Original subtitles

We gotta have music.

Nothing is more important. Not even food.

Not even clothes.

Not even guys.

Man, now don't get crazy.

But, out of all the music, there's one guy who's the coolest.

The finest. The bestest. The bestest.

I really like Cold Dog.

That was Cold Dog with his latest hit, Unleash Me. And his new CD goes to the

first caller who can tell me the dog's hometown.

Cincinnati, Ohio!

Hurry, the phones are starting to line up.

It's ringing, it's ringing, we're gonna win!

Luigi's Pizza.

We have a caller on line three.

Cincinnati, Ohio!

That's right, Aquanetta!

We lost.

You want a pizza?

Stay on the line, Aquanetta, and we'll get your address.

I ain't ever gonna learn.

What's all this?

All my last few boxes from the garage. Once I unpack these, I'm officially

in.

Hey, you still have your high school yearbook?

Mm -hmm. Those were the days.

All right, where's your picture?

Oh, look up the prom queen.

I'm the third one over.

Hey, wait a minute. Here's a class picture.

Nice stroke.

Yeah.

It's all the way live.

See, Lisa Landry, drama club, Italian club.

Hey, I was in the Italian club.

Parley Italiano.

Una lasagna.

I just joined for the cute boys. Yeah, me too.

No, no, the girls.

Get out of here.

Would you look at this?

It was given to me by my first love, Curtis Simmons.

Wasn't much of a football player, but he was great in the huddle.

Come back to us, Lisa.

Well, if I have to.

Hey, look, he wrote you a little poem.

Lisa, L is for your lovely lips.

I is for your eyes.

Cold thing.

Cold thing couldn't spell.

There's nothing like your first love. Oh, yeah.

I'll never forget old Lucy Cobb.

Oh, I love Lucy.

Come on, Ray.

Well, give me the 411.

Well, it was all very romantic.

We used to sneak kisses during the science class.

Till this day, the sight of a dissected frog gets me all worked up.

Don't stop me. It's too, too hot.

I just love cold dogs. I love them more.

And I feel the love in this room.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I don't know, but I've never been happier.

How'd you get up here?

Well, I saw four beautiful girls, girls that are my good friends, and I wanted

to be in your company.

That's sweet, Roger.

Anybody want to take a shower?

Roger, one more word and you're gone.

So how are we going to get enough money for the concert ticket?

So just do what I did. Ask your folks for something outrageous, like a trip to

Europe. Then when they say no to that, ask them for the concert tickets. They

will think that they're getting off easy.

Great idea.

Roger, what are you doing?

I just want to prove that I was here.

Girls, please keep the music down.

Hey, Mr. Campbell. We were just talking about you.

Oh, Dad, can I ask you a question?

Sure, honey.

Will you send Cammy to Europe?

Europe?

That's a great idea.

It is?

Yeah, you can immerse yourself in culture, museums, cathedrals, art

Dad,

we like culture, but there's a lot of culture right here in our own backyard.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, there's a concert this weekend.

Maybe we should go.

All right, what new heartthrobs in town this weekend?

Marudo?

No, it's dad, but it's cold dog.

Cold dog. Is that a family name?

Any relation to hot dog?

If it really gets cold, do they call him chili dog?

They're so embarrassing.

Okay, okay, I've had my fun. I'll treat you both to the concert.

That's what they're for.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I don't know, but I've never been happier.

What did he just say?

I don't know.

Did he just bark?

Listen to these words.

Kick out the dough, dump the fleas.

That geezer, Mr. Campbell.

Dad, we don't listen to the words. We listen to the music. The words are the

music. And I'm not going to spend one lousy cent to support this dog guy.

Dad! Do you understand?

Dad! Subject closed.

Roger, go home.

The moon, what do you say?

Well, what did Ray say about the concert?

Well... Lisa, can I tell you something privately?

I love my dad, but he's just not cool.

He's definitely not as cool as you are, Mom.

Well, who is?

He really just doesn't understand our music like you do.

So can we have the money?

Sure. I just sold six moo -moos. I'm rolling in dough.

What's going on?

Oh, the girls are just thanking me for treating them to a cold dog concert.

Wait a minute. Didn't I tell you I wasn't going to spend any money on this

concert? I know. That's why we asked Lisa.

A .K .A. The Cool Parent.

Miss Hip, have you listened to his music?

Well, I haven't heard the dog's latest stuff, but I loved his early albums.

He only made one.

That's my favorite.

Pull the tape in there.

In where?

You know where.

Where? There.

Hit it.

Sing it to me, doggy.

I'll move money on him. But, Mom, you're the cold one. Shut up. We can't afford

that kind of woman -hating thinking in this house.

But cold dog doesn't mean anything by it.

Then what do you think he's saying?

You just don't understand.

Oh, like we were never young?

Right.

Well, you are not getting one cent of my money for that. That boy is bad news.

Not only does his music degrade women, but it condones violence.

I bet you he don't have a mother and a father. That's why they call him the

That's the whole problem with him today.

and the good old days. Yeah, and I kind of zoned out when I got to Chubby

Checker.

Anyway, we were so bummed, and there was no way we were going to get to the

concert. Hey, Cold Dog fans!

As you know, we're giving away free concert tickets and backstage passes.

Excuse us.

The first caller... I don't think we'll ever get through. ...life history will

be the lucky winner. It's ringing!

Get out of here!

I'm serious, it's ringing!

It rang again!

If it's a piece of place, I'll kill you.

Hello, you're caller number one.

I'm caller number...

seconds to tell me cold dog's real name.

Cold dog's real name.

Wasn't it Calvin Herbert? No, Herbert Calvin. I don't know.

other people. And do what?

Oh, just listen to some music.

You're not going to listen to those cold old CDs.

Oh, no. Not the CDs.

Okay. Be back by 11.

Have fun now.

We will.

You know, watching you clean to the past sort of got me in a mood for spring

cleaning. You've got to get rid of the clutter and focus on the future.

Oh, I can't believe you're getting rid of all this stuff.

No, I'm keeping that.

Well, what exactly are you getting rid of?

Uh, platform shoes.

You want them?

Oh, no, no, no, no thanks.

A little too super fly for me.

Oh, I didn't know you were a job.

varsity swim team.

What's the matter?

Just got a minute picture of you in a Speedo.

Knock yourself out.

Ooh, albums.

You don't see much of those anymore.

Oh, yeah, I'm keeping these. These are part of me.

The Archies. Oh, Ray, you're bad to the bone.

That was my sister's.

You don't have a sister. I have my brother's.

How about this?

Sam Cooke. Oh, love it. Yeah.

And my man, Otis Redding. Oh, love it.

Uh -oh.

Disco duck, take three steps back.

How about this one, huh?

The Four Tops? Ray, this is my group.

Yeah, classic.

Oh, Ray.

This record brings back so many good memories.

I remember dancing to this on Voltron.

You on Voltron?

Well, I remember dancing to it in front of my TV.

Couldn't get a date, huh?

What you talking about?

Moves like this?

Check it out.

What about it, Lisa?

Showing your feet.

Look out, ma 'am.

Did

you

check out his name? Cold Dog is all fat.

You are so lucky. I can't believe your ass. Actually going

backstage.

All right, LL.

Okay, tell Whitney I'll call her.

Yo, brother, what's up, man? Oh, you know that cold dog, man. He's just

chilling.

Yo, man, I'm on the list, man. See right here.

Rasheed Ben Falls.

That's me. I'm up in there. Here's your name.

Yo, man, that's my name.

Hey, yo, man, what a coincidence.

Two Rasheed Ben Falls in the same place. Give me some love.

Hey, man, can I borrow 20 bucks?

Yo, man, get out of here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No one gets backstage without a pass.

Wait a minute. They didn't have passes.

They don't need no passes.

I think I'm insulted.

Excuse me. We're the radio contest winners.

Tia Landry and Tamara Campbell.

Okay. Y 'all in?

You need a pass.

Good girl.

What's wrong with your eye?

Lucy and I used to dance to this. Oh, seems like yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

Curtis was so sweet.

We met in the Italian club. We thought we were so romantic.

I have a pen.

That's the only sentence I can remember.

Italian is the language of amore.

Every word is so romantic, so bellissimo.

I remember we were dancing the first time Lucy and I fell in love.

Mi amore, Lucia.

A una pena.

Yeah, I held her close and whispered in her ear and told her how much I loved

her and that we would never part.

A bella notte con mia dolce.

Probably taking a nice hot bath. The man needs to unwind.

They must be his official unwinders.

Which one's Tia and which one's Tamara?

Like I care.

Come on, let's go meet the dog.

What's this?

It's your snack, cold dog. Didn't you read the contract?

I said no raisins in the trail mix ever.

Look, I'm sorry. I'll pick them all out. But you'll never see another raisin

again. It's too late, man. Fight.

Cold dog, that's your father.

Get his old wrinkle butt out of here. And tell mom she's hanging by a thread.

I'm sorry.

You know, he's not that cute in person.

Ah, Mr. Dog. I'll give you radio contest winners.

Oh, twins.

I'm Tamara, and this is my sister Tia.

How old are you girls?

We're 14.

Oh, 14's cool. You know what I was doing when I was 14?

Yeah, you were dancing with Bad MC in a first world tour.

Hey, you know all about my life, huh? We're fanatics.

Cool, cool. So, uh, you want to hang out with me tonight?

Coldaw, I thought we were happening tonight.

You already happened.

Get over there and pick the raisins out of that bowl.

Okay, cool. You play your cards, right? And you could be the inspiration to my

next song.

Twin booty is a thing of beauty.

Write that down, somebody.

Yes.

So, uh, you ready to hang out or what?

Uh, we can't do that.

Yeah, it's a school night.

Hey, this is cold dog.

Uh, you know what, cold dog? What?

You're not a very nice person.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Lisa, we've got to talk about this.

Well, I feel better.

This is ridiculous. I mean, we live in the same house.

Fine.

Now, Ray, when you kiss me... Oh, wait a minute.

I didn't kiss you. You kissed me.

I distinctly remember your lips moving towards me like a bear trap.

Lisa. I was there. I did everything I could to fight you off.

Oh, come on now, Ray. Now who are we kidding? Now the fact is, ugly as it

we kissed each other.

Dear God, why?

I don't know.

Did you slip a Mickey into my slim fast?

Well, Lisa, I hate to burst your bubble, but in my mind, I was kissing Lucy

Cobb.

Yeah, well, then we really weren't kissing each other. No, nothing.

Absolutely nothing happened.

Oh, good.

Yeah, that's really good, Ray. Very good. I was afraid I couldn't listen to

Smokey again without getting queasy.

Don't make any noise. That concert was a waste of time.

Can you believe what a jerk Cold Dog was?

Yeah, it was kind of scary, wasn't it? Yeah.

I hate to admit it, but our pants were right. Well, as long as they never find

out. Let's sneak upstairs the back way. I'm glad we got away with this.

Did you hear that?

Those little stinkers. They went to the concert.

Those little stinkers.

All right, we've established that they're stinkers.

Now, what are we going to do about it?

I don't know.

But, you know, at least they realized that we were right.

I guess we could just sit back and know that experience was the best teacher.

We can go up there and catch them while they're fresh. Oh, I'd like that.

Let's head them off at the pass. Oh, yeah.

listen to his music again and we told our friends not to either but his album

still went platinum double platinum i hope he choked on a raisin next is cold

dog with his latest single twin bootay