Original subtitles

A lonely laugh. Come here.

Woo,

baby. The neighbors.

Hey, honey.

Got some Crocker Jacks. No, I had candied apple popcorn hot dog.

Of course, I did lose my cotton candy. Hey, what the heck?

You know, they always have such nice little surprises in there.

Just a little plastic magnifying glass.

Makes the penis look bigger.

Keep looking.

I have a feeling there's something else in there.

Terrence, you stole a little boy.

Yeah.

Oh, a ring.

A diamond ring.

Oh, it looks real.

Wow! It is real.

It sure is, baby.

Lisa, honey, you make me so happy.

You're everything I dreamed of.

And I love you so much.

Will you marry me?

Thank you.

loving man in the entire world. He put out for a ride.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on in here?

Ray, Terrence and I are getting hitched. Oh, that's great.

Is Terrence moving in?

No, I'm moving out.

the house will all be mine.

Oh, get me to the church.

Please get her to the church.

Get me to the church on time.

Morning. Good morning, Mary.

What's the matter, girls? My singing isn't that bad.

We're really happy for you, but all of a sudden it hit us that we're going to be

split up.

Oh, come on, girls. You're going to see each other all the time.

Yeah, but it won't be the same. We won't share a room.

But you'll only be a few miles away.

Yeah, it works out great. If Terrence and I have a fight, I can be here to

Well, sometimes there will be traffic.

Girls, I promise you, it'll be fine.

Look, the important thing is, we will always be family.

Thanks. And Lisa, I want to do something very special for the wedding.

You paying?

Oh, thanks, Ray.

No, no, no. I was going to say that you can get married here.

We can cater from the sizzler.

Thanks, Ray.

And, uh, I have one special request.

Would you do the honor of giving me away?

Nothing would make me happier.

Oh, I got a wedding plan!

Ray?

So, what do you think?

Do you have anything bigger?

I'm Aunt Minnie.

I'm Aunt Winnie. And I'm the baby Aunt Jenny.

We're here for the wedding.

You're two weeks early. We were going to come three weeks early, but we didn't

want him. Oh.

Do we dress for dinner?

Please.

about him and his head.

Here comes a bride all dressed in white.

Mom, you're beautiful.

Honey, don't cry.

What is it? All the wedding plans getting to you?

I'm just so happy.

and I'm here because I got kicked out of the lingerie department.

So we want only the best. 100 % sterling silver.

This is a nice service for $2 ,500.

How much for the spoon?

I'll see if I can find something more suitable.

Hey, man, who do you think you're patronizing?

I'm not patronizing.

I'm condescending.

Well, then keep up the good work.

Boy, this is getting really expensive.

Yeah, and we haven't even paid for the bachelorette party.

Did someone say party? It's for women only.

So am I. Roger.

You know, they usually have strippers at these parties. And I want to let you

know that I'm available.

I'm a hunk of hunk of burning love.

Roger, please stop.

If you don't mind, we want to go with a professional.

on a budget.

We found him in the Yellow Pages. He's known as Doc and Go Joe.

You look more like Sloppy Joe.

and pretend she's a beanbag chair.

What about on Minnie? Should I close her mouth?

It'll be the first time since she got here.

Well, good night, Mom.

So you had a good time?

Mm -hmm. I can't wait till you two get married so I can pay you back.

Whoa.

Looks like this was a killer party.

Take it off.

Let's see those...

Was she talking to me?

I don't think so.

You know, Lisa, I can't believe it, but in a couple of days, you're going to be

an old married lady.

I'm going to be married. I'm going to be a lady, but I'm not going to be old.

Sometimes I'm not going to be a lady.

Lisa.

Die, never mind.

Come on.

Well, you know, I was just thinking that it's going to be kind of quiet around

here.

I mean, excuse me.

I mean, we... I mean, it's gonna be weird with you gone.

The house will be kind of empty. Of course, the fridge will be filled.

That's the sweetest thing you ever said to me, Ray.

Yeah. Well, you know what I mean.

Mm -hmm.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

And I'm not wearing a girdle.

She's in white.

Oh,

Lou, thanks for the toaster oven.

Thanks for the vegetable steamer, Gladys. Love it.

And Rita, I haven't received your gift yet, but I know it's on the way.

Weddings are so beautiful.

Why do people always cry?

I don't know.

When I get married, I want a big wedding.

I want a small wedding.

And I want a double wedding.

Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do, I do, I do.

Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Aunt Jenny needs some Alka -Seltzer. And Aunt Minnie needs some caffeine.

Sure, no problem.

And Aunt Winnie needs a nice foot massage.

We don't do feet.

Dear, do you do feet?

Mom, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just couldn't get to sleep. You know, I got a

my mind. I need to think. I need to eat. Where's my turkey leg?

It was good.

Here, make Aunt Winnie some soup.

How do you know? How do you know if the one person you're marrying is the person

that you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Oh, honey, don't fret. It's in your gut.

Only thing in your gut is my turkey leg.

I knew the minute I laid eyes on my beloved Herbert that he was the one.

He was not the one. Try your fourth.

He was not my fourth. He was my third.

Manny, pull your head out.

He was your second and my third.

That's right. I hate you.

Oh,

honey, you never had him in the first place.

Oh.

Mom, what's going on?

Oh, I can't tell you, honey. It's very, very disturbing.

We like disturbing.

Okay.

Okay, but you got to promise not to tell a soul.

Oh, don't be cute.

We promise.

I had a dream. It was about the wedding and... And?

I went to get the groom and... He was... Ray.

Ray Charles?

Perky and Peppy.

What did I even ever tell you two?

Don't worry, Lisa. We won't say a word.

Oh, boy.

There's an aunt in every bathroom of the house.

Ray, what are you doing here?

I do live here.

What do you mean by I do?

Why are you girls up so late?

To talk about, I mean, we weren't even talking about the wedding or kissing. We

were listening, really. Not that there's anything to listen to. Especially

nothing about the wedding or kissing.

See?

We don't talk.

Oh, your dresses look beautiful.

Maybe I'll just raise the hem a little bit.

I'll take over from here.

Roger, what are you doing?

I just want to be in the wedding.

Maybe I can be a ring bearer.

Or I can carry a train. We don't have a train.

Well, this train is bound for glory.

Get out of here, you little pervert!

So, how are you dating anyone?

Stupid dreamer. I just can't shake it.

It's like a thorn in my side, pebble in my shoe.

Mom,

it was just a dream.

I just feel like I cheated on Terrence.

And I need to floss.

Just tell Terrence. I mean, you'll feel better. He'll understand.

You think so?

Yeah, I bet he'll even laugh about it.

What?

How could you?

You're not laughing, baby. I can't believe this is happening.

You're right. It was just a dream. I got to remember that. Yes, just one stupid

passionate kiss.

Passionate. So now it's passionate.

No, didn't thought.

knew something was going on here. You know, how can two adults live under the

same roof and nothing happen?

What a fool I've been.

The wedding is off.

Well it still doesn't make any sense.

Lisa, you all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm on top of the world.

Lisa, don't feel bad. It's not your fault.

You see, when you're around people who, well, are attractive... Hey, let's not

mince words. Sex is all get -out.

These things happen.

Just kill me now and get it over with.

Lisa, I'm sorry.

I mean, I really do know you've been having a hard time.

I just want you to know that if you need anything to talk, I'm here.

Oh, I appreciate it, Ray. All right.

So, was I good?

Oh, there, sweet adorable twins.

Well, we're on our way. Come on, girls, give us some sugar.

Lisa's just going to hate to see us go.

and presents were sent to the house, and I just thought we should... Oh, Lisa, I

wrapped them myself. I miss you so much. Oh, I miss you, baby.

I'm sorry I got so crazy. It was just that dream. Oh, that dream, it meant

nothing. Well, it had to come from somewhere.

Well, maybe it was that bean burrito and climb back bar I had before I went to

bed.

Come on, Lisa.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I had to have a nightmare to make me realize that...

But I'm not ready to get married yet.

I kind of figured that.

Well, you're the right man for me.

It's just not the right time.

But I still love you.

I love you too, Lisa.

They got me.

I feel so bad that Mom and Terrence aren't getting married.

But now we don't have to split up.

It's all about us, isn't it?

So, anyway, things were getting back to normal.

You are the world champion.

Kids, don't try this at home. I'm a professional.

I'm glad your interns have worked things out.

I guess he's gotten over your fantasizing about me.

Don't you get it, Ray? I had to dream about something.

to shock me into realizing I needed more time.

It had to be disgusting, vile, grotesque.

Pugnace. Oh, that's a good one. I was going for stanky, but that one works

better. Well, I'm glad I could help.

And my Terrence, he's going to wait for me.

Well, I'm happy for you, Lisa.

What?

It's so funny.

For a split second, I thought that dream meant that I had feelings.

But you.

Get out. That is funny.

I've had feelings for you since the day you moved in.

You've invaded my soul, Lisa.

I love you.

You do?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, Ray.

I love you, too.

We're great. Yeah, thanks for winning these, Ray.

Well, take good care of them. They cost more than a college education.

What happened to Roger? I don't know. Last time I saw him, he was trying to

his savings bond at the kissing booth.

Come on.

Mr. Campbell, Mr. Campbell. I met this lady at the carnival who's dying to meet

you. Really?

Well, I am the stuff of dreams.