Original subtitles

Okay, I'm going jogging. Lisa, I can't find that blue dress.

Oh, well, Tamera, it's on them there.

I found it. Oh, good.

Bye, Mom. I love you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. She brought some lunch.

Thanks, Mom. Oh, Walkman, Walkman.

Uh -huh.

I knew it. You talk about exercising, but you never do.

Thank you.

Let's kick it, gang.

Now, remember to listen to each candidate before we make up our minds,

right, people?

Rhonda, are you ready?

Always. Yeah.

Can we vote now, ma 'am?

My fellow students, some of you may think I'm a snob, but I've always

special connection with all of you little people.

In the words of our school's namesake, Tony Roosevelt... What?

a big bunch of goodies.

All righty -do.

There you go.

Thank you very much, Rhonda. That was delightful.

All right, all you homeboys and gals.

It's time for our next candidate.

Let's give it up for Pia Landry. Go, baby!

Oh, sorry.

Um, my fellow Rooseveltians, I'm Pia Landry.

critical issues facing our school that need to be discussed, and I think we all

know what they are.

Maybe not.

For an example, our vocabulary scores are atrocious.

You know, real bad.

So let's start a required program over the summer.

I have more refrigerator magnets with my picture on them.

Thank you very much, Tia. That was very dope.

Mrs. Matryoshka likes to sleep in them.

Boy, Tia, maybe you should get some T -shirts and stuff.

Absolutely not. If I can't win running on the issues, I won't run at all. I'm

behind you 300%, Tia.

Hey,

Tamara's really popular.

How about her running?

Good idea. I'm behind Tamara 300%. Wait a minute. A second ago, you were behind

me. That was then. This is now.

Wait, you guys are wasting your time.

I think my sister's really interested in politics.

Hey, Tamara, you want to run for president?

Sure, why not?

Tamara, are you sure you want to run? I mean, that's a lot of hard work.

Hard work?

What are you nuts? Forget it.

Yeah, but every Thursday you get six period office student council meetings.

Six period off?

That's chemistry.

Hey, Mr. Matushka!

You know, with Tamara running, we got a good chance of beating Rhonda.

Yeah!

Wait, wait. Tia, aren't you running for president?

Is this okay with you?

Well, yeah, I'll just drop out if you guys want me to.

Look,

you guys, the important thing is to beat Rhonda. So let's start making an

intelligent plan to counteract her political strategy.

Yeah, let's go make fun of her hair.

What's the matter? The neighborhood burglar, he hit the Walker's house next

door. He got a snowblower, an electric hedge clipper, and a weed whacker.

They broke into the Walker's house?

That's terrible.

I thought you hated Walker.

Oh, I do.

It's just that he bought all that stuff from me.

That's it. We're signing up for that neighborhood security patrol.

What's it called?

Surveillance Security System.

I used to see all the little signs on everybody's yards before they all got

stolen.

Just relax.

Jeff, who's running for president?

Oh, no, not Perot again.

I'm running for junior class president.

You're running against Tia?

No, I decided to throw my tam out of the ring. Well, she didn't pull out of the

race completely.

You see, while I'm getting the stupid adulation of the people, the glory, and

the fame, Tia will be doing all the important behind -the -scenes work that

nobody knows about. You lucky dog, you.

Thanks. You know, I never looked at it that way.

Well, congratulations, Tamara.

Good luck, honey.

Lisa, I'm going over to Walker's house.

Oh, that's nice. You gonna tell him how bad you feel?

No, I'm gonna find out if he has insurance, because I'm gonna sue him.

Now, Ray, be careful what you say. Now, remember last time. He punched you in

the nose.

I am not afraid of him.

Lisa, would you go with me, please?

Hello, Madam President.

Came up with your campaign slogan.

Oh, if you don't want to see Rhonda again, vote for Tamara.

All righty then.

Thanks, Roger.

My slogan is nothing compared to theirs.

Well, what's yours?

Nothing.

Hey, anybody feel like going to the mall? Hey, smart move to campaign there,

Tamara. The mall rats are your people. Well, actually, I just wanted to go

shopping. Oh, come on, Tamara. It makes sense to go out and press the flesh.

Yeah, good idea. Press the flesh. Me first.

Shut up, Roger.

Hey, I'm starting to like politics.

I swayed 15 new voters and bought six great new outfits.

Hey, I needed something presidential.

Tamira, we're here to campaign.

Now, come on. There are kids in the arcade downstairs we should talk to. Oh,

great idea. And it's right next door to that new Armenian shoe store.

down these mean corridors.

Not funny, Lisa.

Muzak, gaudy displays, bustling customers.

It's a deadly mixture.

Gee, all this time you made it look so boring.

Thank you.

Well, it's all part of the mystique of the mall cop.

Well, I'm going to mosey on over to Hickory Farms.

Oh, Dave, Dave!

Don't worry. I'll bring you back a cheese log. No, no, no, no, no.

Somebody lifted my Ethiopian wool sunburst orange double weave embroidered

castan. Really?

Could you describe it, please?

Where? It'll be the caftan wrapped around your neck unless you find it. 10

Oh, I think it was that lady in red. Leave it to me. Excuse me, ma 'am.

Ma 'am?

How dare you?

Okay.

Either cough up the caftan or prepare for a frisking.

There is no third way.

Barnes!

Yes, Mr.

Eichelberger, sir?

What are you doing to my wife?

It's not what it looks like, sir. It is nothing romantic.

I hate to be the one to say this, but she's lifted some shop. Oh, okay, okay.

bad. Oh, no. It wasn't stolen. I found it. It was under my lunch.

Okay.

In that case, I guess you are free to go, ma 'am.

And so are you.

Oh, no, no, Mr. Eichelberger. Don't fire him. It's all my fault.

Miss Landry, how would you like your cart relocated to the north end of the

mall?

Later, Dave.

Now you turn in your badge to the costume shop.

Come on, honey.

Oh, Dave, I am so sorry. I just feel terrible about this.

Don't worry, Lisa.

I'll get you that cheese log tomorrow.

Hey,

Ray. Oh, Lisa, this surveillance security system is great. They got 24

patrol, armed security guards.

And they give you a free cute little sticker to put on your window.

Yeah, I'm excited.

Oh, don't tell me. You still upset about that Dave guy down at the mall?

Well, I still feel guilty about getting him fired.

That's why I recommended him for a new job.

That's really nice of you, Lisa, but I don't know where you're going to find a

job for a clown like that.

He's such a screw -up.

Where is he going to work?

Good morning.

Dave Barnes, surveillance patrol.

At your service.

Might I use the phone to call the police?

Someone has stolen my patrol car.

Refunds, refunds.

Okay, it took me 15 drafts, but I finally got the perfect opening speech

your debate with Rhonda.

Tia, we've been campaigning for a week. Relax.

Relax? We want to beat Rhonda, don't we? Okay, now for the debate, I put all the

key points on these three -by -five cards.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, three by five.

As a candidate for junior class president, I'm concerned about the many

important issues facing our school today.

For example... Just a little security check, please.

Don't mind me.

Go on about your business.

Fellow Rooseveltians, I remember school elections.

I was voted bike rack monitor three years in a row.

I'm running for junior class president.

Don't put yourself down. That's pretty important, too.

Tell me, have you thought of planning anything incriminating your opponent's

locker? Do you mind?

No, not at all.

You see, it could be, uh, say, the teacher's answer book or a pack of

I don't think that's a good idea, Dave.

Wait a minute. Let's hear what the man has to say.

Pack of Luckys.

Dave, don't you have other homes to patrol?

Yeah, but, uh...

They won't let me in.

Okay, Dave, I made you some coffee.

Thank you, Lisa. So go.

Now, I know you do great at your new job.

Yeah, my shrewd observational skills are finally being put to good use.

And I hope the twins made you feel at home.

Twins? What twins?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Now I see it.

They do kind of look alike, don't they?

And another thing.

I have made a complete disclosure of my grade record.

Why hasn't my opponent?

What are you hiding, Tamara?

Yeah, let's see your grades, Tamara.

Uh, well, the question is, is what is Rhonda hiding? It's

not the true issues of this campaign.

The throw cap.

Rhonda Coley, too, has done these things.

Not.

I've done a whole new revision of our school activities budget. It can be

balanced in three semesters.

Rhonda Coley, too, has a plan.

Not.

And so, my fellow rough riders, there's this one thing you have to say to

yourself as you walk into that sacred temple known as the voting booth.

was all that and a bag of chips.

Hey, nice going, Tamera. Did you like the way I took the offensive with that

speech? Actually, Tamera, I wrote it that way.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Young lady, I thought your speech was funky fresh.

And Tia. Yes, Mr. Matushka? You ought to take lessons from this sister of yours.

She is going places.

Thank you, Mr. Matushka.

Ray,

don't turn on the light so fast. You can scare a guy.

Dave, how did you get in here?

The back door.

Now, Ray, you really ought to lock and bolt your door at all times.

Well, I guess it's too late now.

That's right.

So, uh, Ray.

I memorized all the telephone area codes in the entire country.

I don't care, Dave.

Well, you will when you can't find your phone book and I'm the only guy around.

Savannah, Georgia, 9 -1 -2.

Dave, it's late.

Well, it's even later in New York. 2 -1 -2.

Out, Dave.

Trenton, New Jersey, 6 -0 -9. Out, out.

Ray, what's all that noise? You gonna wake up?

Lisa, I know you feel responsible for getting him fired, but that man's got to

go. Well, the way you yelled at him, I wouldn't be surprised if he just quit

job. No, don't worry, Ray. You won't see him anymore.

You won the election, and I just want to say, no hard feelings.

You have my full support.

Not.

Hey, congratulations.

You barely did it. Now it's time to get to work implementing those programs you

ran on.

Uh, T, can I see you for a sec?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You know, now that the election's over, maybe we should distance ourselves from

each other.

But...

I wrote your speeches in those three -by -five... T .T., you can still do all

the work, but I think I better stand alone and show the people that I'm the

in charge.

Well, I'm not sure I like that very much.

Tia, don't be a grouch.

You can still be first twin.

Come on, let's just enjoy the moment.

I'm head of a political party. Or should I say...

I'll be your lackey.

See?

Hi,

everybody. It's sure cool to be president.

Oh, man.

Lincoln never had to write his own speeches.

Okay, maybe he did, but he was a special case. He got lucky with that four score

deal. Hey, that was good. Maybe I should rip that off.

Okay, that wouldn't be honest.

what you're thinking, that I write my own speeches and I'm a fraud, right?

Okay, maybe Tia did help me out a little.

Okay, a lot.

But look, I'm the people's choice and she's just going to have to deal with

that. And I know what you're going to say, that I should swallow my pride, go

there and ask her to help me.

Oh, man.

Life is nothing but catches.

Okay, I'm going to go up there and ask her, but she's not going to do it. She's

just jealous of my charisma.

I'm glad we had this little talk.

My fellow classmates, it is truly a privilege and an honor to be serving

Thank you for electing me, Tia Landry, your class president.

Together, we're going to replace despair with hope.

Inaction with action.

No, we can't. We can't be.

Not you again.

Now, look, I'm sorry that I got you fired, and I don't want to hurt your

feelings, but you're starting to get on my last nerve.

Now, Ray and the girls are right. You're becoming a pest.

Oh, don't give me the silent treatment.

You're not dead.

I'm sorry. Are you all right? That's a burglar. Where?

There. Ah!

Freeze.

What do I do now?

I'm gonna be fitting you with a nice pair of bracelets, and then we're going

downtown.

What am I doing wrong?

They can be tricky. You just have to slap them on with authority.

Thank you.

First time, huh?

Yeah. Well,

Dave, you don't know how grateful I am that you caught that old stanky burglar.

Comes with the territory, Lisa.

Yeah, you make a nice club sandwich, too.

First of all, I would like to congratulate you all for setting a great

for the rest of the country.

Almost 30 % of you dudes actually voted.

Okay, great.

Now, give it up for your new junior class president, Tamara Tambo.

Thank you, Mr. Matuszka.

My fellow students, I just went into this election because I just wanted all

glory of being in power and as well as the joy of creaming Rhonda.

I know you won't believe this, but I don't have a clue about being president.

Now, my sister, Tia, she knows all the issues and all the right things to say.

I know because during the campaign, I said them.

She should be up here instead of me.

I say let's impeach her now and get it over with.

No need for that because I'm stepping down.

Can I be president since I was elected vice president?

No. Okay.

Wow, what are we supposed to do?

This has got me wigging.

Wait.

There's no need to wig, Mr. Matushka.

the office and won the election. I didn't. Besides, that speech took

courage, and humility.

All the qualities you want in a president.

So, if we give her all of our support, I know Tamara will make a great

president.

We want Tamara!

We want Tamara!

We want Tamara!

We want Tamara!

Talk about a feel -good moment. I am down with it.

I must say one thing, Mr. Matushka. No.

Okay.

Mr. Matushka, I'm withdrawing my resignation.

Go, baby.

I could have never done this without you.

Oh, yes, you could have.

Not!

I did one thing to Mara. She promised me she'd take out the trash.

Well, she promised me she was going to clean up her side of the room.

And she promised me she'd help me down at the mall.

Tamara, you made all these promises to help around here, but you haven't done

anything. Hey, I'm a politician. That's what we do.

You're grounded.

Why?

I'm a father. That's what we do.