All language subtitles for welcome_back_kotter_s04e10_washingtons_clone

Hey, Mrs. Carter.

Do you think Mr. Carter will be home
tonight? I mean, I know he's flying in

Buffalo. Arnold, it's not that simple.
He's got to come by way of Montreal.

What's in Montreal?

His luggage.

Please come home, Mrs. Carter. I'm
serious. I need help.

Well, Arnold, is there something that I
can help you with?

Well, see, I got this friend on death
row who's going to be executed tomorrow.

And I don't know what to do. What will
you do?

I would call Charles Bronson.

He's not available. I would call Clint
Eastwood.

Come on, Mrs. Potter, I'm serious.

Arnold, who do you know on death row?

It's not a who.

It's a biology frog.

He's going to be chloroformed and
dissected tomorrow.

Who's being chloroformed and dissected?
One of the sweat hogs, I hope?

Mr. Woodman, if you don't mind, Arnold
has a problem and I'm trying to help him

with it. Well, never mind Arnold's
problem. I have a bigger problem.

tipped over the blood mobile in the
parking lot. Now, get your pad.

I want to question everybody.

Mr. Woodman, I would rather stay here
and help Arnold.

Forget horse shack. This is more
important.

This school is losing a lot of blood.

Now, get your pad and a pail.

Don't worry, Mrs. Carter.

I'll do what I have to do.

Freddy,

you cover the door.

Lonnie, you get those frogs over here as
fast as your little legs can carry you.

And one, when you take them out, don't
take them out by the feet. Frogs is very

ticklish.

This frog mapping idea is the dumbest
idea you ever had.

Oh, come on, don't you get it? When Miss
Garland comes into class tomorrow and

finds out that there are no frogs for
dissection, she's going to burst her

pantyhose.

Ralph,

you're in charge.

Arnold. I was just looking at the little

amoebas here.

They're so cute.

And they make friends so easy.

Especially the tall ones.

Arnold, I'm afraid you're going to have
to leave.

You know students aren't allowed in the
lab without proper supervision.

Oh, please, Miss Collins, please. Let me
stay just a little while longer so I

can feed the snails, you know.

Well, all right.

As long as you don't feed them to the
turtles.

Bye.

Okay, you guys, let's get these frogs to
my house.

What's your mother going to say when you
show up with 14 frogs?

Oh, wow, man. I know what my daddy would
say.

Put them in the soup.

Wait a second now. If them frogs ain't
going to be here tomorrow, I better

them a note, huh?

Let's see here. Dear Miss Garland,
please excuse us frogs.

We got a man in our throat.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome

back.

Now, look, we helped you rip those frogs
off, but you say you was going to keep

them at home.

Well, maybe they ain't housebroken,
Freddie.

I had to bring them back. My mother
couldn't stand the way they was belching

barfing all night long.

I think I put too much horseradish in
their tacos.

Now, look, Arnold, if somebody finds
them frogs in your locker, we all get

busted. You should have hit them
someplace else. I did hit them someplace

I put them in the laundry hamper until
my mother opened it up.

and three pairs of my shorts jumped into
her arms.

Horschak, Miss Garland wants those frogs
back.

All 14 of them.

Well, who says I don't, Horschak? Took
them. I do. He was the last one in the

lab before they were missing. Yeah,
well, just because he was the last one

there, Miss Woodman, didn't mean that he
did it.

Now, looky here, Mr. Woodman.

If you want to find these frogs, what
you got to do is, you got to think like

frog, see?

And then what you got to do, is you've
got to look like a frog.

Oh, that's perfect.

That's perfect.

Knock it off, Epstein.

Oh, yeah, that was good. He's really
good.

What he was just doing was the
bullfrog's mating call. Check it out.

I think the mate is answering from one
of these lockers.

Whose lockers is this?

Oh, that's mine, but...

You ain't gonna find no frogs in there.

My life!

Nothing in this world is gonna make me
open up this locker.

Nothing! Not threats, not knives, not
bamboo shoots under my

fingernails.

That's it.

Please, Arnold.

Mr. Woodman, I never thought you
would... Stoop to using

good manners.

Get these back to

biology now.

Biology is the other way.

Arnold, sit down.

Son, I know why you stole those frogs.

It's not that you're a bad boy, it's
fear.

You know, today's dissection day. It's a
big day for fear.

Mr. Woodman, I am not afraid.

I went through the same thing myself on
dissection day.

I couldn't look that frog in the eye. My
hands were like this.

But I did the only thing I could.

You ran.

You screamed, you cried, you fainted.

I never cry.

Hey, Mr. Woodman, if you didn't want to
do that, you shouldn't have gone through

with it.

Arnold, when your teacher says, get it
over with or I'll tear you apart in the

alley. He said that to you?

No, to my frog.

Suddenly, these golden hands steadied.

Yeah, well, these golden hands are
staying right in my pocket.

No, they're going to come through.

Just as mine did brilliantly.

I can't kill anything.

Sure you can, my boy. Now go pick up
that knife.

I'm sure your frog would want it that
way.

Which brings us to the subject of man's
inhumanity to frogs in the 18th century.

The Boston Tea Party.

Where your forefathers and your fore...

Dumped 20

,000... pounds of tea into Boston
Harbor.

For three weeks, those poor frogs were
swimming around in cold tea.

Yeah, without no sugar or lemon.

I never realized that frogs was the
first ones to take the Nestea plunge.

Think, if you will, what the world would
be like if we did not have frogs.

You wouldn't have any water.

from a chipmunk.

It cannot be done.

Of course, you all know that you don't
get warts from frogs.

Hey, check it out, Miss Garland.

I mean, don't forget now, without frogs,
I mean, some of the best fairy tales,

they'd be gone.

A princess has got to kiss a frog to
turn him into a prince.

Of course, the frog's got to take out
for a couple of drinks first.

Maybe some dinner, a little bit of
boogie. All right, what do you want?

Come on, come on, come on. Forget your
fairy tales.

Just imagine going outside and saying,
Hey, everybody, want to play some Leap?

All right, boys, that is enough. Now get
back to your seats.

Now, it's not going to work, Arnold. In
the time we have left, I suggest you

start dissecting.

I'm waiting, Arnold.

I'm not going to do it. I beg your
pardon?

The only thing that I'm going to do with
this frog is leave him right where he

is. Arnold Horschak, if you walk out of
this class, you will have Mr. Woodman to

deal with.

I don't care.

That frog is a living thing, and you
can't make me kill it.

Once it's dead, nobody can bring it back
to life again.

Not you.

Not me.

Not Mr. Woodman.

I think this is a stupid experiment.

Thank you, Ralph.

Hey, man, I hate this book.

I keep losing my plates.

Ah, that's because you ain't using the
Epstein -Markin system.

What's that?

Well, let's say you have to remember
page 46, okay?

Turn to page 45.

Fold it in half.

All right.

Turn to page 47.

Fold it in half.

Viola.

Why don't you just fold 46?

That's good, too.

Hey, check it out. I bet you a quarter
Arnold carves up that frog today.

Come on, come on. That's a sucker's bet.

I bet you Arnold goes to cut it up.

And the frog has to give him mouth -to
-mouth regurgitation.

Who's coming, Arnold? Hi!

Is the doctor in for surgery today?

No way.

Hey, Arnold, listen to me. Running away
like you did yesterday, I mean, that

ain't no good.

I mean, killing a little frog ain't the
end of the world.

It is for the frog.

Come on, what's with you? You probably
stepped on three ants today and didn't

even know it.

That's right. I stepped on three winos
today and they didn't know it.

This biology story is great stuff for
the school newspaper.

Oh, step into my office. Listen, you got
a picture we can run on the front page?

Yeah, what you trying to do, scale up
your readers?

No, no, no, listen. What I want to do is
I want to superimpose your head on the

body of a frog.

That's too bad.

Mother Nature already beat you to it.

Will you guys cut out? This is very
important.

Hey, I got another one for you. Check it
out.

I don't give you more cluck for your
butt.

Will you guys please cut it out? I am
not a chicken.

This is my interview now. Come on,
Sidney. You ask me some more questions.

ahead, go ahead.

Now, what about your parents? How do
they feel about all this?

Well, you see, Sidney, my mother really
isn't into animals that much.

And they don't like her either.

snail that went straight for her throat.

Arnold? Arnold.

Hi, Mom. Hi.

What are you doing here?

I got a call from the principal who said
my son won't cut up a toad. Ma, it's

not a toad. It's a frog.

Come on. Ma, Ma, that's my ear, Mommy.

Here you go, Sidney.

There go your headline.

Mother plucks chicken.

Thanks for coming, Mrs. Horchak. Oh,
it's Mrs. O 'Hara now, but that's

story altogether.

Arnold, sit down.

Mrs. O 'Hara, I'm sorry about this
inconvenience.

Good.

This is Miss Ilona Garland, Arnold's
biology teacher.

Oh, of course.

The frog lady.

I've asked Julie to be here to take a
transcript of our little meeting. Mr.

Woodman, do you really think a
transcript is necessary?

It's just a conference. It's not a
trial.

Oh, I think Mr. Woodman's idea of a
transcript is an excellent one.

Thank you, Ilona.

Don't thank me, Michael. It was your
idea.

That's true.

Mrs.

O 'Hara, as I explained to you on the
phone, Arnold refused to dissect the

refuses and will continue to refuse.

Frankly, Mrs. O 'Hara, I was amazed.

Up until yesterday, Arnold has been an
excellent biology student. Why, he even

sometimes stays after class to feed the
turtles and the fish.

You know, I once walked in and saw
Arnold turning the treadmill so that the

hamsters wouldn't get winded.

Oh, listen, he's the same little Dr.

Doodlittle at home.

But Ma, they don't care about the
animals.

Oh, Arnold, that's not true.

The purpose of dissection is to find out
more about them. It's a very useful

tool of science.

Definitely.

But dissection has been going on for
years and years.

It's paved the way for cures that have
saved people's lives.

Definitely.

Hey, listen, I think all of that is
terrific, but...

Who's curing the little animals?

Has anybody found a way to bring them
back to life?

Would you care to try another
definitely?

Arnold, let me put it to you this way.

Do you eat meat?

Oh, listen, you think I'd make pot roast
three times a week if he didn't? And my

brisket's no slouch either. Usually I
put a little garlic in it.

Those animals have to be killed before
you can eat them.

Definitely.

Ditto. Listen, I know all of that, but
somebody else is going to have to do the

killing, not Arnold Horschak.

You know something, Arnold?

I'm with you.

When I was in high school, I had to kill
a frog.

I didn't want to do it, but I did it
because I was too much of a coward to

a stand.

Are you finished?

Mr. Woodman, I just happen to agree with
Arnold that it is within his rights not

to kill.

Definitely.

Well then, Mrs. Carter, maybe you'll
happen to agree that I am within my

to fail him if he doesn't.

I'm not going to do it, Miss Garland.
Arnold, you will do it this afternoon,

you will repeat this course.

Has anyone seen Arnold Horschak? Not me.

Personally, I never could see Arnold
Horschak.

All right, everyone, can we please have
some quiet?

I said, can we have quiet?

That's better.

Ribbit, ribbit.

You don't look at me. I only do
chickens.

I do camels.

I'm glad that we're all here today,
especially you, Arnold.

Will you kindly step to the dissecting
table?

Miss Garland, could I say something?

No.

Oh, Arnold, you held us up yesterday
with your filibuster. I do not want to

anything more about the glory of frogs.

But I never said frogs was glorious.

I don't even like frogs.

They're dirty and smelly and ugly.

Good,

then you won't mind doing your
assignment.

Well, I just want everybody to know that
I'm not afraid to carve up a frog.

That's my man, Arnold Horschak. I knew
he was going to come through. Good time,

Washington.

Believe me, Arnold doesn't need your
help. Or yours. That's right. I don't

anybody's help.

I'd like an F, please.

I know I'll have to repeat this course.

But so will you.

And I can come back just as long as you
can come back.

Even longer, I'm younger.

And every time you say to me, Arnold,
kill, I'm going to say no.

Excuse me.

All right.

Washington, you're next.

All right.

Who gets the legs?

Hey, yo, um, Miss Garland.

I think you better lay one of those Fs
on me, too.

Make it three.

Anybody else?

Well,

if we're going to learn dissecting,
someone has to do it. Excuse me, Miss

Garland, couldn't we, uh...

Cut this up instead.

Oh, no, not that. That's personal
property, Arnold.

Oh, Arnold, Mr. Woodman gave me that.
Please tell Arnold.

It's only a little plant. Oh, Arnold.

What do you mean, only a little plant?

This is a climbing Tasmanian split -leaf
arborvitae.

Why, in the South Seas, the natives
worship it. It's their only source of

Oh, gee, Mr. Arnold.

I had no idea you were so into mulch.

Don't make fun of my plant, Arnold.

Remember, today's mulch is tomorrow's
peat moth.

Look, we should be able to find some
sort of compromise here.

Why don't we just cut up something
nobody cares about?

That's right, Miss Donald. Why don't we
cut up something that ain't worth

nothing? Something that's totally
useless.

elected spokesman, please accept our
apologies for calling you chicken.

Or turkey, huh?

A self -elected spokesman for Arnold
Horschak.

I want to thank you guys for backing me
up.

You got it.

What are friends for? Hey, so, keep the
applause going. I still got two more

bars left.

All right, you supposed to be in
biology?

No, we got out early. We had to dissect
the flower.

And it wasn't that easy.

Yeah, the bee was still in it.

You know, Mr. Woodman, tell me
something, man. When you was in biology

what did you dissect?

A dinosaur?

Oh, yeah.

No, but my uncle grunted.

Oh, Mr.

Woodman, not you too.

My uncle Grunt was a caveman. He lived
in cave seven upstairs in the back.

And it took him a month to dissect his
dinosaur.

But that wasn't the hardest part.

Yeah, what was?

Putting it back in the jar every night.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on
the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think I must have
been.

And I know what it seems.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Yeah, we tease.