Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

Dexter: Sheesh. I cannot believe

the hogwash that passes for television programming.

Hogwash, hogwash, hogwash.

Hmm... When science goes wrong.

Ha. Not likely.

Let's see. Let's see...

[Gasp]

Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad!

Look, dad! Take a look at this, dad!

Hey, dad!

[Snoring]

[Mumbling]

[Snore]

[Mumble]

[Screaming] Hey, dad!

Aah! What's a-- who? What?

Uh...

"The parasite within"?

So, what do you say, pops?

Can I stay up and watch it?

Please?

Hmm...

I'm sorry, Dexter,

but a movie like that, well--

well, it's just too downright scary

for a boy of your age.

It's all mathematics, son.

[Snoring and mumbling]

Oh, that father of mine.

He can be a real pain in the medulla oblongata.

All because of him,

I never get to do anything fun--ever!

Hmph!

Well, I'll show him.

Whilst the rest of the household is tucked away

into the nighty of the night,

I, Dexter, boy sneakiness,

will pay witness to the parasite within.

A-ha ha ha ha ha!

Gee, hon, perhaps I was a bit too hard on the boy.

Maybe we should just let him watch his silly old movie.

And I'll even watch it with him.

Oh, I don't think so, dear.

You know what those scary movies do to you.

But, honey, i--

[screaming] Nobody's going to watch the movie!

[Singsong] And that's final.

Yes, dear.

[Thunder]

[Snoring]

Heh heh heh.

T.v.: And now, prepare to be terrified

beyond the realm of consciousness,

as the scary network presents...

The parasite within.

Bring it on!

Woman on t.V.: Oh, no. Look out, Bob!

Behind you! It's the parasite!

Bob! No!

Bob: Sue, will you quit worrying?

Aah!

It's eating me! It's eating me!

Aah!

[Yawning]

Mmm...man.

Oh, boy, do I have a case of the snackies.

Bob: Aah! All is doomed!

Help! Oh, my insides!

Oh, I'm being consumed from the interior of me!

Well, I'll be.

If it isn't the chip off the old block.

Sue: Beware, townspeople.

That parasite is a devious one.

Its appetite for flesh is insatiable!

Wait, look!

There, behind you!

It's the parasite!

Aah!

Man: It's devouring the whole village!

Run for your lives!

That's it.

The parasite has eaten everyone.

Everyone except...

Oh, no.

The parasite's inside me!

It's...inside...me!

Aah!

T.v. Announcer: And so concludes our--

[turns off t.V.]

Heh heh heh.

That wasn't really that scary.

Ha ha ha.

Look out, Dexter!

I'm the parasite, and I'm gonna eat your flesh!

Ha ha ha ha!

Gotcha, Dexter!

Dexter?

Hey, come on, son.

I--i was just joshing.

Dexter? Son?

Snap out of it, boy!

Come on, d-man!

Wake up for d-papa, huh?

[Sobbing]

I told you that movie would be too scary.

For your information, father,

the movie did not scare me.

And neither did your feeble attempts

to scare me scare me.

And now, not having been scared,

I wish to be put down so I may return to bed.

Thank you.

All right. Cool your britches, son.

Heh heh heh.

[Rumbling]

The basement!

[Chime]

[Chime]

[Bump]

[Bump]

Um, hey, d-pops,

how about we just go on up to bed, then, huh?

Come on, Dex. This is your chance

to taste the thrill of real manhood.

Now taste it!

What do you see, Dexter?

Nothing. I see nothing.

I only see darkness. Nothing.

[Teeth chattering]

[Whispering] We've got to go down

and turn on the lights!

[Stairs creaking]

Ok, Dexter, on the count of three...

1, 2...

3!

Aah! Aah!

[Screaming]

I think we lost him.

[Panting]

Wait. I hear something.

[Grumbling]

Oh, sweet uncle Joseph, it's inside me!

The parasite's inside me!

Run, Dexter! Run for your--

[loud burp]

Dad!

That's just another thrill of manhood, my boy.

[Doorknob jiggling]

[Evil laughter]

[Screaming]

[Laughter]

[Hacking]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I thought this was my house.

Good night.

The toolshed!

[Cawing]

[Thunder]

Gee, dad, you sure have let the yard go.

[Birds cawing]

[Gasp]

[Screaming]

Aah!

[Both screaming]

Aah! Aah!

[Panting]

No. No. No.

[Cawing]

Aah!

[Chiming]

Aah!

Aah!

[Screaming]

Aah!

[Both screaming]

Well, look who it is, Dee Dee.

Would you boys like some breakfast,

or, gee, maybe you're still full of...

Parasite!

Ha ha! Ha ha!

[Glass breaks]

Oh, dad'll just love this.

[Hummingjingle bells]

P.A.: Attention, shoppers.

We have a red-light sale in aisle 8 on...

Latex gloves.

Huh!

Huh!

[Fighting]

[Glass shatters]

Oh. Would you look at that?

The very last pair.

Must be my lucky day!

[Hummingjingle bells]

[Clatter]

[Humming continues]

P.A.: Attention, shoppers.

[Gunshots]

The truth has the power.

Exactly.

Well, I bet my dad can beat up your dad.

Yeah? Well, I bet that my dad can beat up your dad.

Is that so? Yeah.

Yeah? Is that so? Yeah.

Well, we'll just have to see about that, won't we?

Grr! Grr!

Dexter: Dad!

Mandark: Dad...

Dexter: Dad! Dad...

Now, you know I don't condone the use of parental names

for the sake of societal conformity.

Sorry. Ah-hem.

Uh, wind bear?

You called, love child?

Mandark wasn't being very nice.

He was mean, and he called me

a whole lot of bad names.

Then he tried to hurt me, and he pushed me around.

He wouldn't let up.

He just kept coming after me.

Then he tried to blast me

with lasers and missiles.

But fortunately, I was too quick.

[Sighs]

Now listen carefully, young soul.

A wise man once said,

old pond, frog jumps in.

Splash.

Look, Dexter, kids are stupid.

They do idiotic things for no reason at all.

And then they go to prison.

And then mandark said

that his dad could kick your butt!

He said what?

The ability to talk your problems through

will be the biggest asset

to the wholeness of your soul

and the approach to manhood.

Let's hurry and get this over with.

I'm starving.

Hey, sir!

Peace, friend.

Uh... Uh...

Ha ha... Ha ha...

So, I hear there's some animosity between our two sons.

Yeah, seems like they're not getting along.

Well, boys will be boys.

So true to life.

I always say that the path to manhood isn't straight;

it's bumpy and rough

with experiences at every curve,

but there's always a river of life at the end.

Huh?

Well, uh...

I think you owe Dexter an apology.

That's right. Say you're sorry, son.

Sorry. Sorry.

Now, that wasn't too painful, huh?

Our saplings are turning into trees.

I'm always telling Dexter

that there's no use in calling someone bad names

or getting into fights.

And to think that our blessed ones said

that we would resort to violence.

How childish and silly.

I mean, you beat me up?

The only thing you beat is a different drum.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

Gosh, what do you hippies know about violence?

Don't you oppose war

or something senseless like that?

Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

Aren't you... Republican?

Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

Where do you get your muscles from?

Tofu?

Now, that's a nutritious staple.

You'd be surprised-- meat eater.

And let me guess--yoga.

You and those stretches are mighty tough.

Well, I didn't know corporate lemmings could throw a punch.

I didn't know girlie sandals

were conductive to fighting!

Yeah? Yeah.

Is that so?! Yeah!

Yeah? Yeah!

Well-- in that case...

Oh... The peace sign?

Well, i--i don't know what to say--

[thwat]

Why don't you give more money to the government?

Why don't you wear a little more patchouli?

They can't smell it in China.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Come back here!

Don't wanna fight like a real man?

Uh!

Ham on rye.

Now, that's low-- real low!

I'm just getting started.

[Sizzle]

Where'd that tree-hugger go?

Oh! Hot! Hot meat! Hot meat! Get it off! Get it off!

No pain, no gain, meat eater.

Huh?

Get a haircut, why don't you?

Nature boy!

Cubicle worker!

Granola eater! Voter!

Get back here! Come back!

I'm gonna catch up with you.

Oh, yeah? And then what are you gonna--

[splat]

Are you crazy?

You just threw a duck at me!

[Quack] [Quack]

[Quacking]

I have had enough of your duck-throwing for one afternoon!

Hey! We're not done here!

Hmm... Maybe we are.

Wait up!

Come back!

It's over, crystal gazer.

You are gonna get it, lemming!

Grr! Grr!

Wow...

I guess our dads are a pretty equal match.

Yeah.

But I bet my mom can beat up your mom.

Yeah? Well, I bet that my mom can beat up your mom.

Oh, yeah? Yeah!

Yeah, well, I bet my mom can beat up your mom.

Oh, yeah, you pseudo scientist!

Quasi nuclear physicist!

Helium head!

Shortstop!

Quantum quack! Science boy!

You're a true lame-brain!

Narrator: Enter at your own peril--

past the vaulted door

where impossible things

may happen

that the world's never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory ♪

♪ lives the smartest boy you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee blows his

♪ experiments

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is gloom and doom

♪ while things go boom

♪ in Dexter's lab

captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

captioned by the national captioning institute

--www.ncicap.org--