Original subtitles

Good morning.

Stay shift orderly. Fall in.

Barbarino, you got in just under the wire.

No, I didn't. I came in an employee's entrance, just like you told me.

Okay, here are today's assignments.

Emergency.

You, in emergency, stat.

See, operating room.

Very nice, Barbarino.

All you need is a tutu and you'd be another Rudolph Nureyev.

Now, the operating room.

Let's see.

You, assist in the operating room.

Okay, Barbarino, you've been trying to get my attention. Now, what is it? What,

what, what?

Look, I want an important job to do.

Oh, you do?

Yes. Good, because I'm putting you in charge of tile hygiene.

All right, tile hygiene. What is it?

Same as usual.

Nurse Bonner, all I ever do around here is mop floors and make beds.

Practice makes perfect.

Well, how come you don't put me in the emergency room like you do with the

guys? You in the emergency room?

What's wrong? I can handle an emergency.

You get confused when you change the mop water.

ever teach you manners?

Yeah, the same guy who taught you how to dance.

Oh, Mr.

Woodman, look at this. Some guy with little teeny weeny feet walked all over

your book.

What do you want, Barbarino?

Nurse Bonnie at the hospital. She's been giving me these dumb jobs lately, and I

want to show her that I can do more.

What are you going to show her? How to hot wire an iron lung?

Send that to Johnny for his monologue.

Look, I want you to call and recommend me to do some better jobs.

Michael Woodman?

Recommend Vinnie Barbarino?

What is this?

Handed camera?

Look, all I want is a chance to show her.

Barbarino, look, nothing comes easy in this world.

I mean, let me ask you something. How do you think I got to be principal of this

school?

That's what everybody wants to know.

If Nurse Bonnie doesn't think you're ready for more responsibility, you're

probably not. I mean, I can't influence her decision.

So that means you ain't going to call her. That's right.

Matt!

The only thing soft about Mr. Woodman is his head.

Well, his body ain't exactly a piece of the rock.

I can see it now. Fifty years from now, I'll be the oldest mopping orderly.

They're gonna give me a gold bucket and a gold mop.

Well, look, if Woodman won't put in a good word for Vinnie, then somebody else

is gonna have to. Yeah.

Now, look, I know you guys are upset, but don't do anything foolish.

We wouldn't do anything foolish. That would be foolish.

Innocent as can be. Come on.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we need ya. We tease him a lot cause we got

him on the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot because we've got him on

the spot. Welcome back.

Nurse Bonnie?

Yes? I'd like to talk to you about Vinnie Barbarino. If you have a

about him, you file it with the administrator's office.

I don't have a complaint about him.

You don't have a complaint about him?

Then why do you want to talk about Barbarino?

Nurse Bonnie, I'm working at Buchanan High School now, and I've known Vinnie a

very long time.

How long?

Four years.

Oh, you poor dear.

How did you manage to stay so young?

Well, I find Vinnie exhilarating.

Well, one woman's exhilaration is another woman's aggravation.

Nurse Bonnie, despite his rough exterior, there's a very trustworthy,

and level -headed young man.

You know, he'd work very hard if you'd give him a chance.

this miracle.

Guys, don't you think you're going to... Hey, don't say another word, sister.

You must hear what this giant of the world of medicine has done.

and shattered limb. Oh, yes.

Broken and shattered.

Using the only material at hand, some napkins and some soggy hot dog buns.

And now, in this moment of revelation, we shall see if any Barbarino's

extraordinary efforts on medical science wait.

Oh, please let it be good news.

Let his one arm be like the other.

like you struck out.

Do me a favor. The next time, use your head, not your heart.

How are we going to explain this to Vinnie? I don't know. I don't know. Come

Let's get it, y 'all.

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

I told you not to hang out here.

Barbarino, I want you to take Mrs. Fishbein and her husband up to 604

immediately. Right, right. Right now. Listen, get lost because I'm trying to

make a good impression. Okay, Vinnie. We'll see you tomorrow.

Counsel, I've got to tell you not to hang out with me.

Hi.

Just relax now, and we're going to take you up to your room. So just sit back

and relax.

Relax? We left the game with the Jets in the five -yard line, four minutes to

go, and you want me to relax?

What the heck was that?

Either the elevator jammed or the building sank.

time thinking straight in small places or big places or cold places or hot

places or high places. Oh, orderly.

Yes, don't, please, just relax now. Look, everybody calm down. I'm going to

the alarm button and he will be out of here in no time.

Orderly. Yes.

He's coming. I know he's coming. He's coming to fix the elevator.

No, not the elevator repairman, the baby.

What?

a baby i know you're gonna have a baby congratulations that's nice he's coming

right now she

can't she can't have no baby here

man we don't got we don't have no hot water i wonder what my daddy'd say at a

time like this

Why can't you have your babies like ordinary normal people? Why do you

put me in a predicament like this? Sure.

Always think of yourself.

You never think of me, do you?

Sweetheart, if I never thought of you, would you be in this condition?

Everybody quiet!

Quiet! Everybody!

Oh, will you stop it? I'm the one in charge here. I'm the medical person.

Look, I'm going to call and there's a button. We'll be out of here in no time.

Oh, we better be, because that's exactly what we got.

No time.

There's a button.

We're in the elevator now, and we're in a terrible fix, and we're going to have

a baby and everything.

Is Vinnie Barberino?

No, I must have got the wrong number.

No, I would like to take rumba lessons, but not at this moment.

lesson.

I know you're stuck. The repairman's on his way up to the roof.

She's giving birth now.

Oh, well, now you just calm that poor woman down and tell her not to cry.

All right, then tell Oliver Horschak not to cry.

Listen, now stay on the phone because I'm going to put a doctor on because you

just may have to...

Look, we're going to have to have a baby together, and I think we should

introduce ourselves. My name is Vinnie Barberino. We're in a fish bank.

Oh, of course, Jack.

Many happy, many times in the day, I'm sure. And this is my husband, Sidney.

Sidney.

Oh!

Is it born yet?

Sport,

let me ask you something. Have you had much experience in delivery?

Yeah, I deliver dry cleaning.

I'm an old hand at this.

I'm going to get the doctor on the phone. No problem, no problem. We've

this many times before.

Seven times to be exact, huh, Myna? Sidney, I'm trying to relax.

Don't remind me that I've already got seven children.

Come on, Myna. They're all great kids. And this isn't the worst place you ever

gave birth.

Take our fourth kid.

He was born in Shea Stadium.

On a 50 -yard line.

So we call him Broadway Joe.

Broadway Joe Fishman.

Yes, very original. Mm -hmm.

Oh, he's a great athlete, that kid, but not as good as his brother, Muhammad.

Muhammad Fishman? Yeah.

Born ringside.

The Ali Norton fight.

So, an elevator, big deal.

What are you going to name this kid?

Otis?

All this talk about how tough it is to have a baby is just a lot of malarkey.

Easy for you to say.

When the going gets rough, you take off.

Sidney thinks a man's place during childbirth is with his bartender.

You guys are going to have a hard time getting out of this one, huh, Sid?

Quick thinking, huh, Sid?

Yankees just went down for the count.

All right. The doctor says that you got to take deep breaths in order to feel

better. Ready?

I got to see what he says.

Doctor, listen. I got to ask you a question.

Look, now, if it's a boy, do I got to take care of that religious stuff?

No? Oh, good.

Good. Hey, come on, doc. Look.

I'm in the medical profession, you know.

Oh, no, okay, fine.

Look, oh, he wants to talk to you. Come here.

Let me give you a hand. Sit down, lay down. Take it easy. Take a look.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Hello, doctor?

The contractions are about a minute apart.

No, the other births were all normal.

No complications.

Oh, hello, Nurse Bonnie.

Yes, we have medical insurance.

My social security number?

Is that necessary right now?

521 -460... Oh.

Oh!

Come on, hang in there, I'm with you.

Maternity elevator.

What's up, Mr. Cronkite?

Oh, you want to give me the key to the city? Oh, thank you.

But it was really nothing. It was, you know, just the average day and an

orderly's life.

You know, the elevator gets stuck, you deliver a baby.

I was ignored.

Oh, Barbara Walters, really? No, I'd love to go to dinner with you, but...

I just can't. I really, I got more important things to do right now.

Like tile hygiene.

Benny!

Oh, Benny!

Benny, oh, wait till you see him. He's all pink and healthy and ready to face

the world like a brave little soldier.

Oh, that's great. The baby's okay.

I don't know. I'm talking about Mr. Fishbone.

Hey, Vinnie, let me tell you something. If I was you, I'd get out of town right

away. I just got to look at that kid.

Kid's all red, wrinkled, and distorted.

Yeah, he kind of looks like a little Mr. Woodman, you know?

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Woodman looks like a little Mr. Woodman.

Yeah, come on, let's go up and see the baby. Oh, yeah, I love babies.

Hey, Vinnie, check it out, bro.

The doctor said that the kid is perfect.

He said he couldn't have done a better job himself.

He did good.

You were great.

We're all proud of you, Vinnie.

Yeah, well, thanks, Mr. Cronkite, but it's just an average day and average art

of his life.

Walter Cronkite?

Hey, Vinnie, you been sniffing Mott & Glow again?

No, it's just that, you know, I try real hard to do something to impress Nurse

Bonnie, and I get ignored, you know.

Hey, look, nobody's ignoring you. Look, just give them a chance, and they're

gonna... Look, here comes Mr. Fish by now. Stand back and reap your reward.

a wonderful day.

A wonderful day!

What did I tell you? The Jets won.

17 to 14.

Pulled it out at the last minute.

Oh, listen. I want to thank you for everything you've done. Everything.

And to show our appreciation, we want to name the baby after you. So, what's

your name again?

Vinnie. Vinnie Barbarino.

Vinnie.

Vinnie Fishbein.

You play baseball?

Yeah. What position?

I used to play right field.

Great. In your honor, we're going to name the kid Reggie.

Reggie Fishbine.

Don't that have a ring to it?

Reggie Fishbine.

See that? I delivered a guy's baby, and he names him after a candy bar.

Nothing ever changes.

If any things do change, man, don't worry about it, man. That's not

That don't matter. You know what matters?

What matters is the way Nurse Bonnie's going to be treating you from now on.

Check it out, man. She'll worship the ground you mop on.

Barbarino. Yeah?

I want you to stop entertaining these delinquents. I've got work for you to

Out! Out!

I was leaving anyway, baby.

I want you to take the mop and the pail and put them in the closet.

Because you're working in emergency.

You're kidding.

Severino, if I'd known you were going to do that, I'd have given you this

assignment sooner.

Ah, what a rewarding experience, you know.

Bringing a new life into the world.

Who are you kidding, Arnold?

Mrs. Fishbein brought a life into the world. We were more worried about

you back to life.

That's not true, Beauregard.

Come on, come on, Arnold. You were turning all kinds of colors, huh?

I mean, for a while there, you looked like the jolly green midwife.

That's right, Arnold, man. Your eyes, your eyes were so bugged out that it

two of us to help you blink.

Well, listen, to you, you helped deliver one baby and you think you know Mr.

Stork personally.

We can look at it through the window. Oh, right. You got the baby. Right on.

Hey, um, look.

Why don't we, um, walk up? It'd be good for the exercise.

Yeah.

Sure, sure. It's only, uh, nine floors.

Yeah, we'll take the seating for you.

Yeah, I'll make sure you don't get lost.

It's much better. You want to try it? In with the good air, out with the bad.

Welcome

back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we need ya. We tease him a lot. Cause we

him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how you must have been.

And I know what a scene you were learning in.

Was there something that made you come back again?

And what could ever lead you?

What could ever lead you?

Back here where we need you. Back here where we need you.

Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on the spot.