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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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Our home has been selected
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to host
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the bi-annual vampire orgy.
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One time they tried going triannual.
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Which is bloody pointless,
'cause it takes me
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at least six months to
recover from any orgy.
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Yes, it does.
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We're gonna have some fun.
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Vampire sex is like pizza,
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in that even when it's bad it's good.
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It's designed to be enjoyed
by eight or more people.
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There's a choice of toppings.
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And in the morning, you're like,
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"Aah! Why do I have puncture wounds
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on my penis?"
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Vampire sex is a carnival of desires.
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With pale bodies as far
as the eye can see.
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Fornicating, diddling,
widdling, snarling.
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An amazing experience
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that can last years.
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It's fine.
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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- So we need the blood fountain.
- Okay, blood fountain.
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And some real, pure opium.
About ten kilos.
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Where would I find that?
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We need some sexy
paintings for the walls.
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I was thinking we replace
this picture of us
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with that lovely one where we were naked
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- and we have cherries in our bums.
- Yeah.
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Can we get some sort of protective spray
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to put all over the carpet?
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Because Laszlo will spray
all over the carpet.
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What you don't understand is
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the stigma attached to
throwing a poor orgy.
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I mean, I've known people
who have committed suicide
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after a poor orgy.
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I wouldn't go that far.
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I would kill you, though.
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And then I'd kill myself.
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There's no recovery
from that humiliation.
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I don't like to even speak of
it, but the notorious orgy
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- of 1937, well...
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Don't even say the year.
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It was a lot of just
very terrible chitchat.
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I cannot even speak the
name of the vampire
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that organized that monstrosity.
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I don't give a fuck. His name was Mike.
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Fucking Mike.
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Oh, and we need an ancient
Burmese lingam and yoni set.
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To be safe, get six.
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Nadja, Laszlo, please.
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Guillermo is my familiar,
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only I can order him about.
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Thank you, master.
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Is there anything you need?
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All the things they just said.
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And absorbent towels. Lots of them.
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I almost forgot.
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Most important, we must, must, must
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get a succulent virgin feast.
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Well, about that... I've
been meaning to tell you,
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I seem to have, uh, overfished that...
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- Did you write down the towels?
- Yes.
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You need to re-cover that chaise longue.
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'Cause I'll ejaculate
straight through that.
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My only concern about the orgy is, uh,
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that people won't enjoy my room.
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I've n-I've never had anyone in here.
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I have a strobe light up.
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And a couple speakers playing, uh,
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some acid jazz.
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What else? I have my, uh,
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my trusty filing cabinet.
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I always wanted one of these
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when I was a child but never got one.
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It was one of my first purchases.
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I also stocked up on some Neosporin.
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I have some paintings, some pictures.
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I got this one because
it shows human food,
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and if I ever have a human in here,
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they'll feel at home.
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Uh, I found it at a Holiday Inn.
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I-I'm-I'm really getting into it.
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Obviously, the orgy standard
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of having a mirrored ceiling
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doesn't really work for vampires,
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so we have developed our own way.
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I don't... I... I don't know
what you want me to say.
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Just describe what you see.
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Um...
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Well, it's a beautiful scene.
Someone is seductively riding,
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uh, a candlestick up and down.
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Someone's on the couch
sucking and getting sucked.
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- Louder!
- Sucking and...
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Oh, geez...
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No. I will not
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be participating in the orgy, no.
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Besides, I-I don't, uh,
I don't kiss and tell.
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But I can tell you,
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is that, uh...
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I don't kiss.
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We need specifics.
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What am I doing to my ass cheeks?
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You are, uh, you're licking it...
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Can you just describe what you see?
It's not hard.
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Good boy, that's right.
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Must be my birthday.
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I can't. I'm sorry. I was
raised very Catholic.
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- I need... I need a second.
- Okay.
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En garde, there.
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It's just a lot of demanding things.
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I mean, I'm not even,
technically, their familiar.
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They've just been asking me
to do all kinds of stuff.
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It's a pleasure swing, you
fucknut, not a sex net.
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That's the sex net. Get
that out of the box
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- and attach it to the ceiling.
- "Gizmo,
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get the dildos."
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"Gizmo, try out the dildos."
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"Mmm. How were the dildos?"
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They're fine.
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No one is a fucknut, okay?
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He's trying to finish it, Laszlo.
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And what about the virgins?
Have you got any yet? No.
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- Of course you haven't.
- Um, but I'm just trying...
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"But, but, but." You're
like a nonstop but machine.
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That reminds me, have you ordered
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- the nonstop butt machine?
- You know what?!
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I'm gonna take five minutes
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before I say something I'm gonna regret.
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- Oh!
- Easy there.
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Eh... Slam the door.
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You gonna let him get away with that?
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He's gone, he's gotten away with it.
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And it is unacceptable.
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I will talk to him.
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- Knock, knock.
- Oh. Good evening, master.
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- Is there something you need?
- No, no.
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Just coming in for a chat.
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I noticed that Nadja and Laszlo
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have been quite pushy with you
with all the orgy planning.
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Oh, it's okay, it's not
a big deal, master.
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No, it is a big deal.
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And they locked you in this closet?
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This is my room.
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I pay $1,200 a month.
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Oh.
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If I find I am in a situation
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where an idiot is complaining to me,
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you can either kill them
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or you can pretend to listening to them.
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So what you're saying is that
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your feelings have been hurt.
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Well, kinda.
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Talk about that.
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Oh, okay. Um... Well,
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- I just feel that sometimes...
- Yes, yes.
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I feel that I have... People
aren't listening to me
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- when I speak.
- Yes, yes, tell me more.
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And they just tell me "yes,"
and they don't really listen
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- to what I'm saying.
- Yes. Really speak from the heart.
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When I speak from the heart, I
feel like no one's really...
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And now that bit is done.
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Orgy stuff. A few of my
favorite things, as they say.
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The cat o' nine tails.
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Oliver Cromwell's head.
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My codpiece. Bat codpiece.
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200-year-old peekaboo cape,
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the idea being you walk into the orgy,
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you announce yourself...
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and then do that.
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Oh!
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Oh, yes!
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You wait till my good
lady wife sees this.
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In the late 1800s,
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a new and exciting medium was invented,
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and that medium was called "cinema."
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And then, about a week later,
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that developed into pornos.
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Now, the first porno film I ever made
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was called The Adventures
of a Very Randy Vampire.
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And I played the leading role
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of the very randy vampire.
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I was cast because they thought
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that I looked like a vampire,
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never once realizing
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that I was a fucking vampire.
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I took part in thousands
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of pornos over the years.
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If you see them now,
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they are still very, very erotic.
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My darling, I have found something
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that will have our orgy
talked about for centuries.
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Just put it on the pile, Laszlo.
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All right there, Constantin?
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Ooh.
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- Oops.
- What is that?
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I really have no idea.
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Perhaps we should watch it.
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You don't like the Christmas section?
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- Don't say that word.
- Sorry.
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We are still looking for virgins, yes,
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but my master thought it'd be
best to get decorations first,
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which makes sense, because, uh...
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Well, it just... It makes sense.
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So, for this chocolate fountain,
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you can put other stuff, I'm assuming...
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- I mean...
- that's thicker than chocolate?
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What's thicker than chocolate?
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Did you ask about the jade buttock eggs?
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No, I did not.
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- Butter cakes?
- Buttock eggs
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made from jade that you
put inside your butt.
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I don't think they have them.
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I'd have to check on that, for sure.
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- They don't have to be made of jade.
- I haven't seen it.
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They can be made of anything.
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But not silver,
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because, you know, otherwise, ouch.
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- He's joking.
- There's a silver egg in my butt.
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Did you carry them?
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00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:03,369
We do mostly, like, loot bags for kids.
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I don't think-I don't
think they have them.
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00:09:06,819 --> 00:09:10,548
I'm very happy that my master's
gonna help me find a virgin,
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'cause it is slim pickings
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00:09:12,487 --> 00:09:15,259
out here in these streets.
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00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,650
The Christian college chastity
club seemed promising until
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00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:20,450
I found out that most of them had a...
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00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:24,025
different definition of
"virgin" than the common one.
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00:09:24,129 --> 00:09:27,533
Believe it or not, CrossFit
gyms are full of virgins.
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No one's touched them,
and the reason being
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00:09:29,855 --> 00:09:32,986
is because they won't
shut up about CrossFit.
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If you saw a man
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dressed in this mask,
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00:09:36,374 --> 00:09:38,744
would you think it was a mood killer
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00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,992
or would you come?
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00:09:41,962 --> 00:09:43,368
I'm not sure.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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Look at that man, Guillermo.
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He looks delicious.
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He has to be a virgin.
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00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:56,169
I don't think he's a virgin.
We should just probably
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00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:57,509
- keep shopping...
- He is a virgin.
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00:09:57,534 --> 00:09:58,835
Guillermo!
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00:09:58,961 --> 00:10:00,853
Hey! Jeremy!
245
00:10:00,878 --> 00:10:03,811
- Is that... I thought it was you.
- It was me, yeah.
246
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:04,377
Yeah.
247
00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:05,548
Where have you been lately?
248
00:10:05,573 --> 00:10:07,830
We've been having some hella
crazy Fortnite sessions.
249
00:10:07,855 --> 00:10:10,391
Hasn't been as fun without
old GuillermoGoth2000.
250
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:12,728
- Oh, shit. No, my...
- Did you-did you change
251
00:10:12,753 --> 00:10:14,712
- your gamertag? You can tell me.
- No, no.
252
00:10:14,737 --> 00:10:16,119
Work stuff. It's... My boss just keeps,
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I'm so sorry.
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00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,447
- You know, riding me.
- Uh-huh.
255
00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:20,109
You know, it was good
talking to you though.
256
00:10:20,134 --> 00:10:21,272
- Yeah.
- So, take care. I'll see you, okay?
257
00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:22,431
You having a party or something?
258
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,330
No.
259
00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:24,323
Yes.
260
00:10:24,473 --> 00:10:26,371
Yes, we are having a party,
261
00:10:26,548 --> 00:10:29,767
and we'd very much love
to extend an invitation.
262
00:10:29,792 --> 00:10:32,443
No, I don't think Jeremy
and his girlfriend
263
00:10:32,468 --> 00:10:35,017
would, uh, want to come to a lame party.
264
00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:36,043
- It's just...
- I don't...
265
00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:37,103
I don't have a girlfriend.
266
00:10:37,128 --> 00:10:38,236
Yeah, you do.
267
00:10:38,261 --> 00:10:39,124
Oh, you're...
268
00:10:39,149 --> 00:10:40,681
- Yeah.
- No, that was a catfish.
269
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,502
Jeremy is definitely a virgin.
I mean, big-time.
270
00:10:43,914 --> 00:10:46,595
But, um... he's also my friend.
271
00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:48,423
- Yeah.
- There was a girl though, right?
272
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,850
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.
273
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:51,165
Oh, I just started seeing this woman.
274
00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:52,025
- There you go.
- Yeah.
275
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,418
Yeah, I thought so.
276
00:10:53,442 --> 00:10:54,911
- So...
- It's for my nosebleeds.
277
00:10:54,937 --> 00:10:57,106
- Geez, Jeremy. God.
- It's not going well.
278
00:10:57,131 --> 00:10:59,877
But, you know, once I finally
have that under control,
279
00:10:59,902 --> 00:11:02,173
- maybe I'll finally meet someone.
- Ah.
280
00:11:02,198 --> 00:11:04,127
Oh, boy.
281
00:11:04,152 --> 00:11:05,509
Oh, boy.
282
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:08,370
Okay. Oops.
283
00:11:08,395 --> 00:11:10,134
- Yeah, that's a nosebleed.
- Yeah.
284
00:11:10,159 --> 00:11:11,892
Just gonna go find some more tissues,
285
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:13,900
'cause this one's gonna
be full any second.
286
00:11:13,925 --> 00:11:15,447
- Just go. Just get out of here.
- Yeah, okay.
287
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:16,686
Nice to meet you. Hey.
288
00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:18,791
- Just go, Jeremy. Just go.
- Yeah, okay.
289
00:11:20,991 --> 00:11:23,411
You know, I like to keep
290
00:11:23,436 --> 00:11:25,845
my personal life and
my work life separate.
291
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:27,470
I don't want them to cross over.
292
00:11:27,495 --> 00:11:28,903
Makes it easier when you find someone
293
00:11:28,928 --> 00:11:30,696
that you're gonna sacri...
294
00:11:32,756 --> 00:11:33,839
Yeah.
295
00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:35,130
Mmm.
296
00:11:35,155 --> 00:11:39,134
That is some of the most
virginal blood I've ever tasted.
297
00:11:42,809 --> 00:11:44,684
We must have him.
298
00:11:45,457 --> 00:11:47,427
It's gonna be a tough one.
299
00:11:48,977 --> 00:11:50,911
There's a man who enjoys his work.
300
00:11:51,272 --> 00:11:53,364
This was banned for 60 years.
301
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:57,351
Zounds! I'm indecent!
302
00:11:57,432 --> 00:11:59,467
Time to 23 skidoo.
303
00:11:59,492 --> 00:12:02,520
Or should I say "69 skidoo"?
304
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,340
Let's see State College
win their big game
305
00:12:05,365 --> 00:12:07,122
without their star quarterback.
306
00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:11,239
How can I ever make it up to you?
307
00:12:12,335 --> 00:12:13,065
Oh, yeah.
308
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,348
Be-Bop-A-Lube-a, yeah.
309
00:12:14,373 --> 00:12:16,776
I'm about to launch a Sputnik.
310
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,776
There is nothing more devastating
311
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:21,356
than finding out your
husband has made porn
312
00:12:21,381 --> 00:12:23,250
and it's so bloody boring.
313
00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,497
So, how old are you?
314
00:12:26,522 --> 00:12:28,690
267.
315
00:12:29,059 --> 00:12:30,409
I joke.
316
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:31,854
I'm 18.
317
00:12:32,028 --> 00:12:34,403
Have you ever been with a man before?
318
00:12:35,281 --> 00:12:38,222
And how would you like me
to answer that, Philip?
319
00:12:38,247 --> 00:12:39,229
No.
320
00:12:39,262 --> 00:12:41,137
You'll never guess where this is going.
321
00:12:41,162 --> 00:12:43,197
Then the answer's no.
322
00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:47,379
The only thing those
videos were good for
323
00:12:47,404 --> 00:12:49,590
was for putting crying babies to sleep.
324
00:12:49,615 --> 00:12:52,948
And now the 1990s.
325
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,231
Could it be any sexier?
326
00:12:55,256 --> 00:12:57,739
Where have you been? I paged
you over an hour ago.
327
00:12:58,084 --> 00:13:01,221
Who are these people
who are always paging?
328
00:13:01,246 --> 00:13:03,012
And what's the deal with pagers?
329
00:13:03,037 --> 00:13:04,389
Shut up and get over here.
330
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:05,786
Mm. Yep.
331
00:13:05,811 --> 00:13:08,817
This is exactly what I want
to be doing right now.
332
00:13:09,161 --> 00:13:12,362
Laszlo, darling, I just think your work,
333
00:13:12,387 --> 00:13:14,044
as stimulating as it is,
334
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:16,997
it is not quite right for our orgy.
335
00:13:17,022 --> 00:13:20,278
It-It's like erotica for churchgoers.
336
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,434
Even Vampire Tricked in Steam Room?
337
00:13:22,459 --> 00:13:23,583
That one didn't even make any sense.
338
00:13:23,608 --> 00:13:26,174
I mean, how could we see
what you were doing
339
00:13:26,199 --> 00:13:27,051
but you couldn't?
340
00:13:27,076 --> 00:13:29,356
No, no, no, no. You've
misunderstood it, my darling.
341
00:13:29,381 --> 00:13:31,489
What happens in that is I'm sat there,
342
00:13:31,514 --> 00:13:33,749
surrounded, I think, by women.
343
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:35,485
The steam subsides,
344
00:13:35,518 --> 00:13:39,192
and I realize I'm actually
surrounded by chaps.
345
00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:40,756
But I enjoy it.
346
00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:41,833
Well, I got that bit.
347
00:13:41,858 --> 00:13:43,592
I just think...
348
00:13:44,286 --> 00:13:45,590
it's boring.
349
00:13:45,731 --> 00:13:47,263
Boring?
350
00:13:49,199 --> 00:13:51,101
You think it's all boring?
351
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:55,051
I shall be in our bedchamber.
352
00:13:55,472 --> 00:13:56,558
Oh, Laszlo.
353
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:57,403
No, no.
354
00:13:57,428 --> 00:13:59,604
She said that my pornos were boring,
355
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:01,311
which is an unbelievable reaction.
356
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:03,003
I showed her a century's worth
357
00:14:03,028 --> 00:14:04,284
of my pornos.
358
00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:06,036
That's a lot of porn.
359
00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:07,993
I don't think she followed the plots.
360
00:14:09,076 --> 00:14:11,833
Hey, Jeremy. Sorry I'm
calling you so late.
361
00:14:11,858 --> 00:14:13,714
Jeremy and I go way back.
362
00:14:13,739 --> 00:14:16,072
We've been friends, um,
since high school.
363
00:14:16,076 --> 00:14:17,153
What are you doing tonight?
364
00:14:17,178 --> 00:14:18,598
We were really just attached
365
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,231
at the hip. Not by choice,
366
00:14:20,256 --> 00:14:24,403
but because they would
literally, um, use hot glue.
367
00:14:25,161 --> 00:14:27,192
I invited Jeremy to the party.
368
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,840
No, just yourself.
369
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,684
Oh, I think they got all
the drinks covered.
370
00:14:33,509 --> 00:14:34,877
Yeah, I feel bad.
371
00:14:34,902 --> 00:14:36,369
You know what, I'm doing
whatever it takes
372
00:14:36,394 --> 00:14:38,396
to become a vampire.
373
00:14:39,931 --> 00:14:41,432
Oh. Sorry.
374
00:14:41,457 --> 00:14:44,567
Somebody told me this was a closet.
375
00:14:47,956 --> 00:14:50,269
It's going to be an amazing orgy.
376
00:14:50,294 --> 00:14:53,279
Over here, we have a
sculpture which depicts
377
00:14:53,304 --> 00:14:55,971
the moment that my parents conceived me.
378
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,932
In here, we have the
fluffers' chill-out area.
379
00:14:58,957 --> 00:15:02,394
Here we have the traditional
animal fur laden with rings.
380
00:15:02,419 --> 00:15:03,632
Not for your fingers.
381
00:15:03,657 --> 00:15:05,226
Electric chair role-play.
382
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,086
"What are your last words?"
383
00:15:07,111 --> 00:15:08,742
"I want to have sex."
384
00:15:09,836 --> 00:15:12,039
- Laszlo, what is going on?
- I'm not coming.
385
00:15:12,064 --> 00:15:13,795
What are you doing? What is this?
386
00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:15,828
Are you role-playing as a depressed man?
387
00:15:15,853 --> 00:15:17,520
It's not not working.
388
00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:18,687
I'm not coming to the orgy.
389
00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:20,315
- I'm not in the mood.
- What?
390
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,508
Is this because I said
your porno was terrible?
391
00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:23,767
The pornos were superb.
392
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:26,761
Have you any idea how difficult
it is to make a porno?
393
00:15:26,786 --> 00:15:29,288
Laszlo, do you want our
orgy to fall apart
394
00:15:29,313 --> 00:15:32,649
and for our good vampire
names to go down in history
395
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,320
with he whose name that
we never say the name of?
396
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:36,804
- You mean Mike?
- Yes, fucking Mike!
397
00:15:36,829 --> 00:15:38,648
To be honest with you,
I couldn't care less.
398
00:15:38,673 --> 00:15:39,602
Good night.
399
00:15:39,627 --> 00:15:41,257
Laszlo, don't you dare go back in there.
400
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,359
No, I'm not coming. Let go of the lid.
401
00:15:45,738 --> 00:15:48,539
Yes, I suppose I am a
little bit stressed.
402
00:15:49,954 --> 00:15:51,984
To throw a bad vampire orgy,
403
00:15:52,009 --> 00:15:53,967
I don't know how one would recover.
404
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,467
Half the bats you see,
they are just vampires
405
00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:57,898
that have thrown terrible orgies,
406
00:15:57,923 --> 00:15:59,061
and they are too ashamed
407
00:15:59,086 --> 00:16:00,882
to regain their vampire form.
408
00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:03,742
They just flit around. Shame bats.
409
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:05,328
Bats full of shame.
410
00:16:05,353 --> 00:16:06,320
And you know them,
411
00:16:06,345 --> 00:16:08,478
'cause they don't fly as high.
412
00:16:12,679 --> 00:16:15,289
- Jiang Shi!
- Nadja!
413
00:16:15,314 --> 00:16:17,222
Chinese jumping vampire.
414
00:16:21,629 --> 00:16:23,342
- Brought my cousin.
- Is he a Babadook?
415
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,039
No, actually, I'm a Badabook.
416
00:16:25,064 --> 00:16:27,346
You know, like, uh, bada-bing, Badabook.
417
00:16:27,371 --> 00:16:28,872
Hey-oh! Ah!
418
00:16:32,521 --> 00:16:35,340
And I don't believe for one minute
419
00:16:35,365 --> 00:16:38,195
that the raccoon actually
solved the Rubik's Cube
420
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:41,937
that it was given in the video
because there are clearly cuts
421
00:16:41,962 --> 00:16:44,421
in the video, but it was darling.
422
00:16:44,446 --> 00:16:45,736
- Such a doll.
- Really?
423
00:16:45,761 --> 00:16:46,695
Yeah.
424
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,664
- No, not when I...
- Sorry.
425
00:16:47,689 --> 00:16:49,854
Um, and, uh, who are you?
426
00:16:49,879 --> 00:16:52,015
Oh. Uh, hi. I'm Jeremy.
427
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,406
I brought mochi ice cream.
428
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:57,539
Is there a place that I
can put my backpack?
429
00:16:57,820 --> 00:17:00,812
Everyone, the virgin is here!
430
00:17:04,336 --> 00:17:06,062
Jeremy's here. He just got here,
431
00:17:06,087 --> 00:17:07,914
and, uh, all the vampires'
eyes just lit up
432
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,007
when he came in.
433
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,515
I think I did a good job as a familiar.
434
00:17:13,214 --> 00:17:14,554
Yeah.
435
00:17:16,015 --> 00:17:17,562
Maybe not so much as a friend.
436
00:17:17,587 --> 00:17:19,101
Guillermo, hey.
437
00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:20,493
This is a great party.
438
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:22,184
Everyone's really friendly. Hi.
439
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,577
- Yeah, what did you bring?
- I brought mochi.
440
00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:26,237
I thought maybe people would eat that.
441
00:17:26,538 --> 00:17:29,039
Yeah. Yeah.
442
00:17:29,864 --> 00:17:32,133
They're gonna tear him apart.
443
00:17:37,668 --> 00:17:39,361
I'm here!
444
00:17:40,745 --> 00:17:44,307
The life of the orgy has arrived.
445
00:17:44,656 --> 00:17:46,237
Bit stiff.
446
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,424
I've done a bad thing.
447
00:17:48,449 --> 00:17:50,700
I just brought my friend to
a house full of vampires.
448
00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:53,282
I brought my virgin friend
into a house full of vampires.
449
00:17:53,307 --> 00:17:55,143
Is it hot in here?
450
00:17:55,168 --> 00:17:56,243
Hey.
451
00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:58,408
Mr. '50s, you made it.
452
00:17:58,433 --> 00:18:00,049
Yeesh.
453
00:18:00,074 --> 00:18:02,001
Well, you could argue,
though, that all you need
454
00:18:02,026 --> 00:18:03,398
is a cell phone.
455
00:18:03,423 --> 00:18:05,796
Listen. Listen, stop talking.
456
00:18:05,821 --> 00:18:08,807
- Oh, no.
- Listen, my name is Laszlo,
457
00:18:08,832 --> 00:18:12,899
and I was not going to come
to this orgy this evening
458
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,897
- because my heart was in pain.
- Who cares?
459
00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:17,798
Yes! Vampire Tricked in Steam Room!
460
00:18:17,823 --> 00:18:18,596
Yes, it is me.
461
00:18:19,380 --> 00:18:20,189
Anyway,
462
00:18:20,214 --> 00:18:23,083
I put my heavy heart to one side
463
00:18:23,108 --> 00:18:26,988
for the love of my good lady wife Nadja.
464
00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:28,925
- Ugh.
- Recently,
465
00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:31,520
I was watching all of my porno films,
466
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:34,493
which are sexy and a turn-on.
467
00:18:34,518 --> 00:18:37,562
But they lack one thing
and one important thing.
468
00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:39,915
And that one thing is love.
469
00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:41,342
The love I share
470
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:44,157
for my good lady wife Nadja.
471
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:48,281
What say we conduct our
own orgy upstairs?
472
00:18:48,306 --> 00:18:50,433
- A two-person orgy.
- What?
473
00:18:50,466 --> 00:18:53,225
Here's to love and making love!
474
00:18:53,295 --> 00:18:54,502
What a boner killer.
475
00:18:54,527 --> 00:18:56,363
And I thought Mike threw a bad orgy.
476
00:18:56,388 --> 00:18:57,573
I think I'm going to take off.
477
00:18:57,598 --> 00:18:58,191
N-No, no.
478
00:18:58,216 --> 00:19:00,944
Wait, wait. No, wait, everyone.
No, no, wait!
479
00:19:00,969 --> 00:19:03,091
'Cause we haven't had the best part yet.
480
00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:04,217
I did a terrible thing.
481
00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:06,294
I just killed my friend. Oh, God.
482
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,403
I brought my v-virgin friend
483
00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:09,341
into a house full of vampires.
484
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,734
Oh, God, they're gonna rip him apart.
485
00:19:10,759 --> 00:19:14,097
Guess what. There is
the most gorgeous...
486
00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:15,856
I got to help him.
487
00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:19,013
Nosebleedy, asthma-suffering,
488
00:19:19,038 --> 00:19:21,013
- uh, doesn't clean his sheets...
- Jeremy!
489
00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:23,645
Mouth-breathing virgin!
490
00:19:26,486 --> 00:19:28,206
Jeremy, you have to leave.
491
00:19:28,231 --> 00:19:29,784
- They're all vamp...
- Guillermo.
492
00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:31,739
This party's awesome!
493
00:19:31,764 --> 00:19:33,401
I, uh, I...
494
00:19:33,426 --> 00:19:35,903
Is this the way out?
495
00:19:41,637 --> 00:19:43,114
Well...
496
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:46,278
looks like, uh, Jeremy's
not a virgin anymore.
497
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:52,348
So, sorry about that, gang.
498
00:19:52,373 --> 00:19:53,997
This orgy didn't count.
499
00:19:54,022 --> 00:19:56,934
Don't tell your friends
it was a bad orgy.
500
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,369
So, uh...
501
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:01,478
just us three, then?
502
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:13,138
Okay, these are both good.
503
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:19,664
I'm just going to check up on Laszlo.
504
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,290
Poor guy.
505
00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:24,786
I don't think Nadja will let
him forget about this one.
506
00:20:25,009 --> 00:20:27,372
Laszlo.
507
00:21:09,464 --> 00:21:15,612
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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