Original subtitles

What is it? What happened?

Look at my new car.

What do you

think? Wow, it's very...

Big.

They don't make them like this anymore.

Yeah, they probably ran out of steel.

Look at this thing. It's huge.

There's hardly any room for my car.

Oh, Ray, you just jealous.

Everybody make rich mother has your car. This is a classic.

Where's the top?

They're still looking for it.

Mom, why don't you turn the engine off?

Oh, I already did. It's just knocking.

Hey, watch my car. Don't scratch it. Be careful.

I am so excited.

No more waiting for the bus in the rain and the snow.

No, now you can ride around in the rain and the snow.

3D with...

Spend Christmas with the Olsen twins in South Central.

It's full house in the hood.

Hey, let's go.

We're late.

I can't find my car keys.

Come on, Ray. We're already ten minutes late for the PTA meeting.

Tamara, have you seen them?

Why don't you take Lisa's car?

I'll help you with forms.

Are you two going to be all right here by yourselves? I can call and check in.

Ray, you coming or you going to stay and breastfeed her?

I'm just concerned about the girls.

If something goes wrong, I don't know it. Tia tells me everything.

Right, Tia?

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. Hush, honey. Come on, Ray. Let's

go.

I'm not leaving without my keys.

Now, boy.

so we can watch some TV.

Okay.

You see my books?

When did you have them last?

Third grade.

I guess I left them in Dad's car.

An excellent idea.

Thank you, Mrs.

Saunders. Now, for the next order of business... Are you okay, Ray? What I

is a blanket.

Come on in. We just finished... introducing ourselves.

Go on, Mr. President.

Volunteers for the fundraiser Saturday.

Mrs. Curtis, Mr. Turner. Never volunteered, trust me.

Volunteers for the costume making committee.

Volunteers for the next committee.

I had to make a thousand cupcakes.

I couldn't grip a spoon for a week.

See what I mean?

Uh, Ray would like to help.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Ray doesn't think that our kids deserve to... Oh, yes, I do. I do. I'm going to

help.

Thank you, Ray.

Oh, uh, will the owner of a 72 red and rust -colored Cadillac please go out to

the parking lot? You're blocking ten cars.

And let's go.

What's wrong?

Tamira, no.

I just want to see if I can start it.

I started it.

Great, now stop it. Wait, let me see what happens when I put it in gear.

Tamira, you're washing the windows.

I meant to do that.

I don't know what you're missing.

This is great.

This is great.

Tamara, this is a... Bad idea.

Whatever you do, don't say anything.

I can't lie to my mom.

You don't have to lie.

Just don't tell the truth.

Please?

I can't believe this.

It's going to take me a week to recover.

Somebody else took over my body and scratched Dad's car.

Believe me, it was you.

What are we going to do?

Well, I bet we'll sleep better if we go tell right now.

I can't tell.

Well, I can't lie.

But, Tia, we're sisters.

We're not lying.

We're bonding.

I still don't like this.

Look, Tia.

Tamara, you're full of it.

I know, but I'm desperate.

Promise me you won't say anything.

Okay, I promise.

The lies always start off small and they snowball out of control.

I watch you guys instead.

Roger, that's thick.

If I was older, it'd be thick. At my age, it's just curiosity.

Go home, Roger.

Ah, ah, ah, that's not gonna work this time, twins.

Now, it would be real easy for someone to accidentally tell your dad what

happened. What do you want, Roger?

Matching girlfriends for a week.

The fact is, you don't get a girlfriend until you got a girlfriend. And who

knows what I can get with twins.

No way.

Mr. Candace.

Do it. We will?

We have to.

I can't believe this.

And dress her like tomorrow.

I like that.

thing will get out of hand.

We don't need to leave until work is over.

Either of you seen the other trash can?

No.

I'm trying to put away the trash and I can't find it anywhere.

You know, there's been a string of trash can robberies in the neighborhood.

Morning, Ray. Time to make some cornbread.

Great.

Oh, shoot. Time to go to work.

Guess what, girl?

I just went by the bus stop blowing my horn just to rub it in.

Isn't that funny?

I guess you had to be there.

He's going to see it sooner or later.

Well, maybe he thinks it happened at work. I mean, he won't know who to

Lisa, that dinosaur of yours scratched my BMW.

What are you talking about? I ain't touch your car.

Well, there was no scratch on it yesterday, and I haven't driven it

do you account for that?

I don't have to account for anything, Judge Wapner.

I know if I hit somebody. How would you know? You're right around in that steel

cocoon. You can't feel a thing.

Just show me what you're talking about. Oh, I'd be glad to show you. Oh, my

goodness.

See? There, there.

I warned you about getting too close.

Well, look at my fender. I don't see any new scratches.

Finding a new scratch...

finding a new crater on the moon.

You better stop dissing my baby.

Mom, what is it, dear?

We finished our breakfast.

Congratulations.

Look at your fender back here. Come here. I'll show you. You probably hit it

right here.

This is getting out of hand. We've got to tell. You promised. If you tell,

you'll get me in trouble. But now my mom's in trouble.

Leave the...

No way. You are not taking our picture.

I hear the sound of a car crashing.

Bye, y 'all.

Thanks.

And make me some wine and cider.

Roger.

That's it. I don't care anymore. We're not going to be your girlfriends.

But I got the dirt on you guys, remember?

Go ahead and tell. Anything's better than this.

Yeah, get lost.

Come on, guys. I thought we were friends.

Friends? A friend wouldn't take advantage of us like this.

And you know what, Roger?

We used to kind of like you.

You like me?

You really like me?

Not anymore.

You can... kniving little two -faced snot nose.

It was you.

You're still upset, huh?

Of course not.

I'm not upset.

Why should I be upset?

I ain't got nothing to be upset about.

Hey, be careful.

Don't worry. If I scratch it, I will pay for it.

So you're saying you scratched it.

All right, Ray.

With an estimate done, it's going to cost $800.

$800? For that little scratch?

I got a friend downtown that'll fix it for a pack of cigarettes.

Mom?

Here, have some potatoes.

I promise you can't tell how good they are.

Don't worry about it, Lisa.

Who's your insurance company?

Mutual of nobody.

Oh, forget about it. I'll pay for it. No, no, that's okay, Ray. I'll find a

to pay for it. I don't need two kidneys anyway.

How about we split it, 400 apiece?

All right.

I'll sell my car, and I'll get the money to you by the end of the week.

I can't take this any longer.

I did it.

I drove the car, I lost control, and I scratched it.

Tia! You did what? No, I did it.

Tia had nothing to do with it. I just wanted to drive.

You did what?

Now, wait a minute here.

Would somebody please tell me what's happening?

Mr. Campbell, I can't live with myself.

I did it.

You did what?

I stole your car for a joyride. I couldn't see over the dashboard, and I

him it. But he and Tamara had nothing to do with it.

Wait a minute. Who's telling the truth? Roger.

She peeled out of that garage so fast that the trash can didn't even know what

hit.

Thanks a lot, Roger.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Do you know how much trouble you have caused this family?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I don't know what came over me.

It was like somebody else did it.

Well, you and that somebody else are in a lot of trouble.

Come on, let's go.

Time for you and I to have a private conversation.

Can I watch?

away, Roger.

I'm sorry, Lisa.

I'm sorry, Tia.

Tia, you knew all about this and you didn't tell me anything?

Do you need any help?

I didn't want you to get into trouble, but I made this promise to Tamir and...

See, let me tell you a little story.

Come here.

Once, when I was in high school, I snuck a boy into the house.

Really? How old were you?

Uh, 25.

But we didn't do anything.

What do you mean?

Forget that.

Anyway, the next day, I realized that my father's favorite pocket watch was

missing.

He stole it?

Mm -hmm.

I should have known then that men were trouble.

So what'd you do?

Well, I couldn't tell my parents, you know, that I snuck a boy over, even

I was 25.

I was caught in the middle.

I know the feeling.

My parents looked for that watch for years.

You must have felt terrible.

Uh -huh.

It was the first time I'd ever lied to my parents.

Did they find out?

Parents always find out.

Remember that.

From then on, our parents always looked at me out of the side of their eyes.

Oh, that's a bad look.

You should have seen it when they did it.

Are you going to look at me that way from now on?

No, honey.

I always felt that my parents should have given me a second chance.

You're going to give me a second chance.

I think so.

Thanks, Mom.

But there's not going to be a third.

owe you an apology.

I guess.

Lisa, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have blamed you for what happened to my car. I mean, you told me

that you didn't do it. It's okay, Ray. It's okay.

I probably would have done the same thing myself.

Just the same.

I got you something.

You did?

Lisa's can.

Well, so you never run out of gas again.

Thanks, Ray.

You know what surprised me?

It's how the girls both lied.

Yeah, as disappointed as I am with Tamara.

Gotta admit, I was impressed the way they stuck up for one another.

Remember when you were your kids' best friend and they told you everything?

Those were the days.

Yeah, but they're getting older.

Yeah, closer.

And we're getting older. Yeah. Don't go there, Ray.

dragging with me like a dog in the street.

Well, I guess you got off kind of easy.

Yeah. All we have to do is clean the garage, trim the hedges, wash and wax

cars, pour out all garbage cans, and make 80 loaves of cornbread.

Hey, girls. Need some help?

No.

Well, I'm sorry I took advantage of you guys. I just couldn't resist.

I guess you try to make up for it.

And I want you to know that I'll always treasure the time we spent together as

boyfriend and twins.

Good night, Roger.

Are we still friends?

I guess so.

Great. I got the keys to my dad's van.

Roger, you can't drive.

Who said anything about driving?

Forget it, you baggy pants.

We're never gonna get a woman pervert.