Original subtitles

Come on, Dad. It's freezing out there.

Come on, Tamara.

It's not that cold.

Besides, baseball's in the air.

The Tigers start spring training today.

Dad, they're in Florida. We're in Michigan.

Come on, Tamara.

Let's play ball!

Last one in the park is a right knee.

At least I'll be a warm rotten egg.

To mirrors, clients, friends, someone in the neighborhood.

And to Ray, of course.

Now, why would I send one to Ray?

Mom, to give positive strokes to all the people in your life while specifically

ignoring Ray could be taken as a passive -aggressive expression of repressed

hostility.

So how do you like your new psychology class?

I love it. I can even consider making it a career.

How do you feel about my new psychology class?

Well, see, I don't have an opinion one way or another.

Hmm. Interesting.

You're disengaging from the Valentine's issue.

All right. I'll then ray a Valentine.

Okay? Okay? Ooh. Happy?

Ooh. Ooh.

Okay. Best wishes?

Hmm. Interesting.

What? Mom, you're subconsciously avoiding the appropriate word that

the... natural platonic, non -romantic bond between two family members.

Okay, love.

Is that the word to you?

Exactly.

Okay, okay, okay. There, there. Love, okay?

Lisa, how much would it cost to make the most sensational party dress you've

ever sewn?

Well, I don't know, Tamara, maybe $2 ,000?

Uh, let me rephrase that.

You see, Sean Fordham asked me to the Valentine's Day. I want him more than...

Oh, and a coupon for a grande breakfast burrito and senior taco.

Oh, honey, I can't take your money.

But I will take that coupon.

Oh, John, thank you so much.

This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever.

Yes.

Oh, it's great to see Tamara so happy, isn't it?

Really?

You thought she was happy?

Hmm.

So, the next time he hand checks you at the top of the key, try this spin move I

showed you and drive the baseline.

That's a good idea, Tamera.

You're not like other girls. You're like a point guard you can kiss.

Thanks, Sean.

Later.

You and Sean make such a cute couple.

Yeah, I know. We're not even twins.

bad your house of cards is about to come crashing down.

Excuse me, Rhonda?

You may be going out with Sean now, but not for long. I'm throwing down my

gauntlet before you.

Gauntlet? Did you get one of those word -a -day calendars for Christmas?

Indubitably.

Rhonda, if you think you can take Sean away from me, forget it.

Oh, sure, you may be kind of attractive to some guys, but...

shared something deeper, more meaningful, more profound than you could

know. Oh, really?

What? Sports. So give it up.

It would do you absolutely no good. You can try to break it up, but it won't

work. Hi there, Sean.

Oh, hi, Rhonda. You know, Rhonda, maybe someday you can have a relationship like

Sean and I have. The kind that's so solid, nothing can tear it apart.

our relationship together.

Well, next time you might want to try some duct tape.

Who cares? It's a free country. They can talk all they want.

Doesn't mean one indutable gauntlet.

Tamara, um, I can't go to the Valentine's Day dance with you.

See, what did I tell you, Marsha?

He's... What?

Well, see, it's my mom. She got the thing.

Um... It's a disease, and I'll have to take care of her, so you should probably

just go on and find another date. And if my mom should get over her, you know,

thing, then I'll just come to the dance with some other, you know... Thing?

Right.

Boy, that's too bad about his mom, huh?

Oh, you mean this?

Your mom gave it to me.

It was neither of her, wasn't it?

And what did you get her?

Nothing.

Hmm.

Interesting.

What do you mean?

You think she'll be upset if I don't get her something?

I don't know.

What do you think, Ray?

Nah, probably not.

Of course, she did choose to write love.

Why, Ray?

Well, obviously she's trying to express a normal, healthy platonic affection

from one family member to another.

But there's no reason to make a big deal out of this.

Thank you, Doctor.

I mean, Tia.

You're right.

No big deal.

I'll get her a card, okay?

A card, huh?

Okay.

I'll get her a box of candy, too.

Well, if you think that's a good idea.

Of course it's a good idea.

You ever seen Lisa in striking distance of a Whitman sampler?

Hi, Tamira.

Marsha told me what happened.

I hate Sean, I hate boys, and I hate men.

What poster is that?

hating Sean.

Yeah, you're right. I hate Rhonda.

Why does that girl have it in for you? I don't know.

I mean, ever since we were kids, she always had to take away everything that

mine. Hmm.

Interesting.

When I tried out for Rudolph the Red -Nosed Reindeer in the Christmas play,

did too.

She got to be in the front, and I was the rear end.

She got to click on this really cool red flashlight, and I got to be whipped by

the fat kid playing Santa.

I wrote this really great history paper and she copied it.

She got a D plus because of me.

You know what? This sounds a lot like chapter 16 of my psychology book.

What's that?

Compulsive behavior.

Rhonda's insecurity makes her envious of you. And as a result, her inner child

is compelled to take away anything you have.

It's obvious Rhonda really doesn't want Sean.

She only wanted him because you had him.

What if tomorrow you were to tell Rhonda you got another date to the dance and

really rub her nose in it?

Yeah, so?

Well, Rhonda would be compelled to take that guy away from you.

Yeah.

Which would then leave me with Sean and leave Rhonda stuck with some zero.

Yeah, but who could we get?

Hi, girls.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Go get her, girl.

So, Tamara, who's the valentine for?

Oh, Rhonda!

I want to thank you for taking Sean off my hands.

Excuse me?

I wouldn't have discovered the hottest, the hunkiest, the flyest guy in school.

And who's that?

Roger Evans.

No, I'm serious.

So am I. Now, you have fun with what's -his -name tonight, okay?

Wait a minute.

Roger Evans? The Barney whose mother drives him around on dates?

That Barney happens to be incredible once you get to know him.

And his mom knows some great new clubs.

And you're going to the Valentine's dance with him?

Well, all I can do is ask Roger for you to go out with me and pray some other

girl hasn't already snapped him up.

That's why I bought him this candy and card.

I just hope Roger can see me as more than just a friend.

Darling. I'm begging you, tell me. What can I do to make you go with me to the

dance? You just did, sweet thing.

Oh, hi, Roger, great.

Now, don't you dare try and do what I think you're gonna do, Rhonda. And

that?

funny. You're compelled to steal Roger from me.

Roger? You're kidding, right?

Pass.

Sean, I want you to walk me to lunch.

And then buy it.

And stand up straight.

Sure. Wait, wait, wait, Rhonda. I swear, Roger's really fresh, sexy, and

exciting. Hey, please, you're embarrassing me.

It was about the candy.

Mom, it's Valentine's Day.

Mm, trust me, Tia.

I know the signs.

I think this man is in love with me.

No, no, no, no, he's not.

Oh, you're in denial.

Mom, I think you're reading way too much into this. You started it. Hmm,

interesting, remember?

Oh, yeah, but maybe I'm in over my head a little.

What are you talking about, Tia? You had half a semester of high school

psychology. Now, come on, I need answers.

Mom, I can't help you. Your psychosis is developing faster than my core thing.

I think you may be an advanced head case.

Really?

Hey, wait a minute. See?

I just can't break his heart now.

I gotta let him down easy.

Oh, hi, Lisa.

Oh, hi, Ray.

I got your candy. I got your card.

Oh, good.

And I want you to know that I'm very flattered, Ray. It was very, very sweet

you. You are a kind and decent man. And I think the world of you.

Wow. Good thing I didn't spring for the good box.

Oh, come on.

Are you going to spend the rest of your life running scared of Ron Nicoli?

Don't be a victim.

Stand up to her.

But, Dale, what am I supposed to do?

Steal Sean back?

Melrose Place.

Tia, you're not suggesting it might be time for the red dress.

Exactly.

She's going out with your boyfriend.

Yeah, I know, but... She got to click on Rudolph's red nose while you got

whipped by some fat kid.

It takes more than looks. It takes attitude.

Attitude. Right.

And you don't ask Sean if he wants to dance. You tell him he's going to dance.

You dance.

You know, he should be happy that he's lucky enough to be dancing with you. You

be happy.

And if you want something, you tell him to go get it for you. You get my purse.

No, Tia. Get my purse.

Oh, sorry.

Hello.

What's wrong?

Oh, here. You were wrong about Ray. He is in love with me. He asked me out to

dinner so we could talk.

He's gonna make his move tonight.

Mom, you're projecting.

Oh, I gotta change out of this wonder bra.

Hi, Lisa.

Hi, Ray.

Oh, poor man.

I better try not to look too sexy.

Oh, well, this may take some time.

Uh, look, Lisa, truth is, I'm glad we have the chance to talk.

Oh?

Yes, I have something I have to tell you.

Oh, Ray.

No, no, it's about us, our relationship.

Oh, Ray, please don't say it.

I have to say it, Lisa.

If I don't talk about what's happening between us, I'm just going to explode.

But, Ray, I just want... Lisa, I know how you feel about me, and, well, I have

to tell you how I feel about you.

So I'm going to come right out and say it. Lisa? I don't love you!

I'm sorry, did you say don't?

Yes, I did.

Oh, Ray, you must be devastated.

Oh, here, let me hold your steak back for now.

You have made me the happiest man on earth.

That's why I brought you to dinner to tell you that.

Really? You don't love me?

Well, here you go.

I have no interest in you whatsoever.

You really mean that? Because when you gave me that candy and your love on that

call, I thought that you meant... Most of the time, I don't even like you very

much.

Oh, you're not just saying that.

Oh, no, no. You're pushy, you're loud, and we have nothing in common.

And you feel the same way about me.

Oh, Ray.

There's so much I can't stand about you, I don't know where to start.

I am so relieved.

What a magical night, huh? I know. Oh, I feel the same way. Oh, a toast.

Happy Valentine's Day.

John,

I need to make a phone call. Let's go.

What do you need me for? You expect me to dial with these nails? Oh, right.

Oh, you want some, too?

Duh. Well, bring me back some pickles when you go, okay?

So, do you want to dance, Tamara?

In a minute, Roger. We just got here.

I know, but it's 15 degrees.

And I don't know how long my mom can sit out there.

Tamara, that dress is a bomb!

think you'd have the guts to show up.

Step off, Rhonda. I'm looking for Sean.

If you're looking for Sean, you're looking for trouble. If you're looking

trouble, you found it.

Make your move.

Samara, you look great.

So, how's your mother?

She's fine.

I thought she was sick.

Oh, yeah, but other than that, she's just fine. So, uh, I sure hope you can

dance in that dress.

Are you asking? Sean, I stopped having fun. Get my coat.

Right, Rhonda.

Nice try, Tamara.

Next time, don't plan a pair of bread pumps unless you know how to use them.

Here's your coat, Rhonda.

Good. Let's go.

Hey, Sean!

How about that Pistons' booze?

that 360 move to Grand Hill put on Scottie Pippen. Sean, I said I was ready

go. And who's stopping you?

You're kicking me to the curb?

Indubitably.

All right, Tamara, this round is yours, but you haven't seen the last of me.

If I weren't running for homecoming queen, I'd wipe the floor with you.

You, drive me home.

This guy bother you, Tamara?

And who are you?

I'm her date.

Well, Tamara and I have decided that there's a little change in plans.

What, she doesn't want any punch?

Because my mom's got a thermos of hot cocoa in the car.

No, no, no, see, Tamara and I were talking, and I want to dance.

I don't want to dance with you.

What a loser. Why don't you explain it to him?

Why don't you get lost?

Okay. No, no, no, not you, Roger.

Check on your mom.

And on the way out, can you check on mine, too?

She's the one shivering in the blue town and country.

Look, Robert, I'm sorry.

I just used you to get back at Rhonda.

I'm just as bad as she is.

No, it's easy.

I had a great time.

Tamara and I broke up with Sean.

How was your evening?

Oh, it was wonderful. Ray and I had a great conversation and realized we both

had a lot in common. We both don't love each other.

It's obvious they're in love.

Tia, where's your psychology book?

Why? Are you getting interested in psychology?

No. I want to hit you over the head with it.

Hmm.

Interesting.