Original subtitles

Okay, now, you see this right here? Pick a card, any card.

Go ahead.

All right, now, both of y 'all look at that card. Y 'all looking at it? Yeah.

Okay, rip it in half.

Okay, rip it in half again.

Okay, throw it over your right shoulder.

That card was the seven of clubs.

Wrong.

Okay, pick another card.

Okay, rip it in half. Guys, guys, look, guys.

Boy, am I in trouble. You've got to help me. This is the worst thing that ever

happened to me.

Don't tell me.

You wore out a foot in your Dr.

Denton's.

Will you come on? This is serious.

Oh, you wore out boat foots.

Hey, look, Arnold, don't mind these clowns over here.

You just tell Uncle Juan what ails you. Well, Uncle Juan, last night, Mary

Johnson called me up and asked me to that party tonight.

Oh, you turned her down, huh?

Oh, worse, I said, yes.

What am I going to do?

Well, for starters, you can go to the party with her.

I can't do that.

Every time I'm around you, I freeze up. My tongue gets all tight and

my hands get all sweaty.

I know.

Sounds like you in love.

Either that.

or you got a case of hoof and mouth disease.

That's it.

That's it. Every time I'm around her, I open my mouth and I put my hoof in it.

I mean, it was a lot easier to talk to her when we was just friends, you know,

but now she's a date and everything's different.

Arnold, Arnold, look.

Communicating with the opposite sex isn't that difficult.

Just forget the girls and pretend they're regular people.

Yeah, come on, guy. You're a man.

She's a woman.

You're tough.

She's soft.

Blow in her ears. She'll love it.

What if it makes you mad?

Oh, Arnold, don't worry about nothing, man. Most chicks don't throw a punch on

the first date.

Okay, I'll try. I'll be tough. Okay, come on. I'll be mean. Macho man.

Macho man.

and wait and impress her at that party tonight, she's never going to go out

me again.

Oh, Arnold, come on, man. Relax. Take it easy. You're going to be all right.

You're going to do just fine. Don't worry about nothing. Yeah, but what am I

going to say to her when she asks why I'm not talking?

Just tell her you're a little horse.

Hey, Arnold.

Listen, I couldn't help but overhear. You know, you're having a little problem

with the females of the opposite sex, huh?

That's none of your business, Carvelli. Well, Arnold, come on. Look, I'm not

going to spread this around the school, you know. Look, I'm not that kind of

guy. Yeah, there ain't no money in that.

Look, for a small fee, I can fix you up with a magic potion that will give you

the courage that you need.

Yeah? What is it? Come over here.

Arnold, check it out.

Liquid backbone.

This is whiskey. I don't want this.

You don't want it? Hey, no problem. Look, Arnold, there's lots of people

pay cash for this, you know. It's fine. Look, you want to make a fool out of

yourself in front of Mary.

That's all right with me.

Here, I'll bill you. Come on, Murray. Let's go skin the girl.

Hey, come on.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome

back.

He was acting so strangely at the party last night.

Berserk was more like it.

You know, he was even acting weird when he picked me up.

Kept calling my mother Tootsie.

You think that's weird?

That's what he was calling me all last night, too.

When I got a ride home with Sally, he was dancing on a tabletop. Yeah, well,

should have stuck around until 2 o 'clock in the morning.

He challenged the football team to a fight.

No, the crazy thing was that he had the whole football team all scared.

Good morning.

As you know, your poetry assignments are due this morning.

Mr. Epstein, I think we'll start with you.

Epstein, your poem.

The title of my poem is Fleas.

case, the title of your mark is F.

Tough stuff.

All right, Charmaine, what's the big idea of starting a class without me?

Well, you'll have to forgive me, Arnold. I just don't know what came over me.

The bell rang, and before I knew it, I'd started the class.

pass this time. The next time you watch it.

Thank you so much.

Now, I'm not trying to push my luck here, but you wouldn't happen to have a

tardy excuse on you, would you?

You want a tardy excuse?

I'll give you a tardy excuse.

have to excuse Arnold. He gets a little cranky when his malt -o -meal is lumpy.

Yeah, how would you like a lumpy lip, sheephead?

Boy,

you people are dreary.

Not you, baby.

All right, Mr.

Horshack. Since you seem to have the attention of the class Why don't you

get up on your feet and give us your poetry assignment?

It would be my pleasure

to read my poem, and anybody that tries to stop me is looking for big trouble.

Well, trouble is my middle name.

Oh, God, come on, huh?

Grab a seat. It ain't worth all this, huh? Are you going to let me read my

or not?

No, come on, man. Cut it out, man. Just sit down. I will not sit down!

Arnold, please.

You people are making fun of me.

Don't think I don't know it. You've been making fun of me all my life, but

you're not going to do it anymore.

Nobody's making fun of you. Not another thing!

You're going to the prom with me on Friday night.

I'll pick you up at 8 .30.

Well,

he sure got over his shyness with girls.

Say, Alan, we're here to pick up our tickets for the prom.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, guys, but we still allowed the prom tickets on yesterday.

Well, what are you talking about?

You said you were going to save those discount tickets for us so we can get

cash together.

Yeah, now we've got to pay full price at the door.

Yeah, I never said any such thing.

You did, too. How could you forget? It was just a day before yesterday.

Look, are you calling me a liar? I'm not calling you a liar. I'm calling you a

pea -brained pal.

Anybody with half a mind will remember a promise to a friend.

I don't forget my promises to my friends.

I don't believe this.

Well, I gotta get going here, Mr.

Benedict Arnold Horshack.

I don't believe it.

Looks to me like Arnold's had a blowout of the brain, and he's riding on the

rims.

Just run away.

Your teeth, if you don't straighten up.

Arnold, where's your head at, man? You're leaving the counter here with

here. What's wrong with you?

Yeah, come on, man.

Don't blow it, guys. I was just around the corner in my locker room. Look, I

don't care what you was doing. You understand me, man?

You're never supposed to leave the counter with money on it. What's wrong

you?

Oh.

You don't like the money on the counters, huh? No, I don't like the

counter. That's the problem? Yeah, that's the problem.

And a problem.

What's the matter with you, Arnold? Are you crazy or something? Yeah, I'm crazy.

I'm crazy to think that I could ever be partners with you. Look, you want to run

the school store, you got it.

Run into the ground for all I care.

That's all right.

Here, Freddie, let me help you. You want to help me?

You just keep Arnold out of my sight before I make him a permanent part of

locker. Just cool down a little bit now. Let me see what I can do about this.

You redecorating Arnold?

What's it to you?

Well, I've been wondering what's been keeping you out of my class for the last

couple of days.

Is something the matter?

Yes, something is the matter, Miss Tremaine.

You see, I'm sick and tired of everybody asking me if something's the matter.

I'm fine, okay? I'm just fine. Never better.

Now, why don't you just go peddle your poetry and leave me alone?

And I'm telling you, if you don't cough up more money for lab animals, the

students are going to start dissecting each other.

That's not a bad idea.

Mr. Woodman, I hate to interrupt you when you're having such a good time.

I have to speak to you on a very serious matter.

It has to do with a drinking problem.

Well, if it's a student who's drinking, we'll expel him.

That wasn't so tough, was it?

Mr. Woodman, Let's just forget that you're the principal and that I'm the

teacher for a moment, and let's just say I'm talking about a friend of mine.

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

Have a seat, G.

Thank you.

Now, tell me all about your friend's troubles.

Well, this just started recently.

But already I've seen some signs of alcohol abuse, and there's been a

personality change and a lot of snapping at the kids in class and just a general

decline in the schoolwork.

Oh, sorry.

A loss of coordination?

Yes, and that too.

Mr. Woodman, this person has already come to school drunk.

Tell me, dear.

Does this person take a drink first thing in the morning?

I don't know. Only my friend could answer that for sure. Well, of course.

friend is very clever.

Mr. Woodman, I just don't know what to do.

I feel so helpless.

Well, of course you do.

But at least you recognize there's a problem. That's half the battle right

there. Now what do I do about it?

Well, the first thing you have to do is get off the sauce.

You're too bright a woman to drown your future in a bottle.

Oh, Mr. Woodman, this is not about me. I say pull yourself up by your bootstraps

and never look back.

But, Mr. Woodman, you've got this all wrong.

I have not. I read the same advice in Ann Lander's column yesterday morning.

And Annie's never wrong.

God, I love that woman.

All right, now. All right. Now listen to me.

I've asked you all here because I'm very concerned about Arnold.

Why didn't you make Arnold miss his lunch?

Yeah, I couldn't make him act any meaner than he's been acting anyway.

Say that again.

I've called you here because you're all Arnold's friends.

Let's get out of here.

Sit down.

And as Arnold's friends, I think you should be made aware that, well,

got a drinking problem.

You mean he has trouble swallowing?

I mean that this personality change that's come over him is because of

Come on, come on. Horschak doesn't touch anything stronger than Ovaltine.

That's right. And even then he says the bubbles tickle his nose.

Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but I found this in Arnold's locker. And I

do not think this is Ovaltine.

And that ain't Ovaltine.

This is Louisiana Stump Blower.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me see that here.

Let me see it, Bo.

I beg to differ with you, Bo.

This is the finest Kentucky whiskey you can buy for $1 .37.

Yeah, he says high -class right good.

Just how much do you know about this, Carvelli? All I know is I sold the guy a

little something before a party.

To help him calm his nerves. That's all.

How much have you sold him since?

Madam, you'll find me deeply.

Now, Cavelli is an entrepreneur, sure. I'm always out to make a fast buck. But

I'm not a corrupt or a youth.

Now, look, Arnold may be drinking like a fish, but he's not getting it from me

anymore.

He hasn't even paid me for the first bottle yet.

Maybe he's collecting the empties for a refund, huh?

I think Arnold's problem is too serious to be laughed off. Are you saying that

Arnold is an alcoholic?

No, I don't think he has a physical dependency on alcohol.

But he may be developing an emotional dependency that could lead to a physical

dependency. Why haven't we seen him drunk?

Oh, you have, Bo.

You don't have to be sloppy to be drunk.

Alcohol affects everybody differently.

And with Arnold... It's a personality change.

Are you accusing Arnold Horschak of having a personality?

I haven't told Mr. Woodman about this yet, but I will if Arnold doesn't stop

drinking.

Now, that's where you guys come in.

You're Arnold's friend.

He looks up to you. He trusts you. Not anymore, he doesn't. Arnold, I was just

saying to you... What were you going to say?

Arnold, I've been going through your personal property so I can get evidence

against you. Arnold, I gathered your friends, your friends, so that they

stab you in the back.

Arnold, come on now. Back off, man. You got the wrong idea.

Come on, Arnold. We're here. We care about you.

Arnold, man, drinking that junk, man, that's not your answer. That's your

problem. Just take this one. Give it to me. The only problem I've got is finding

myself a new set of friends.

Arnold.

Arnold, wait.

I can't stop you from drinking, but I won't stand for you doing it on my time.

You bring one more bottle into this school, and I'll personally see to it

you and the bottle are tossed out.

All right, now you listen to me.

I am sick and tired of your interference.

You stay out of my locker, and you stay out of my life!

What's all the commotion?

I can hear you clear down the hall.

It's nothing, Mr. Woodman, just a personal problem.

So I see. Oh, Mr.

Woodman.

That's a good start, G.

Shake,

shake, shake.

Shake, shake, shake.

Shake that booty.

Shake that... Oh, G, I want to ask you a question.

Yeah? What's a booty?

Why do you ask?

I want to make sure I'm shaking the right thing.

about it, Mr. Woodman. If you shake it, you'll know it.

Shake, shake, shake.

The boys has arrived.

Let the good times roll.

My, you look fine.

Yeah, yeah, it's one of the advantages of having an uncle in the dry cleaning

business, you know.

It's just a shame that we got to get them back in their plastic bags by the

morning.

Hey, Mr. Maynard, have you seen Arnold yet? No, but I'm keeping an eye out for

him. Well, you know what they say, eight eyes are better than two, so we'll help

you. All right. All right, now why don't you take the girls and powder your

cassages. We'll meet you over here in a couple minutes, all right?

See you later, baby.

Never fear, the horse shack is here.

Mary, Mary, what have we here?

Epstein, where's the funeral?

Mary, you look lovely. She looks lovely.

Mary, you look great. You mind if we have a little talk with Arnold for a few

minutes? We have a little unfinished business.

We'll bring him right back in a moment. Don't worry about it, all right?

Get your hands off me! You better safe up, pal.

If Mr. Ray finds you in this condition, she's going to kick you out of the

dance. Forget about the dance. She's going to kick you out of school.

Arnold Horchak kicked out of school?

I'll drink to that. Not in front of me, you ass. All right, if you... Come on,

you don't need that stuff.

It's only our second date and I've killed her.

Somebody call a doctor, quick.

Arnold, Arnold, listen to see if her heart is beating.

Listen to see if her heart is beating.

So why don't she wake up? She's knocked out. Give her some air, Arnold.

Give her air. Give her air.

Move back. Give her air. Mary.

Mary, please.

Mary, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it really. I didn't. Mary, please. Mary,

up.

Mary, if only you would speak to me.

Arnold, I don't go this far on a second date.

Mary, are you all right?

I've been better.

Mary, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened. It's just that you were drinking, Arnold, and

got to stop.

Well, I only did it to impress you.

I would never do anything to hurt you, Mary, never ever. Oh, Arnold, don't you

see? When you hurt yourself, you hurt me the most.

Beside the real you I'm impressed with.

You really mean that?

I really do.

Who needs liquor?

I got love.

Nice, huh?

What's wrong, Freddy?

Oh, I just got something in my eye.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your...

Kick it out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we need ya. We tease him a lot.

Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how you must have been.

And I know what a scene you were learning in.

Was there something that made you come back again?

Then what could ever lead ya? What could ever lead ya? Back there where we need

ya. Back there.