Original subtitles

Huge news!

He has met one of the most famous fashion photographers in the world! And

he is!

Right in there!

Hello in there!

I love you, I love you, I love you! Mira!

See, his name's Eric Dalton, and I was talking to him on the internet for a

whole week before he told me who he was. You know, he's a really nice guy. Oh,

nice, nice. The man's a superstar!

His name is everywhere!

He did...

perfume for people, sassy for sassy, and look, in vogue, in vogue.

Okay, okay, okay, I admit it. It's pretty exciting.

Oh, oh, he's sending a message.

Oh, my gosh.

Tia, Farik wants to do a whole photo shoot on you tomorrow night for free.

Wait a minute. Aren't you going to thank me for sending your picture?

Tamara, I can't believe you did that.

Well... I can't believe you didn't.

Tia, he might use you in one of his ads. And if he likes your looks, I know he's

gonna like mine.

What are you talking about?

Well, maybe you haven't noticed, but strong family resemblance. Good

You know, when I'm a famous supermodel, I just call myself Tamara.

I might as well drop the Campbell.

Naomi's using it anyway.

I ain't ever gonna let you go.

Oh, you.

Hey, looks like somebody was hit by the soul train.

Oh, this is for our girlfriend Hilda's annual 70th party in the hood.

You bump till you flop.

I was a pretty good dancer myself back in the day.

Yes, sir. We at high school, they called me the funky chicken champ.

Sure it wasn't the funky chicken chump.

That was Wydell.

Yeah, can't make it to the party tonight.

Oh, no, what happened?

He was doing the bus stop on the dining room table. Uh -huh. He did one of those

cartwheels. Got his bell bottoms caught in the ceiling thing.

Run around upside down there for four hours before a nice Jehovah's Witness

along and cut him down.

Well, girl, what we gonna do?

Now, it might take two to tango, but it takes three to bus stop.

drag that big old fun sucker to a party.

Trace, do you want to beat Hilda's bust up booty or not? Oh, yeah.

All right.

I got through childbirth. I guess I can get through tonight.

Now, Ray, I never ask you for anything except maybe a roof over my head and

put a little food on the table.

So, uh, I think you owe me a favor.

Okay, okay, I'll do it. Under one condition.

Somewhere at that bus stop, we found a place for a little funky chicken solo.

Anyway,

you know that guy I've been talking to on the Internet these last few weeks?

Well, it turns out to be he's this big, important photographer, and he wants to

meet me tonight.

Do you think you can get your photographer dude to hook me up with

page 12 in Victoria's Secret?

I tried to call their 800 number, and she wouldn't even come to the phone.

Tia, this is so cool. You could get discovered.

Am I pretty enough to be a model?

Who are you asking?

Hi, guys.

Well, good luck. You're gonna need it. Modeling's a rough racket.

What would you know about it?

Hey, I've been there. I was Butterball's chubby baby boy of 1981.

But by 1982, I couldn't even get arrested.

Tia, I am so excited. Hey, do you think we're famous models we should live in

New York or Paris? I'll give you a hint. I love... French ride.

Samira, look, I really want to go tonight, but... Oh, man, I knew there

but coming. It always shows up sooner or later, regular as a train.

But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but. Samira, Samira, I'm

sorry, but I just think it'll be a great idea to run it by a folks bird.

No, it wouldn't.

It'll be a very, very bad idea, because parents say no.

That's what they do. Now, when I say no, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm saying no

right now, and are you listening?

they'll be very supportive.

No!

Is it me, or are they not being supportive?

He actually asked you for your picture, Tia.

I'm certainly going to have him checked out.

Dad, your afro's on backwards.

You guys, Farid Dalton is the real deal.

We looked him up on the web.

Yeah, Mom, he's very sweet.

I've been talking to him for weeks, and I feel like I really know him. But you

don't, baby.

Now, I brought you up to think the best of people, and I love that about you,

honey, but some people in this world just don't deserve that kind of trust.

Oh, Ray, now that thing is on sideways.

But you guys, Tia's got a chance to be rich and famous. I can't believe you're

standing in my way.

I mean, her way.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, Dad.

Mom, look, I have to be there tonight.

It's the only time Marie can squeeze me in.

Well, I am sorry, honey, but I don't know this man from Adam. You be out at

night, you be in a strange neighborhood, and if you call, we might not be home.

Now, look, no, I just don't want you taking those kind of chances at your

Mom. I'm not a baby. And besides, when you were my age, you took chances all

time. Like, like the time you and Aunt Patrice camped out all night in front of

James Brown Hotel because you heard you might come out to sign a few autographs

and shoot some cars.

And Dad, you told me you hitchhiked all across country when you were just 18.

Well, honey, actually, I didn't intend to hitchhike. I was riding with my

college roomie, and halfway across Iowa, he threw me out of the Gremlin because,

according to him, I wouldn't shut up.

Now, look, girls, I admit that we did some crazy things back there in the 70s,

but I wouldn't do them today.

That's right. I mean, today is a whole other bowl of noodles.

Look around you. I got a dead boat on the door, a club in the car, and I got a

low jack on the lawnmower.

Today, people are pretty darn mean.

Tell me about it.

Dad, this is so unfair.

You guys had your time. Now it's our time. Why are you always so quick to say

no?

I'm sorry, Tamara. You were right.

How's this?

No.

How's that for you?

Now, girls, now, I know you think we're being overprotective, but this is the

90s, okay?

Now, good night. Come on, Huggy Bear. Let's hustle.

Night, night, baby.

Yeah, bye.

missing the chance of a lifetime. And why?

Because we live in the 90s. Yeah. Mom and Ray had it so easy. Sounds like back

in the 70s, kids could just do about anything they wanted.

Anything they wanted.

Here's a story.

I used one of your earrings.

Hey, Dad, can we go dancing?

Yes! And can we take the car?

Yes! And can we stay out till breakfast?

Yes!

Gosh, you guys will say yes to anything, won't you?

Yes!

Hey, hey, hey.

Chicks are the best.

Hope you chicks like them tall, dark, and handsome.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

Come on, let's go -ga.

Is that okay?

Yeah, sure.

You don't even have to ask our permission.

We don't? No way, Jay. Authority is meaningless.

Don't listen to the man. Do your own thing.

What man?

Come on, Tia, get dressed. We're going to meet Farik. Tamira, her parents said

no. I'm not going, and you better not either.

Oh, Tia, well, how could I?

You're the one he wants to meet. I can't go without you.

Tamira, let's just forget about it, okay?

No, Tia, I can't.

Look, Tia, you're smart, and you're going to Harvard.

You can do anything you want in your life. But what about me?

I got a shot here to beat somebody.

It may be the only chance I ever get.

cancel the appointment.

I'm sorry.

Well, one good thing about the 90s, we all know how to use a computer.

Oh, come on, Melissa.

If you want a part in this movie, you gotta come and read for me.

I'm the director.

Gotta jet, do the right thing, love Spike Lee.

Coming!

I recognize you from your picture. Well, come on in. I've been waiting for you.

Thanks.

Well, what do you think, Tia?

Tia. Who?

Oh, me.

Oh, I was just admiring the loft. Pretty cool.

You like?

Well, have a seat.

Oh, let me get my portfolio out of your way.

entire bank.

Halle Berry, you took me pictures?

You're great.

Oh, well, it's what I do.

Hey, where are my manners? Before we start the shoot, how about a drink?

Hot cocoa would be nice.

Well, I was thinking of something a little stronger.

Okay, well, throw in a few marshmallows.

Gosh, I think I'm fresh out.

Tia, you're a little nervous, aren't you?

Kind of. Hey, well, don't be. Come on, there's no pressure here.

Baby, look, just relax, and I promise to take things slow.

Nice and slow.

Hey, Tia, where's your body double?

Oh, she's upstairs with me. Hey, what's going on?

Blood -sucking zombie freak four is opening tonight at a theater near us.

Meryl's the only one I know who'll talk back to the screen with me.

Hey, what's up with you? That door didn't open itself.

Run, fool!

I hate it when people talk back to the screen.

That's why we don't invite you.

Hey, Tamara.

Whoa.

Oh, my gosh.

Uh -oh.

This is just like what happened in Bloodsucking Zombie Freaks 3.

What? No, no. Don't open that closet door.

Roger. Gosh, this place is a mess. Where the heck did she go?

Got a large meat locker in your basement?

No.

Well, then your guess is just as good as mine.

Hey, Tia.

Who's Very Q?

What?

No, no, not Very Q. Varique.

Hey, Varique.

Changed my mind. Meet you tonight at 8. Tia.

What are you doing? Don't just stand there and say 15.

Girlfriend, you're late.

Oh, I didn't write that.

She did.

Tamir went to my photo session as me.

What are you doing? Getting Verique's address.

I'm going to have to drag her butt back here before our parents get home.

Good. Maybe I should dig up my old butterball baby shots and come with you.

No thanks.

Verique has enough uninvited guests as it is.

Now you stay here and keep her folks busy if they get back first.

Come on.

That's it.

Good, good.

The camera loves you, Tia.

You're a natural.

Really? You think I'm good?

Good. Baby, you're great.

Just put yourself in my hand and I'll take it to the top.

Are you kidding?

Farik, I'll do anything you say.

Perfect. Now, let's do a few on the couch.

While I change, Phil, why don't you change your clothes?

But, Farik, I didn't bring anything else to wear.

Well, hey, I did a layout with Neil McCampbell last week.

The client's left this behind. I think it might be your size.

Oh, where's the parka that goes over this bikini?

You're kidding, right?

Come on, Barik. I usually wear more in the shower.

Besides, my dad would kill me.

Oh, well.

You wouldn't want your dad to get upset.

Why don't I call him and explain the situation? No, no, please don't. Don't.

See, he kind of doesn't know I'm here.

Look, Barik, I don't... Don't what?

Look, babe, I'm doing you a real big favor here.

No professional models would ever give me this kind of trouble.

Look, I'll tell you what.

If you want to go, go.

Door is open.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm fine now.

Good girl.

Barique?

Tamara?

Barique?

Tia, where you get that coat from?

Oh, the Gap.

Is that supposed to be funny?

Look, Barique, I can see you're mad, but I promise I didn't put Tamara up to

this. Who's Tamara?

My sister.

You mean she didn't come here pretending to be me?

Babe. There's nobody here but you and me.

No, uh -uh, uh -uh, not gonna happen. If there's one thing I learned from my

daddy, it's how to say no.

Hi, Tia. So no, I am not wearing this itty -bitty little... Tia?

Tamira?

Twins.

Boy, Tamira, are you in trouble. Later, okay? We'll discuss this at home.

If we ever get there.

Oh, I can't believe it. We ain't even getting to Hildreth Party.

Why'd you have to argue with that policeman anyway? Why couldn't you just

that ticket and shut up?

As I tried to tell Officer D. Wayne Martini, badge number 875, I wasn't

littering. It wasn't my fault that the cyber -include didn't hold.

Didn't hold to your face, but that old mutton chop held pretty good to his

windshield.

I would have caught it, too, if the wind hadn't blown these old big lapels up in

my face.

I forgot how much I hated the 70s. Well, it wasn't no picnic for me either. You

ever try putting on a miniskirt and sitting on a cold metal busty in the

of January?

The worst part of the 70s was coming home to the dorm and finding some hippy

-dippy freeload eating your food. Eat all up on the furniture.

Evening, bitches.

Evening, Herb.

Shopping tip.

Double up on the Cracker Barrel. It goes fast.

Roger, what are you doing here?

Waiting on your tardy twin.

I've already been sneaking into the 720 and 855 showing a blood -sucking

zombies. Oh, that's what you did?

Oh, I just love those little suckers. Oh, I already got kicked out of the last

one for yelling at the screen.

That ain't your mama. Your mama dead.

Right, boy?

You know, Miss Landry, we can still make the 915.

Wait a minute.

If the girls aren't home, where are they?

Well, Tamara went to go see some freak named Varique. And Tia went to go get

before you two found out.

Oops.

Ladies could be in danger. Well, Roger, did they leave an address?

No, but I know where you can get it. It's upstairs on my computer. Go.

So, what do you say we get this party started?

Right.

Party?

What party? I don't see any balloons.

Dad, you better let us out of here before our parents come looking for us.

a minute.

You just said your dad doesn't know where you are.

To me, Rob, he doesn't.

Who are you anyway?

We know you're not really Varique Dalton.

That's the beauty of these little computer friendships.

You see, I can be anybody I want. Good. Well, could you be a policeman and

arrest yourself?

Come on, now. What are you scaring me for? I'm a real nice guy.

Once you get to know me, how about it? Come on!

Would you two quit your wiggling?

All I'm looking for is a little love.

that you disobey me, but you put yourself and your sister in danger. How

you be so stupid?

Let's cut to the chase.

Anything you want? Anything at all? Come on, just ask me. Come on.

Okay. Well, Dad, can I... No!

Well, look, Dad, I know it was all my fault, okay? No, no, not really, Tamara.

I mean, I kind of got to be into this. I trusted that slimeball.

Yes, you did, baby.

And now that slimeball won't be doing too much internetting from a jail cell.

But there are plenty more out there just to slide me. That's right.

Any nut can have a computer. I have a computer.

Girls, do you know how lucky you are that you weren't hurt?

Now, we're not saying that you should grow up afraid, but, well, you just

grow up.

We will, Mom.

Good.

And until you learn to be more responsible, here are your new

You sure have learned my lesson.

I'll never fall for a scam like that again.

Who is it?

Hi, my name is Montel Jordan. You know the thing, this is how we do it. Look,

car broke down, got a real emergency. Can I use your phone?

Oh, brother, do you believe this?

Tamara went to go see some freak named Varick.

I just changed it around.

Not only did you disobey me, but you put you and your sister in danger.