Original subtitles

Hi, girl.

How was school today?

Terrible. A slow, painful death.

Glad it's going better.

Excuse me.

What have you got there?

Oh, just some yarn. A customer asked me to repair it. Are you kidding me? This

basket was handmade in the 16th century in a small village off the coast of

Zambia.

So it's not from Caymo?

No, it's not.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

Just be careful next time. Sure.

What'd they use that for anyway?

The village women used it to carry yarn.

Now that everybody knows, I ain't ever gonna let this go.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Step, step, step, step, step.

Talk about doing what you said.

There's not need one rule.

No, it's only double rule.

Now that everybody knows, I ain't ever gonna let you go.

You

hurry

up. We're gonna be late for school.

I have nothing to wear.

There's a lot of things about going to school that can make you mental. Like

clothing. Or teachers.

Or the cafeteria.

Why is it every time you walk in there, you come out smelling like fish sticks?

Even on meatloaf day.

But of all the things in school, The number one pain is not having a date.

Not that we'd ever admit it.

Remember, school dance this week, so don't be mean.

Hey, check it out.

I am.

I meant to dance to you.

Oh. Well, how are the dancers here? We? Yeah, Mr. Fennor, the science teacher,

it's always the DJ. Yeah, and he thinks Dr.

Dre discovered him in a ceiling.

Hey, look, there's Phil. He's so fine.

I can never talk to a guy that cute.

Hi, Phil.

Hey, Tamara.

Good game against Central.

Thanks.

You're amazing.

So, are you going to the dance, Sarah?

No way.

And the dance is here so late. Yeah, I'd rather curl up and die.

Make room, I'll die with tomato.

Excuse me, Jamie. I was just wondering if you would like to go to the dance.

Yes.

Lisa!

Lisa!

Lisa,

we need to talk.

Well, I'm sorry, Ray. I was just putting some fresh towels in your bathroom.

Don't you know how to knock?

Well, I said I was sorry. You, the landlord, get some locks.

Maybe if you knocked, I wouldn't have to get locks.

Well, maybe if you had them, I wouldn't be putting such an embarrassing...

situation. You?

I'm the one who was caught, you know.

But I'm the one who had to look.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did. I had to look. It's human nature.

What'd you see?

Well, I didn't see much.

Not that there wasn't much to see. I mean, it was all a blur.

Lisa.

Lisa, listen to me. I need my privacy.

I need my dignity.

Mr. Dignity, your privacy is showing.

I know it's hard combining households like this, but we need to establish some

house rules around here.

Okay, fine.

All right. Rule number one.

We always knock before we open the door.

find a way to live together here. You know, I mean, I'll put locks on all the

bathroom doors. We can separate our food. That would be nice. I'll get a

schedule. I'll put it right up here when I... Wait, wait, wait a minute. That's

my tuna.

Needs more mail.

Not gonna make you dare at it.

Can you believe Jamie today?

Yeah, I mean, she gets one date and she acts like she's going out with Kevin

Campbell. I mean, Eric's not that cute. Right.

He's gorgeous. I know.

So, have you been on a lot of dates?

Oh, yeah.

When you say date, what do you mean exactly?

You know, a date with a boy.

Does a date with a boy cousin count?

No.

Then I've never been on a date.

What about you?

I've never even been out with a cousin.

Do you think we're like mutants?

No. If we're 35 and still having this conversation, then we're mutants.

care if a guy calls me.

Me either.

You know, that phone doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe your dad forgot to pay the bill and it's disconnected.

That's home. What if someone's trying to call right now? They're getting a busy

signal. Hang up.

Hi, girls. How's it going?

We don't have dates for the dance.

Well, you know how these dances work now, don't you?

Cool guys are never in a rush.

The cool guys always take their time because they're looking for the most

beautiful girls.

Yeah?

Well, see, the nerds, the geeks, the chumps, they got to be quick out the

Yeah, only the losers ask girls out this early.

Hey, have you guys heard about the dance this Saturday night?

Exhibit A.

I know that I'm just your next -door neighbor, and that I might not be very

or very handsome, but, well, what... you girls wouldn't want to go to the dance

with me, would you?

I don't care which one.

Sorry, Roger. I mean, you're great and everything, but it's just that we don't

think of you as a guy.

Then what do you think of me as?

More like a friend.

But I can be more than a friend.

Roger, no offense, but you're in the eighth grade.

So what's the big deal? When you girls are 100, I'll be 99.

Maybe we can go out then.

Well, maybe then I'll be busy.

What are you doing sitting in the dark?

Waiting for you, Ray.

What are you doing, trying to send me to an early grave?

You've been reading my diary.

I don't usually eat this late.

Excuse me, but that's my milk.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I hadn't noticed.

Yeah, you're out.

Yeah, I guess I am.

You can have some of mine.

Fine, thank you.

But I wouldn't want to break your house rules.

Fine.

I'll have my cereal with... with water.

Yes.

I like it that way.

Less fat.

Oh, Ray, it's all right. You can have some of mine. Thank you. You can buy me

new card tomorrow.

Okay.

waiting for a boy to ask him to the dance.

Boys, where do they come from?

Weren't you alert during health and science that day?

Just that the girls were really in for some rough time. Being a teenager,

dating, feeling awkward, insecure.

I had me a good time.

I bet you did.

Some of us were very, very popular in high school.

Must be tough when you peak early.

One for Ray.

Well, I don't know. I just hope they had an easier time of it than I did.

Wow. I mean, I was just... It was horrible asking a girl for a date. I'd

her up, and my hands would start shaking, and my voice would tremble, and

developed a twitch.

Were you wearing a Superfly hat?

No.

Just trying to paint a mental picture.

Go on.

Well, anyway.

I was so nervous that before the girl could make up her mind, I'd yell, the

house is on fire, and I'd slam the phone down.

You're a fascinating man, Ray.

Don't forget the school dance.

Gravity or late.

Thank you. Hey, Samara.

Hey.

I can't believe it.

Sarah hooked up with...

Not Underwood.

It's like everyone in school's got a date but us. Tia, what are you

about? I mean, you're new at this school. Everybody knows me, and I still

have a date. Yeah, but I still want to go.

Come on, if no one calls, we'll still have a great time together.

Yeah, right.

How?

We'll do each other's hair and each other's makeup, and we'll look so good,

we'll go out to the movies, and we'll get great seats because everybody will

at the stupid dance.

Wait a minute.

What if you get a date and I don't?

Well, what if you get a date?

Okay.

We've got to make a pact.

Either we both go or neither of us goes.

Deal?

Deal.

Hi, Tamara.

Tia. Hi, Phil.

I saw you at basketball practice today. You were really great.

Thanks a lot.

Hi.

Hi. Anyway, I was sort of wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me.

Sure. Okay.

See you Saturday.

Great. Saturday.

I got a date! I got a date!

Are you mad at me? Does the word packed mean anything to you?

Relax. You got a date. It's only Wednesday. It's Thursday.

Thursday? Ooh.

Well, somebody's gonna ask you. Just go to the dance.

Dance your brains out.

Miss Clarkson escaped from Jenny Craig again.

I've altered the stretch so many times, the buttonholes have stretch marks.

What's up?

Nothing.

Doesn't look like nothing.

It's just that Tamira got a date for the dance.

Oh, she did, huh?

Well, honey, you knew at school it was going to take some time. I feel like

a reject.

Not just a minute, Tia. It's true.

My daughter is not a reject.

Don't tell anyone this, but you're the pretty twin.

We look exactly alike.

Do you know what this means?

There must be something wrong with my personality.

What are you talking about?

You got a lot of personality.

You got multiple personalities.

I mean, honey, you know what?

You're great.

You're just saying that because you're my mom.

Mm -mm. I'd say that if I were a neighbor.

I bet there are lots of boys who'd love to ask you out, only they're too shy.

I know the feeling.

You trust me. Boys are just as scared as you are.

They're probably sitting by the phone right now, sweating and twitching.

be talking to you right now, only the house is burning down.

Mom, you're so weird.

It's the boys who are weird.

Sometimes you gotta be the one to break the ice.

I bet if you walked up and just started talking, you'd draw them right in like

one of those electronic bug zappers.

I think I just blew a vocabulary quiz.

Hey, what does supercilious mean?

Supercilious? I think it means pompous.

What, it has nothing to do with being a really great clown?

Sorry.

So. So.

So, big dance this Saturday.

Yeah, sounds like fun.

A lot of fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I hate to be supercilious.

But I better get going. I got a lot of stuff to do. Me too. Lots of stuff.

Hi, Roger.

It's okay to you.

Thanks. Roger, if your offer's still good, I'll go with you

to the dance.

You will?

Oh, no.

What's wrong with you?

if you have a date.

You do?

I mean, great.

It's okay.

I'll just tell her that I can't make it.

I'll tell her that I'm sick.

I'll tell her that I ate some bad spinach and got the trots.

Forget it.

I don't wanna go to the dance anymore.

for just the right dress.

Right, when it covered everything but my head.

She's beautiful, ain't she? Ooh, I love the color, Tamara.

Yeah, it fits me great. It's her twingy, yet loose at the same time.

Hey. Hey.

Found her dress, huh?

Hey, maybe you could borrow it sometime.

Think. It's really not my style.

she did it.

Ouch.

So how do you feel about all this?

Well, I feel kind of helpless.

I mean, it's not like I can go to school and grab some boy and say, hey, you

idiot, you better take out my daughter.

Can I?

Hey, it's not that easy when they have a date.

You know, I asked Tamara about this guy she's seeing Saturday.

She wouldn't tell me a thing.

That's how it is, Ray. The older they get, the less they test.

You mean this is as good as it gets?

These are the golden years.

Used to be so easy.

They'd fall off their tricycle.

You'd pick them up, give them a band -aid, popsicle.

Kiss the boo -boo.

Now the boo -boo wants to kiss them.

Boo -boo, I hate my hair.

It's fine.

I look like Lenny Kravitz.

Tia, I know I broke the pact and everything, but I was sure you'd get a

Forget it.

Look, I'll call Phil and get out of it.

You'd really do that?

Yeah. But please don't make me.

It's okay.

Just go.

Are you still mad at me?

Not really.

Hey, do you know what looked great with that outfit?

I had these before we were twins.

Thanks. Tamara, Phil is here.

So, how you doing, Phil?

Fine, Mr. Campbell.

Enough of that Mr. Campbell stuff. Just call me Ray.

Great. Ray.

You know, Phil...

I remember being a teenager, so I'm not going to hassle you.

Thanks, Ray.

You're welcome, Phil.

You see, I know you're going out there to have just some good, clean fun,

That's right, Ray.

Hold that smile.

Guess you want to remember Tamara's big date, huh?

No, this is in case I have to hunt you down.

Oh, Tamara, you look beautiful.

Yeah, you look hot.

I mean beautiful.

Thanks, Phil.

You two get over here. Let me take your picture.

Not so close, Phil.

Daddy, we'll see you later. Just a minute. Phil, I'll be right with you.

it, Dad?

I just want to remember how pretty you look right now.

We'll be late.

Tamara, I just want to say have a great time.

I love you very much.

Please, take this beeper.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night. Good night, Ray.

That's Mr. Campbell.

Now, y 'all have a good time.

Yeah, a lot of fun.

Y 'all come back, you hear?

I hate this. I hate this whole dating thing.

Join the club.

Die, you little aphid. Die.

A little.

Well, listen now, we're going to have a great time tonight, just us girls.

I ordered a pizza, got a fridge full of soda. I found out what Ray has is

Malinois.

Mom, no offense, but I feel like being by myself.

See, that's not going to solve anything.

You know what I used to do? Mom, I don't want any more advice.

See, I'm just trying to help.

Nothing works.

I tried talking to a guy. I even asked out Roger.

Oh, baby.

Face it, no bug zapper.

See, you're fine just the way you are. Mom.

Please don't try to cheer me up.

Can I say just one more thing?

Mom, I don't want to hear anything else. It'll take just five seconds.

Tia, I know you're upset about tonight, but the thing is, you're a terrific

person. You're terrific whether you have a date by your side or not. And look at

me, I raised you without a man. You turned out great and I turned out great,

we both great. The hell with them anyway.

Oxygen.

on my way to pick up my date. I wanted to show you my suit.

Nice, huh?

You look great.

Thanks. And it's a real tie. It's not a clip -on.

I just wanted to tell you that tonight when I'm dancing with my date, I'll

really be dancing with you.

And when I go to kiss her, assuming she doesn't push me away, I'll really be

kissing you.

And what about when you say goodnight?

I'll be saying goodnight to you.

Goodnight, Roger.

Sure, give it up.

Harold!

See, I didn't know you lived here.

Yeah. You ordered pepperoni, right?

Yeah, I ordered pepperoni.

I didn't know you had a job.

Yeah, I have a job.

I look pretty stupid.

No, no, not at all. You look very debonair.

Debonair was on your vocabulary quiz.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

I got that one wrong, too.

Here, you gave me too much.

Thanks.

Well, see ya.

Charles, I know you're probably busy, but do you want to stay and have a piece

of pizza?

Well, actually, this was my last delivery.

Great, come on in.

All right, and I'm around L Street.

Yeah, this is the part where she gets her head chopped off. I love that part.

This can be a nightmare.

But everything turned out great. And we made a pact never to make a pact again.

And we'll never get so caught up on dating.

Right. We're not going to let guys rule our lives.