind this whole thing?

You are?

Boy, I hope so.

never steal anything from you.

Well, yeah.

And you ought to know that I'd never lie about you. I mean, we wouldn't do

anything to hurt each other. Mm -hmm. But somebody would. Yep.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, Your Honor.

My client is obviously delusional. Mm -hmm. Yeah, and she talking crazy, too.

Oh, really?

Well, who had something to gain from all of this?

Could it be someone who pumped our best friend

dirt on us.

Or someone who grabs every chance to come here and show out in front of your

friends. Or someone who wanted to get back at us because we turned them down

gay.

Man, that sounds like us.

Shut up.

You don't have any proof.

Oh, yeah?

Well, what would you call a handprint left on a Xerox machine?

Gentlemen, can I see you in my office?

Now?

You disgust me.

Tara, that was great.

Now, where did you come up with the evidence?

What evidence?

Guess I'm not so stupid after all.

Lisa, this is the first time you ever built something that looked like the

picture? Mm -hmm.

Come on, Tia. Oh, girl, I'm glad you settled your differences.

Oh, so am I, Mom. I promise, I'm through with slam books. They just get you into

too much trouble.

Hey, Tia, how come you didn't write anything bad about me?

Tara, I've got nothing bad to say.

You're my sister, and I love you.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Excuse me for a second.

Where you going?

Um, I started my own plan book, and I got across a few things out.

Beautiful, isn't it? Yeah.

Oh, you know, Ray, it felt good working side by side to build something.

Kind of reminded me of our relationship.

We started off a little shaky, did a lot of yelling, but in the end, we put in

the time and effort to make it right.

Yes, we did. And now we have something that followed us to rock. Mm -hmm.

there tia oh i'm sorry she didn't know her line i knew it

i didn't cheat

you're

my sister and i love you excuse me for a second where you going um i started my

own flambit