Original subtitles

Revive those smelling salts.

To revive, hold two to three inches on the victim's nostrils.

Oh, what a smell.

Thanks a lot, Vinnie. I never promised your rules, God.

I'm so glad you guys are here. I need your help desperately. Sally's coming

in a minute.

You need our help with a girl?

What's the matter, Vinnie?

Losing your suction?

Hey, come on, guys. Quiet down. Looks like our friend here is having trouble

with his little filly, and gentlemen, we should extend him every courtesy.

Come on, hound dog. Spill the grits.

You know, I really like the way you talk. You know.

It's just like watching a rerun of Hee Haw.

I think this girl Sally's getting a little too serious with me.

Last week I caught her spelling my name in cotton balls.

That's why I got to break up with her.

But you know, I know exactly what building up with a girl does. You know,

they break up with me, I'm going to ruin her life.

You know, at least spoil their whole weekend.

No, I ain't kidding. The last time I broke up with a girl, she jumped in the

holler river.

Oh, come on, Vincent. I saw that girl jump.

Believe me, very few suicides wear a bathing cap.

All right, come on, Vinnie. I broke up with a girl once, but she got over it.

Eventually, she replaced me.

Oh, with what?

A sting -eye dog?

All right, now listen, guys.

Now, look, if Vinnie thinks this is going to be devastating to the young

well, maybe he's right.

How can we be of help?

I figure you guys being around, you know, it would be easy to blow.

There's going to be tears all over the place. That's why I got these tissues.

Now, look, Korshak, if she starts to cry, you take care of her, right? It's

in the flick of the wrist. All in the flick of the wrist. All in the wrist. I

ain't got no more.

A young girl's tears.

This is heartbreaking.

Yeah, yeah, Vinnie, this whole scene is very, very heartbreaking to me. Is there

anything I can do for you, little buddy?

You cannot get clear of Salmon's shirt.

The worst part of this is she's going to faint, right? So you be that a ketchup

ball. Oh, have no fear, Vinnie. I will cradle her gently in my arms. Good.

Now, look, you take the smelling salts.

Wow, I see they found a way of bottling Epstein's locker.

No, no, that's to revive her. And look, when she faints, just stick it under her

nostrils, two to three inches.

And Epstein, you guard the window, okay? And don't let it jump, whatever you do.

Ten -four.

I just want you to know, no matter what happens, that your concern for Sally's

well -being is mighty chivalrous.

Yeah, when babies were given chivalry in heaven, I got an extra scoop.

You got an extra shovel or shivel?

Hi, Vinnie.

Oh, I didn't know you had company.

Do you think we could be alone for a minute?

Did you hear that?

Do you think we can be alone for a minute?

No.

My friends are always with me when I'm alone.

this, Sally.

But do you like to go down to the docks? Look, Vinny, I have to tell you. I like

to go down to the docks. And you know why? Because I like to see the ships go

all over the world, right?

Now, why don't you think of yourself as sort of like a port, right? And I'm a

ship. And I'm going to go from port to port to port to port to port, okay?

No.

I'm just trying to set the mood.

Look, Vinny, we have to talk.

I'm afraid, sweetheart, that this is probably going to hurt me a little more

than it hurts you. Yeah, I know that, and that's why I'm sorry, Vinnie.

See... Oh, just a second, Vinnie.

I'll be right down, baby cakes.

Baby cakes.

That must be her mother's name.

We're just gonna have to stop seeing each other. See, you were getting too

serious. And I knew that when I saw you spelling out my name in those cotton

balls.

And besides, Vinnie, I met somebody else.

Well, I'll be seeing you around, though, okay?

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

It's a good thing I stopped it from jumping, huh?

Right out of Vinny's window into the front seat of Baby Cake's padlock.

Hey, yo.

Hey, Juan.

You can get down from the window now, now that the big crisis is over.

Hey, Vinny, Vinny. Pushing all jokes aside.

getting dumped by a pretty girl that's got a nice personality, a gorgeous

a terrific smile.

I mean, come on, man. It ain't the worst thing in the world. It ain't? No, but

it is in the top five.

I gotta go.

Yeah, yeah, guys, come on. I think we can get going now. Now that the big

is over.

I mean, Benny, you've had a big day, huh?

Isn't this the first time a port ever sailed away from a ship?

Speaking for all of us, welcome to dry dock.

It's on the wrist.

Hey, Vinnie, what happened to the old zippity -doo?

You know, a zippity -dump now.

Come on, Vinnie, when you were a little boy and you fell off your bicycle, what

did you do?

Well, I got Mercuricone.

My mother, she'd take a little glass thick and she would put it on her.

Vinnie, sometimes she'd kiss the boo -boo.

Man, that lady, what a saint.

Too bad I ain't gonna be able to give her no grandchildren.

Vinny, I think we've lost the point.

See, you didn't give up riding your bicycle. You got right back on and you

again. Uh -uh. No.

No? No.

By the time I get downstairs, they took the wheels.

They even took the little bell I had.

All right, forget the bike. Forget the bike. What you got to do is think dates.

Dates. Now, where's your little black book?

You ain't seen my black book? No.

It's in my safe. I'll show you.

All

right.

What do you want? Volume one, two, or three?

It doesn't matter. Volume one.

Yellow pages or white pages? Just get the book.

Here you go.

All right.

Okay, now listen. Come on. We're going to go find a phone. One or two phone

calls, you're going to have women up to your ears.

Yeah, but no taller than that, huh?

I don't understand how that can happen.

Oh, Bo, I don't even think it's them. I think it's me. I lost my power over

women. Oh, Vinnie.

time sometimes in the middle of the night now vinnie just because a few

are are busy for the next few weeks it doesn't mean that much what about about

jenny uh rooney vinnie she said she's getting married saturday yeah but i

her out on friday that's just a coincidence

no but i'm telling you

Look at this. Look at this. I got a gray hair here.

Vinnie, what's one gray hair?

That means that there's a whole lot of other gray hairs all scrunched up in my

head waiting to pop out.

Ah, Vinnie, you're crazy. There's nothing inside your head.

Tell me the truth, Bo.

My body, it's gone, huh?

I should have known the end was near the day my skin cleared up.

Come on, Vinnie, get a grip on yourself.

You're just going through a dry spell, that's all.

Dry spell? There ain't no dry spell. I lost it, Bo.

I lost my power of women. I lost my magic.

Vinnie, it's not that bad.

I'm so depressed.

Julie, would you take a note to the principal of Fillmore High School?

We regret the unfortunate incident after last Friday's football game, and I

assure you that every effort is being made to find your coach.

from Vinnie. He hasn't been to school in three days.

No, I haven't heard from him, Arnold, but I know that he hasn't shown up at

either because the hospital called here. Oh, that girl. That girl.

That cruel, crazy, impetuous girl.

He was her man, but she done him wrong.

Yeah, yeah, the girl ruined his life. She went and ripped out his heart.

Yeah, now he ain't got nothing to hold when they played a national anthem.

he's upset.

Well, another contender bites the dust.

It isn't everyone who keeps his allure, his oomph, his rugged magnetism the way

I have.

Where do you keep it? In your sock drawer?

all you guys are exaggerating. Just give Vinnie a few days. He'll get over it. I

wouldn't count on that.

You see, there are three things you don't get over in a hurry.

Losing a woman, eating bad possum, or eating good possum.

I'm so very happy to meet you.

Come on in if you want.

Can I get you something?

I made some delicious bread pudding.

Come on.

I want to hear something funny.

I thought you guys were the Salvation Army.

get my love seat.

They said they'd be glad to get it back.

So I said, okay, fine.

I can't believe Vinnie's bombed. It's a sad day in Brooklyn, huh?

Hey, come on, Vinnie, you gotta pull yourself together.

I'm going to cheer you right up. Come on. You boys are nice.

You're so nice.

Hi,

Vinny!

Hi, sweetheart.

You look like you're thirsty.

We gotta handle him very, very carefully. The guy's in very delicate

We should just handle him like we got on kid gloves.

Come over here, you!

Come here!

Now, look.

Look, I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I want you to get out. I want you to go out and have a good time. Come on, go

out and meet some girls.

I can't go out without my magic wand.

Magic wand?

Come on, Vinnie. Come on, you gotta pull yourself together.

Hey, hey.

You still have your magic, and you can go out in public.

Arnold's allowed out in public.

And he was born without magic.

Perhaps you should stay inside with me.

Hey, Vinnie.

Now look, either you get dressed, or we're going to do it for you.

No! Victor, a law against disrobing a minor, you're not going to...

Hey,

buddy, you can't get drunk on this stuff. No? No.

There's girls in here. Come on, Vinnie. Of course there's girls in here. It is

an equal opportunity clip joint.

It's hard to believe this is the same guy who used to spend all his spare time

on double dates.

Oh, I know.

Hey, Vinnie.

You order what you want, man. The drinks, they on us. So shoot for the

You can have anything up to 35 cents, including tip.

I'll have a warm cocoa, thank you.

We're only trying to cheer you up. That's right.

Yeah, you know how you could cheer me up? How?

Let me go home. Come on. Sit down.

Sure, go on home.

Watch the mold grow in your dimple.

Hey, Vinnie, how are you?

Long time no see, Vinnie. Where you been hiding yourself?

I ain't been hiding.

Hey, watch it.

I don't get no chocolate chips in my hair.

matters worse by chasing ladies away.

What's the matter with you?

You don't think I knew that you guys set that up? I don't need your pity.

Hey, Vinnie, nobody set that up.

Look, I'm not blind. I know my magic is gone.

You know, these guys are just making it worse.

Oh, Vinnie, I'm glad you're here.

Well, that makes one of us.

Have you got a minute?

No. I'm too busy going from party to party to party.

No, Vinnie, I'd really like to talk to you.

Yeah, well, I don't want to talk to you, baby.

Now, Vinnie, maybe you should listen to what little Sally has to say.

I heard what she has to say.

A bread down, baby cakes.

Hey, Vinnie, why don't you come on down here, little buddy, so you and I can

have a couple of syllables.

You know something, Vinnie?

When you and I got problems, we listen to each other, right?

Yeah. We sit down, we talk it out.

So why don't you talk it out with this girl?

Because if you don't, it's just going to keep on bothering you and bothering

you.

You like it, don't you?

Yeah.

So it ain't going to cost nothing to talk it out.

Now go on, scram.

Look.

I'm going to talk to you only because my good friend here, Epstein, wants me to

talk to you.

So, uh, make it fast.

Because we don't want baby cakes to wear out his horn.

Look, Vinnie, what I did was wrong, and the way I did it was rotten, and I'm

sorry. It don't matter. Well, it matters to me.

And you matter to me.

Vinnie, you've always been honest and open, and you always made me feel like I

was important.

Well, I don't know how to describe it.

Magic.

Anyway, I'd like to see you again if you want to see me.

Well, uh, Miss Sweetheart Baby Cake, remember the night you came over to talk

me and I was going to tell you something?

Yeah, what was it?

Well, true. It's over.

Good.

Now we're even.

Come on, I'll treat you to something.

All right, how much money you got to spend?

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how you must have been.