Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

[Clock ticking]

Tell me. No.

No. Tell me.

Tell me. No.

Tell me.

Dexter, for the last time--

tell me! Tell me! Tell me!

Absolutely not.

But I must know.

And you shall... In exactly 7 days.

But I can't wait that long.

You've already waited almost a year.

What's another 7 days?

Well, technically, there are still 7 days, 14 hours, and 36--

make that 35 minutes left.

And the answer issti

that's final!

Now, if you don't mind,

I have a very important article

on car waxes to read.

Ha ha ha!

Boys.

[Door slams]

Hi, Dexter!

Why the long face, Dexter?

[Sighs]

Dad won't tell me

what he's giving me for my birthday.

Ha ha, Dexter, silly! For someone who's so smart,

you sure are dumb.

Don't you know? Dad never tells a secret.

You'd have to be a mind reader to figure this one out.

I am still alive.

My cerebellic transfer wave inducer is a success.

I can now read the minds of whomever I wish.

Dad, what did you get me for my birthday?

Overslept again, Dex?

I see you didn't even have time to comb your hair.

I said, what did you get me

for my birthday?

[Thinking] Heh heh heh!

Now I shall read his mind.

Ha ha! When pigs fly, Dexter.

The answer is still no.

Huh?

Mom: Come on, son.

No time for chitchat.

Now, Dexter. Sit down and eat your breakfast.

Dexter, thinking: Yuck! Mom's oatmeal tastes like barf.

Oh!

Dexter, don't be rude!

Huh?

[Thinking] That sister of mine:

What a ferocious pig!

Hey! I'm no pig!

That is enough, Dexter. Time for school.

But wait. Dad, what--

the answer is no. Now git!

[Thinking] Dad with his stubborn poo-poo doodyhead!

Dad: I heard that.

Mom: And we are gonna have

a serious talk about your potty mouth

when you get home from school today.

[Thinking] Wait. How come I could not read dad's mind?

Why did mom say I was rude?

How did Dee Dee know I called her a ferocious pig?

Unless...

Oh, no. My invention has backfired.

I must get back to the--

Dee Dee: Come on, Dexter.

We're gonna be late for the school bus.

[Thinking] Oh, no! What have I done?

Everyone can read my thoughts.

I must keep my mind blank.

Did you say something, Dex?

Not quite.

[Thinking] Heh heh. I must keep my mind blank,

keep an empty head.

Empty head. Empty head.

Hey! Who are you calling an empty head?

Get back here!

[Thinking] Don't think anything. Nothing--

nothing at all.

Oh, but that kid is so ugly,

and that one has crazy hair.

Oh, and look at those braces.

Chubby cheeks, pizza face, pencil nose, sasquatch.

Oh, what am I thinking?

Heh heh heh. Just kidding.

Hey, what's up with that kid?

Dee Dee's little brother.

Ah.

[Thinking] I must get through school

as safely and as swiftly as possible.

Good morning, class.

Class: Good morning, Mr. Muzinsky.

Mr. Muzinsky: Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

[Thinking] Don't say anything. Don't think anything.

Now, today we are going to discuss one of my favorite historical figures:

George Washington carver.

[Thinking] Yes. All I have to do is take notes.

No thinking.

Mr. Muzinsky: George Washington carver,

born in diamond grove, Missouri, around 1860,

developed over 300 uses for peanuts.

Dexter, thinking: 300 uses for peanuts.

One of carver's most infamous uses for peanuts...

Dexter, thinking: Uses for peanuts...

Was his crop rotation method,

which alternated nitrate-producing legumes...

Dexter, thinking: Legumes...

[Class giggling]

Such as peanuts--

with cotton...

Dexter, thinking: With cotton.

[Class giggling]

...which depletes soil of its nutrients.

Dexter: Which depletes soil of its nutrients.

[Voices overlapping] Southern farmers soon began planting peanuts one year

and cotton the next.

Mr. Muzinsky: And if Dexter doesn't stop mimicking me,

he'll be going to the counselor's office

after lunch.

Dexter, thinking: He'll be going to the counselor's office after lunch.

Dexter, thinking: The day is almost over.

All I have to do is get through lunch and the counselor's office,

and I'll be ok.

In fact, all this excitement has made me quite famished.

Woman: Hey! Hey, kid!

Dexter: Huh?

Yes?

Aah!

I said, do you want gravy

with your meatloaf surprise?

Dexter, thinking: Holy moly!

Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll have--

[thinking] Mole!

I was just trying to--

[thinking] Mole!

Dexter: I didn't mean--

[thinking] Hairy mole!

I don't know what I'm saying.

[Thinking] Mole!

Anything else?

No, mole-- I mean, ma'am.

[Thinking] How am I going to get through this?

The counselor will hear my every thought.

Not...unless she hears my every word.

I do not call myself "boy genius" for nothing.

Dexter? I'm ready to see you now.

Mrs. Morris, so nice to see you.

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I am terribly sorry about what happened.

I don't know what got into me today.

I think I'm having quite a bit of stress, actually--

the harsh reality of life

battling my inner ideal instincts,

my need to succeed and excel

at everything precious to me.

I feel it slipping

through my delicate little fingers.

Maybe I'm lost in my search

for my own identity.

You can understand that,

can't you, Mrs. Morris?

Well, of course I can, Dexter.

Good. Well, I must be going,

and thank you so very much for this insightful discussion.

You have given me quite a lot to think about.

Oh, Dexter?

Yes?

Keep in touch, won't you?

Well, of course, I will...

[Thinking] Sucker.

[Whimpering]

Dexter: It is not fair. Nothing is coming out right.

Why does everything have to be so hard?

This whole thing stinks.

I have had enough!

I must reverse this at once.

I think my cerebellic transverse wave inducer is a success...

At last.

Dad?

Yes, Dexter?

What did you get me for my birthday?

Dexter, how many times are you going to ask?

I'm not telling you...

[Thinking] That I got you some amazing, one-of-a-kind

multi-functional socks--

all wool, soft to the touch,

yet breathable and supple. Fully lined...

Man, I went through all of that just for a pair of stupid socks?

I know, I know. You don't have to tell me.

[Yawns]

Another day, another giant leap for mankind.

Good night, monkey.

Be a good monkey

and watch over the lab while I sleep.

[Monkey chattering]

[Screeches]

[Quacks]

[Cackles]

I know my duck is here, Dexter.

Now give it back!

I do not have your stupid duck, mandark,

and I'll prove--

aah!

Aah.

Ohh.

[Gibberish]

[Honk honk]

Mom!

Mom!

Hi, kids.

Mom!

Mom!

Mommy!

You're home!

Hi, Dex.

How was your day, kids?

Oh, mom. It was fantastic.

Yeah, it was cool.

How cool?

Real cool!

Really?

Yeah. Yeah. It was cool.

Such an insignificant and putrid waste

of the human race.

He offers no benefit to society,

no improvement to culture,

no magnanimity to the integrity of boyhood--

a despicable character,

self-seeking at anyone's expense--

if you will, a rat in the sewer of life.

Dexter...

Also known as "stupid stinky doodyhead!"

I hate Dexter! I hate Dexter!

I must defeat him.

I must destroy his lab, but how?

Dexter may be small, puny, even sickly at times,

but his brain defies its size.

I must infiltrate Dexter's home,

learn his weaknesses, prey on his flaws,

and most importantly,

put an end to his scientific career and laboratory for all time!

But how?

How can I get close enough to Dexter

without revealing my true identity?

Be right back, kids.

Left a bag in the car.

Oh! Would you look at that?

Darn.

Come here, little tomato.

Mandark: With Dexter's mother cryogenically captured

in suspended animation,

followed by an obligatory suit-up sequence,

I can become--

momdark! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

It's bedtime, Dexter...

Permanently!

Oh, hello.

Ahem.

Hello, kids.

Hi, mom!

Hi, mom!

Well, I guess I'll, uh,

be upstairs.

This is too easy.

I should have thought of this years ago.

And now to destroy.

Hee hee hee!

The moment I've been waiting for.

Dad: Honey, I'm home!

Where are you?

Uh, coming.

Drat!

Dad: Ha ha ha!

Oh, that's great, Dex.

You're a cool young dude.

Yoo-hoo, honeycakes!

Uh, mom here.

Uh, um, how-- how was your day?

Very exciting?

Hey, how about a hug for your overworked hubby?

Ooh. Working out again, sweet cheeks?

Ow!

Oh, honey, was that your foot? I'm so sorry.

Gee, dad. Are you ok?

Ha ha!

Yeah, but all this jumping around

sure has made me hungry.

Out!

Huh?

I have to cook dinner.

Now out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out.

Dad: But--

Dee Dee: Uh, but--

out, out, out, out, out!

[Door closes]

Uh, your mother needs

a little personal time.

[Teeth chattering]

What?

Voilà!

Dee Dee: Wow, mom!

Dexter: Cool!

Clever and fun, dear.

You should really do this more often.

[Chewing loudly]

Mmm.

[Chewing loudly]

[Chewing loudly]

Dad: Uh, honey?

Yes, dear?

How about some popcorn here?

The show's about to start.

Of course, dear.

[Television playing]

[Timer dings]

Popcorn.

Thanks, mom.

Thanks, mom.

Mom?

Yes, Dexter?

You forgot the butter.

Of course, Dexter.

[Stomping]

Thanks, mom.

Mom?

Yes, Dee Dee?

I'm thirsty.

Of course, Dee Dee.

Mandark: Oh, this is too--

I'm gonna-- this has gone too--

ooh, I can't believe it.

Mom!

Mom!

Honey!

Yuck!

Mom! Mom!

Honey!

Mom! Mom!

Honey!

Mom!

Mom!

Honey!

Mom! Honey! Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

What?

It's time for my good night kiss.

No.

[Thinking] A terrible dilemma.

What am I to do?

If I don't acknowledge Dexter's maternal request,

Dexter will suspect something.

The show will be over.

My secret will be revealed,

everything I've worked for.

But Dexter's germs--

I can feel the bacteria crawling inside me already.

But I've come so close.

I must--

[spitting]

Disgusting.

But if Dexter wants a kiss, then--

Dee Dee: Mom!

Dee Dee!

Kiss Mary Beth.

Drat.

Now that everyone's asleep,

I can finally unleash the evil I have planned

for Dexter's lab!

Dad: Oh, honey!

Uh, you called, dear?

You coming to bed, dear?

Uh, uh, I think my roast is burning.

I'll just sleep downstairs.

Dad: Aw, come on.

That's what you always say!

I can't go up there now.

I'll just have to rest here until tomorrow.

Dexter: Mom!

Dad: Honey!

Dee Dee: Mom!

Honey! Mom! Mom!

Honey! Mom! Mom!

Honey!

Honey!

Honey!

Mandark: At last, Dexter's laboratory!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha--oh. Ow.

Oh, oh, no.

Too tired to destroy.

Going to lay down for a while,

then come back.

[Television playing]

Uh, honey?

Yes, dear.

You missed a spot.

[Echoing] Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

[Yelling]

Now where's that spot?

Dad: Hey!

There are two moms...

But which one's real?

Mom tied my ballet shoes real good.

Yeah, but I didn't get a bedtime story.

My shirts were pressed to perfection

like mother always does,

but that massage was unusually relaxing.

Oh, well. I guess we'll just have to have two mother--

oh, shut up, will you?

You want to know who the real mom is?

She is!

I don't even know how she puts up with all you jerks

with your whining--

"mommy this," "mommy that,"

"honey, I need this,"

"mommy, wipe that."

You ruined my whole plan

with your griping, complaining, and fussing.

You're all a bunch of selfish creeps.

I don't even want to destroy your lab anymore, Dexter.

I just want to get the heck out of here!

Huh. What did he mean

when he said "your lab," Dexter?

I don't know.

Honey! Mom!

Honey! Mom!

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

enter at your own peril

past the vaulted door...

Where impossible things may happen

that the world's never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee blows his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is gloom and doom while things go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab