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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:23,302 --> 00:00:26,403 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:26,505 --> 00:00:29,807 NADJA: I have given a strange girl the most beautiful gift... 4 00:00:29,909 --> 00:00:31,642 The gift of becoming a vampiric 5 00:00:31,744 --> 00:00:34,578 bloodsucking creature of the shadows. 6 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,913 Did you see that? 7 00:00:36,015 --> 00:00:37,181 NADJA: She has not yet blossomed 8 00:00:37,283 --> 00:00:40,034 into her full vampiric state, 9 00:00:40,136 --> 00:00:41,802 but I think she is on her way. 10 00:00:41,904 --> 00:00:45,172 (QUIETLY): Oh, what the hell is happening to me? 11 00:00:45,274 --> 00:00:46,673 (TAKES DEEP BREATH) 12 00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:48,075 JENNA: Sorry if I don't 13 00:00:48,177 --> 00:00:50,677 seem up to my normal self. I just... 14 00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:52,980 I've just been going through changes. 15 00:00:53,082 --> 00:00:54,448 (HISSING) 16 00:00:55,468 --> 00:00:57,134 Having crazy dreams. 17 00:00:57,236 --> 00:00:58,569 Like, super weird. 18 00:01:00,906 --> 00:01:03,507 My friends have noticed. 19 00:01:04,343 --> 00:01:06,577 (GRUNTS) 20 00:01:06,679 --> 00:01:08,445 Mood swings. Unusual cravings. 21 00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:11,281 - (CREATURE SQUEALS) - (HISSES) 22 00:01:11,383 --> 00:01:13,534 I'm usually a flexatarian. 23 00:01:13,636 --> 00:01:15,736 Who else? Michelangelo Buonarroti. 24 00:01:15,838 --> 00:01:17,237 - (HISSING) - Michelangelo... 25 00:01:17,339 --> 00:01:20,874 JENNA: I've developed an eye sensitivity, 26 00:01:20,976 --> 00:01:23,544 and skin sensitivity. 27 00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:25,579 - And sometimes... - (WHIMPERING) 28 00:01:25,681 --> 00:01:29,633 Sometimes I have this urge to tear my roommate to shreds. 29 00:01:29,735 --> 00:01:31,769 ("YOU'RE DEAD" BY NORMA TANEGA PLAYING) 30 00:01:31,871 --> 00:01:34,304 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 31 00:01:34,406 --> 00:01:36,774 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 32 00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:39,476 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 33 00:01:39,578 --> 00:01:41,879 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 34 00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:46,934 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 35 00:01:47,036 --> 00:01:49,636 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 36 00:01:49,738 --> 00:01:52,039 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 37 00:01:52,141 --> 00:01:54,141 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 38 00:01:54,243 --> 00:01:57,744 ♪ ♪ 39 00:02:04,303 --> 00:02:08,539 NANDOR: Thank you all for coming to this house meeting. 40 00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:12,643 I must remind everyone that if you are gonna entice a victim 41 00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:15,712 into the house and then you let them live, 42 00:02:15,815 --> 00:02:16,847 show them out. 43 00:02:16,949 --> 00:02:18,315 - Loud and clear. - Fair enough. 44 00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:19,466 - It's common courtesy. - NADJA: All right. Yes. 45 00:02:19,568 --> 00:02:20,968 - It is. - It is. -Also, 46 00:02:21,070 --> 00:02:23,604 is it possible, for when you leave the house, 47 00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:26,640 to blow out the candles? 48 00:02:26,742 --> 00:02:30,511 Observe. (BLOWS) 49 00:02:30,613 --> 00:02:32,212 Simple as that. Major catastrophe 50 00:02:32,314 --> 00:02:33,847 - averted. - LASZLO: What is that 51 00:02:33,949 --> 00:02:35,833 disgusting putrefied smell? 52 00:02:35,935 --> 00:02:38,135 Like a... snake in heat? 53 00:02:38,237 --> 00:02:39,603 That may be me. 54 00:02:39,705 --> 00:02:42,973 I'm wearing a new cologne called "Mr. Hijinks." 55 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,374 - NANDOR: Okay, great. I am... - Aftershave? 56 00:02:44,476 --> 00:02:46,210 COLIN: It's a cologne/aftershave mix 57 00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:48,879 - and I found it in the bathroom at work. - NANDOR: Eh, great. 58 00:02:48,981 --> 00:02:51,114 Can we just not talk about the cologne anymore, please? 59 00:02:51,217 --> 00:02:52,599 - Why would you use a cologne? - NANDOR: Shush! 60 00:02:52,701 --> 00:02:53,600 To annoy you. 61 00:02:53,702 --> 00:02:56,103 - Touché. - Please, I am speaking here! 62 00:02:56,205 --> 00:02:58,639 And when I was the leader of my country, 63 00:02:58,741 --> 00:03:01,708 I would kill anyone who disrespected me 64 00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:03,377 when I'm talking about candles. 65 00:03:03,479 --> 00:03:06,346 You were the leader of a country? 66 00:03:06,448 --> 00:03:10,601 Yes. I was the leader of Al Quolanudar. 67 00:03:10,703 --> 00:03:12,836 That sounds like you just made it up. 68 00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:14,605 - COLIN: Sounds fake. - No, I have not just made it up. 69 00:03:14,707 --> 00:03:16,273 It's a real country. 70 00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:17,941 It's not a fake country, it's a real country. 71 00:03:18,043 --> 00:03:19,543 Al Quolanudar. 72 00:03:19,645 --> 00:03:21,245 - Bless you. - NANDOR: Guillermo, 73 00:03:21,347 --> 00:03:24,214 go on your intelligent telephone machine and look it up. 74 00:03:24,316 --> 00:03:25,265 GUILLERMO: Spell that A... 75 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:26,400 - A-L. New word. - Uh-huh. 76 00:03:26,502 --> 00:03:28,035 - I've got it. - Oh, great! 77 00:03:28,137 --> 00:03:29,736 Uh, how-how is it doing? 78 00:03:29,838 --> 00:03:32,372 Not so hot. It's dissolved. 79 00:03:32,474 --> 00:03:36,109 - What? When did this happen? - 1401. 80 00:03:36,212 --> 00:03:38,412 ♪ ♪ 81 00:03:38,514 --> 00:03:43,200 NANDOR: To find out that your country has not existed since 1401... 82 00:03:43,302 --> 00:03:46,069 is a pretty sudden shock. 83 00:03:46,188 --> 00:03:47,905 It was my home. 84 00:03:48,007 --> 00:03:50,707 Yes, I was driven out for pillaging 85 00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:53,844 and killing and torturing 86 00:03:53,946 --> 00:03:55,445 and that's fair enough, really. 87 00:03:55,547 --> 00:03:58,215 But now what do I have? 88 00:03:58,317 --> 00:04:01,602 Nowhere is my home. 89 00:04:03,839 --> 00:04:06,840 Aah! (HISSING) 90 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,610 NADJA: It is very disgusting for me to see this little one like this. 91 00:04:09,712 --> 00:04:10,811 She is like a disabled, 92 00:04:10,913 --> 00:04:12,813 very sickly donkey, 93 00:04:12,915 --> 00:04:15,799 that you want to smash in the skull because it is just 94 00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:17,601 too pitiful to look at. 95 00:04:17,703 --> 00:04:19,002 Eh, I suppose I was not 96 00:04:19,104 --> 00:04:20,437 much different when I first became a vampire. 97 00:04:20,539 --> 00:04:21,972 No one had had 98 00:04:22,074 --> 00:04:25,008 "the talk" with me about my unholy transition. 99 00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:27,744 I had had no one to guide me. 100 00:04:27,846 --> 00:04:31,515 (HISSING) 101 00:04:31,617 --> 00:04:33,333 (GROANS) 102 00:04:33,435 --> 00:04:35,802 This is a bag of soil from my homeland 103 00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:37,471 that I take with me when I travel. 104 00:04:37,573 --> 00:04:41,108 'Tis all that is left of Al Quolanudar. 105 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,644 Al Quolanudar! 106 00:04:43,746 --> 00:04:46,346 Al Quolanudar... Shit. 107 00:04:46,448 --> 00:04:48,615 (WIND WHISTLING) 108 00:04:51,337 --> 00:04:53,136 (CAR ALARM CHIRPS) 109 00:04:53,238 --> 00:04:54,938 (GROWLING) 110 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,106 Oh, my God! 111 00:04:57,409 --> 00:04:58,508 Forget it. 112 00:04:58,610 --> 00:04:59,977 What? 113 00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:01,578 You are released. 114 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,480 I'm not hungry. 115 00:05:03,582 --> 00:05:05,299 It's just... 116 00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:08,669 I just found out that my country doesn't exist anymore 117 00:05:08,771 --> 00:05:10,504 and I'm really depressed about it. 118 00:05:10,606 --> 00:05:12,238 And I've lost my appetite. 119 00:05:12,308 --> 00:05:13,907 You don't want to hear about all this. 120 00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,343 - Y-You were running away. - W... 121 00:05:16,445 --> 00:05:18,245 Are you okay? 122 00:05:18,347 --> 00:05:20,647 It's kind of you to ask, but really, you go. 123 00:05:20,749 --> 00:05:22,766 Flee. Flee! 124 00:05:24,636 --> 00:05:27,070 ♪ ♪ 125 00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:28,472 Master, are you all right? 126 00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:32,376 I have no country. I have no home. 127 00:05:32,478 --> 00:05:35,545 What? No, this is your home. 128 00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:37,481 And this is your country. 129 00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:40,033 No, it's not and it's not. 130 00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:42,903 Well, maybe you'd feel better if you were an American citizen? 131 00:05:43,939 --> 00:05:46,540 - Is that possible? - Of course. 132 00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:48,675 Yes. 133 00:05:48,777 --> 00:05:52,045 I will make an alliance with this unholy nation 134 00:05:52,147 --> 00:05:54,514 and make this place my home! 135 00:05:54,616 --> 00:05:55,665 There you go. 136 00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:56,800 I think that's a bus stop there. 137 00:05:56,902 --> 00:05:58,902 I'll see you back at home. 138 00:06:00,439 --> 00:06:02,439 (SQUEAKING) 139 00:06:04,309 --> 00:06:06,410 Yeah, it's become pretty clear to me 140 00:06:06,512 --> 00:06:09,713 - that I'm turning into a vampire. - I bit your neck. 141 00:06:09,815 --> 00:06:12,466 I made you drink my blood. What did you think I was doing? 142 00:06:12,568 --> 00:06:16,370 I don't know. I-I just didn't think vampires existed and... 143 00:06:16,472 --> 00:06:20,273 (SCOFFS) You are giving me sarcasm? (LAUGHS) 144 00:06:20,376 --> 00:06:22,809 I-I enjoy. (LAUGHS) 145 00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:25,312 Am I gonna feel like crap for all eternity? 146 00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:29,232 Darling, you feel like crap because you are eating crap. 147 00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:31,802 You are living like a little chimney boy. 148 00:06:31,904 --> 00:06:35,072 If you want to be a powerful, strong vampire, 149 00:06:35,174 --> 00:06:37,541 you just have to complete your transition. 150 00:06:37,643 --> 00:06:40,377 - How do I do that? - Darling, it's nothing. 151 00:06:40,479 --> 00:06:42,779 You just got to drink some human blood, baby. 152 00:06:42,881 --> 00:06:46,800 That's all. I am going to teach you how to kill. 153 00:06:46,902 --> 00:06:48,869 Okay, is there any way I could just drink their blood, 154 00:06:48,971 --> 00:06:51,304 - but not kill them? - Shh. 155 00:06:51,407 --> 00:06:53,974 - You just shut up now, my stupid little baby. -Okay. 156 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:02,933 GUILLERMO: So, I promised to help my master 157 00:07:03,035 --> 00:07:05,435 - apply for citizenship. - Yes? 158 00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:07,504 Ah, Guillermo. Excellent. 159 00:07:07,606 --> 00:07:12,642 I called Immigration and you are eligible for citizenship. 160 00:07:12,744 --> 00:07:15,579 - You actually started the process, but you didn't finish. -Great. 161 00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:16,646 I didn't? 162 00:07:16,748 --> 00:07:18,715 No. 1992. 163 00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:23,303 I did apply for my American citizenship back in 1992. 164 00:07:23,405 --> 00:07:26,406 For five reasons and five reasons only: 165 00:07:26,508 --> 00:07:31,211 Johnson, Jordan, Bird, Barkley, Ewing. 166 00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:32,879 The starting lineup 167 00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:37,834 for the 1992 U.S. Olympic men's basketball team. 168 00:07:37,970 --> 00:07:39,903 - The Dream Team, baby! - ♪ I got the moves... ♪ 169 00:07:40,005 --> 00:07:42,706 I call this my "Dunk Zone." 170 00:07:42,808 --> 00:07:44,374 They were merciless. 171 00:07:44,476 --> 00:07:46,243 Titans amongst men. 172 00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:47,844 Conquerors of the court. 173 00:07:47,946 --> 00:07:49,246 I simply had to 174 00:07:49,348 --> 00:07:52,365 pledge my undying allegiance to their nation. 175 00:07:52,468 --> 00:07:53,467 GUILLERMO: Well, what happened in 1992? 176 00:07:53,569 --> 00:07:56,336 Why didn't you complete the process? 177 00:07:56,438 --> 00:08:00,040 Probably because the Macarena swept the nation. 178 00:08:00,142 --> 00:08:03,643 So... I didn't really have time for anything else. 179 00:08:03,745 --> 00:08:06,580 Okay, every vampire has their own special power. 180 00:08:06,682 --> 00:08:08,482 So, we need to work out what yours is, 181 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:11,801 so you can trap and kill your first human meal. 182 00:08:11,904 --> 00:08:14,237 I can fold my tongue like a taco. 183 00:08:14,339 --> 00:08:15,472 What's that? Oh, no. 184 00:08:15,574 --> 00:08:18,275 No. Let's try... You seduce me. 185 00:08:18,377 --> 00:08:20,110 I am just stupid human man. 186 00:08:20,212 --> 00:08:24,748 Oh, ouch, ouch, my balls. I-I'd love to drink a beer. 187 00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:27,868 - Okay. - Bite your lip seductively. 188 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,736 (LIP CRUNCHES) 189 00:08:29,838 --> 00:08:31,404 Ow. 190 00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:34,708 Okay. Maybe seduction isn't your special power. 191 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:35,942 Well, what's your power? 192 00:08:36,044 --> 00:08:38,311 I am an excellent crawler. 193 00:08:38,413 --> 00:08:39,579 - You can see. - Oh. 194 00:08:44,303 --> 00:08:46,136 (QUIETLY): Oh, she can do everything. 195 00:08:46,238 --> 00:08:48,371 Come on, try it. Maybe you're a creepy crawler like me. 196 00:08:49,474 --> 00:08:50,640 Darling, it's very easy, 197 00:08:50,742 --> 00:08:52,776 you just scratch up the wall. 198 00:08:52,878 --> 00:08:55,745 That's right. Come on. That's it. You're doing... 199 00:08:55,847 --> 00:08:58,381 (SCREAMS, GRUNTS) 200 00:08:58,483 --> 00:09:00,066 - Oh, no, are you okay? - (GROANS) 201 00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:01,701 What the hell is going on? 202 00:09:01,803 --> 00:09:04,638 What's all this mess and what are you doing up there? 203 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:07,040 Calm down, Laszlo. I was just teaching the little stupid baby 204 00:09:07,142 --> 00:09:08,508 vampire how to crawl. 205 00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:09,809 - Who? - Jenna. 206 00:09:09,912 --> 00:09:11,344 - Who's Jenna? - She's right there. 207 00:09:11,446 --> 00:09:13,647 Oh, right, I didn't see you. 208 00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:15,015 She should be in a bloody cage. 209 00:09:15,117 --> 00:09:16,766 (GASPS) Laszlo. (HISSES) 210 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:19,135 - (BOTH HISSING) - JENNA: That's a horrible thing to say. 211 00:09:19,238 --> 00:09:21,771 Ah, see what you've done. Ruined her confidence. (HISSES) 212 00:09:21,873 --> 00:09:25,442 - (DOOR SLAMS) -Damn. - Idiot. (HISSES) 213 00:09:25,544 --> 00:09:27,877 GUILLERMO: Okay, just imagine we're at the Immigration office 214 00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,446 and I'll be the government official. 215 00:09:29,548 --> 00:09:31,047 When and where were you born? 216 00:09:31,149 --> 00:09:34,267 Al Quolanudar. Eh, 1262. 217 00:09:34,369 --> 00:09:35,468 And where is that? 218 00:09:35,571 --> 00:09:36,670 Southern Iran. 219 00:09:36,772 --> 00:09:39,706 Mm-hmm. Maybe not mention Iran. 220 00:09:39,808 --> 00:09:41,274 Why did you leave your country? 221 00:09:41,376 --> 00:09:44,811 Standard reasons. Uh, driven out by peasants. 222 00:09:46,548 --> 00:09:48,014 How many times have you been married? 223 00:09:48,116 --> 00:09:50,000 - Just the once. - Okay. 224 00:09:50,102 --> 00:09:51,301 To 37 women. 225 00:09:53,238 --> 00:09:54,704 - (KNOCKING) - NADJA: Jenna, 226 00:09:54,806 --> 00:09:57,674 Laszlo is very sorry and he has something to say. 227 00:09:57,776 --> 00:09:59,876 I say, little vampire, 228 00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:03,880 I'm very sorry for saying you should be kept in a cage. 229 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:07,033 All of my knowledge and the best of my abilities 230 00:10:07,135 --> 00:10:11,871 will turn you into the most impressive vampire there is. 231 00:10:11,974 --> 00:10:13,106 (WHISPERS): Yes. 232 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:15,041 - (DOOR CREAKS) - Hello. 233 00:10:15,143 --> 00:10:17,944 - Really? - Absolutely. 234 00:10:18,046 --> 00:10:19,446 Who is George Washington? 235 00:10:19,548 --> 00:10:20,947 - George Washington? - Yes. 236 00:10:21,049 --> 00:10:24,968 America's first gay president. 237 00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:27,337 I don't think that George Washington was actually... 238 00:10:27,439 --> 00:10:28,872 Yes. 239 00:10:28,974 --> 00:10:31,841 - Hello, Nandor! - Hello. 240 00:10:31,943 --> 00:10:33,276 Is that that virgin girl? 241 00:10:33,378 --> 00:10:34,811 Hi! 242 00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:37,013 Is she a vampire now? 243 00:10:37,115 --> 00:10:39,766 Well, she's got fangs and the white pale face, 244 00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:41,368 it's a pretty major clue. 245 00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:45,105 (SIGHS) Anyway, which one is better, 246 00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:47,707 alt-right or Antifa? 247 00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:49,976 I'm trying to decide which team to join... 248 00:10:50,078 --> 00:10:52,779 GUILLERMO: I just, uh, found out that Nadja has turned someone... 249 00:10:52,881 --> 00:10:55,181 Someone so random, it's crazy, like, it's crazy... 250 00:10:55,283 --> 00:10:57,667 Into a vampire. 251 00:10:57,769 --> 00:11:00,036 (MUFFLED SCREAMING) 252 00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:02,038 The transformation into a bat 253 00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,873 is probably the most important thing 254 00:11:03,975 --> 00:11:05,875 - a vampire can do. - NADJA: Yes. 255 00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:07,377 Do you have somewhere that I could put my clothes? 256 00:11:07,479 --> 00:11:08,845 - No, no, no. Don't do that. - Wait, what are you doing? 257 00:11:08,947 --> 00:11:12,082 If I'm gonna be a bat, then don't I have to get... 258 00:11:12,184 --> 00:11:13,767 nak... Where do my clothes go? 259 00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:16,369 Huh. 260 00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:17,671 Um... 261 00:11:17,773 --> 00:11:19,906 Let's not get bogged down in the details. 262 00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:22,142 - Keep your clothes on for now. - Oh, okay. 263 00:11:23,278 --> 00:11:24,711 Right. 264 00:11:24,813 --> 00:11:26,513 When I turn into a bat, 265 00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:28,181 there's no real skill to it at all. 266 00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:30,433 I just shout "bat!" 267 00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:32,335 (SQUEAKING) 268 00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:33,903 Human form! 269 00:11:34,005 --> 00:11:36,072 - Much like that. - Oh, wow. 270 00:11:36,174 --> 00:11:37,107 Your turn. 271 00:11:37,209 --> 00:11:38,675 Okay. 272 00:11:38,777 --> 00:11:39,876 (EXHALES) 273 00:11:39,978 --> 00:11:42,512 Bat! 274 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,114 - (HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING) -Oh. - Ooh. 275 00:11:44,216 --> 00:11:46,266 NADJA: It's okay, calm down and just stop screaming. 276 00:11:46,368 --> 00:11:47,867 - Terrifying. - What the heck? 277 00:11:47,969 --> 00:11:49,369 - What would you even call that? - I don't know. 278 00:11:49,471 --> 00:11:51,204 "We, the people..." 279 00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:53,173 We, the people... 280 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:55,008 - "We, the..." - (LOUD THUD) 281 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,743 - JENNA: Ow! - What was that? 282 00:11:56,845 --> 00:11:59,779 Sounded like someone threw a bag of garbage off the roof. 283 00:11:59,881 --> 00:12:02,315 Well, go and investigate. 284 00:12:07,506 --> 00:12:08,938 Sorry, hi. 285 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,174 - Yep. Bag of garbage. - Uh, hi. 286 00:12:11,276 --> 00:12:13,343 Is there any way you could let me back in? 287 00:12:13,445 --> 00:12:15,245 Yeah. 288 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:18,648 (QUIETLY): You can figure it out on your own 289 00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:20,400 since you're a fucking vampire now. 290 00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:21,801 JENNA: Guillermo? 291 00:12:21,903 --> 00:12:23,269 I can hear you. 292 00:12:23,371 --> 00:12:24,738 Heightened senses. 293 00:12:33,081 --> 00:12:34,080 NADJA: I just don't understand. Turning into a bat 294 00:12:34,182 --> 00:12:36,566 is the easiest thing for a vampire to do. 295 00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:39,736 I am not disappointed with Jenna's progress so far. 296 00:12:39,838 --> 00:12:43,072 So, you know, maybe she doesn't have a special power. 297 00:12:43,175 --> 00:12:45,408 So what? She's a below-average vampire. 298 00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:47,410 Either way, I do think she's very much ready 299 00:12:47,512 --> 00:12:48,978 for her first human meal. 300 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,413 I believe in you very much. 301 00:12:50,515 --> 00:12:51,648 We are going to go to a party 302 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,166 full of hot idiots. 303 00:12:53,268 --> 00:12:54,667 We demand you invite us 304 00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:57,137 inside your house carnival, now. 305 00:12:57,239 --> 00:12:58,938 Yeah, that's gonna be a "no." 306 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,240 Oh. 307 00:13:00,342 --> 00:13:02,809 We will do whatever the hell we want to do. 308 00:13:02,911 --> 00:13:06,846 And you will respect women a lot more after this, okay? 309 00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:08,047 Okay. 310 00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:09,833 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 311 00:13:12,103 --> 00:13:14,170 NANDOR: Obviously, I'm just going to 312 00:13:14,272 --> 00:13:18,141 hypnotize my interviewer into giving me my citizenship. 313 00:13:18,243 --> 00:13:21,144 When was the last time you traveled out of this country? 314 00:13:21,263 --> 00:13:22,745 Listen to my words. 315 00:13:22,848 --> 00:13:27,967 You will grant me my American citizenship. 316 00:13:28,069 --> 00:13:31,838 Make me one with your evil empire. 317 00:13:34,276 --> 00:13:35,842 Is this a joke to you, sir? 318 00:13:35,944 --> 00:13:37,844 Um... 319 00:13:37,946 --> 00:13:39,579 No. 320 00:13:41,483 --> 00:13:43,333 - Good. - NANDOR: It seems 321 00:13:43,435 --> 00:13:48,838 that, uh, government workers are immune to hypnotism. 322 00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,574 It's like their souls are dead or something. 323 00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:54,177 Please describe the right to bear arms. 324 00:13:54,279 --> 00:13:57,547 NANDOR: If it's a nice day, 325 00:13:57,649 --> 00:14:01,634 you should have the right 326 00:14:01,736 --> 00:14:04,704 to bare your arms. 327 00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:07,473 All right. Moving on. 328 00:14:07,576 --> 00:14:08,474 NANDOR (WHISPERS): I don't detect 329 00:14:08,577 --> 00:14:10,877 any human left in them. 330 00:14:10,979 --> 00:14:12,779 - (SKA BAND PLAYING) - NADJA: Right. Who in here looks 331 00:14:12,881 --> 00:14:14,814 lovely, yummy-yummy, tasty enough to eat? 332 00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,266 Oh, what about him? 333 00:14:16,368 --> 00:14:17,901 He looks like a really good laugh. 334 00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:19,569 JENNA: He's in my stats class. 335 00:14:19,671 --> 00:14:20,937 So? 336 00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:23,072 So, I-I cannot kill him 337 00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:25,308 because that would be a very big blow to his family. 338 00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:27,544 I can't take that on emotionally. 339 00:14:27,646 --> 00:14:28,778 Please, darling, listen to me. 340 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,381 We are in a room full of pure asshole. 341 00:14:31,483 --> 00:14:33,099 You can do no wrong. Honestly. 342 00:14:33,201 --> 00:14:35,935 I believe in you, my darling. (MUTTERS) 343 00:14:36,037 --> 00:14:37,370 - Okay. - Okay. 344 00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:40,306 We elect a president for how many years? 345 00:14:40,408 --> 00:14:42,709 A thousand years. 346 00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:48,948 Okay. 347 00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:50,600 The idea of self-government 348 00:14:50,702 --> 00:14:53,736 is in the first three words of the Constitution. 349 00:14:53,838 --> 00:14:58,708 So what are these words? 350 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,109 Huh? 351 00:15:00,211 --> 00:15:03,112 Hey... you guys. 352 00:15:03,214 --> 00:15:04,814 Yeah. Okay. 353 00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:08,768 What does the Constitution do for the people? 354 00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:10,436 - It... - Oppresses them. 355 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,108 Try and get his attention, darling. 356 00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:16,776 Lovely red face. 357 00:15:16,878 --> 00:15:18,945 Are you enjoying your drink? 358 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:21,547 Are you enjoying your drink?! 359 00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:23,800 - I don't think he hears me. - No, 360 00:15:23,902 --> 00:15:25,768 I just think maybe you're not trying hard enough. 361 00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:27,103 Just watch me, okay? 362 00:15:27,205 --> 00:15:29,005 Oh, hello. 363 00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:33,276 Oops, I'm... very sorry for bumping into you. 364 00:15:33,378 --> 00:15:35,345 I will punish myself later, 365 00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:37,647 'cause I'm such a bad girl. 366 00:15:37,749 --> 00:15:39,048 Who are your parents? 367 00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:44,504 They are very bad for making such a big boy. 368 00:15:44,623 --> 00:15:46,205 I love you. 369 00:15:46,308 --> 00:15:47,707 So much. 370 00:15:47,809 --> 00:15:50,009 See? It's very, very easy. 371 00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,978 Just might want to spend the rest of my life with you. 372 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,647 - I live to be your slave. - Yes, yes. 373 00:15:54,749 --> 00:15:56,933 Now, go upstairs, put your head deep inside the toilet bowl, 374 00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:58,968 and flush it seven times. 375 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:01,037 (BEER CUPS TUMBLE ONTO FLOOR) 376 00:16:01,139 --> 00:16:03,339 I think, I think that was an abuse of power. 377 00:16:03,441 --> 00:16:05,441 I think it's just an abuse of that boy. 378 00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:07,076 - Oh, my...! - (NADJA GASPS) 379 00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:08,111 Hello. 380 00:16:08,213 --> 00:16:09,212 Hello?! 381 00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:10,446 Okay. No, it's okay. 382 00:16:10,548 --> 00:16:12,215 - He'll-he'll apologize. - No. 383 00:16:12,317 --> 00:16:13,666 You have just spilled 384 00:16:13,768 --> 00:16:15,902 your tankard of mead all over my companion. 385 00:16:16,004 --> 00:16:17,070 What? Who? 386 00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:18,171 Me. 387 00:16:18,273 --> 00:16:19,272 (HISSES) 388 00:16:19,374 --> 00:16:21,174 (GROANS) This is pointless! 389 00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:22,675 Nobody sees me! 390 00:16:22,777 --> 00:16:24,944 Why don't they see me? This is pointless! 391 00:16:25,046 --> 00:16:26,446 No, darling, it's not pointless. 392 00:16:26,548 --> 00:16:28,881 No! I'm done! I'm done. I've had it. 393 00:16:28,984 --> 00:16:30,266 - Thank you, I'm sorry. - But... 394 00:16:30,368 --> 00:16:32,502 (JENNA EXHALES HEAVILY) Excuse me! Could you just... 395 00:16:32,604 --> 00:16:35,338 Can you just get out of my way?! 396 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,873 Get out of my way! 397 00:16:36,975 --> 00:16:38,941 Why does nobody hear me?! 398 00:16:39,044 --> 00:16:40,743 (SCREAMS) 399 00:16:40,845 --> 00:16:42,045 (GASPS) Wh... 400 00:16:42,147 --> 00:16:44,247 - (WOMAN GASPS) - (MAN GRUNTS) 401 00:16:44,349 --> 00:16:46,499 - Whoa! - What is that? 402 00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:49,002 - (PARTYGOERS SCREAM) - (NADJA LAUGHS) 403 00:16:49,104 --> 00:16:50,236 Did you see? 404 00:16:50,338 --> 00:16:51,904 Did anyone... Really?! 405 00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:53,072 - Jenna? - Whoa. 406 00:16:53,174 --> 00:16:54,941 You went invisible. 407 00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:57,410 The... Didn't you see it? 408 00:16:57,512 --> 00:17:00,546 You have a very, very special power. 409 00:17:00,648 --> 00:17:04,000 You are going to murder so many human people with this. 410 00:17:07,205 --> 00:17:09,005 - Yes. - (SMALL SCREAM) 411 00:17:09,107 --> 00:17:10,506 (SCREAMS) 412 00:17:10,642 --> 00:17:12,108 JENNA: This is the best night of my life! 413 00:17:12,210 --> 00:17:13,576 - Okay, wait, wait, wait. - NADJA: Where has she gone? 414 00:17:13,678 --> 00:17:16,079 Dracula's in the house! 415 00:17:16,181 --> 00:17:17,447 Where's my Jenna? 416 00:17:17,549 --> 00:17:18,614 There she is! 417 00:17:18,717 --> 00:17:20,500 - (SQUEALS) - This is amazing! 418 00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:24,003 I have a cool vampire power. 419 00:17:24,105 --> 00:17:26,139 Now, I wonder if anyone looks 420 00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,807 a little bit yummy-scrummy-bummy 421 00:17:27,909 --> 00:17:30,443 for you to murder with your mouth right now, hey? 422 00:17:30,545 --> 00:17:31,844 - (PLAYING SKA MUSIC) - ♪ Pick it up ♪ 423 00:17:31,946 --> 00:17:33,913 ♪ Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up ♪ 424 00:17:34,015 --> 00:17:35,148 ♪ Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up... ♪ 425 00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,300 - (YELLS) - (MUSIC STOPS, PARTYGOERS GASP) 426 00:17:37,402 --> 00:17:38,501 - (GRUNTING) - (JENNA GRUNTS) 427 00:17:38,603 --> 00:17:39,969 MAN: Pick him up! 428 00:17:40,071 --> 00:17:42,071 (GRUNTING) 429 00:17:48,213 --> 00:17:50,213 (PANTING) 430 00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:55,435 - What the fuck?! - Hi. 431 00:17:55,537 --> 00:17:56,903 Hey, there. Um, no, it's okay. 432 00:17:57,005 --> 00:17:59,505 Ah! (GASPING) 433 00:17:59,607 --> 00:18:03,276 Aah... 434 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:10,333 Hmm. 435 00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:13,169 Just need a little bit of... little bit of chill. 436 00:18:13,271 --> 00:18:15,872 Okay, s-sorry. Hold-hold still. 437 00:18:15,974 --> 00:18:18,474 Just gonna get the lid on nice and tight 438 00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:21,077 on your blood, so it doesn't, um, leak in my backpack. 439 00:18:21,179 --> 00:18:22,812 I've done as you asked, Mistress. 440 00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:24,247 Not now, big boy. 441 00:18:24,365 --> 00:18:26,365 Go and eat some bricks. 442 00:18:28,636 --> 00:18:30,069 IMMIGRATION OFFICER: Now, to test your English comprehension, 443 00:18:30,171 --> 00:18:32,071 I'm going to ask you to recite 444 00:18:32,173 --> 00:18:33,573 the Oath of Allegiance. 445 00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:35,408 NANDOR: Okay. 446 00:18:36,778 --> 00:18:38,244 "I hereby declare, on oath, 447 00:18:38,346 --> 00:18:40,680 "that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure 448 00:18:40,782 --> 00:18:43,499 "all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince 449 00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:45,535 "and without any mental reservation 450 00:18:45,637 --> 00:18:49,338 "or purpose of evasion, so help me G..." 451 00:18:52,844 --> 00:18:55,044 So help me G... 452 00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:57,547 (SIGHS) So help me G... 453 00:18:57,649 --> 00:19:01,267 Could I possibly just skip the last bit? Huh? 454 00:19:03,571 --> 00:19:05,738 So help me God! 455 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,573 (NANDOR SCREAMING) 456 00:19:07,675 --> 00:19:09,275 - (FLAMES HISS OUT) - Oh... 457 00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:11,744 (MUFFLED): Ow. Ow. 458 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,012 (GROANING) 459 00:19:22,674 --> 00:19:25,341 You ready to go? 460 00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:27,210 I didn't pass. 461 00:19:27,312 --> 00:19:29,378 Made a fool out of myself. 462 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,081 I have no country, I have no home. 463 00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:34,233 I have no people. 464 00:19:34,335 --> 00:19:36,869 I'm like a little lost duck, 465 00:19:36,971 --> 00:19:39,105 floating about in the middle of the ocean. 466 00:19:39,207 --> 00:19:41,207 Oh, will you stop fucking complaining? 467 00:19:42,443 --> 00:19:44,443 - Excuse me? - You know, I'm tired of it. 468 00:19:44,546 --> 00:19:46,379 So what? You're not a fucking American citizen. 469 00:19:46,481 --> 00:19:47,880 You're not a citizen of anything. 470 00:19:47,982 --> 00:19:49,515 You're a vampire! 471 00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,567 Okay? You can fly. 472 00:19:51,669 --> 00:19:53,569 You can transport anywhere as a bat! 473 00:19:53,671 --> 00:19:54,837 You are immortal. 474 00:19:54,939 --> 00:19:57,340 Do you have any idea how much 475 00:19:57,442 --> 00:19:59,442 people would pay, who they would kill 476 00:19:59,544 --> 00:20:01,077 just to be who you are? 477 00:20:01,145 --> 00:20:02,578 To be in your shoes? 478 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,680 In your fucking shoes! 479 00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:07,500 You should be fucking proud of yourself. 480 00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,602 Proud of who you are. 481 00:20:09,704 --> 00:20:12,605 Wow. 482 00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:13,973 Guillermo. 483 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,343 You are right. 484 00:20:17,462 --> 00:20:19,579 I am a vampire. 485 00:20:19,681 --> 00:20:22,882 A cool and powerful vampire. 486 00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:28,537 Hear my words! 487 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,275 I am a proud vampire! 488 00:20:32,377 --> 00:20:35,077 I will not bow down 489 00:20:35,179 --> 00:20:37,246 to your pathetic bureaucracies. 490 00:20:37,348 --> 00:20:40,733 It is you who will bow down to me! 491 00:20:40,835 --> 00:20:43,502 I don't need your citizenship. 492 00:20:43,605 --> 00:20:44,904 I will rule 493 00:20:45,006 --> 00:20:47,707 this earth for eternity 494 00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:49,275 as you rot 495 00:20:49,377 --> 00:20:52,111 and your bones turn to dust! 496 00:20:52,213 --> 00:20:53,246 (CAR ALARM BLARING) 497 00:20:53,348 --> 00:20:54,847 Yes! 498 00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,266 Sound the alarms! 499 00:20:57,368 --> 00:21:00,536 It won't make no difference! 500 00:21:00,638 --> 00:21:02,638 (CAR ALARM DIES AWAY) 501 00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:06,175 (NANDOR EXHALES) 502 00:21:08,713 --> 00:21:11,480 Guillermo... 503 00:21:11,582 --> 00:21:15,301 I appreciate you telling me how it is back there. 504 00:21:15,403 --> 00:21:19,138 Your tone was highly disrespectful, but... 505 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,340 you were right. 506 00:21:21,442 --> 00:21:22,575 Thank you. 507 00:21:22,677 --> 00:21:24,477 You're welcome. 508 00:21:24,579 --> 00:21:28,314 I guess now that you have your, uh, confidence back 509 00:21:28,416 --> 00:21:30,733 you probably need some vampire sidekick to... 510 00:21:30,835 --> 00:21:32,101 Nah, I'm good. 511 00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:34,403 Oh. 512 00:21:34,505 --> 00:21:35,972 Hands down, the best night of my life. 513 00:21:36,074 --> 00:21:38,174 - I mean, I'm invisible... - Yes. 514 00:21:38,276 --> 00:21:40,009 ...I ate my first dude, 515 00:21:40,111 --> 00:21:42,311 and I've never stayed up this late. 516 00:21:42,413 --> 00:21:43,913 Can we, like, watch the sun rise or something? 517 00:21:44,015 --> 00:21:44,981 - That would be so nice. - Oh... 518 00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:45,982 We could cozy up. 519 00:21:46,084 --> 00:21:48,167 About that, um... 520 00:21:48,269 --> 00:21:49,969 Funny, very funny story. 521 00:21:50,071 --> 00:21:52,071 You can never go in the sun again, 522 00:21:52,173 --> 00:21:53,572 because if you do, 523 00:21:53,675 --> 00:21:56,575 you will burst into a boiling ball of flame. 524 00:21:56,678 --> 00:21:59,111 Sorry. 525 00:21:59,213 --> 00:22:00,613 I am a little disappointed 526 00:22:00,715 --> 00:22:02,682 I didn't get to be a American citizen. 527 00:22:02,784 --> 00:22:05,501 I was really looking forward to buying a gun. 528 00:22:05,670 --> 00:22:07,403 Oh, you don't need to be a citizen to get a gun. 529 00:22:07,505 --> 00:22:08,871 They'll give those to anyone. 530 00:22:08,973 --> 00:22:10,806 - Really? - Yeah. 531 00:22:10,908 --> 00:22:13,542 Even in Al Quolanudar you couldn't get a sword 532 00:22:13,644 --> 00:22:15,578 without the checking of your background. 533 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:16,812 JENNA: I got it! 534 00:22:16,914 --> 00:22:19,181 NADJA: What? What is it? 535 00:22:19,283 --> 00:22:21,534 Motorcycle helmets protect vampires from the sun. 536 00:22:21,636 --> 00:22:22,635 Haven't you seen Blade? 537 00:22:22,737 --> 00:22:24,136 They put the things on 538 00:22:24,238 --> 00:22:26,305 and then the sun can't hit you. 539 00:22:26,407 --> 00:22:27,907 - Oh. - Trust me. 540 00:22:28,009 --> 00:22:30,409 It's the night of many firsts, for both of us. 541 00:22:30,511 --> 00:22:33,179 NADJA: You are now a full, strong vampire. 542 00:22:33,281 --> 00:22:34,980 You no longer need me. 543 00:22:35,083 --> 00:22:38,834 And thus, your never-ending journey begins. 544 00:22:38,936 --> 00:22:41,237 - It's so exciting! - JENNA: It is! 545 00:22:41,339 --> 00:22:43,305 - (HISSING) - NADJA: What the fuck? 546 00:22:43,408 --> 00:22:45,174 - JENNA: Ah! - NADJA: Curse! 547 00:22:45,276 --> 00:22:46,208 Oh, that's very hot! 548 00:22:46,310 --> 00:22:47,977 Let us go! 549 00:22:48,079 --> 00:22:49,578 (JENNA SQUEALING) 550 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,514 (SKA MUSIC PLAYING) 551 00:22:51,616 --> 00:22:54,867 ♪ Ooh, vampire ska ♪ 552 00:22:54,969 --> 00:22:57,803 ♪ Raise up the soul, pack up the school time ♪ 553 00:22:57,905 --> 00:23:00,239 ♪ Everybody knew that she was ruler ♪ 554 00:23:00,341 --> 00:23:02,708 ♪ Wants to sink her fangs deep in your neck ♪ 555 00:23:02,810 --> 00:23:04,910 ♪ She's gonna take you home and show you no respect ♪ 556 00:23:05,079 --> 00:23:06,979 ♪ She's a vampire ♪ 557 00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:09,081 ♪ Tina ♪ 558 00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:13,536 ♪ Ooh, vampire ska ♪ 559 00:23:13,638 --> 00:23:16,238 ♪ She said, "You dress like a city gent" ♪ 560 00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:19,075 ♪ So out for a pint is where we went ♪ 561 00:23:19,177 --> 00:23:21,610 ♪ Her bomber jacket had a Guinness towel ♪ 562 00:23:21,712 --> 00:23:23,646 ♪ She looked real sharp in my chrome cowl ♪ 563 00:23:23,748 --> 00:23:26,699 ♪ She's a vampire. ♪ 563 00:23:27,305 --> 00:23:33,432 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org40323

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