Original subtitles

Okay, turn to your left.

Now turn to your right.

Hmm, my butt's getting big.

Hey!

Okay, now spin around.

Tia, you're not dressed. What are you doing?

Our mirror broke.

Spin around.

That looks terrible on me. I can't wear that.

now everybody knows i ain't ever gonna

Any questions?

I have a question.

Where can you find fabulous fashions and accessories at prices that aren't in

the stratosphere?

Mom? Give up?

Fashions by Lisa at the Northland Mall.

I exposed these plants to different types of music and observed their

See, this one heard a dance make.

Nice moves for a houseplant.

What about this one?

Uh, this one listened to Kathie Lee Gifford's Christmas CD.

Wait, you're saying Kathie Lee killed this plant?

Sort of. The music gave me the creeps, so I left the room and this plant never

got watered.

Hey, Roger, check it out.

There's now Fashions by Letha on Mars.

Wow. There isn't even a gap there.

Care project, Roger? The principal said it was inappropriate.

What was it?

It was a sociological survey called Girls, Girls, Girls.

Well, then, you deserve an incomplete.

The incomplete was nothing. Wait till my father sees the phone bill.

So, I finally get to meet Tamara's father.

Yes, I'm Ray Fingal. Campbell!

Look at my dad.

You know, I always... Science teachers were slightly balding, with socks down

around the ankles and a little fuzzy mustache.

That was your teacher?

Yeah, and I'll never forget her.

She's always talking to Miss Hendricks.

Exactly. My dad and my teacher talking?

No good can come out of this.

Ooh, I wish I could hear what they're saying.

Consider it done.

We can use this cool scientific thingy that my dad bought for me.

I don't want to hear it. I know what she's telling him. She's telling him,

terrible student. I don't apply myself. I'm disruptive in class.

I'm too social. I talk too much, and I tend to go on and on and on and on. It's

your job.

Well, is it me, or am I sensing some chemistry in the room?

You're the teacher. You should know.

Are you okay?

You've got to listen to us.

They're not talking about you at all.

They're happy.

Maybe we should reconvene someplace less scientific.

Oh, well, that would be great.

Why don't you call me?

Oh, I bother calling.

Are you free this Saturday night?

Denise, next time, tell your father to do a better job.

Teachers and parents dating?

Isn't that illegal?

Hey, if they start dating, this could be the stuff a kid like me dreams of.

What do you mean?

Do I have to draw a picture of the big picture, Denise?

Look, my teacher is dating my dad.

There was no way she can give me a bad grade without him taking it personally.

That is a beautiful big picture.

Oh, look out here. You're getting along just great.

They're talking big deal.

Tamir, I can't believe you actually think that this stupid plan is going to

work.

I'm not good at this sort of thing.

Quick, they're coming.

I thought it was natural.

I thought you said natural.

All right, what was I thinking?

Hey, it's dark in here. Hi, girls.

Hi.

Let me introduce you to Paula. Oh, what am I doing? Of course you know Miss

Hendricks. Hi, girls.

Hello.

Dad, don't you think Miss Hendricks is looking lovely tonight?

Yes, ma 'am. I did not know you had such high cheekbones.

Thank you.

You know, you two make such a cute couple.

Welcome to the dark side.

Well, we're just going to go upstairs and study.

Good night, Dad. Good night.

Not very good at this.

My kid, you're a natural.

It must be odd for Tia and Tamara to see a parent dating their science teacher.

Not as odd as if they were to see me date their math teacher, Mr. Strepik.

Have a seat. I'll get us something to drink. Thank you.

Here you go, Dad. Just thought you and Miss Hendricks might enjoy a fine

Chardonnay.

What are you up to?

I'm just trying to be a good hostess.

Tamara, shouldn't you be working on your science report?

I'm going to get a good grade.

Trust me.

For the 14th time.

Balloon Bob isn't here anymore, and I don't make balloons shaped like

Okay, zebra.

I don't make any balloon animals.

Couldn't you try?

If you don't leave me alone, I can twist you into any shape that you like.

Hi, I'm Angie.

Hi, I'm Lisa. I own this cart.

Nice cart.

Nice to meet you. You know, I tell you, the shop owners I've met are not that

friendly. Let me give you a little hint in winning them over.

Don't scare away customers.

Oh, I'm sorry about that. They were just bugging me about some balloon bob guy.

Where'd he go anyway?

He's dead.

Oh,

so he made his last balloon payment?

I don't think that's funny.

He was one of the finest men to ever blow up a poodle.

A Ruth?

What do you mean?

The mall bylaws say you current people can't be within ten feet of another fine

apparel store.

What fine apparel store?

Hello?

No, it's St.

Michigan.

Take a look -see at those babies. T -shirts with Wolverine, big M's. Not

those cheap silk scarves. Why don't you try one on?

Sorry I couldn't respond to your 1218 sooner, Angie. I was at Hudson's getting

an old lady to confess she stole some lipstick.

Good for you.

Not exactly. She didn't really do it.

I may be in some trouble.

Excuse me.

My wife's interested in a couple of those Upper Peninsula oven mitts.

Gotta go. Hot one.

Why don't these people lighten up?

Well, this is the old end of the mall.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, these people are pretty much setting their ways.

Okay, you are regulation.

Hey.

Does that look like a giraffe?

Yeah, I have to run in with a land cruiser.

Oh, never mind.

You getting good grades with that science teacher?

Yeah. And I'm not the only one.

I think Tamara thinks she can coast as long as I'm dating Paula.

Now, Ray, why do you always have to assume the worst?

Why don't you try trusting Tamara? Maybe she can live up to that trust.

Yeah, you're right. I always do that.

I have to change my way of thinking about Tamara.

It's only fair.

Ah, Tamara.

Want me to go over your science report?

Nah, it's all right. Miss Hendricks is so cool. She said I can turn it in late.

She's quite a catch. You should hold on to the lady.

Oh, and here's a thought.

Take a look at these brochures.

Picture you and Paula sailing the Caribbean on the love boat.

I hear it's beautiful around midterms. I mean, December.

Should I trust her?

Tamara. I hate to think you're a love boat, but I've decided to break up with

Paula. Here.

Well, I thought you two liked each other.

She's not my type.

This woman likes you. That's the type you want.

I'm sorry. It's over.

Oh, man, this is terrible.

I wanted you two to be happy.

You're going to break up with Paula? because of Tamara?

No way you've seen Paul.

I'm a good father, but I'm not nuts.

Um,

I can explain.

Oh, that's okay, Tia. I understand. You just bring it in when you finish.

I forgot to mention this, Tia.

I think there's an unexpected bump in the plan.

Well, I'm sure we can find an easy way out. What's the bump?

I think my dad is going to break up with Miss Hendricks.

When? I haven't even done my report yet. I'm going to have to do it before he

does. Take it easy.

I hate the dark side.

Don't worry. My dad said she's not his type, and I think I know what it is. So,

after class, I'll give Ms. Hendricks a few pointers on how she can improve

herself and keep my dad interested.

Remember, tomorrow's test is 30 % of your grades, so be ready.

Um, Ms. Hendricks, can I talk to you about something personal?

Well, sure. What's your problem?

Well, I just keep hearing that men like women who dress really sexy.

Well, that's not necessarily true.

Well, maybe you're right. It's just something that I keep hearing around the

house lately.

I mean, since around the time you started dating my dad.

Was Ray saying something about my clothes?

Oh, no, I'm sure he wasn't referring to you.

Well, he's not seeing someone else, is he?

No.

Not yet.

Hey, have you ever thought about doing something to your hair? Maybe more of a

sassy cut.

I don't think this is really appropriate for us to be discussing here.

He said something about my hair.

Well, you see, he was watching TV and he saw Vanessa Williams and he said, gee,

it's too bad Paula doesn't look like that.

So is there anything else about me that he doesn't like?

Who said he didn't like you? He's crazy about you.

Maybe if you didn't monopolize your conversation so much on your dates, he'd

tell you.

Excuse me.

I'm going to have lunch now.

Oh, stay away from the fish sticks. You look great now, but you'll be wearing

them tomorrow.

Thanks for the tip, Tamara.

You're welcome. Oh, and you tell your dad that I want to have a talk with him.

Oh, good, because...

like really good listeners.

Oh, he'll be doing all the listening in this conversation and then he won't have

to listen to me ever again.

Oh, hi, Ray. Sit down.

Grab a Michigan mug and a Wolverine napkin and pour yourself some

grand...

I'm sensing a theme here.

Yeah, I'm trying to make friends with the woman who owns the Mostly Michigan

store. So I made a few purchases.

Well, she must love you.

Well, she still hates my guts.

Have you seen Tia and Tamara?

I bought them some slippers from the flippery. The woman there hates my guts,

too.

Well, you shouldn't disturb Tia and Tamara. They're knee -deep in their

reports. Tia and Tamara?

Yeah. Tamara is reading a science book.

Yeah, and she's holding it right side up.

You saw her face when I told her I was breaking up with Paula, or she bought it

hook, line, and finger.

Dad, that is the lowest, neatest, most underhanded thing I have

ever heard.

I'm sorry, honey, but I didn't mean to lie to you, but I had to teach you a

lesson.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

You never planned to break up with Miss Hendrick?

No, we're getting along great.

Uh, have you talked to her today?

No, but we're going out tonight.

Hello? Oh, just a minute.

Ooh, Ray, it's Paula.

Either she's very upset or she backed into a bunsen burn.

Well,

I certainly wouldn't want to eavesdrop on a personal phone call.

I'll just be getting right back to my report.

Bye.

We still on for the theater tonight?

You're going alone?

Where should I go?

What?

Hello?

What's the weirdest thing?

Paula just broke up with me.

Have a Michigan hanky.

This isn't my chosen field.

I've always wanted to follow in my father's footsteps.

What did he do?

Neurosurgeon. Ever since I flunked out of junior college, it's kind of been put

on hold.

Well, that gun isn't loaded, is it?

You know, I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to check.

Well, thanks for having coffee with me, Dave.

Better go open up my cart.

Yeah, I better get back to work, too.

You know, it's sad that I'm necessary.

You know, that is true, Dave.

If I weren't here, people would come into this mall and just walk off with

anything.

It's gone!

My car is gone!

We were just talking about people walking off with things.

Dave, go find my car.

Well, I scoured the entire precinct.

Well, you know, the mall.

But I haven't been able to locate your retail vehicle.

Maybe some kids took it for a joy push.

No. It's long gone.

Perps probably took it to a chop shop and it's being stripped of its stuff.

There's a lot of money in that cart.

I'll say.

They can use the wheels as planters, chop up the rest into firewood.

I meant my clothes, Dave.

We'll probably toss that stuff.

Oh, this has been a disaster since I moved in here. I should have known. It

a bad decision from the beginning. I should have invested in something that

didn't roll away.

Something stationary, like a stationary store.

Don't give up yet.

I'm gonna go back to that guy who owns the religious bookstore.

When I interrogated him, his answers were a little too pat.

I'm gonna get the entire department on this.

Unless Claire's gone home.

Well, Maul, you finally won. You hear that, Maul? You won.

Hey, Lisa.

What is it, Maul?

Oh, it's me.

Oh, the slippery one.

I think I found your cart.

Really?

Where? Out in parking structure D, level two. Is that the yellow one?

No, the orange one. Learn your math, rookie.

Here.

I've got to talk to Miss Hendricks after class.

What for?

We already handed her reports.

Leave.

Miss Hendricks and my dad back together.

Oh, great. And how are you going to do it this time? Tell her she needs a

facelift?

I'm going to give her this card with a cute little message and pretend it's

my dad.

That'll never work.

Oh, it's Garfield and he's crying.

I catch live without you, Ray Campbell.

Ray Campbell?

That's how you're going to write?

Hey, all I know how to forge is his name and please excuse Tamir from school

today.

care that.

Hi,

Miss Hendricks.

Do I know you?

Yeah. You flunked me three years ago.

I'm delivering flowers now.

Here you go.

Pretty flowers.

Would you get the money for those?

wanted me to give you this.

Tamara, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think you might have

misunderstood the things your father said about me.

Could be. I'm a kid. What do I know?

Well, it's obvious you don't know anything about the planet.

Here's your incomplete.

Why don't you redo it, and I'll pick it up tomorrow night when I go out with

your dad.

He took it.

I hate you guys. I take back everything I just took back.

New invention. Sense of humor. Pick one up.

Look, it's like an initiation.

We do it to all the new cart people.

It's our way of saying welcome to the old end of the mall.

I don't think it's funny.

Look, I put my life savings into this.

Now, I tried to be nice to all you people, and you snubbed me. And on top

all, you steal my cart because you think it's funny? Well, that's it. I'm

quitting, okay? I hope it's... No, we're sorry.

Oh, you save it for the next poor chump with a cart and a dream.

We really hurt that lady.

I feel bad.

So do I. Shut up!

I'm not really mad.

Oh, yeah, I'm still mad.

But this is just my little initiation.

Hey, she's good.

She's gonna fit in.

Well, it took some doing, but I finally found it.

The clever thief's disguised as a falafel cart.

Hey, who's cart is this?

Bob died.

What?