Original subtitles

I got a little card from Marcy. She's having a great time in Hawaii. She met a

boy over points.

Mom, you read our mail?

Well, honey, it's just a postcard. It's like skywriting. It's for everybody.

Mom, you're always doing this. Come on, Lisa, this is our stuff. Yeah.

Okay, fine, I'm fine. I just butt out. I'm butting out, butting out. See, my

boat's back.

When you get to be our age, one of the most important things in life is

I mean, it's all we have. Yeah, I mean, think about it.

We can't vote and we don't own real estate. We can't even get our ears

without a signature.

So all we can hope for is a little piece of privacy.

Not that we have anything to hide.

You guys, maybe we shouldn't be doing this.

Chill, dear.

You always worry so much.

Ah, first cigarette of the day.

Whoa!

Here, you need a light.

things to talk about.

Scott was checking me out today. But detention was... He what?

He's cute.

I know, he is too fine to define. I know, he's got a baby face, but he is

dangerous. I know, that's what's so hot about him.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. That's Morse code for our parents at home.

Well, don't feel a bad way. They just don't want to talk in front of you.

Yeah, they're both here.

We gotta go. I can't really talk.

more details. My head is spinning.

Don't you think your girls are spending too much time on the phone?

You know, Dad, you're right. We shouldn't be tying up the line.

Well, that's right.

Well, maybe it would be better if you got your own line.

I got my own line. You get your own line.

When no salesman see young naive girls like you, you're going to be like sharks

in a feeding frenzy.

Like a lion stalking his prey.

Like Lisa circling fresh baked goods.

Just can't let that Beamer thing go, can you, Ray?

All I'm saying is, listen to that little alarm clock that goes off in your head.

The one that says, walk away, walk away.

Okay, walk away, Ray. So what happened to the little alarm clock?

Um, I bought one.

Well, we got our own phone. A major step towards privacy.

Yep, and we had to find the perfect message. Something that said we were

We were happening. We were not home.

like Tia. We're not homes to leave a message -ia.

Message -ia?

This is for stuff.

Twins like a box of chocolate.

You never know which one you're going to get.

So please leave a message.

Huh? Huh?

Stupid ears and stupid nose.

Hi, this is the washing machine.

The answering machine can't answer the phone. right now.

about, do you?

Well, you see, my skills lie more in the management area.

What does that mean?

It means I'll give you $5 an hour.

And I promise to have the twins having a marriage?

Forget it. How about a foot?

Roger.

Well, I need to hook up your satellite cable on the roof. Wait a minute.

Isn't that kind of dangerous?

You know, Mr. Campbell, I haven't told a lot of people this, but my nickname is

Spider -Man.

That's funny. I thought it was Spider -Head.

It's now six. Six dollars an hour.

Oh, hey, Ray. Have you seen the girls?

I was going to ask you the same thing.

I called, but all I got was their machine.

Like they're never around anymore.

Remember when they needed us for everything?

Oh, yeah.

When Tia was little, she used to run to me with every kind of thing up her nose.

Buttons, lima beans, Barbie doll shoes.

She was a busy little girl.

One time she even got an apple seed stuck up there.

She was crying because she thought an apple tree was going to grow out of her

head.

Boy, I tell you, Ray, I'd give anything if she ran in here right now with an

apple seed jammed up her nose.

I'm hurting, Lisa.

And after that story, so am I.

The house just feels so empty.

Lisa, you've got to let the girls go.

But I do miss having the kids around.

Good.

to let us use her car. Well, I was supposed to take my little brother over

soccer practice.

Then where is he? In the trunk.

Johnny, will you shut up in there?

You guys, I'm getting busy and I feel kind of nauseous. Great.

That means that you're doing it right.

Hey, look, there's a car full of guys over there.

No, no, no, don't look.

They're looking at us.

Oh my gosh, okay, guys, we're going to roll down our windows and act very, very

cool. And Denise, do the best you can.

One, two.

Not conducive to good parenting.

Listen, girl, whatever they do in the dark has got to come out in the light.

I lying?

Lisa, remember when you were their age and your mother spied on you?

Yeah, that was bad.

Remember what you were doing to make your mom...

We got trouble.

Tia and Tamara are smoking.

Our kids?

No, Ray, Bebe's kids.

I heard it on their phone machine. I got it all on tape.

What do you say we go bust them? No, no, no, no, we can't. Then they'll know we

were sneaking around in their room.

We?

I told you, Ray, you didn't run to the cops, so that makes you more guilty than

me.

Well, what do you want me to do? Just stand here while they go out and just

poison their lungs? No, no, but they can't find out what I did. It was

dishonorable. It was deceitful.

Well, what do you want to do, Lisa?

Trick them into a confession.

That's them.

Hi.

Lisa.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, hi, girls.

How was your day?

Fine. Good?

Oh, mine was lousy. My car broke down. It was smoking.

Yeah. Maybe you need a new filter.

Yeah, maybe.

Well, I better get my butt moving and get started on dinner. We're having a

smoked salmon.

Mom, I don't think you're going to want to hear this.

Oh, honey, I'm open to anything you want to tell me.

A starving polar bear wouldn't eat your salmon.

And she likes it more than I do.

You know, I'm going bowling tonight.

Maybe I'll hit a lucky strike.

I've been waiting my entire life to be at school.

You guys, I hate to be the one to say this, but isn't this getting kind of

gross?

Look, I know you guys are going to rag on me, but I've got to be honest.

We stink.

I'm not the only one who feels this way.

You know, my clothes do reap.

My hair does, too.

Yeah, and when my boyfriend kisses me, it's like he's licking an ashtray.

You don't have a boyfriend.

I'm thinking ahead.

It's fun.

We're having fun here.

Do you know what causes cancer, emphysema, heart disease, and wrinkles?

Wrinkles?

Now, get this.

Me too.

I have been waiting my whole life to be this mature.

You know, guys, I feel good. I feel responsible.

So, what are we going to do now?

Let's go find those guys from Mundo.

Come on, Ray.

Come on.

Lisa, this is like sneaking into somebody's room.

Good, Ray.

This is hard evidence.

Stinky shirt, cigarette or two, we're home free.

Why don't you just tell them you listened to their machine?

I can't do that, Ray. They never trust me again.

Lisa, I'm not going to be a party to this.

Ooh, a diary.

Welcome to the dark side, Ray.

Geometry 101.

Some pretty hot triangles in there, Ray.

Can we just hurry this up? Okay, well, you check the vanity. I'll check the

desk.

So you got your lipstick, your eyeliner, your mascara, your powder.

What do our girls really look like?

Come on now, Ray. We got to get going.

Uh -oh.

Where's the girls?

Oh, wow!

They're coming up the stairs.

Run.

Look at this room.

Yeah. Who cleaned it up?

They're not leaving.

Therefore, we're not leaving. Therefore, I hate you.

Okay, admittedly, Ray, we're in a bind.

A bind?

This is the most embarrassing situation I have ever been in in my entire life.

Ray, I think you're selling yourself short.

There's something we have to confess.

Say it.

We're in love.

What? What?

Excuse me.

What are you guys doing in our closet?

There's a perfectly logical explanation for this. Yeah, you guys are spying on

us. Let's not get emotional.

Let's talk calmly and rationally.

I'm your mama. Are you trying to break my heart? How could you smoke?

Didn't we teach you anything?

Do you know about the smoking?

I wasn't born yesterday, you know.

I'll say.

Well, you see, T and I, we... Wait a minute. How could you guys spy on us?

We weren't spying. We were just watching you very, very closely from the closet.

We're going to Sarah's. Oh, no, you're not. Oh, yes, we are.

Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, yes, we are.

Oh, no, you're not. Fine, we're going to Denise's. Oh, no, you're not. Oh, yes,

we are. As long as you live under my roof, you live under my roof.

Actually, it's my roof.

As long as you live under Ray's roof, you live under my...

is better than staying here.

I've got twin beds.

We're going to our room.

Oh, no, you're not. Wait, wait.

We won this one.

up there, Ray.

They won't answer the door.

They won't eat my chicken, my meatloaf, my peach cobbler.

Lisa, those plates are almost empty.

Yeah, well, the girl burns a lot of calories running up and down them

Well, the children of the corn are back.

You know, there's something wrong with my tweeter.

Ray, our family is disintegrating, and you're worried about your stupid

tweeters?

Well, Lisa, there's something I can fix.

It was all right till Roger started messing with the speaker wires back

Whoa.

Uh -oh.

Girls, girls, you all right?

Just say something.

You shouldn't have gone into our room.

Say something else.

Well, you shouldn't have been smoking.

And it's not the kind of conversation I want to have in the dark.

Ray, they got lighters. They're professionals.

Shoot! Dang, it's hot!

I guess they're not professionals.

Now, look, girls, I just don't want you to mess up your life.

Ow, ow!

Lisa, please stop gesturing.

Mom, this is our life.

I want to be a part of it, okay?

I was there when you were growing fruit out your nose.

Mom, I'm really sorry about this.

You know, we quit smoking on our own.

You did?

That makes me so happy.

Mom, where are you? Dad, I'm over here.

Ray, watch out for that. Ow!

Table.

What is this I'm holding on to? Ray, that is not my elbow.

Ah.

Well, we're all here.

You know, some things look better in the dark.

Roger!