Original subtitles

When I wake up in the morning and the alarm goes out in the morning, I don't

think I'll ever make it on time.

By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look, I'm at the corner just in

time to see the bus fly by.

It's all right because I'm straight by the bell.

If the teacher pops a test, I know I'm in a mess and my dog ate all my homework

last night.

Riding on my chair, she won't know that I'm there. If I can hand it in tomorrow,

it'll be all right.

It's all right, cause I'm safe out the bell.

It's Who'd Hear Harvest Week, a time for hayrides, bonfires, and practical

jokes, and everyone's fair game.

In my 11 years at JFK, no one's ever successfully pulled a prank on me.

Maybe this year they'll stop trying.

You're taking quite a chance.

Hey, it's worth it to be in the history books as the first ones to get Miss

Bliss. If this doesn't work, I got a great way to get her.

Save it for next year, Screech. Watch the pros.

You guys better hurry. Bliss just left Felding's office.

Absolutely not.

Uh, Miss Bliss.

Nice try, Zach.

You and Lisa can take it down after class.

Everyone take their seats.

Yes.

As I'm sure you'll all remember, today's subject is our government's judicial

system.

Zach, can you shed some light on this, please?

I planned on reading the chapter, but I had to decide who to take to the hayride

on Friday.

And interviews ran a little longer than expected.

What'd you promise him? No kiss goodnight.

Okay. Okay, settle.

Now, in the United States, you're presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Uh, Miss Bliss, would you mind telling my parents that?

Who can tell me what the Fifth Amendment is?

thou shalt not kill?

That's the fifth commandment, Samuel.

Didn't anyone do their homework?

Were you all too busy planning pranks?

Uh, Miss Bliss, I had trouble understanding the homework.

Yeah, is there a chart that explains this judicial stuff?

As a matter of fact, there is.

Why don't you guys just point an arrow?

Make sure they spell my name right in the history books.

How does she always know?

Now, look.

These practical jokes have got to stop.

For a start, they're never going to work.

Only a fool would fall for one of these.

about to begin. When Miss Bliss wasn't looking, I put chili pepper in her

coleslaw. We'll see who gets her first.

I spiked Miss Bliss's tomato juice with Tabasco sauce.

If any luck, when she sneezes, she'll set off the sprinkler system.

Why are the kids looking at me?

They must be up to something.

Mr. Belding, will you just relax? You're being paranoid.

I'm not paranoid.

I'm just sure they did something. They always do.

That's why I brought my lunch from home.

I think you're overreacting. Oh, am I?

Last year they stole my hamburger and glued my buns together.

I know why they're looking.

They got to my lunch.

Mr. Berling, you're right. You're not paranoid.

You're way past that.

I can't eat anything. You go ahead.

Eat. Don't mind me.

That coleslaw looks good, Miss Bliss.

Oh, do you like some, Mr. Belding?

Well, maybe just a bite.

Really looking forward to this weekend.

Mrs. Belding and I are going to... Oh.

Oh.

Ohio?

Hawaii!

Oh.

Oh, that's better.

You know, for a minute there, I...

Very nice.

It was very funny.

Good morning, everyone. I have an announcement to make.

Now, I realize it's harvest week, but we have got to get through this material

on our judicial system.

So while you're in my class, I want these practical jokes to stop.

Is that understood?

Yes.

Good. We will open our books at chapter... Oh, my.

This person may have finally got you.

This is not funny.

Who put paint on my chair?

Okay, let me put it this way.

Who put paint on my chair?

change my sweater if the guilty party hasn't come forward by the time I come

back the whole class will be punished

hey it wasn't me

we were all together that's right

Who's the guilty party?

Me. I did it.

I'm famous.

You? I'm going to go down in history, Miss Bliss.

You're going down to the principal's office, Mr. Powers, and pay for my

then you say you're innocent.

Which is it?

Can I plead insanity?

Sure. Take the easy way out.

There's only one way to settle this.

We'll have a trial. A trial?

Yes, a trial.

Tomorrow, this classroom will become a court of law.

You'll find the guidelines for the trial in chapter six and seven of your

textbooks. Samuel, your peers will decide your fate.

Is it possible to get a new set of peers?

All rise.

Court is now in session.

The Honorable Miss Bliss presiding.

Thank you, bailiff.

You may be seated.

I would like to begin by putting the... Defendant at ease.

Samuel, if you're innocent, as you say you are, trust in the system. It works.

Thank you, Miss Bliss.

I'll remember that in jail when I'm stamping out your license plate.

Miss Prosecutor, you may begin.

I'd like to call a surprise witness.

Lisa Turtle.

Me? I didn't know you were going to call me.

That's why they call it a surprise.

Now, Bailiff, would you swear it? the witness, please?

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

I do.

Do guys with curly hair turn you on?

No. The bailiff will stop hitting on the witness.

Now, Miss Turtle, were you in the cafeteria when the defendant announced

planning a prank on Miss Bliss?

Yes. He said that he was going to get Miss Bliss and that he was looking for

volunteers to help him.

And yesterday, just before the crime, did you see anything suspicious?

Yes.

Well, will you tell us what you saw?

I saw a suspicious person stash a can in their locker. Your Honor, it was awful.

Tell us.

Is that suspicious person you saw in the courtroom today?

Yes. It was that man. He's the one I saw. I never forget his face.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Defense attorney, you may cross -examine the witness.

Lisa, I notice you're wearing a band -aid on your finger.

Tell us what happened. I broke a nail.

Oh, my.

No doubt a very traumatic experience.

The most. I was embarrassed to wave to anyone I knew.

Aha. You mean you were under so much stress you couldn't think?

Were you angry, upset, confused?

Yes. No.

I don't know.

Oh, great. I broke another nail.

This is awful.

Your Honor, can the bail -free strain her for her own protection?

Bailers keep their distance.

What's going on here?

Oh, I'm trying to cheer up Mr. Belding.

Happy Harvest Week always makes him so depressed.

And what's that?

Helium tank?

See, see, that's a... Uh -uh. See, our union contract rule number 8861E clearly

states that devices like these must be operated by a trained technician.

Someone like myself.

Milo, all you have to do is push...

The contract also states that you need one and a half men for this job.

Don't do a thing.

I'll be right back with Shorty Beeman.

Milo, it's just one valve.

Has Miss Bliss picked up her mail yet? Not yet, Mr. Belding.

Good. Then I still have time to nail her.

I figure if you can't beat them, join them.

Oh, nuts.

I just have to run to my classroom and get a little more ribbon.

Thank you.

Morning, Mr. Felding.

Good morning, Miss Bliss.

Let me guess.

Alvin and the Chipmunks?

Oh, uh, would you get the phone for me, Miss Bliss?

Ah, you'll have to be crafty about to get me.

Oh,

by the way, this is for you.

A subpoena to appear in your class?

This is a joke, right? No, it's totally legitimate.

Honest. See you in court.

Raise your right hand, Mr. Belding.

That's your left.

I know that. Just get on with it.

I would like to remind the witness that this is a court of law and we will

follow the proper legal procedure.

Okay, okay.

Would you like to call another witness, Mr. Belding?

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth? and nothing but the truth?

Of course I do. I'm a principal.

Counselor.

Now, Mr. Beldy, how well do you know the defendant?

Not very well. Would you say that because he's never been sent to your

for disciplinary action?

That's correct.

You usually remember the troublemakers.

Exactly. Like you, Zack.

Your Honor!

Will the witness please stick to the fact?

Why not? I'm sticking to everything else.

is a troublemaker? Of course not. Lisa is a wonderful girl.

Then would it surprise you that this wonderful girl helped rig the water

that drenched you? Mickey!

Lisa, I want to see you after class.

Thank you, Mr. Belding, for disproving the Zack Morris theory.

But... Thank you. You may step down.

Nikki, do you have any other witnesses?

No, but I'd like to introduce some evidence to the court.

These are some items I found in Screech's locker.

A surgical mask?

This is what I had to wear to go in there.

I'd like to introduce Exhibit A, a paintbrush.

That's from my art class.

I object.

Your Honor, nobody gave her permission to go into Screech's locker.

Under our Fourth Amendment, we're protected against illegal search and

Very good, Zach.

All that evidence is inadmissible.

The jury will disregard what they've just heard.

Court is adjourned until tomorrow.

Zach, what do you think of my chances?

Screech, I told you to look good.

I don't?

Mr. Morris, you may present your witnesses.

I only have one witness, the defendant.

Please call Samuel Powers, a .k .a. the screecher, a .k .a. the brush, a .k .a.

guilty as charged.

And I would ask, Your Honor, to instruct the jury to disregard his clothing.

So noted.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Okay, but you've just weakened my entire defense.

Mr. Morris, you may proceed.

Thank you, Your Honor.

And may I say, that's a lovely hairdo.

Oh, thank you.

But may I remind you that it's the jury, not the judge, that decides the guilt

or innocence of your client?

So many lovely hairdos here today.

Would the counsel please keep the kissing up to a minimum?

Oh, of course, Your Beautiful Honor.

Samuel Powers, did you do it? No.

No further questions. The defense rests.

Thank you, Perry Mason.

Miss Coleman.

You may cross -examine.

Mr. Powers, now, isn't it true, in front of witnesses, you said, and I quote,

I'm going to get Miss Bliss.

Well, that's true, but... And that's why you went to your locker that day, isn't

it? To get something to pull off your vicious, practical joke.

I'd rather not say, but thanks for asking.

Please answer the question.

Objection. Your Honor, I cite Chapter 7 of our textbook, the Fifth Amendment.

The defendant has a right not to incriminate himself.

Sustained. No more questions.

You may step down.

You may now proceed with your closing arguments.

Miss Coleman, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have three simple questions.

Did Screech...

to get Miss Bliss?

Yes. Did Screech have the opportunity to do it?

Yes. Was Screech clever enough to do it?

Make that two simple questions.

Thank you.

Mr. Morris, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Screech didn't do it, and nobody

has proven that he did.

Look at this face.

Those eyes.

These clothes.

Ask yourself one key question.

Hasn't he suffered enough?

Thank you. I rest my case.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will now deliberate and decide upon your

verdict.

What do you think? The longer they're out, the better the chances.

They have a verdict, Your Honor.

C 'est la vie, old buddy.

Will the defendant please rise?

The bailiff will read the verdict.

Whoa!

Do you mind sharing that whoa with the rest of us?

The jury finds the defendant, Samuel Powers, not guilty on lack of evidence.

The person who did it is in this room. And I want them to stand up right now.

Huh?

You pulled the prank on yourself?

That's right.

No one was paying any attention in my class.

And I figured this was the only way that I could get you to study those chapters

on our judicial system.

I feel so... You.

it is missed. See you on Monday. Have a lovely weekend.

You know what this means?

This means nobody's gotten a split.

And they never will.

You're a real sport.

I'm glad you're not mad at me. Are you kidding?

This has been the best week of my life. I was a celebrity.

Then I hope you'll forgive my court for not finding you guilty.

Stupid thing.

This is one thing that bothers me, though.

Since I painted the chair, why did you take the fifth?

Here, let me.

Previously

on

Dawson's Creek.

You have to understand, Dawson. In the movies, the hero always punches out the

bad guy.

He was upset.

Yeah. I'm sure I would be, too, if I let you slip through my fingers.

Your mother and I have decided to spend some time apart.

Don't worry about Mom. With this new medication she's on, she's doing so much

better. Mom pulled another Sybil last week. Let's be honest with each other.

You're special.

No.