Original subtitles

Now, just because it's Lisa's poker night doesn't mean we can't take care of

ourselves. I have everybody's dinner assignment right down here on this handy

checklist.

Tamara, table set?

Check. Tia, Icy Maid? Check.

All right, and me, I'll wash dishes after dinner.

All right.

Let's eat.

Uh, Dad?

I think you forgot something.

Right. Make dinner.

Now everybody knows I ain't ever gonna let

school, and Tamir and I are really happy.

As if.

I have to take biology in summer school. What a waste of time. The study of

living things?

When is that going to come up in real life?

And I signed up as counselor at Cucamonga Day Camp because I thought

was going to work there.

Oh, I've been dreaming about him all year. But he has to take biology again,

too.

Tough luck to you.

Yeah, I mean, summer camp was my best hope to get close to Nick.

When you're surrounded by eight -year -olds blowing stuff to pine cones, hey,

anything can happen.

You know, Tia, we're not very smart.

We've got these twin things staring us in the face, and we never take advantage

of them.

Oh, no, we are not going to trade places again.

First of all, if your dad finds out, he'll go ballistic. You know what he

about using our twin powers for evil?

Yeah, bad idea.

Why would I want to be a summer camp counselor with all the heat and bugs?

and I can spend six weeks of summer in an air -conditioned biology class with

Nick Bryant.

Terrible idea.

Tamara, I know what you're doing. You're using reverse psychology.

So you're not going to trade places with me? Yeah, I'm going to do it.

Ray, I meant to tell you. Tamara asked me if she could go to the mall today

after school. I told her it was okay.

She's supposed to study.

Well, that's why she's in summer school, because she didn't study in fall,

winter, or spring school.

Oh, ease up, Ray. Now, I know she's not my daughter, but, hey, she's a girl. I'm

a girl.

Girls, we just want to have fun.

You can't be one of the girls, Lisa. You have to be a parent. Otherwise, they

just walk all over you.

Now, warm support, firm limits. That's my credo.

Oh, look, I've raised Tia with loose reins, and she has turned out just fine.

Stopped her weenie in the campfire.

I do a whole week and it's working like a charm.

you guys to spend some time with him. There's nothing more important than

family. That's going to be rough because I'm in summer school and Tia's in

summer camp.

Right. I'm in camp. She's in school.

Sonny!

Oh,

the girls were just saying how they were looking forward to spend some time with

you. Oh, they probably have all kinds of stuff to do. Yeah.

hoping to spend some time with you. You know, now we can finally go on that

fishing trip.

What fishing trip?

The one you've been dying for me to take you on.

I was 12.

Oh, so now you don't want to go.

Well, I'm starving. Yeah, they don't feed you anything at that stupid summer

camp.

I'm touched you came all this way to go fishing with me.

You're not in any trouble, are you, with the law or on some kind of scam?

Oh, absolutely not, son.

Oh, well, let's get your gear upstairs, and next week I'll make some time for us

to go fishing. Oh, that works out fine.

I really shouldn't show my face in public for a couple of days.

Excuse me.

Well, remember that sporting goods store open in Mexico?

Yeah. Well, this is all that survived that mysterious electrical fire.

See, now, there you go, Dad.

Mysterious fires, having to lay low. What kind of example is that to set for

girls? Look, I'll be on my best behavior, I promise.

Okay. Oh, by the way, a district attorney Gonzalez might call. I'll put

as a character reference.

I doubt he'll call, but just in case.

Oh, man.

So, T, how am I doing in summer school?

Great. Not too great or people will get suspicious.

I'll try harder to maintain your low standards.

Oh, thanks, sis.

Well, unfortunately, you're not doing well in the Nick Fry department.

He won't give you the time of day. You can start referring to yourself now,

Okay, well, he won't give me the time of day. Even when I asked him what time it

was, he wouldn't give me the time of day.

Well, Tia, why don't you just take the initiative and ask him out? I did.

I asked him to join me in the library and maybe form a study group.

Listen, Tia, that kind of stuff might work in honors algebra, but you're in

summer school, honey. Act like it.

Can you help me, Tamira? I'm so bad at being bad.

Well, okay, let's talk.

You know, I wrote a song just for you.

What's your name again?

Bernice.

Bernice. Could you change it to Paula?

Sure, Nita.

Paula.

When I see you in the holla, don't you know you really holla

that?

Mr. Bryant, how about sharing all of that old report on photosynthesis?

Photo what?

Nothing.

Where's Tamara?

Who? The girl who sits next to you, the one who answered every question

yesterday. Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. She means me.

You sure the girl that was up in here yesterday?

Yeah, I'm Tamara Campbell.

You know, the one from summer school, not camp.

Thanks for that introduction.

You're late.

And your point is?

Tamara, would you please sit down? The rest of the class would

like to get to work.

Who would like to describe the process for photosynthesis?

Uh, say, listen to me.

Let's say you and I get together after school and, uh, not do our homework.

Yeddy is not my Indian name. I'm swimming with salmon.

Sorry.

According to my Cucamonga camp manual, we should be reaching Lake Merton soon.

But why don't we ask our counselor, Bravest Buffalo?

Water!

Water! Water!

Hey, what if I get thirsty on the hike?

But resting right here eats every five minutes.

I hope there aren't any wild wolverines around here.

Actually, the last known wall wolverine disappeared years ago with the

encroachment of man.

Can I see that book for a moment? Certainly. Are you interested in

No.

I hope you don't regret that.

Now this is what it's all about.

Relaxing with Mother Nature, chilling with Coolio.

Well, if it's all the same to you, Kravis Buffalo, I'm going on ahead with

big elk.

Flies and Squirrels, Bracelet Moose, Whistling Robin, and Randy, who came too

late to get a name.

Excuse me?

Hey, Randy!

Anything left in your lunch bag besides your fingerprints?

Thanks for bringing me along.

You jumped into the car, Roger.

Yeah, but you could have kicked me out. You guys are the best.

Hey, that looks like a good spot over there, Dad.

If you two want to bother anything, just let me know. I won't look.

Well, I was hoping to spend this quality time with my son.

May you go south, I'll go north. We'll meet back here in four hours. You got

Five bucks for whoever catches the biggest fish.

You're on.

I'll go with you, Mr. Campbell.

Maybe you and I could bond.

Well, why don't we just fish, Roger?

If any bonding happens, well, we'll all be the better.

Guys, I'm sure that wasn't a bear. Just in case, we'll just sit here and eat

Doritos.

Oh, no!

A bear!

Right there, Tamara.

Tamara? Idea.

Actually, her name in the brain is Buffalo.

If her father catches her, her name will be... dead as doornail.

Where's my dad?

He's down at the lake fishing. And what are you doing up here?

Well, uh, I'm in summer school.

You know, and we're having a field trip with the other kids in my biology class.

This isn't biology class.

Work with me here.

Say no more. You and Tia are pulling the old switcheroo, huh?

Boy, what I could have done with a twin in that trailer park deal back in 79.

Anyway, what you're doing is wrong.

A mistake, a gap, a faux pas, a booze. All right, all right, all right.

You're not going to tell my dad, are you?

Stupid camera has never ratted on anybody.

But I did promise your father I wouldn't be a bad influence on him. And there's

nothing I can do to break that trust.

Now, here's what you do.

For the next few hours, I suggest you get lost.

Hey, Tamira. Hey, you left your books in my car.

Tamira? Um, I'm Tia.

You're looking for my twin sister, Tamira. I never even met you.

Well, look, if you wanted to dump me, you could have done better than that

twin excuse, Tamira.

I said I'm Tia, stranger.

I was about to take you to the TLC concert, too.

But now I'm just going to have to ask Bernice, who changed her name to Paula.

to summer school because I wanted to meet Nick, who was going out with Paula,

who used to be Bernice, and Tamara took my place at summer camp, and now she's

lost. Oh, we gotta go to that camp. We gotta find Tamara, and I gotta call the

camp from the car, and I gotta tell them it's not you that's lost, it's Tamara

that's lost.

Oh, aren't you gonna yell at me? Oh, I'm saving that for the ride up there.

Okay, okay, okay, I'll come.

Okay, now let's not panic. This is where our camp kookamonga training comes in

handy. What training?

Excuse me?

What do you call all the projects we worked on back at camp?

We're gonna make more macaroni jewelry?

No, of course not!

We're gonna... We're gonna... Do you remember anything you read in that book

before I threw it away?

We could build a small link to her shelter, and we could hunt small game

food. Or we can go hitch a ride at that interstate.

of Chief Crazy Horse?

Well, all righty then!

Hey?

Lisa?

Oh, thank goodness.

Tia!

Jerkies, come on.

Now, sit and behave. I'm gonna call the camp and tell them we're okay.

Food!

When you're through, I like to work with the camp director.

Frankly, you are a less inadequate counselor.

blabbers with mouth.

these kids, your daddy's going to be in there any second.

Everybody hide! This isn't time for playing games. This is no game, son.

trying to fool our parents. Say no more.

Hey, a camp shirt? Use your head. Have I taught you nothing?

Oh, I forgot to change. I need a jacket. Yes.

What a scorcher up there.

Aren't you going to be warm in that tomato?

you'd have been up at the lake with us fishing, Tamara.

Oh, I was.

Wishing the same thing, because summer school is more important.

What's that noise?

Oh, just me.

These marshmallows are stale.

Nice fish, Dad.

Yeah. Oh, it was a battle catching this bad boy.

It was the age -old struggle of the cunning of man against the...

Or in my case, the lake.

Hi, Mr. Campbell.

There's been a mix -up. You got my fish and I got yours.

I even named him.

Dinky.

Well, Dinky put up quite a battle, too.

The worm put up a bigger fight.

problem at school?

Oh, uh, just an air conditioning thing.

What?

Oh, I just realized I forgot to shave my leg.

Say, Ray, please say you and I take my string of fish and Dinky and clean them

up for supper.

Well, I don't know. Now that Dinky has a name, you think we should eat all?

to switch. You knew the risk.

Oh, come on, come on. Now, wait a minute. Now, you two have the rest of

lives to argue.

Lisa, please don't tell my dad about this. Don't worry, don't worry. If he

finds out that I knew anything about it, I will never hear the end of it. I told

him that you two guys could be trusted.

What are you, nuts?

Apparently so, from what I've observed.

Lisa!

Lisa,

you know, I found this Power Ranger compass on the porch. You know where it

belongs to?

Sorry, Dinky.

Hi, Ray.

Oh, I couldn't sleep.

I have a confession to make. The girls wanted me to keep it a secret, but I

can't. Oh?

The girls tried to pull a fast one the last couple of weeks.

Tia and Tamara traded places. Tia went to summer school, and Tamara went to

summer camp.

What? Doggone it. I was afraid this was gonna... Don't get upset, Ray. Now, they

have switched back. I've grounded them. Okay, so you can get to be the good guy

this time. You're right. We cannot be their friends. We gotta be their

All right.

Mm -hmm. Good night.

And thank you for not saying, I told you so.

You're welcome.

I told her so.

Ray, Tamira and I have a confession to make. But if you're busy, we can come

back later.

Tamira!

Look, we promised my mom we'd keep it a secret, but we just couldn't. Yeah,

we're really sorry, but T and I have been trading places for two weeks.

find another job.

Dad, you're not too mad at us, are you?

Well, the fact that you came down here to tell me the truth means that you can

be trusted.

Aw, thanks, Dad.

You can go back to your little fish.

I'm off to school. At least I know I'm getting an A, right?

Well, actually, I did such a great job being you, you're sort of flunky.

We'll make a pact. From now on, no more switching, okay? Okay.

Who are we kidding?

We've got Friday.

I have a piano lesson I'm not too crazy about.

How do you feel about babysitting Saturday?

Deal.