Original subtitles

My throat's killing me. I'm nauseous and my head is pounding.

You get all the breaks.

You better go.

Remember how you hated those salmon croquettes last night?

Well, you're really going to hate them in a second.

It's going to be weird going to school by myself.

I mean, who's going to walk with me, have lunch with me, laugh at my jokes?

I never laugh at your jokes.

I hear somebody laughing.

It's you.

Oh, yeah!

I made you some nice tea and toast, and I even heated up those salmon

croquettes. Oh!

Well, here's the bell so you can ring me if you need anything.

Mom, the bell doesn't ring.

Oh, yeah, I took out the ringy thingy last week when Ray was sick.

He was working it like he was Quasimodo.

Mom, no offense, but can you get out of here?

Now, Tia, I'm going to keep bugging you till you eat. Now, you know what they

say. Feed a fever.

Lisa, do you have a fever?

Preventative medicine.

Today is the day we've all been waiting for. It's time to dissect our frogs.

Please, don't hate me.

Um, sorry I'm late, but there was this girl in the bathroom giving birth.

I had the midwife.

Denise, take a seat.

Hey, you can be my partner. She is out thick. Great.

What a cute frog. Hey, froggy, froggy, froggy. Don't get too attached.

Marvel and listen to the heartbeat.

Ba -boom, ba -boom, ba -boom.

She's bizarre, bizarre, bizarre.

See, my jokes are funny.

Ooh, I can't do this.

hurt, Kermie.

You've named him? Yeah, we're never going to be able to kill him.

The spinal cord should now be exposed.

I don't want to see his cord.

What can I do?

There's an open window.

Do you think we should?

We definitely should.

cheerleader. Good thing she stuffs.

Girls, what happened to your project?

He went out there.

You're telling me a perfectly good frog just jumped out the window?

To tell you the truth, he was really depressed.

Ray.

Ray, you know our new neighbors down the street?

Oh, yes. The Hubbles.

I know those old bags.

They never mow their lawn, and they always keep that junky car parked right

front. Blah.

They were just robbed blind.

Those poor sweet people.

They took everything. They even stole their washing machine in the middle of

spin cycle.

Got all their underwear.

Sounds like professionals.

Oh, Ray, those dear old people are running around with their tied hanging

Please, don't tell me anymore.

Ray, it's winter.

Lisa. Think of the chafing.

Hey, Dad. Lisa. Hi.

How's Sam? Not too good. She couldn't keep anything down all day.

Oh, that's too bad.

You want a snack?

I'm not very hungry.

I'm starving.

Yeah, I'm starving, too.

You want to go to the kitchen?

Yeah, let's go in the kitchen.

I think Tamara's picked up a stray.

Ray, all this robbery stuff is making me nervous.

What if something happens? Who'll protect me and the girls? Hey, I'm here.

I'm getting some barbed wire and a bazooka.

Bye -bye.

I've never been to a neighborhood watch meeting so tastefully done.

Well, we try.

See you later, neighbor.

Oh, I don't live around here. I just came for the free cookies.

Been there.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye. Bye, Marge.

Oh, Marge, Marge, by the way, that new robe you've been wearing to pick up your

morning papers?

Much better. I don't even see the veins.

Take care.

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye. Enjoy it. Bye -bye.

Bye -bye. Bye.

What a pathetic bunch of...

Neighbors, would you like a cup of coffee?

Oh, I'd love some.

Even though it does give me the runs.

Fresh out.

I can't believe that we were robbed.

Well, all I can say is thank goodness that you weren't hurt and that you still

have your health.

Well,

that is true.

Right, right. You're safe.

I mean, they could have walked in on you, hit you upside the head with a

and thrown you in a trunk.

But it's over and done with.

So there's nothing to worry about. Oh, yeah, there's nothing to worry about.

Of course, there was that case on Unsolved Mysteries where they made

the keys. They came back.

chopped them into a thousand pieces, wrapped them in cellophane, gave them

as candy on Halloween.

Well, it's been fun.

Thanks, uh, thanks so much. You've been such a comfort.

Oh, you have such a lovely house.

Thank you. Thank you.

We used to have a lovely house.

Until they took everything.

Uh, I better get that door.

They even took our clapper.

Now when we do this, we just get on each other's nerves.

So we all made some new friends, and I was having a great time hanging with me.

Before Tia was still fighting off that nasty bug.

Roger, leave me alone!

I just want to take this hippie suit.

I really miss Tia, but...

had some great philosophical conversations.

Not only were we both deep, we were both brilliant, of course.

I guess I should have spent more time with Gia. What could I do? Watch her

sleep?

When we get to school, please don't talk that way. Oh, come on. I know you

missed me.

Okay, okay, I missed you, but at least I had Denise.

You know what? We have so much in common that it's almost scary.

Hi.

Now that's scary.

Well, what do you think of my hair?

We love it.

We have it.

So it's here you're better. I guess we can all walk to school together.

Oh, yeah, that'd be fine.

You sure? Because you know what they say, two's company, three's triplets.

Girls, you want a ride to the... What is this, Invasion of the Body

Snatchers?

Morning to you.

Morning, honey.

by my middle name, Tanya.

Isn't that cool? Tia, Tamara, Tanya.

Wait a minute. We're still

lab partners, right?

Well, I'm sorry, but, you know, now that Tia's back, I thought she'd be my lab

partner again.

Well, where will I go?

School psychologist.

Marcy.

Class, we're going to be looking at some very exciting film on the reproductive

habits of fungus.

So what are we doing after school today?

Well, we were just going to hang out at the house.

Great, I'm there. No, we meant the house next door.

Great, I'm there.

Well, they really don't like strangers.

Great.

Now this fungus takes on the appearance of the host and slowly expands until it

completely engulfs every square inch.

This is so fun!

This is so bizarre.

I'm telling you, she was following us all day.

Tia, you're getting paranoid. She's not that...

when you were getting home.

I told her if she really wanted to be a sister, she should change her name to

Latanya.

Mom, what are we going to do?

She's so desperate and needy.

Well, maybe you just have to introduce her to somebody who is as desperate and

needy as she is.

Hi, girls.

Roger.

Hearing my name on the tip of your lovely thumbs is music to my lonely

Roger, we have a proposition for you.

Don't mess with my head, girls.

No, we want to set you up with a friend.

Oh, no. A friend always means that they're a bow -wow that can't get a date

save their pathetic lives.

All right, forget it. No, no, I'm very interested.

Hi, guys.

What happened to your face?

I went to a candy move.

Ooh, triplets. This could kill a lesser man.

Audrey, this is our friend Tanya.

Did anyone ever... Did I ever tell you you looked like that little frumpy girl,

Denise?

This is Denise.

Did I say frumpy? I meant lumpy. I mean, go home, Roger.

Hey, I'll see you guys at lunch.

She's out of control.

Yeah, no one says go home, Roger, except for us.

Yeah, I'm your love slave and no one else.

Go home, Roger.

is going to get you.

You know, I was born to be a neighborhood watcher.

I don't like to watch people, Ray.

What are you doing?

I'm watching you.

Ooh, there's a police circus in there, Ray.

Why have you let you talk me into this?

Oh, come on, admit it. Feels good doing our civic duty.

You know, I once thought coming to cop well i see you got the donut eating part

down ray that house over there i think i saw a light i

think someone's prowling around in there

Oh, just stand behind me.

Well, what if somebody has a gun?

Just stand in front of me.

There's nothing going on here.

There's not even anyone in there.

Freeze!

Oh, hi, guys. Nice of you to show up. I said freeze.

Officer, we can explain everything. Put your hands up over your heads. Okay,

here we go.

All right, but I haven't shaved in three weeks.

go down, girl.

Denise has a little surprise.

Why are we doing this? Because we have to tell her to chill out.

I hate basements. Why do we have to go in a basement?

Yeah. Bodies are always buried.

Very psychotic friend.

I bet she wants to get rid of one of us. Yeah, she can take over as the other

twin. Take her!

You don't want a brownie? You've got a knife!

Yeah, to cut the brownie. Why are you acting so crazy?

Crazy?

You think I'm crazy?

Our pictures are all over your wall.

Well, you have pictures of your friends in your lockers. What's the difference?

Stupid joke.

Tamir makes stupid jokes all the time.

You laughed at my jokes.

I felt bad for you.

Look, I don't have many friends, and I really hate being an only child.

I just thought maybe I'd found someone.

Denise.

No, I was good enough to be your friend when Tia was sick, and then you just

dumped me.

Oh, come on.

Get out of here.

Man, we really messed up.

Does that mean we don't get a brownie?

Get out!

I can't believe we spent two hours at that police station.

Yeah, they threw me in a tank with a bunch of working girls.

And I ain't talking about no meter maids.

Lisa, watch out!

Floyd? Hi.

The mistress was out and...

I didn't want to be home alone. And your door was open, so I just came in.

I'm sorry to bother you.

Oh, no.

No, wait a minute. I'll put on a pot of tea. You just relax.

After that robbery, I just was making sure you're safe and sound.

You're going to protect us with a turkey leg?

Hey, it's a weapon and a snack.

Come on, let's just go to sleep.

Mom, we did something really creepy today.

We hurt Denise's feelings.

I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

Well, we kind of called her a dangerous psychopath with homicidal tendencies.

Hey, I've been called worse.

Mom, what are we going to do?

Well, I remember this one friend of mine.

She dressed like me, looked like me, talked like me, and acted like me.

What happened?

I realized I was drunk in some lady's room and I was looking in the mirror.

Mom, what's the point?

Apologize to Denise.

Everybody messes up. You know, when somebody's desperate and needy like

can scare you, and you end up saying things you don't mean.

Now, I better go downstairs and do a little security check in the living room

and in the kitchen.

You need mustard, don't you?

Mm -hmm. This is very dry.

Say something to her.

I don't know what to say.

Well, say something really meaningful to show that we're sorry and that we

really care.

It was beautiful.

Carmy's back!

Carmy? An old friend of ours.

How did he find his way back home?

Well, he's just like Lassie.

Except he's green and he talks.

I hope you know where you're going with this, because I don't have a clue.

Well, the lungs are like Tamir and me, and maybe you can't be a lung, but you

can be something else real important, like a liver or a spleen.

Let me get this straight.

You thought I was crazy?

My head!

And now back to the front.

That's them, officer.

They are the perpetrators.

Duh, Ray.

Look at those little beady eyes, that sloping forehead, those cheesy clothes.

Wait a minute, that's my shirt.

This is the last time.

They come here often? Well, they fake their own robbery. Then when people are

out on neighborhood watch, they rip them off.

You nasty old thief!

Will you not go in there?

Ma 'am, the mic.

You can kiss this mic goodbye.

machine. They even took the muffins.

Sorry, Ray, that was an inside job.

I still can't believe this.

Yeah, just when you thought you knew somebody.

Yeah, who would have thought those old people?

Oh, Ray, I'm not talking about them.

I'm talking about you.

Me? Mm -hmm.

I saw the way you jumped in front of me.

You were there for me, Ray.

You were so brave.

And you weren't even hyperventilating.

Man's got to do what a man's got to do.

You had no regard for your own personal safety.

Man's got to do what a man's got to do.

I mean, could have had a gun or a club or a butcher knife.

Butcher knife?

Yeah. With that shaky hand, he could have cut you real good.

Breathe, breathe.

You feel better, Ray?