Original subtitles

Hey, Mrs. Carter.

Do you think Mr. Carter will be home tonight? I mean, I know he's flying in

Buffalo. Arnold, it's not that simple. He's got to come by way of Montreal.

What's in Montreal?

His luggage.

Please come home, Mrs. Carter. I'm serious. I need help.

Well, Arnold, is there something that I can help you with?

Well, see, I got this friend on death row who's going to be executed tomorrow.

And I don't know what to do. What will you do?

I would call Charles Bronson.

He's not available. I would call Clint Eastwood.

Come on, Mrs. Potter, I'm serious.

Arnold, who do you know on death row?

It's not a who.

It's a biology frog.

He's going to be chloroformed and dissected tomorrow.

Who's being chloroformed and dissected? One of the sweat hogs, I hope?

Mr. Woodman, if you don't mind, Arnold has a problem and I'm trying to help him

with it. Well, never mind Arnold's problem. I have a bigger problem.

tipped over the blood mobile in the parking lot. Now, get your pad.

I want to question everybody.

Mr. Woodman, I would rather stay here and help Arnold.

Forget horse shack. This is more important.

This school is losing a lot of blood.

Now, get your pad and a pail.

Don't worry, Mrs. Carter.

I'll do what I have to do.

Freddy,

you cover the door.

Lonnie, you get those frogs over here as fast as your little legs can carry you.

And one, when you take them out, don't take them out by the feet. Frogs is very

ticklish.

This frog mapping idea is the dumbest idea you ever had.

Oh, come on, don't you get it? When Miss Garland comes into class tomorrow and

finds out that there are no frogs for dissection, she's going to burst her

pantyhose.

Ralph,

you're in charge.

Arnold. I was just looking at the little

amoebas here.

They're so cute.

And they make friends so easy.

Especially the tall ones.

Arnold, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave.

You know students aren't allowed in the lab without proper supervision.

Oh, please, Miss Collins, please. Let me stay just a little while longer so I

can feed the snails, you know.

Well, all right.

As long as you don't feed them to the turtles.

Bye.

Okay, you guys, let's get these frogs to my house.

What's your mother going to say when you show up with 14 frogs?

Oh, wow, man. I know what my daddy would say.

Put them in the soup.

Wait a second now. If them frogs ain't going to be here tomorrow, I better

them a note, huh?

Let's see here. Dear Miss Garland, please excuse us frogs.

We got a man in our throat.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome

back.

Now, look, we helped you rip those frogs off, but you say you was going to keep

them at home.

Well, maybe they ain't housebroken, Freddie.

I had to bring them back. My mother couldn't stand the way they was belching

barfing all night long.

I think I put too much horseradish in their tacos.

Now, look, Arnold, if somebody finds them frogs in your locker, we all get

busted. You should have hit them someplace else. I did hit them someplace

I put them in the laundry hamper until my mother opened it up.

and three pairs of my shorts jumped into her arms.

Horschak, Miss Garland wants those frogs back.

All 14 of them.

Well, who says I don't, Horschak? Took them. I do. He was the last one in the

lab before they were missing. Yeah, well, just because he was the last one

there, Miss Woodman, didn't mean that he did it.

Now, looky here, Mr. Woodman.

If you want to find these frogs, what you got to do is, you got to think like

frog, see?

And then what you got to do, is you've got to look like a frog.

Oh, that's perfect.

That's perfect.

Knock it off, Epstein.

Oh, yeah, that was good. He's really good.

What he was just doing was the bullfrog's mating call. Check it out.

I think the mate is answering from one of these lockers.

Whose lockers is this?

Oh, that's mine, but...

You ain't gonna find no frogs in there.

My life!

Nothing in this world is gonna make me open up this locker.

Nothing! Not threats, not knives, not bamboo shoots under my

fingernails.

That's it.

Please, Arnold.

Mr. Woodman, I never thought you would... Stoop to using

good manners.

Get these back to

biology now.

Biology is the other way.

Arnold, sit down.

Son, I know why you stole those frogs.

It's not that you're a bad boy, it's fear.

You know, today's dissection day. It's a big day for fear.

Mr. Woodman, I am not afraid.

I went through the same thing myself on dissection day.

I couldn't look that frog in the eye. My hands were like this.

But I did the only thing I could.

You ran.

You screamed, you cried, you fainted.

I never cry.

Hey, Mr. Woodman, if you didn't want to do that, you shouldn't have gone through

with it.

Arnold, when your teacher says, get it over with or I'll tear you apart in the

alley. He said that to you?

No, to my frog.

Suddenly, these golden hands steadied.

Yeah, well, these golden hands are staying right in my pocket.

No, they're going to come through.

Just as mine did brilliantly.

I can't kill anything.

Sure you can, my boy. Now go pick up that knife.

I'm sure your frog would want it that way.

Which brings us to the subject of man's inhumanity to frogs in the 18th century.

The Boston Tea Party.

Where your forefathers and your fore...

Dumped 20

,000... pounds of tea into Boston Harbor.

For three weeks, those poor frogs were swimming around in cold tea.

Yeah, without no sugar or lemon.

I never realized that frogs was the first ones to take the Nestea plunge.

Think, if you will, what the world would be like if we did not have frogs.

You wouldn't have any water.

from a chipmunk.

It cannot be done.

Of course, you all know that you don't get warts from frogs.

Hey, check it out, Miss Garland.

I mean, don't forget now, without frogs, I mean, some of the best fairy tales,

they'd be gone.

A princess has got to kiss a frog to turn him into a prince.

Of course, the frog's got to take out for a couple of drinks first.

Maybe some dinner, a little bit of boogie. All right, what do you want?

Come on, come on, come on. Forget your fairy tales.

Just imagine going outside and saying, Hey, everybody, want to play some Leap?

All right, boys, that is enough. Now get back to your seats.

Now, it's not going to work, Arnold. In the time we have left, I suggest you

start dissecting.

I'm waiting, Arnold.

I'm not going to do it. I beg your pardon?

The only thing that I'm going to do with this frog is leave him right where he

is. Arnold Horschak, if you walk out of this class, you will have Mr. Woodman to

deal with.

I don't care.

That frog is a living thing, and you can't make me kill it.

Once it's dead, nobody can bring it back to life again.

Not you.

Not me.

Not Mr. Woodman.

I think this is a stupid experiment.

Thank you, Ralph.

Hey, man, I hate this book.

I keep losing my plates.

Ah, that's because you ain't using the Epstein -Markin system.

What's that?

Well, let's say you have to remember page 46, okay?

Turn to page 45.

Fold it in half.

All right.

Turn to page 47.

Fold it in half.

Viola.

Why don't you just fold 46?

That's good, too.

Hey, check it out. I bet you a quarter Arnold carves up that frog today.

Come on, come on. That's a sucker's bet.

I bet you Arnold goes to cut it up.

And the frog has to give him mouth -to -mouth regurgitation.

Who's coming, Arnold? Hi!

Is the doctor in for surgery today?

No way.

Hey, Arnold, listen to me. Running away like you did yesterday, I mean, that

ain't no good.

I mean, killing a little frog ain't the end of the world.

It is for the frog.

Come on, what's with you? You probably stepped on three ants today and didn't

even know it.

That's right. I stepped on three winos today and they didn't know it.

This biology story is great stuff for the school newspaper.

Oh, step into my office. Listen, you got a picture we can run on the front page?

Yeah, what you trying to do, scale up your readers?

No, no, no, listen. What I want to do is I want to superimpose your head on the

body of a frog.

That's too bad.

Mother Nature already beat you to it.

Will you guys cut out? This is very important.

Hey, I got another one for you. Check it out.

I don't give you more cluck for your butt.

Will you guys please cut it out? I am not a chicken.

This is my interview now. Come on, Sidney. You ask me some more questions.

ahead, go ahead.

Now, what about your parents? How do they feel about all this?

Well, you see, Sidney, my mother really isn't into animals that much.

And they don't like her either.

snail that went straight for her throat.

Arnold? Arnold.

Hi, Mom. Hi.

What are you doing here?

I got a call from the principal who said my son won't cut up a toad. Ma, it's

not a toad. It's a frog.

Come on. Ma, Ma, that's my ear, Mommy.

Here you go, Sidney.

There go your headline.

Mother plucks chicken.

Thanks for coming, Mrs. Horchak. Oh, it's Mrs. O 'Hara now, but that's

story altogether.

Arnold, sit down.

Mrs. O 'Hara, I'm sorry about this inconvenience.

Good.

This is Miss Ilona Garland, Arnold's biology teacher.

Oh, of course.

The frog lady.

I've asked Julie to be here to take a transcript of our little meeting. Mr.

Woodman, do you really think a transcript is necessary?

It's just a conference. It's not a trial.

Oh, I think Mr. Woodman's idea of a transcript is an excellent one.

Thank you, Ilona.

Don't thank me, Michael. It was your idea.

That's true.

Mrs.

O 'Hara, as I explained to you on the phone, Arnold refused to dissect the

refuses and will continue to refuse.

Frankly, Mrs. O 'Hara, I was amazed.

Up until yesterday, Arnold has been an excellent biology student. Why, he even

sometimes stays after class to feed the turtles and the fish.

You know, I once walked in and saw Arnold turning the treadmill so that the

hamsters wouldn't get winded.

Oh, listen, he's the same little Dr.

Doodlittle at home.

But Ma, they don't care about the animals.

Oh, Arnold, that's not true.

The purpose of dissection is to find out more about them. It's a very useful

tool of science.

Definitely.

But dissection has been going on for years and years.

It's paved the way for cures that have saved people's lives.

Definitely.

Hey, listen, I think all of that is terrific, but...

Who's curing the little animals?

Has anybody found a way to bring them back to life?

Would you care to try another definitely?

Arnold, let me put it to you this way.

Do you eat meat?

Oh, listen, you think I'd make pot roast three times a week if he didn't? And my

brisket's no slouch either. Usually I put a little garlic in it.

Those animals have to be killed before you can eat them.

Definitely.

Ditto. Listen, I know all of that, but somebody else is going to have to do the

killing, not Arnold Horschak.

You know something, Arnold?

I'm with you.

When I was in high school, I had to kill a frog.

I didn't want to do it, but I did it because I was too much of a coward to

a stand.

Are you finished?

Mr. Woodman, I just happen to agree with Arnold that it is within his rights not

to kill.

Definitely.

Well then, Mrs. Carter, maybe you'll happen to agree that I am within my

to fail him if he doesn't.

I'm not going to do it, Miss Garland. Arnold, you will do it this afternoon,

you will repeat this course.

Has anyone seen Arnold Horschak? Not me.

Personally, I never could see Arnold Horschak.

All right, everyone, can we please have some quiet?

I said, can we have quiet?

That's better.

Ribbit, ribbit.

You don't look at me. I only do chickens.

I do camels.

I'm glad that we're all here today, especially you, Arnold.

Will you kindly step to the dissecting table?

Miss Garland, could I say something?

No.

Oh, Arnold, you held us up yesterday with your filibuster. I do not want to

anything more about the glory of frogs.

But I never said frogs was glorious.

I don't even like frogs.

They're dirty and smelly and ugly.

Good,

then you won't mind doing your assignment.

Well, I just want everybody to know that I'm not afraid to carve up a frog.

That's my man, Arnold Horschak. I knew he was going to come through. Good time,

Washington.

Believe me, Arnold doesn't need your help. Or yours. That's right. I don't

anybody's help.

I'd like an F, please.

I know I'll have to repeat this course.

But so will you.

And I can come back just as long as you can come back.

Even longer, I'm younger.

And every time you say to me, Arnold, kill, I'm going to say no.

Excuse me.

All right.

Washington, you're next.

All right.

Who gets the legs?

Hey, yo, um, Miss Garland.

I think you better lay one of those Fs on me, too.

Make it three.

Anybody else?

Well,

if we're going to learn dissecting, someone has to do it. Excuse me, Miss

Garland, couldn't we, uh...

Cut this up instead.

Oh, no, not that. That's personal property, Arnold.

Oh, Arnold, Mr. Woodman gave me that. Please tell Arnold.

It's only a little plant. Oh, Arnold.

What do you mean, only a little plant?

This is a climbing Tasmanian split -leaf arborvitae.

Why, in the South Seas, the natives worship it. It's their only source of

Oh, gee, Mr. Arnold.

I had no idea you were so into mulch.

Don't make fun of my plant, Arnold.

Remember, today's mulch is tomorrow's peat moth.

Look, we should be able to find some sort of compromise here.

Why don't we just cut up something nobody cares about?

That's right, Miss Donald. Why don't we cut up something that ain't worth

nothing? Something that's totally useless.

elected spokesman, please accept our apologies for calling you chicken.

Or turkey, huh?

A self -elected spokesman for Arnold Horschak.

I want to thank you guys for backing me up.

You got it.

What are friends for? Hey, so, keep the applause going. I still got two more

bars left.

All right, you supposed to be in biology?

No, we got out early. We had to dissect the flower.

And it wasn't that easy.

Yeah, the bee was still in it.

You know, Mr. Woodman, tell me something, man. When you was in biology

what did you dissect?

A dinosaur?

Oh, yeah.

No, but my uncle grunted.

Oh, Mr.

Woodman, not you too.

My uncle Grunt was a caveman. He lived in cave seven upstairs in the back.

And it took him a month to dissect his dinosaur.

But that wasn't the hardest part.

Yeah, what was?

Putting it back in the jar every night.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think I must have been.

And I know what it seems.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Yeah, we tease.