Original subtitles

We have a device that can allow us to send one human being back in time.

Forgive the interruption, Your Holiness, but we need to discuss the agenda for

the US3.

Public response has been overwhelming.

St. Patrick's Cathedral, Madison Square Garden, Yankee Stadium, every seat

filled to capacity.

Over the entire four days, nearly one and a half million.

Finally, the Pope.

Yes, he's bigger than the Beatles.

And how many...

will truly listen.

Only God knows.

Some days, instead of trying to push that gigantic rock that is our faith up

hill, I wish I could nudge just one small pebble all the way

to the top.

We will talk after mass.

Yes, Your Holiness.

Okay, Dr.

Feelgood, party's over. Hand it over now.

What? Oh, don't play innocent. We know you stole opiates from the dispensary.

Oh, that.

Well, there's a perfectly good explanation.

Oh, yeah.

Your alcoholism's turned straight into... Oh, brother.

She was in a lot of pain, so I gave her a little morphine to help her sleep.

Poor thing. What happened?

Well, I don't know for sure, but, uh... There's been a new tomcat prowling the

halls recently.

So?

Oh, come on, Vukovich.

He steals narcotics for a rat and I'm the bad guy?

Basically, yeah.

Well, these sutures are primitive, but the wound is clean and her breathing

seems good.

Why didn't you call me?

I didn't want to wake you.

All right, we both know where this is going.

You're going to keep leaning in a little too close, and I'm going to lean back a

little too far.

And it's going to feel great for about five seconds until I make some wisecrack

that totally offends you and you march on out of here, which leaves us right

back where it always does.

Which is?

Me frustrated and you mad, and for no good reason, am I right?

Right. So let's do the smart thing for once. Let's go back to those five

that feel great.

And admit that we got a chance of getting something going if we can just

through the role -playing crap.

All right.

The Rolling Stones are playing in Vegas Friday night. I got a line on some

tickets. Now, it isn't classical, but it is classic rock, so consider it a

compromise.

And we have dinner afterwards in a restaurant where the floor doesn't

Is that a yes?

Yes.

Great.

Last chance for a rude comment.

Not me. I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

The brand new Mr. Parker.

I don't dislike it.

Your Holiness, are you all right?

I only hope God gives me the strength to complete his mission.

He should not be making this trip.

He can't take ten steps without gasping. His eyesight is so bad he can barely

read his newspapers.

There is too much at stake in these negotiations.

So who would be better suited to conduct the negotiations? You?

Don't confuse eyesight with insight, Umberto.

His holiness, mind, and spirit are strong.

Very strong.

The pontiff, whose health has been in question of late, appears to be in good

spirits as he prepares for a trip to the United States.

Sylvester has died, finally succumbing to wounds he sustained from an

attack in St. Peter's Square four days ago. The College of Cardinals is

gathering to determine his successor, though sources at the Vatican say that

Roman Cardinal Umberto Renza is the likely frontrunner.

Interpol has confirmed that the assassin was working alone.

He believes he had some sort of divine calling to kill the Pope.

Damn Armageddon nuts. 2000 didn't start off with a big bang, so now they're

going to jumpstart things.

Frank, we're back step ready.

Why?

Spoken like a former altar boy who's had his knuckles wrapped by one too many

nuns. Which is true, but completely beside the point. Look, I got a lot of

respect for the Pope, but come on, the guy's 75.

If there's a heaven, you know he's on the express train there. I just don't

why this is a back step event.

The Pope was quietly brokering a peace agreement between Christian and Muslim

leaders in Indonesia. The panel had high hopes for their upcoming meeting in New

York, but no.

No Pope, no pact.

Exactly.

All right, let's do it.

He'll arrive two days before the assassination. The Italian police have

enough evidence in Colacci's apartment to take him into custody before the

event. And as soon as you call in, we're going to set the dogs loose on that

satanic freak.

You mean I don't even get a free Roman holiday out of the deal?

Sorry, you'll just have to save your frequent flyer miles like the rest of

Thinking about them nude beaches, huh?

Nope, not that evening. I'm a changed man.

Oh, really?

I agree to go out with him on the condition that he acts like a grown -up.

more frat boy, Annie?

Sounds like no more Frank Parker.

Yeah, well, I'm into it.

What would you guys know, anyway?

Good luck, Frank.

Reactor at 98%. One.

Engage.

Friday. Thursday.

Wednesday. Screw this up, baby.

Damn, I'm getting under that.

Come on.

Come on, this one's for the Pope, for God's sake.

Fine, don't worry about me. How's the Pope?

But Your Holiness, you are the Pope.

There's been a back step, but we haven't received a conundrum call, and the

sphere isn't sending its tracking signal. Oh, wait a minute. Don't look at

recalibrated that tracking system ten days ago. So you can guarantee that

Frank's not buried underground somewhere? With 93 % certainty.

Remind me to never let you shoot an apple off my head, William Tell.

Craig, I want every global hotspot tracked and prioritized for back step

potential. John, check all weather and space anomalies to see if anything

to a sphere materialization.

Frank is out there somewhere, and we've got to find him.

Vatican officials have confirmed that the Pope was apparently unharmed during

the attempt on his life and is currently under observation by his private

physicians.

Ballard! Get off of me, you bastards!

I said get off of me, you bastards!

Your Holiness, please, you must let the doctor examine you. No, I'm fine. I just

need to talk to Dr. John Ballard. We do not know this man, Your Holiness.

Where is the doctor? I think he had a stroke.

No. It's hard for the racing, but that is to be expected, given the excitement.

His vital signs seem stronger than ever.

See, I told you. Now, just let me get to a final.

He has clearly lost his senses.

We must cancel the trip immediately.

Trip? What trip?

The American trip you're holding.

America?

No, don't cancel. That's good. I want to go to America. I've got to go to

America. We will keep him under close observation.

In a few days, we can reconsider.

But I... I want to go now. I think we take the doctor's advice, Your Holiness.

Can I at least stretch my legs a little?

If you wish.

That door is to all your holiness.

I know that.

You think I'm an idiot?

Is it not encouraging?

What? Who the hell is this?

Conundrum. What?

The Pope can't make a private phone call?

In your present condition, perhaps it is best to keep your contact with the

outside world limited, Your Holiness.

Oh, you think I'm crazy?

I think you should rest.

And I think we should be on a plane to the States.

First, we rest.

Until you are yourself again.

Fine.

Any word, Nick?

Damnedest thing, sir. We just got a conundrum call.

Where is he? Is he all right? Hold your horses.

The voice said conundrum, but it wasn't Parker's. What else did they say?

Just Ramsey and then the line went dead.

Had an Italian accent.

We ran an analyzer on it. The guy had to be in his 60s at least. And maybe

Parker got drunk in some bar somewhere and gave some jerk his password.

Did you trace the call?

We did. It came from Italy.

Where in Italy?

We don't know, sir. The call was too short.

He might have had someone call for him if he was hurt.

All right, people, let's concentrate our search in Italy.

Oh, God.

Good morning, Your Holiness.

What's so good about it?

Who the hell are you?

Aldo, your valet?

Oh, yeah.

Right.

You certainly have your appetite back.

I'm feeling better by the minute.

So, um... What do I do all day, exactly?

You don't remember?

Humor me, although.

Well, you wake up at 5 .30, and you say math in the chapel.

And then you read your newspapers, and maybe a few private audiences, lunch,

more audiences, and at least five hours of prayer and meditation.

Five hours?

Oh, at least. And then dinner, followed by evening prayer.

You wouldn't happen to have any Alka -Seltzer, would you?

Oh, see, at once.

Oh, God, it sucks being 75.

Behaviourally...

He barely seemed comfortable in his own body.

If this continues, we may have to consider that his illness may be

psychological. The press already suspects that something is wrong if we

a psychiatrist.

Ah!

Your Holiness, how are you feeling?

Much better, thank you. So, um... What's on the docket?

Come on, we know the public's wondering how I am. The sooner I get back to

business, the sooner we can get on with this trip to America, right?

Yes, of course.

Right. I suppose we could schedule some private audiences to end the

speculation.

Fine, let's do it.

Come on, what are you waiting for?

We found the sphere in the Adriatic off the coast of Italy. It's completely

intact, but there's no sign of Parker.

Which doesn't necessarily mean we've lost him. Now, if we can track the space

-time trajectory, then there's a good chance we can figure out exactly where

sent him.

Get the sphere back and repair it, ASAP. I also want that data.

Right.

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to you.

Father, son, and all the rest of it. What's this?

It's Team Ferrari, Your Holiness. They want to beat the British this year.

Name of the father, the son, and the holy crankshaft.

You remember Signora Della Corte?

Of course.

The Signora's husband has been a major contributor to the restoration of the

Cathedral in Assisi after the earthquake.

We are very grateful. St. Francis, well, always been a personal favorite of

mine. Oh, I am so happy my husband and I could have helped.

I, uh...

I must admit, I have a personal reason for wanting to see you.

You do?

I have sent you holiness.

I have committed adultery with many men.

Many, many men.

I want you to hear my confession.

Really?

I'm afraid it will take some time.

Oh, I got time.

Well, I believe my problem started when I was 14, away at girls' school.

My uncle Daniel... Well, he wasn't my real uncle, just a friend of the family.

He came to visit me and...

That seemed to go well.

You have no idea.

We were scared for the ambassador.

Is there anyone special you'd like me to schedule in for tomorrow?

What? Well, nearly every head of state has inquired about your health. They all

want to see you.

You can take your pick.

I can see anybody?

Just before the assassin fired, the crowd claims to have witnessed a

flash of bright light, the source of which has yet to be identified.

Here it is as it was caught on camera.

What the hell is that?

Yes.

Put it through here.

Olga, there's a call for you on your private line.

A Cardinal Renza from the Vatican.

The Vatican?

Hello?

The Pope wants to see me?

He asked for you personally.

Oh, well, of course. I would be very honored.

Very honored.

Yes. Well, thank you very much, and I will be there as soon as I can.

Bye -bye.

The Pope wants to see me.

This has got to be about Frank.

You don't think he would have told the Pope about Backstab, do you?

I wouldn't tell the Pope about Backstab. That's treason.

President doesn't even know about backstab.

Your holy name.

Here is Dr. Olga Vukovic.

Come closer, my pretty.

Come closer.

That's it.

Come to papa.

You may kiss his ring.

You may leave.

That's all. We got it from here.

Olga.

What did... Olga, it's me.

Parker.

Parker?

Maybe you better sit down.

I... I don't... I don't really understand.

Something happened in the back step.

Back step?

Your holiness... No, Olga, it's me.

Look, close your eyes. Forget the voice. Just listen to what I'm saying.

Now, I remember every moment we've ever spent together. I'm not just talking

about the time loops, the times I've seen you die.

I can tell you how many times you've called me Frank instead of Mr. Parker,

which is roughly, uh... Two.

Oh, my God.

It really is you.

Oh, I promised you I knew me.

And this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

My God.

Excuse me, Your Holiness.

The Council feels you've recovered sufficiently to resume our plans to go

America. Ah, splendid.

We leave tomorrow.

And please make arrangements for Dr. Vugovic to accompany us.

As you wish.

Good. Oh, one more thing.

Everyone is waiting for some comment about the attempt on your life.

Tell them I'm fine. I mean regarding the man who tried to kill you. His name is

Nino Colacci.

The council feels that perhaps you could make some small gesture of forgiveness

before we leave for America?

Of course.

Good. Good. I'll make the arrangements.

Fine.

That bugs me.

Do you think this is a good idea?

I can turn the other cheek. I'm the Pope, right?

Right.

My son, why did you try to kill me?

Because you are an impotent, doddering old man.

Sometimes appearances are deceiving.

God works through us in ways we can't always understand.

Well, that is not Lucifer's way.

He's very clear in his instructions.

Which are?

To destroy you.

Well, you didn't succeed, did you?

Peace is not over yet.

That's right. You still have time to confess your sins. God will forgive you,

I have.

There goes the U .S. street.

Did you have to physically assault him?

He harked on the Pope.

And you turned his holiness into Pope Rambo.

You saw Rambo?

Look, stick to the point, which is, if we have any hope of getting you back

your own skin, we must get back to NNL.

Yeah. Call Ballard and tell Donovan to be on standby. We may need special help.

He'll know what that means.

Donovan. Yeah.

So what's your idea? Go Greyhound?

I'll talk to Donovan.

Oh, and be careful.

Cardinal Hardass, Umberto, whatever his name is, is a bit of a pervert. He likes

listening in on people's phone conversations.

Oh, Olga.

Did they find the sphere?

At the bottom of the Adriatic, back at NNL by now.

Did they find me?

My body, I mean.

I'm sorry.

I was afraid of that.

Dr. Talmadge, it's Olga.

You found Frank. Is he all right?

Well, not exactly.

So it's bad this time, right? It's really bad and nobody blames me.

Well, we said something happened on this last trip.

He went back okay, but then... He started moving forward in time again,

he? It's consistent with what I'm finding in the black box data.

Some boomerang effect that intercepted the back step with the exact moment of

the Pope's assassination attempt.

Mm -hmm. Can you fix it?

What's to fix?

Well, uh... Parker was affected.

What do you mean, affected?

Uh, it's... Probably not very wise for me to go into that right now.

But listen, Craig.

He said that we're going to need your special help to get back to NNL. He told

me you'd understand what that meant.

Tell him I got that. I'll be standing by. Okay.

His aggressive behavior was unconscionable.

Thank God I got the news reporters to keep this quiet.

But we cannot keep him out of the public eye forever.

Well, we must cancel the American trip.

And it is my strong belief that we should demand his resignation.

For reasons of health. No Pope has ever resigned. Then maybe it's time.

And you would replace him, of course.

There is another possibility.

You think I need an exorcist? It's just a consultation.

Father Patrick has had experience with the rite. I don't need an exorcist. What

I need is to get back to the good old U .S. of A. Your Holiness.

You have not been yourself since the attempt on your life.

Oh, that's a big surprise. I'm 75 years old, for God's sake. To jail, Your

Holiness. He felt angry.

Of course.

Enraged. Definitely.

Possessed? Yes.

No.

Look.

What I did today was wrong.

I responded to a situation as a man. Now, maybe not the man I'm supposed to

but just remember...

Even Jesus lost his temper when he threw the moneylenders out of the temple.

Jesus did not have to deal with the press.

A little fire from their pope.

Perhaps the public would not be so condemning, Umberto.

Besides, that treaty won't happen unless I get to New York.

We leave for the airport first thing in the morning.

Holiness, I just thought you should know, kolache requires stitches.

Bravo.

That's right.

Hope's still got it.

The cars are ready to take us to the airport, Your Holiness. Dr. Vugovic,

also waiting.

Ah, good, good.

What is it, Carlo?

The van transported Colacci to prison, crushed.

Oh. He got away?

We don't know yet. The van was found burning. Police are still sorting

the bodies. But the trip's still... Oh, yes. The trip's still on, right? I mean,

how hard can it be for the police to find one deranged psychopath?

We are talking about the Italian police, Your Holiness.

Oh. Right.

Then perhaps we'd better move.

These are my thoughts, exactly.

Come on, Aldo.

Pope Sylvester's arrival in New York City today was greeted by over 100 ,000

Catholic faiths.

Something wrong?

According to our intel, nobody meeting your man's description got off the

jet. What about Dr. Vukovic?

We've got her.

She's with the Pope right now.

Seems pretty chummy, as a matter of fact.

Where the hell are you, Frank?

I could get used to this.

Comfortable clothes, comfortable shoes, people bowing at my feet.

Yep.

Someone's Donovan showing up.

Olga? I don't know. I haven't been able to talk to him properly yet. What?

Well...

Excuse us for a second, will you?

Hold on. What the hell's going on? Well, you said so yourself, that Cardinal's

always hovering around.

So Donovan doesn't know who I am?

What do you expect me to tell him? To be on the lookout for a little old man in

a tall hat?

Son of a bitch.

You're only that. Perhaps we should go over to the agenda.

I think I should rest after today's journey. Perhaps some quiet prayer.

Oh, no, you address the United Nations this afternoon.

I do?

I've prepared your speech, Your Holiness.

I believe it to be very inspirational.

Wonderful.

Well, I can't give this speech.

Well, you're going to have to now, aren't you?

By the time I finish, I'll have blown my window to the backstab. Plus, it's dry.

Well, then it's perfect. You're not Jay Leno, you know.

Where the hell's Donovan?

He's probably wondering exactly the same thing about you. You little bastard.

Your holiness eats time.

Oh, God.

What a nightmare.

gives me great hope for lasting peace in the region.

So now I present to you His Holiness Pope Sylvester V.

Sometimes I don't have a clue why things happen the way they do.

Like, I don't know why you guys hate you guys.

Like, these guys used to hate those guys, but now they both hate these other

guys up here.

Uh -oh.

Do you have any idea how close you come every day to blowing up the world? I

mean, what the hell are you guys... What the heck are you thinking?

If you think I have the answer to how to save your ass...

You're wrong. I don't.

You are kidding.

Believe me.

I'm weak, flawed, I make mistakes. These guys know I got one hell of a temper.

I, uh... I guess what I'm trying to say here is we've all got to start playing

this game a little smarter.

And kinder. And forgive each other's flaws.

And that goes for...

countries as well as people.

And, well, that's about it.

God bless you all.

Where's she going?

Olga? Donovan?

Where the hell are you guys?

I'm so glad you could make it, Kalachi.

Earlier today, sources close to the Pope report that he has temporarily put his

U .S. tour on hold and is resting in an undisclosed location.

Yes?

They're back.

All right, Parker, you better have a good explanation for putting us through

this, you lame -ass son of a... Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. You're holding, sir. I'm

sorry,

you're... Mr. Pope, I'm just head of security here. The feet.

What?

You heard me.

I'm the Pope. Guess my feet.

Well, I'm not really Catholic.

Just do it.

All

right,

Mr. Parker, you've had your fun. I've had mine.

Parker?

Just tell me you can fix this.

Uh, well, this, uh, you aren't exactly what I was expecting.

Frank, your physical condition... You don't have to tell me this body wasn't

made for backstepping, but if we don't try, the world will be down one pretty

cold poke.

And I'll be spending the rest of my days playing chess with Isaac.

Which is not such a bad thing.

We haven't found any technical explanation for what caused the

in the first place.

But you know where my body is, right?

Well, we're sure it was left on some dematerialized molecular level at the

in space -time when it intersected with the body of the Pope.

Either that or it was eaten by a shark.

This time it really is Godspeed, Mr. Townsend.

at 90%. Reactor at 100%.

Engage.

My son, thank you for saving my life. But please, I must handle this his way.

Your Holiness, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but this guy, well, um...

I don't think you coming here is such a good idea. Mr. Parker, the Lord's

greatest virtue is forgiveness.

Yeah, yeah. I should have heard that one before.

That is not Lucifer's way.

He's very clear in his instructions.

Which are?

To destroy you?

Please forgive me.

I'm so sorry.

He's definitely the money.

Thank be to God he's the money.

Mr. Parker, keep up the good work.

What work is that, Your Holiness?

You know, my son.

You know.

Okay, Mr. Parker, give me back my ID.

What's that?

My ID.

Oh, sure.

I don't need it anymore anyway.

What's going on?

Uh, Ramsey's cat took a bite out of Minnie.

Oh, we've already been over that, haven't we? Oh, we have?

Yeah. Sorry.

So, what's that?

Holy water.

You stole holy water from the Vatican? No.

What do you take me for?

You really think that's going to work?

Couldn't hurt.

Come on, girl.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, Mr.

Parker, this is... Yeah, side of me you never knew. You like it, you're

attracted, I'm attracted, so let's just get a room at Hot Tubs, etc., and shag

till the baby oil runs out.

That's how it always ends up.