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1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:02,966
So, I move into the center lane.
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,700
Now, I get ahead of this woman
who felt, for some reason,
3
00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:07,666
I guess, that she thought
that I'd cut her off.
4
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,633
So she pulls up alongside of me,
5
00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:14,133
gives me... the finger.
6
00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:15,733
It seems like
7
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,466
such an arbitrary,
ridiculous thing
8
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:23,066
to just pick a finger,
and you show it to the person.
9
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,700
It's a finger.
What does it mean?
10
00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:29,999
Someone shows me
one of their fingers,
11
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,200
Someone shows me
one of their fingers,
12
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,200
and I'm supposed to feel bad.
13
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,700
Is that the way
it's supposed to work?
14
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:37,633
I mean... you could just
give someone the toe, really,
15
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:39,133
couldn't you?
16
00:00:39,166 --> 00:00:41,333
I would feel worse
if I got the toe
17
00:00:41,366 --> 00:00:42,866
than if I got the finger,
18
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,366
because it's not easy
to give someone the toe.
19
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,700
You got to get the shoe off,
the sock off,
20
00:00:47,733 --> 00:00:50,300
and drive, get it up in the...
21
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:52,000
Look at that toe, buddy.
22
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:55,166
I mean, that's really insulting,
to get the toe, isn't it?
23
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,800
JERRY: That it?
24
00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:03,833
I've got the Q-Tips,
I've got the mini-umbrella,
25
00:01:03,866 --> 00:01:07,833
something boring
to read on the plane.
26
00:01:10,733 --> 00:01:14,300
That's it. Done!
27
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,733
That is the single greatest
packing performance
28
00:01:16,766 --> 00:01:18,300
I have ever seen.
29
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,700
I am...
30
00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:22,233
the master packer.
31
00:01:22,266 --> 00:01:25,000
Yeah, right.
You're the master packer.
32
00:01:25,033 --> 00:01:27,056
What you must understand,
Elaine...
33
00:01:27,057 --> 00:01:27,666
What you must understand,
Elaine...
34
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:28,733
packing's no different
35
00:01:28,766 --> 00:01:29,966
than leading men into battle.
36
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,500
You've got to know
the strengths and weaknesses
37
00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:34,366
of every soldier
in that platoon...
38
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,866
from a collapsible toothbrush
39
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:38,666
to a pair of ordinary
black socks.
40
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:40,533
Excuse me, master packer?
41
00:01:41,766 --> 00:01:42,833
Yes?
42
00:01:42,866 --> 00:01:44,800
Just give me your keys.
43
00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,633
All right, sir.
44
00:01:46,666 --> 00:01:48,800
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
45
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:49,800
George?
46
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,300
Yeah.
47
00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:52,800
Okay, so, now,
is there anything else
48
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:55,300
I need to know about this place?
49
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,056
Uh, yeah.
50
00:01:57,057 --> 00:01:57,166
Uh, yeah.
51
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,666
The hot water takes
a little while to come on,
52
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:02,866
so the best thing to do
is to turn it on,
53
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,366
do all your shopping,
54
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,466
and come back,
and take a shower.
55
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,966
Okay. This is quite a place.
56
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,366
There's more.
The refrigerator.
57
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,466
Deduct a minimum of two days
58
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:14,966
off all expiration dates.
59
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,966
No meat, no leftovers,
no butter,
60
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,466
and I cannot overstate this...
61
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:24,466
No soft cheeses of any kind.
62
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:25,966
Is that clear?
63
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,056
I'll eat out.
64
00:02:27,057 --> 00:02:27,966
I'll eat out.
65
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,366
And one more thing, Benes.
66
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,666
Regarding sexual activity...
67
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,000
strictly prohibited,
68
00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:37,566
but if you absolutely must,
do us all a big favor...
69
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,866
Do it in the tub.
70
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:41,866
You ready?
71
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,366
Yeah. One second.
72
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,366
Hey, Elaine.
73
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,366
Hi.
74
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,533
You coming
to the airport with us?
75
00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:49,200
No, I'm staying here
for the weekend.
76
00:02:49,233 --> 00:02:50,833
I'm getting a break
from my roommate.
77
00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:53,066
Oh, the actress/waitress.
78
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,733
No. The waitress/actress.
79
00:02:55,766 --> 00:02:57,056
She just got some part
80
00:02:57,057 --> 00:02:57,533
She just got some part
81
00:02:57,566 --> 00:02:59,166
in some dinner theater
production
82
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,466
of A Chorus Line.
83
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,733
So, now, all day long,
84
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:04,466
she's walking around
the apartment singing,
85
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,466
♪ God, I hope
I get it ♪
86
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,466
♪ I hope I get it ♪
87
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,700
She's going to get it,
right in the...
88
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,500
Why don't you just kick her out?
89
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:14,833
She's on the lease.
90
00:03:14,866 --> 00:03:18,166
George, you have got to find
another place for me.
91
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,966
Well, a little rough
finding something good
92
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,533
in your price range...
93
00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:25,366
Hey, but you, my friend,
may be in luck.
94
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,500
I'm not looking.
95
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:27,057
No, no, no.
This one's different.
96
00:03:27,057 --> 00:03:27,700
No, no, no.
This one's different.
97
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:28,900
This one's a beauty.
98
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:30,233
What's it like?
99
00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:32,700
I haven't seen it yet,
but it's a two-bedroom.
100
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:34,733
It's on, uh, the West 83rd,
101
00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:36,000
about a half-block
from the park.
102
00:03:36,033 --> 00:03:37,566
How much?
103
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,866
Twice what you're paying here,
but it's a great building.
104
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,700
It's two bedrooms.
105
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:42,700
Two bedrooms?
106
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:43,866
Why do I need two bedrooms?
107
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,533
I've got enough trouble
108
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:47,033
maintaining activity in one.
109
00:03:47,066 --> 00:03:48,866
I saw that.
110
00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:51,700
You ought to at least
take a look at it.
111
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:52,866
Really? Why?
112
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,900
Because then
I could move in here.
113
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,033
Ah...
Ah.
114
00:03:57,066 --> 00:03:58,833
I know what you're saying now.
115
00:03:58,866 --> 00:04:00,500
It's time you got
out of here anyway.
116
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,466
Yeah, tell him, but quickly.
I'm double-parked here.
117
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,966
Jerry, this place
is falling apart.
118
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,966
You have no hot water,
119
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,966
you can't have soft cheese.
120
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,466
And let's not forget
the radiator.
121
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,500
The steam has been on here
for 10 years.
122
00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:14,733
No human can turn this off.
123
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,500
Jerry, come on.
You're doing okay now.
124
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:20,966
You should at least
take a look at this place.
125
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,400
You shouldn't
have to live like this.
126
00:04:22,433 --> 00:04:23,466
Like this?
127
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,966
You just said
you wanted to live here.
128
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,056
Well, for me, it's a step up.
129
00:04:27,057 --> 00:04:27,800
Well, for me, it's a step up.
130
00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:30,666
It's like moving from
Iceland to Finland.
131
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:31,666
Jerry, what do you...?
132
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:33,466
Do you want to see
the place or not?
133
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,000
I can't think about it now.
134
00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:36,333
Come on, I'm going
to Minneapolis.
135
00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:39,266
I got four shows this weekend.
136
00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:46,866
[GRUNTS]
137
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,866
Elaine?
138
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,866
[GRUNTS]
139
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,066
[SIGHS]
140
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,500
[SIGHS]
141
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,466
Elaine?
142
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,666
ELAINE: Jerry?
143
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:15,233
Jer... Oh, hi.
144
00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:16,466
Welcome back.
145
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,966
How were the shows?
146
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,300
Great. I had fun.
147
00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:20,573
Where's the TV?
Where's the VCR?
148
00:05:22,033 --> 00:05:23,066
What?
149
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,166
They were stolen.
150
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,166
Stolen?
151
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,166
When?
152
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,057
A couple of hours ago.
153
00:05:27,057 --> 00:05:27,966
A couple of hours ago.
154
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,833
The police are coming
right over.
155
00:05:29,866 --> 00:05:31,400
Stolen?
156
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,966
Someone left the door open.
157
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,900
Oh, yeah, uh...
158
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,866
You left the door open?
159
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,866
Uh... Yeah, well, you know,
I was cooking,
160
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,966
and I, you know, I came in
161
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,700
to get the spatula.
162
00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:50,366
I left the door open...
163
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,466
because I was going to bring
the spatula right back.
164
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,900
Wait, you left the lock open,
165
00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:56,700
or the door open?
166
00:05:56,733 --> 00:05:57,057
The door.
167
00:05:57,058 --> 00:06:00,300
The door.
168
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,133
The door?
You left the door open?
169
00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:04,333
Yeah, well, I was going
to bring the spatula right back.
170
00:06:04,366 --> 00:06:05,533
Yeah, and?
171
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:09,800
Well, I got caught up
watching a soap opera.
172
00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:11,700
Bold and the Beautiful.
173
00:06:12,766 --> 00:06:15,133
So the door was wide open.
174
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,766
Wide open!
175
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:19,966
Excuse me.
176
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,466
And where were you?
177
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,200
I was at Bloomingdale's,
178
00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:27,056
waiting for the shower
to heat up.
179
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:27,800
Waiting for the shower
to heat up.
180
00:06:27,833 --> 00:06:29,800
Look, Jerry,
I'm sorry. I'm...
181
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:31,300
You have insurance,
right, buddy?
182
00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,900
No.
183
00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:35,366
How can you not have insurance?
184
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,366
Because...
185
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,366
I spent my money
on the Clapco D-29.
186
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,366
It's the most impenetrable lock
on the market today.
187
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,366
It has only one design flaw.
188
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,366
The door...
189
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,933
must be closed!
190
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,366
Jerry, I'm going
to find your stuff.
191
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,033
I'm going to solve it.
192
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,033
I'm on the case, buddy.
I'm on the case.
193
00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:59,200
Yeah, don't investigate.
Don't pay me back.
194
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:01,466
It was an accident.
195
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,033
I made a mistake.
196
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:04,366
These things happen.
197
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,133
I'm human.
198
00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:08,566
In your way.
199
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,300
OFFICER:
Let's see, that's one TV,
200
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,500
stereo, one leather jacket,
a VCR, and a computer.
201
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:17,000
Is that about it?
202
00:07:17,033 --> 00:07:18,400
The answering machine.
203
00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:19,633
Answering machine.
204
00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:21,400
Boy, I hate the idea
of somebody out there
205
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,366
returning my calls.
206
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,056
What do you mean?
207
00:07:27,057 --> 00:07:27,666
What do you mean?
208
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,566
It's a joke.
209
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,200
I see.
210
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:34,000
Well, Mr. Seinfeld, uh,
we'll look into it,
211
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:35,800
and we'll let you know,
if we, you know,
212
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:36,800
if we find anything.
213
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,033
Do you ever find anything?
214
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:39,200
No.
215
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,866
Well, thanks anyway.
216
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,600
You bet.
217
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,200
I didn't get that joke either.
218
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:52,033
The crook has the machine.
219
00:07:52,066 --> 00:07:55,366
The messages aren't for him,
he's the crook.
220
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,056
Why would he answer...?
221
00:07:57,057 --> 00:07:57,833
Why would he answer...?
222
00:07:57,866 --> 00:08:00,066
How did you get in here?
223
00:08:05,366 --> 00:08:08,333
I walked in.
Your lobby door is broken again.
224
00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:09,700
Again?
225
00:08:09,733 --> 00:08:11,533
I don't know how
you put up with this.
226
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:13,033
Yeah.
Tell him, George.
227
00:08:13,066 --> 00:08:15,700
You would still
want to move in here?
228
00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:16,700
Yes.
229
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:17,866
You don't understand.
230
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:19,500
I'm living with Ethel Merman
231
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,133
without the talent.
232
00:08:22,166 --> 00:08:23,966
Is that, uh...
233
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,566
other apartment still available?
234
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,366
I got ripped off
for about the...
235
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,700
18th time.
236
00:08:34,733 --> 00:08:36,733
Now, the first couple of times
you go through it,
237
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,033
it's very upsetting,
238
00:08:38,066 --> 00:08:40,966
and your first reaction,
or one of your friends will say,
239
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,633
"Call the police.
240
00:08:42,666 --> 00:08:45,133
You really should
call the police."
241
00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:48,466
So you think to yourself,
you know, you watch TV,
242
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,466
you think, "Yeah,
I'm calling the police...
243
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,966
"Stakeouts, manhunts...
244
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,466
I'm going to see
some real action."
245
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:56,966
Right? You think that.
246
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:57,057
So, the police come over
to your house,
247
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,466
So, the police come over
to your house,
248
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,700
they fill out the report.
249
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:03,366
They give you...
250
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,533
your copy.
251
00:09:05,566 --> 00:09:08,866
Now, unless they give the crook
his copy,
252
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:12,666
I don't really think we're going
to crack this case, do you?
253
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,866
It's not like Batman,
254
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,866
where there's three crooks
in the city
255
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,866
and everybody pretty much
knows who they are.
256
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,533
Very few crooks
even go to the trouble
257
00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:27,056
to come up with a theme
for their careers anymore.
258
00:09:27,057 --> 00:09:28,200
To come up with a theme
for their careers anymore.
259
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:31,300
It makes them
a lot tougher to spot.
260
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,200
"Did you lose a Sony?
261
00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:36,533
"It could be the Penguin.
262
00:09:36,566 --> 00:09:38,366
"I think we can round him up.
263
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,700
"He's dressed like a penguin.
264
00:09:40,733 --> 00:09:44,000
We can find him.
He's a penguin."
265
00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:52,466
Oh... Oh.
266
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,266
Well... Come on.
267
00:09:57,066 --> 00:09:59,033
This is an apartment.
268
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,533
This is a home.
269
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,366
This is a place to live.
270
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,500
[GASPS]
271
00:10:05,533 --> 00:10:06,700
A fireplace!
272
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:08,366
Are you kidding me?
273
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,400
Does this work?
274
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,400
I didn't know
there was a fireplace.
275
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:13,466
A fireplace!
That's incredible.
276
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,366
How do you get
all that wood in here?
277
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,566
They deliver it.
They deliver wood?
278
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,733
Yeah.
279
00:10:18,766 --> 00:10:21,533
What do you tip a wood guy?
280
00:10:21,566 --> 00:10:24,200
I didn't know
there was a fireplace.
281
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,733
ELAINE:
Look! Look at...
Look at this.
282
00:10:25,766 --> 00:10:27,056
There's a garden.
283
00:10:27,057 --> 00:10:27,166
There's a garden.
284
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,200
A garden?
285
00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:30,566
I can't believe
there's a garden.
286
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:31,966
Would I have to get a gardener?
287
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,633
Yeah, you can get a gardener.
288
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:34,866
You tip him?
289
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:35,900
You can.
290
00:10:35,933 --> 00:10:37,666
You don't tip a gardener.
291
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,466
You can tip a gardener.
292
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,133
You don't need a gardener.
293
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:42,900
Jerry, you can
barbecue back here.
294
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,733
They deliver the coal?
295
00:10:44,766 --> 00:10:46,233
Sure.
296
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,306
It's probably the same guy
297
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:48,800
who delivers the wood.
298
00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:51,466
Oh, then I got to tip him.
299
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:54,300
Oh, man, this place
is incredible.
300
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,733
Look at all this great light.
301
00:10:56,766 --> 00:10:57,057
I don't have any plants.
302
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:58,133
I don't have any plants.
303
00:10:58,166 --> 00:10:59,533
I have plants.
304
00:10:59,566 --> 00:11:01,066
[SNORTS]
305
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:04,533
Jerry, look at this closet.
306
00:11:04,566 --> 00:11:07,533
Look at this. I'm walking in it.
307
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,966
It's a walk-in.
308
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,533
Can you believe it?
I'm nuts about this.
309
00:11:10,566 --> 00:11:13,000
What do you think?
310
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,833
I like that.
311
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,056
What do you think, George?
312
00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:27,466
What do you think, George?
313
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,166
It's your decision.
314
00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:52,066
I'm taking it.
Oh!
315
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,866
I'm taking the place.
I'm going to take it.
316
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,466
This is going to be
my new place.
317
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,033
I'm living here.
I'm moving.
318
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,133
You're moving?
319
00:11:58,166 --> 00:11:59,966
That means I'm moving.
320
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,866
Oh! Gee!
321
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,633
Is that incredible?
322
00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:06,733
Congratulations.
323
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,700
What about the couch?
You like the couch?
324
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:13,900
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
325
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,166
What?
326
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,566
You're moving in.
You're a good friend.
327
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,400
I wanna start you off
on the right foot.
328
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,966
Give me...
329
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,200
$150.
330
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,466
In fact, get it
out of here right now.
331
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,633
Take it out the door.
I don't even want to see it.
332
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:33,466
A hundred and fifty dollars?
For what? For this couch?
333
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,466
Yeah.
334
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,300
For this couch?
335
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,560
Okay, you tell me.
What is it worth?
336
00:12:38,561 --> 00:12:40,066
Okay, you tell me.
What is it worth?
337
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,633
Okay, uh...
338
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:42,966
[BLOWING THROUGH PURSED LIPS]
339
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,133
I tell you what...
340
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,133
I could go as high as, uh...
341
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:52,966
I don't know.
Maybe... twenty dollars?
342
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,166
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
343
00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:57,900
Yeah?
344
00:12:57,933 --> 00:12:58,966
It's George.
345
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,566
Come on up.
346
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,700
All right.
Forget it.
347
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,133
I'm gonna take it with me, then.
348
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:07,900
I'm just gonna pack up
the cushions right now.
349
00:13:07,933 --> 00:13:08,561
Okay, okay, you win.
Forty dollars.
350
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:09,733
Okay, okay, you win.
Forty dollars.
351
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:10,966
You wanna get the other end,
352
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,700
because I wanna
get it in the hall.
353
00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,533
Fifty dollars, okay?
Fifty dollars?
354
00:13:14,566 --> 00:13:15,733
Is that all right?
Fifty dollars?
355
00:13:15,766 --> 00:13:16,733
Mm-hmm.
356
00:13:16,766 --> 00:13:17,733
Thank you very much.
357
00:13:17,766 --> 00:13:20,466
Thank you very much.
358
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,466
Hey, what's going on?
359
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,800
I just bought
Jerry's couch for $50.
360
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,333
So did you bring the lease?
361
00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:32,200
Well, all right.
362
00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:33,733
Gee, three years.
363
00:13:33,766 --> 00:13:36,000
That kind of seems
like a long time.
364
00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:37,333
Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry,
365
00:13:37,366 --> 00:13:38,560
Listen, if you are
feeling uncomfortable
366
00:13:38,561 --> 00:13:39,800
Listen, if you are
feeling uncomfortable
367
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:42,133
about this at all, at all,
368
00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:44,233
do not feel like
you have to take it.
369
00:13:44,266 --> 00:13:45,533
Why?
370
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:48,133
If you're having
second thoughts,
371
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:49,800
if you didn't want it,
372
00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:50,966
don't worry about it,
373
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,200
because, uh, you know, I...
374
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,066
I could take it, you know?
375
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,366
You could take it?
376
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,366
You want it?
377
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,333
No, I don't want it.
378
00:14:01,366 --> 00:14:02,966
I want it if you don't want it.
379
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,166
So you... do want it.
380
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,300
No, I want it
if you don't want it.
381
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,560
You just said you wanted it.
382
00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:09,300
You just said you wanted it.
383
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:12,466
No, I'm saying
if a situation arose
384
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,066
in which you didn't want it,
385
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,066
I might take it.
386
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,233
So take it.
387
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:17,233
How can I take it?
388
00:14:17,266 --> 00:14:18,233
How can I take it?
389
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:19,333
It's your apartment.
390
00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:21,333
How can I want it now
if you want it?
391
00:14:21,366 --> 00:14:24,166
Excuse me. I don't mean
to cause any trouble here,
392
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,133
but, George, if you take it,
393
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,500
can I take your place?
394
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,333
Yes, but I am not taking it.
395
00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,966
I am not taking it.
396
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,866
Well, one of you better
damn well take it.
397
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,466
Well, what do you want
to do here?
398
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,560
I don't know.
399
00:14:38,561 --> 00:14:38,666
I don't know.
400
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:41,633
Do you want to flip a coin?
401
00:14:41,666 --> 00:14:43,700
Who flips?
402
00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:46,166
You flip, I'll call.
403
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,300
Okay. Fine.
404
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,566
All right. All right.
405
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,640
This is the official flip.
406
00:14:49,666 --> 00:14:50,633
All right.
407
00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:52,966
No crying, no guilt.
408
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,466
Winner takes all, and that's it.
Agreed?
409
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,466
I'm good.
410
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,833
I don't know who to root for.
411
00:14:57,866 --> 00:14:59,466
George's place has carpeting.
412
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,500
Shh, shh.
413
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:01,500
All right.
414
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:02,900
Now, you call it in the air.
415
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:04,300
No catching.
No, no.
416
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,300
All right, flip it.
417
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:06,466
Heads!
418
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:07,833
[COIN CLANGS]
419
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:08,561
Tails.
420
00:15:08,562 --> 00:15:09,633
Tails.
421
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:11,466
No, it hit the table.
It hit the table.
422
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,566
So what?
423
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,800
Interference.
You can't count that.
424
00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:16,566
Come on.
Are you crazy?
425
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,666
The coin cannot touch anything.
426
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,700
It affects it.
427
00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:20,500
You didn't call
"no interference."
428
00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:21,700
You don't have to call that.
429
00:15:21,733 --> 00:15:22,700
That's a rule!
430
00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:23,900
I don't believe this.
431
00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:25,666
Oh! Oh! All right. Fine, Jerry.
432
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,133
You win. Take it.
Just take it.
433
00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:29,700
I don't want
to win it like this.
434
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:33,233
Elaine, what do you think?
435
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,466
I better not.
436
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,100
Jesus.
437
00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:41,133
Well, I'll tell you what.
I'll choose you for it.
438
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,166
Straight choose, three takes it.
439
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,000
No disputes. That's it.
You got to win three.
440
00:15:46,866 --> 00:15:48,233
Okay.
441
00:15:52,066 --> 00:15:55,366
Okay. I'll choose you.
442
00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,200
What do you want?
443
00:15:58,233 --> 00:15:59,300
Odds.
444
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,866
I want evens.
445
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,233
Good.
446
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,733
You got odds.
447
00:16:04,766 --> 00:16:05,733
You got evens.
448
00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:06,733
Right.
449
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,560
Ready.
450
00:16:08,561 --> 00:16:08,866
Ready.
451
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,533
For the apartment.
452
00:16:10,566 --> 00:16:11,666
BOTH: Once, twice,
three, shoot!
453
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:12,666
Mine.
454
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:13,900
BOTH: Once, twice,
three, shoot!
455
00:16:13,933 --> 00:16:14,933
Mine!
456
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:22,866
BOTH: Once, twice,
three, shoot!
457
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:23,866
Mine!
458
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:24,866
BOTH: Once, twice, three,
459
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:25,900
Shoot!
Shoot!
460
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:33,733
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
461
00:16:33,766 --> 00:16:35,133
Thanks.
462
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,566
I'm just gonna... wash.
463
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,533
GEORGE [YELLING]:
Why did I put out two?
Why did I put out two?
464
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:44,533
[BANGING DOOR]
465
00:16:44,566 --> 00:16:45,533
Jerry?
466
00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:46,866
I think I'm onto something.
467
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:49,233
I think I found your stuff.
468
00:16:49,266 --> 00:16:51,066
You know the Englishman
who lives down the hall?
469
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,533
Yeah.
470
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,666
The last couple of days,
he's been acting very strange.
471
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:55,733
I think he's avoiding me.
472
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:56,900
Hard to imagine.
473
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,633
Yeah, and get this...
474
00:16:58,666 --> 00:17:00,233
I just got off the elevator
with him,
475
00:17:00,266 --> 00:17:01,833
and I tested him.
I tested him.
476
00:17:01,866 --> 00:17:03,633
Like I... This is what
I said to him,
477
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:05,400
like I was like this, I went,
478
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:08,560
"Oh, by the way, I know
about the stuff."
479
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:08,966
"Oh, by the way, I know
about the stuff."
480
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,900
You know, very casual...
Right.
481
00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,500
So he's gonna take me
into his confidence.
482
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:13,500
So, what did he say?
483
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,033
"What stuff?"
484
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:16,566
Oh.
485
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,066
Case closed.
486
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,233
Oh, no, no.
You don't understand.
487
00:17:20,266 --> 00:17:21,400
You see, he swallowed.
488
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:23,200
See, the guy, he swallowed.
489
00:17:24,266 --> 00:17:26,566
Oh, he was nervous
about something.
490
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,366
Now, I'm gonna go over there.
491
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,066
I'm gonna borrow some tea.
492
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,066
You know, if I don't get back
in five minutes,
493
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,066
maybe you better call
the police.
494
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,133
Okay.
495
00:17:36,166 --> 00:17:38,066
Starting... now!
496
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:38,561
Yeah!
497
00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:39,561
Yeah!
498
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:44,300
One of the problems in life
is that when you're a kid,
499
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,900
you have a certain way
of working out disagreements...
500
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,400
and those laws do not work
in the adult world.
501
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:53,166
One of the main ways
that kids resolve any dispute
502
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,566
is by calling it.
503
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,366
One of them'll say,
"I got the front seat."
504
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,333
"I wanted the front seat."
"I called it."
505
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,800
And the other kid knows
he's got nothing to say.
506
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:04,533
"He called it. What can I do?"
507
00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:07,066
If there was a kid court of law,
it holds up.
508
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,560
"Your Honor, my client did ask
for the front seat."
509
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:11,666
"Your Honor, my client did ask
for the front seat."
510
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,233
And the judge would go,
"Did he call it?"
511
00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:16,400
"Well, no, he didn't call it..."
512
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:18,166
Bang. "He has to call it.
513
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,833
Case closed.
Objection overruled."
514
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,366
I love the mirror
in that bathroom.
515
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,833
I don't know what
in the hell it is.
516
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:28,833
I look terrific in that mirror.
517
00:18:28,866 --> 00:18:31,333
I don't know if it's the tile
or the lighting.
518
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:34,333
I feel like Robert Wagner
in there.
519
00:18:34,366 --> 00:18:36,766
It's a good mirror.
520
00:18:38,866 --> 00:18:40,033
So, what are you getting?
521
00:18:40,066 --> 00:18:41,533
I don't know. What can you eat?
522
00:18:41,566 --> 00:18:43,800
You can't have anything anymore.
523
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,000
Look at this. Look at this.
524
00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:46,633
Eggs, out.
525
00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:47,966
Coffee, out.
526
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,666
French fries, out.
527
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,666
B.L.T., out.
528
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:53,466
I go to visit my grandparents.
529
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,500
They're eating
big brisket sandwiches.
530
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:57,533
I'm sitting there with a carrot.
531
00:18:57,566 --> 00:18:58,900
They're closing in on 100.
532
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:01,166
I'm saying to them,
"How can you eat that stuff?"
533
00:19:07,266 --> 00:19:08,560
I'm so sick about
losing that choose.
534
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:08,633
I'm so sick about
losing that choose.
535
00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:10,066
You don't know. I...
536
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,566
All right. Forget it.
Forget it.
537
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:13,733
I'm not taking the place.
538
00:19:13,766 --> 00:19:14,733
What?
539
00:19:14,766 --> 00:19:16,666
How can I live there?
Why not?
540
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,300
Look at you. You're
still thinking about it.
541
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:21,000
I'll never feel comfortable.
Oh, please. Get outta here.
542
00:19:21,033 --> 00:19:22,400
How can I ever have you over?
543
00:19:22,433 --> 00:19:24,033
You'll sit there moping.
544
00:19:24,066 --> 00:19:25,066
I won't mope.
545
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,800
You're already moping.
546
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,233
Would you take the place?
547
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:30,733
No. Impossible.
It's your apartment.
548
00:19:30,766 --> 00:19:32,066
You found the place.
549
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:33,533
You won the choose.
550
00:19:33,566 --> 00:19:35,233
All right. Forget it.
551
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:36,533
It's over.
I'm not moving.
552
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,533
Well, me neither.
553
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:40,800
Definitely?
Definitely.
554
00:19:40,833 --> 00:19:42,733
All right.
Then just get rid of it.
555
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,700
You won't have any problem.
556
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:45,900
No, it's not a problem.
557
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:47,300
I can get rid of the apartment
558
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:48,633
this afternoon.
559
00:19:48,666 --> 00:19:50,233
What apartment?
560
00:19:50,266 --> 00:19:51,900
Oh, it's a great place.
561
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,633
It's a two-bedroom, West 83rd,
562
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:55,233
about a half block
from the park.
563
00:19:55,266 --> 00:19:57,766
What's the rent?
564
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:08,561
I hate housewarmings.
565
00:20:08,561 --> 00:20:09,300
I hate housewarmings.
566
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,966
I don't know
what we're doing here.
567
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,400
This is ridiculous.
568
00:20:12,433 --> 00:20:14,566
She wanted to thank us
for the apartment.
569
00:20:16,766 --> 00:20:19,233
I can't believe
I lost the deposit
570
00:20:19,266 --> 00:20:21,400
on that U-Haul,
571
00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:24,033
and I threw out my couch.
572
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:28,300
If only the coin
hadn't hit the table.
573
00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:30,533
The table is interference.
You know it.
574
00:20:30,566 --> 00:20:33,000
It is not.
It is too.
575
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:37,000
My roommate starts
rehearsal tonight on Carousel.
576
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:38,561
Hi.
577
00:20:38,561 --> 00:20:39,533
Hi.
578
00:20:39,566 --> 00:20:40,566
Oh, hi, Carol.
579
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:41,733
I just wanted to introduce you
580
00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:42,733
to my husband.
581
00:20:42,766 --> 00:20:43,733
This is Larry.
582
00:20:43,766 --> 00:20:47,566
This is George,
Elaine and Jerry.
583
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,566
These are the guys
who got us the apartment.
584
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,700
You don't know
how grateful I am.
585
00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:55,000
If there's anything
I can ever do to repay you...
586
00:20:55,033 --> 00:20:57,033
I mean, we're just
so thrilled with this place.
587
00:20:57,066 --> 00:20:58,166
It's a dream.
588
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,566
LARRY: I'm running
in the park now.
589
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,633
I've lost weight.
590
00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:02,500
We're barbecuing every night,
591
00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:04,266
and the rent is unbelievable.
592
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:08,561
We're really glad for you.
593
00:21:08,562 --> 00:21:11,233
We're really glad for you.
594
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:13,233
Couldn't be happier.
595
00:21:13,266 --> 00:21:14,266
It's wonderful.
596
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,966
Oh, Diane.
597
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:17,966
Diane, come here.
598
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,800
This is my new
next-door neighbor, Diane.
599
00:21:20,833 --> 00:21:21,900
Hi.
600
00:21:21,933 --> 00:21:24,800
These are the guys
who turned this place down.
601
00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:26,800
Can you believe it?
602
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:28,866
Diane gave me
the greatest back rub today.
603
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:31,033
She's a masseuse.
604
00:21:33,766 --> 00:21:36,833
How could you guys
have turned this place down?
605
00:21:36,866 --> 00:21:38,400
It's such a great location,
606
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:38,561
and it's so close to the park.
607
00:21:38,562 --> 00:21:41,166
And it's so close to the park.
608
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,800
Yeah, we're aware
of the proximity to the park.
609
00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:46,233
It's...
610
00:21:46,266 --> 00:21:49,833
Well, it was nice to meet you.
611
00:21:49,866 --> 00:21:51,066
Nice to meet you.
612
00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:56,666
[SIGHS]
613
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:00,666
[SIGHS]
614
00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,066
How late are the stores open?
615
00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:06,066
I'm thinking of maybe
buying a new TV
616
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,400
and smashing it over my head.
617
00:22:09,733 --> 00:22:12,066
So I get a call from Gilmore
this morning, and get this...
618
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:13,400
They're restructuring
the organization in Atlanta,
619
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,566
and I gotta be there
on the first of the month.
620
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,400
Really? What are you gonna do
about the apartment?
621
00:22:17,433 --> 00:22:19,733
Well, what can I do?
I'll give it up.
622
00:22:19,766 --> 00:22:22,033
[IN UNISON]
What's the rent?
623
00:22:28,766 --> 00:22:30,700
[♪]
41350
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