Original subtitles

Welcome to Suits City. We've got black suits. We've got gray suits. We've got

blue suits. We've got Italian suits. We've got double -pressed suits. If you

need a plumber, I'm a plumber.

That's Jack Plumber, the plumber.

Hey, this is my hair.

I used to be bald, but now I'm not.

It isn't a wig. It isn't a weave.

It's not even a spray.

Here comes the king!

Wow! It's the best red king!

So what do you think?

Primal.

And your head's kind of a weird shape for a crown.

You really want to make a commercial like this?

No, no, no.

My commercials are going to be much better than this. This is just so we get

some ideas.

You really think I have a weird shape head?

Dad, is this going to take much longer?

No, no, just hang in there. I just have a few more.

If I'm as naked as the tread on your old tires, then you need...

My commercials would be classier, more sophisticated.

Please.

You need Ray, you need Ray, you need Ray.

You need help, you need help, you need help.

So, how many cookies do you think you can fit in your mouth?

That's the stupidest question.

Regular or double stuffed?

Carol, listen to this.

Yes?

Come on, quit fooling around.

I need a slogan. Something with pizzazz.

I'm torn between drive with Ray or ride with Ray.

Ride with Ray. Drive with Ray. Which one?

Dad, forget the slogan for now. You need to focus on talent.

And where are loaded with talent?

Twin talent. If that's too gimmicky, you can just use me.

Hey, you're nothing without me.

You see? Careful. Neither one of you are getting into the show.

Mr. Campbell, I just wanted to let you know that the camera has two inches to

height.

Look, I appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, but I'm going with big

Really? Who?

Uh, Denzel, Whitney.

You can get them?

They're look -alikes.

You know, a lot of people say I'm the spitting image of Prince.

Yeah, Princey, Princey, Princey, Princey.

Quit dogging me, girl.

Hello?

Yeah.

Janet Jackson look -alike?

Eddie Murphy?

Great.

Put an offer out to both of them. See which one bites.

How much?

Hey, I can get Prince for free.

Who said anything about free?

Take it or leave it. Okay, but I want a trailer with a hot tub.

Anything else, Roger?

Can you put a girl in the hot tub?

Go home, Roger.

Girls, I'm going to make you start.

Thanks, Ray.

Dad, I'm so glad you're cheap.

I can't talk.

There are still miracles.

Oh, my baby, my baby.

Your mom almost died today.

I thought I'd never see you again. Come to my bosom, baby.

Oh, my dear, dear. Oh,

Harry.

What? What happened?

It's a long story. I'll start at the beginning.

What happened? I can't talk.

My lunch with Terrence almost turned out to be my last supper. I mean, one

minute you're sitting there enjoying a double -cut pork chop, and the next

minute you gasp for your last breath.

You almost choked?

No, it was the lady sitting behind me.

Why was she eating your pork chop?

There'll be a question and answer period afterward.

Before the lunch started, I was so romantic.

Terrence and I couldn't take our eyes off each other.

Then, suddenly, a woman at a table behind us started to choke.

Of course, I was the first to notice.

I was so proud of Terrence. He was using all his manly strength.

He applied the Heimlich maneuver.

Of course, I was ready to jump out of my chair to assist when Terrence's efforts

finally paid off.

The pork chop bone came flying out of the woman's mouth and whacked me in the

head. I was knocked out cold and fell face down in my soup. I was drowning.

Poor Terrence.

He must have been terrified watching the woman of his dreams lying lifeless in a

sea of minestrone.

It gets kind of fuzzy after that.

It was the most terrifying experience of my life.

Oh,

this is funny to you. I amuse you. I'm a clown.

I know it's very serious, but this is the first time I've ever heard of...

by soup.

Oh, Mom, I'm really glad you're okay.

Oh, honey.

I can't believe it.

I think I saw the light.

It was silver and shining.

Maybe it was your spoon.

Radon mocked in there, Dad.

Everything was all jumbled up. You know, I tell you, I'm still shaking.

Maybe you should go and rest. Yeah, I'm going to crawl into bed for a week.

Oh, I just can't keep my mind off the experience. I can't think of anything

else. Well, that's too bad, because we were all talking about being in the

commercial tomorrow.

Where's my squid?

No, no, no, no, I can't, I can't.

I'm tangled with the Grim Reaper. I need to reflect.

I need to find meaning in it all.

Come on, Lisa, aren't you being a little dramatic?

No, no.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to be alone.

Hello. I'm Lenny, the director.

But feel free to just call me Lenny.

Okay, Lenny.

Look, I don't know about all this. Don't you think this looks a little tacky?

No. No, no, no, no. Your majesty.

Ray,

just trust me. You're gonna love it. Wait till you see your queen.

Oh, I have a queen? Uh -huh.

Here she is.

You're the wise, Ray.

Don't get involved with your leading lady.

Lenny. I'm a respected businessman.

I will not have a pig for a queen.

Ray, we're up against the clock here. You got any better ideas?

Yeah. Another director.

Dump the queen. Good instincts, Ray. We'll put her in the background.

Fix his crown. He's got a weird -shaped head.

I hate this.

I love this.

You know, I've always thought of myself as a princess.

Billy! Get your big pink butt over there.

You don't have to yell at him.

Hey, I've spent my whole life with pigs.

What a surprise.

He looks hungry.

He works better that way.

Move it, you worthless piece of pork!

Poor Billy.

For two.

Any down for me? Any cherry? Excuse me, fluke boy.

Take off those pants.

Now that's entertainment.

I feel naked.

Ah, me lady.

Um, Dad.

Girls, don't be nervous.

You'll do just fine. Follow my lead.

Did I say hummus? Hi.

Welcome to... Lime?

Hi.

You don't have to do it like that. You just do it like that.

Ray's Limo, take 49.

Welcome to Ray's Limo, where everyone is treated like...

made her want to clean her slate, make amends, and apologize to anybody she had

ever wronged.

Louie, I know it was just a blind date, but when I opened the door, I shouldn't

have said, I wish I were blind.

That was cold.

Sorry, Sylvia, for not stopping that ugly rumor about you.

Oh, I'm sorry for starting it, too.

Jenny, sorry I was mean to you.

Robert. Sorry I lied.

Patty, sorry I was rude to you.

IRS?

Never mind.

Thanks for understanding.

Bye.

Feels good to have a clean plate.

You stupid pig.

Get in your cage.

Come on.

Ow!

You bit me for the last time.

Consider yourself honey -baked.

Do you think she'd really do that?

She'd be the first one at the table.

And the last.

of the King of Ring.

My coach awaits you.

Cut!

Maybe I should do it again. No.

Ray, there's no way you could be any better.

Thanks. Yo, King Ray, the girls wanted me to tell you that they got a little

tired, so I took the bus home.

Oh, that's okay.

And Roger, I want to thank you for hanging in there with me to the end. It

a lot to me.

I'm here for you, man.

Hey, Roger, my ride's finally here.

Thanks for waiting with me.

That's my Guinevere.

You need a ride?

Yeah.

You know, I resisted these sites at first, but they said to be working for

Hey, people, that's a wrap. Let's go.

Look, it was a pleasure working with all of you, and I want to thank you for

your hard work and for pitching.

Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Billy's gone.

Billy's gone.

So, Billy's gone.

Hey, don't worry.

How far can a pig go, huh?

What do you say we look for this pig?

You're safe with us, Billy.

or something else right now all we have to do is hide them from our parents

Oh, Heavenly Father, I come to you lost and bewildered.

Dear Jesus, I lift up my soul and seek thy guidance.

Why me?

Why little Stoney? Why the ceiling fan? Why, Lord? Why? Why?

You okay?

Why?

I mean... Hi, Father.

Well, hello.

Haven't seen you for a while.

I know, I know.

But I've been doing a lot of independent praying. Kind of freelance thing.

But recently?

Two near -death experiences.

Two?

I'll just step over here.

Huh? Just a little church humor.

Well, thanks, Father, but you can save those jokes for bingo night.

I don't understand it.

You know, sometimes the Lord just wants to get our attention.

I just keep asking myself, why is the Lord trying to get rid of me?

Well, did you ever think perhaps...

God is the one sparing you?

I like that.

What's the catch?

Well, maybe God has a purpose for you.

Could be your work he hasn't done.

My work?

Hmm. Hey, I could see myself a missionary type.

So like a Mother Teresa.

Because that robe may not work out with my figure. I mean, that sass would just

cut me in half.

You just... Listen to the Lord's voice. Who knows what little miracles he has in

store for you.

Hmm.

Maybe I could lose cash.

You know, Billy, I find if we accentuate your cheekbones, you'll make your snout

look smaller.

Mayor, what are we going to do?

I mean, we can't keep hiding them.

Don't panic. We have enough time to figure it out.

It was so spiritual, I had forgotten how much... This place looks like a pigsty.

Oh, Lisa, um, you're a guest in our room. Let me get this. Tamara, chill,

I got it.

Anyway, I'm just trying to, you know, still piece everything together.

You know, maybe somebody needs my help or something. I just need some kind of

sign.

This is getting weird.

Uh -oh! That's a pig!

That's a pig!

That's a pig!

Well, you're right.

Mom, Billy was in a commercial with us.

Girls, you don't bring home a side of pork unless it's wrapped in butcher

to rescue him. Oh, Ray is going to hit the roof. He's going to make a whole new

hole in the ozone layer. Dad doesn't need to know.

You said we were supposed to help somebody.

But I'm thinking of the little old lady, made in there with a heart condition.

Mom, this could be all part of a bigger plan.

Think about it.

You were hit by a pork chop, and this pig doesn't want to be a pork chop. It's

like the cycle of life.

What are you looking at?

I bet she says that to all the girls. No, just you.

Hmm.

So you my little mission, huh?

You my mission?

Well, we'll have to start somewhere.

Now, Billy, first thing in the morning, we're going to find you a brand -new

home. Maybe they got a shelter for battered pigs.

Mom, you have to admit, I mean, he's awfully cute. Oh, yeah, he's a

heartbreaker.

This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy got wee -wee -wee. Now, watch.

Watch your gutter now. Now, that's just a little rhyme.

You better hurry up, because Ray will be home in any minute.

Yeah, last thing you need to find is a pig in the kitchen.

It's so traumatic.

Excuse me?

I'm the one who woke up with a pig in his bedroom?

I think I'll leave that one alone.

Where's that animal trainer?

Dad, I can't believe you turned Billy in.

You can't go around stealing other people's animals.

Oh, he's not just an animal.

Ray, the pig is the smartest animal. He's the king of the jungle.

That's a lion!

Well, the pig is the power behind the throne.

Where's the miller tonight?

Well, there you go.

Look, I'm sorry. This whole thing was a complete... Give me my pig.

Oh,

she is scary.

Wait till I get you home.

Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go.

She's hurting him.

Now, now, now, now. Now, maybe we can just work something out here. Now, why

don't you come on in and just take off your coat.

Oh, no, maybe you should keep this on.

Come on, pig. He doesn't want to go.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. Now, I've been doing a

of talking to my maker, and I have finally come to realize... We should

appreciate all life, whether you're a mother or a daughter or a father or a

or... Well, we'll get back to you later.

You're all here for a purpose. And maybe that purpose is to protect and care for

all God's creatures.

You're not going to sing, are you?

Go with Billy.

Ray. Ray, do something. Ray, please. You can't let her take him. All right, all

right. How much for the pig?

$1 ,000.

So long, Corky.

Pay a rate, please.

I'm on a mission here.

Why is your mission costing me money?

I'm a non -profit organization.

Bottom line, $200.

He's all yours.

Bottom, bottom line, $150.

Make that grin off your face.

Oh, I can't. Oh, Ray, you have done a good thing.

Well, I guess protecting the life of this poor defenseless animal is, well,

important than money.

Nice wallet.

Ah, pigskin.

Don't you girls ever do anything like this again? We won't.

Oh, he's all ours.

Now what are we going to do with him?

I think Billy's really going to like it here.

I miss him already.

As pigs go, I guess he was okay.

One of a kind.

Bye, Billy.

Oh, wait a minute.

Billy, Billy. Which one is Billy? Billy?

Says our Billy.

I just wanted to tell you to have a good life and you party till the cows come

home.

Helping you has really helped me.

And I don't really have anything else to say except for... That's all, folks.

We'll come visit.

I really appreciate this, Dad.

Well, I'm glad I could do it.

Bill, we'll keep in touch.

I'm talking to a pig. I can't believe it.

I can't wait to see it. Me too. They said they added some really great

effects. They can make you look very good, you know.

Here you go, pookie -poo.

Thank you, Tiger.

Hey, hey, hey, this isn't a drive -in.

It's on.

It's us.

Oh, my baby's on TV.

Oh, girls, you look beautiful.

Hey, where's the jester?

Maybe they had to make a few cuts for time.

Well, I would have trimmed the cane.

Well, this looks great, Ray, but when do you speak?

Well, maybe they're saving me for the grand finale.

Welcome to Ray's Limos, where everyone is treated like royalty.