Original subtitles

Julie, hold all my calls. I want to eat in peace.

Mr. Woodman, you should have let me pick up that sandwich. You shouldn't be

walking on your foot.

Julie, I've been in the school a long time. I've learned to live with pain.

If you wanted pain, you should have eaten in the cafeteria.

Why punish my stomach? It's just because my bunion is killing me.

Besides, I love these submarine sandwiches.

They give you a two -pound sandwich for 89 cents.

All that for 89 cents.

Well, it's a day old.

Well, don't worry, Mr. Woodman. When you check into the hospital tomorrow,

you'll get great food and it'll be free.

Yeah, but the bed's costing me $90 a day.

Maybe they'll give you day old sheets.

You're a regular Henny Nightingale.

Mrs. Cartier, you know, like, we all know that Mr.

Woodman is going into the hospital tomorrow, right?

So we all chipped in and we bought him a present.

Aw, that was real sweet of you guys.

The least we could do for him.

Yeah, and that's what we're looking for. The least we could do for him.

So we was wondering if you could wrap it up for us.

Maybe something in blue and white.

You know, to match his legs.

But I'll improvise. Why don't you just leave it here and pick it up at Will's

call later?

What'd you get him?

Something special here. Arnold Horschak picked it up.

And they're very practical, too, Mrs. Carter.

Mine wear like iron.

Well, Arnold, they are beautiful, but I don't think Mr. Woodman's going to be

able to wear them, you see.

His foot will be bandaged after the operation.

Ah, Miss Kat, that ain't gonna be no problem.

You take care of that in the jiffy.

What do you got?

Look at this shirt.

I got Mr.

Woodman a get well card.

And I got all his friends to sign it. Look.

I bet that didn't take long.

Yes, it did. It took me a long time. It's been a long time since they got

to the other side of school where they both were.

Vincent, this is not a get well card.

This is an Easter card.

They always had a get well card.

Besides, I like the little bunny.

You know, that probably is the right card.

Because by the time he gets out of Vinnie's hospital, it will be Easter.

You know, Vinnie, I hope you're going to keep an eye on Mr. Woodman while he's

in the hospital.

Oh, Alyssa, I can do what I did last week. Nurse Bonnie, she asked me to

this guy for abdominal surgery.

Oh.

Maybe she wanted him to look nice for the operation.

You know, Arnold, they shave people where they're going to operate on them.

I didn't know where the abdominal was.

I shaved his whole body.

I bet he was sore.

Well, he wasn't sore until after I put the aftershave lotion on.

Vinny, if you had a question, you just should have asked Nurse Bonnie.

Oh, no, I wouldn't ask her a question. She gives me a lecture, not an answer.

But how are you going to learn anything if you don't ask?

Yeah, well, she specializes in making me feel stupid.

You mean you need a specialist for that?

we're going to take good care of you in the hospital and get you the best

pediatrician.

That's a baby doctor, Winnie.

No, this guy's a full -grown man.

Julie, I'm worried.

I don't feel safe in the same hospital with Barbarino.

Oh, shame on you, Mr. Woodman. And after the wonderful present they bought you.

Show him one.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on

spot. Welcome back.

Surgery wasn't that bad, was it, Mr. Woodman?

You know what? When you wake up and you see me standing here, you're going to

think that I was the one who did the operation.

You're going to have a new respect for Vinnie Barbarino, that's for sure.

New respect for Vinnie Barbarino.

This must be that power suggestion thing.

Vinnie Barbarino is a straight -A student.

Mini Barbarino's a straight -A student.

Mini Barbarino's a straight -A student.

Barbarino, snap it up. Only the patients are allowed to sleep here.

Yes, ma 'am. Now pick up these side rails.

You want them to fall off?

Look at you. You are a disgrace to county general.

If you're going to be working on my floor, you're going to look like an

Now button that shirt.

Tie your shoelaces.

Fix your collar.

Pull up your socks.

patient's chart do not i repeat do not lose it okay fine

now take the patient back to his room right

Now, do you speak English?

No. Do you speak Spanish?

No.

Do you speak Italian?

No.

Me neither.

All right, what does it sound like? What does it sound like?

can solve the problems of the world with good communication.

Where's the gurney?

Did you see my gurney? Did you take my gurney? You didn't?

How about you? Did you see?

I'm in trouble.

What's troubling you? You look like you just saw a ghost. I think I just made a

ghost. I lost Mr. Woodman's body.

Are you sure you just didn't go for a walk under his bed?

No, I'm telling you, his body was here, and then I lost it. I'm telling you, if

Nurse Bonnie finds out, I'm going to lose my job.

Yeah, man, you might also get a ticket for littering.

Let this be a lesson to you, Vincent.

You should always put things away when you're through with them.

I'm in big trouble.

Come on, come on. Vinnie, look, your friends are here, huh?

All right, we'll help you allocate, Mr. Woodman.

Look, do you really want to help me? Sure.

Don't help.

I got enough trouble as it is. I'm the one who lost them. I'm going to find

them. Okay, man, we got you covered. You do what you got to do. Yeah, yeah.

You think he's right?

Of course he's right. This is only a five -story hospital.

Sure, it's only got 700 rooms. That's no problem.

The most will only take him, what, a couple of weeks?

That's right.

All right, where do we start looking? What's the plan? Okay, I got an idea. I

got an idea. I know.

Lost and found.

That's great. That's a good idea. Go there, just be cool, and ask them if

found something short, gray, and wrinkled.

I get dumbo.

What do you think he looked like when he came down from the operating room?

He was looking the way he always looks.

Oh, we better check the morgue.

Oh, I can't, little one. I faint at the sight of tile.

Then I'll check the morgue, and you go over to the coffee shop, all right?

Now, Woodman's probably going to be sitting at the table with no tip.

I'll go check the nurse's quarters.

He's not going to be there. You're wasting your time.

I'll let the nurses be the judge of that.

I got something more important to do right now. I doubt that you have

important to do.

Now go in there and take Mr. Saunders down to x -ray. But, Nurse Bonnie, I

really... Right now!

Are you Mr.

Saunders? Yeah. Good.

We gotta go down to x -ray, and I gotta do it quick, too, because I just lost a

patient.

I'm starting to hear that.

No, I didn't mean it that way. I misplaced them.

Maybe I can walk to x -ray.

I got to help you. Nurse Bonnie said so.

Now just stay there.

Doing two trips.

Excuse me, gentlemen. I'm looking for one of your patients.

A rather short guy with gray hair.

One of your patients is lost.

You sewed his feet on backwards.

And we gotta find him before he tries to sit down.

real big sale on golf balls.

All right,

now we're really on our way, aren't we?

It doesn't look like my old nose at all. As a matter of fact, this one's

straight. And that big lump I had?

Well, you'll see when I get home. I'll be home in about 30 minutes. I'm going

get dressed right now. Bye -bye.

Hi.

You see the little guy with gray hair?

Oh, hey, hey.

You don't have to cry about it.

It's not your problem.

Flowers. You bought me flowers. Thank you.

No, no, no, Vinnie. We had some chocolate for you, but we ate it on the

here.

The flowers are for Mr. Woodman. We'd like to see him, okay?

Boy, so would I.

So, uh, where's the old bunion ward?

Well, you don't want to look at the bunion ward. Why don't I just give you a

little tour of the hospital instead, okay? It's a great hospital. Oh, Mrs.

Cotty, you know, they got babies, and I know you like babies.

Maybe you'd like to pick one out.

Two's enough. Thanks, Vinnie.

Yeah, besides, we'd rather make our own.

Honey, why don't you go over to the nurse's desk? I'm sure we need passes or

something. Right. No, don't go to her.

She's all penicillin pus.

You know what? They use her face to scare germs out of people.

Hey, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie. What are you doing here?

Oh, wow, man, I was trying to... Oh, wow, Mrs. Cartier, Mrs.

Cartier. How you doing?

Oh, wow, that's really nice.

you guys. I mean, to get me flowers. You're so thoughtful. Uh, relax,

We've already done the flower routine.

If you guys will excuse us, we are here to see Mr. Woodman. Hey, Mr. Cartier,

you all sure you want to do that?

I mean, you got young children at home and all.

Young children? What are you talking about, Freddie?

I'm talking epidemics. I'm talking contagiousnesses. I'm talking disease.

I'm talking... Mr.

Woodman came here to have a bunion removed.

And one time in the medical profession, they didn't believe that a bunion

epidemic was possible.

All right, that's it.

Now, something smells around here, and it's not the disinfectant.

I get the distinct impression you guys are trying to get rid of us.

So do I. You know, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see Juan Epstein run in

here with some sort of half -baked story about how... Hey, guys, I know this is

going to sound like a half -baked story, but...

Mr. and Mrs. Carter, nice to see you. Nice to see you. Vinnie, you know that

bag of bones we was talking about?

Well, it ain't in cold storage.

Hi, Bo. Mr. and Mrs. Carter, lovely to see you.

Yeah, Bo, did you find what you were supposed to be looking for?

I certainly did.

But I didn't find what Vinnie was looking for.

All right, enough.

I want some... Vinnie!

Vinnie! I couldn't find Mr. Woodman anywhere.

But I found out where babies come from.

You couldn't find Mr. Woodman?

I want you to start talking, and I want to hear some answers, okay?

All right, all right. Look, I was wheeling Mr. Woodman back from surgery,

turned around and disappeared.

Oh,

Mr. Woodman.

A brave and courageous...

Principal, that man, that man was a credit to corporal punishment.

Sensation.

Ring around the collar.

Go ahead, Vinnie, finish the story.

Well, this is the finish of the story. I got his chart, and I don't got his

body, and I'm afraid anyone who finds him ain't gonna know who he is.

You mean that chart's the only thing left of Michael Woodman? Yeah.

Hey, let me see that.

Well, it certainly looks right.

It's short and it's square.

Don't have much of a personality.

Sure, sure. Look, we just dress it up in one of his three -piece polyester

suits, prop it up behind his desk. Nobody's going to be the wiser.

Now, come on.

Vinnie, you know what you got to do. I mean, you have lost a person, a human

being.

What a lovely tribute.

I never thought of Mr. a Whitman like that before.

A human being.

You mean I gotta tell the hospital, huh?

Yes. You mean I gotta tell old Nurse Bonnie, huh? Yes.

I mean, I'll come back alive.

Vinnie, you know what you have to do. Now just go ahead and do it. All right.

Nurse Bonnie?

Not now, Barbarina. I'm figuring out my overtime.

Yeah, but it's real important. Something you gotta know.

What?

Your hat's on crooked.

You are getting on my nerves, Barbarino.

Thank you.

Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie. No, no, not now, Bobby. I don't got time for

your type.

No, but Vinnie, I'm in big trouble. You're the only one I can turn to.

What's the matter? I got this patient.

I found them in the basement.

You found the patient in the basement?

Yeah, but I can't find his chart. I don't know what to do with him, so I've

been... Rolling them all around the hospital.

So far, so far I've been in the linen closet, the maternity ward, the

psychiatric ward, the cafeteria.

I'm running out of places.

Okay, did this guy have gray hair?

Died. He died? No, died gray hair.

Okay,

how tall is he? About this tall?

I don't know, he's always laying down.

Okay, this tall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him. What am I going to do? He's just starting to wake

up. If he starts to talk, I'm going to lose my job for sure.

Okay, Bobby, you've done the right thing by coming to me. This is what we do.

We've got to help each other. That's how you learn.

Ask. Okay, now you go off and do what you're supposed to do, and I'll take

of this guy. You just get him to me. Oh, thanks, Vinny. I knew I could count on

you. I'll get him. Okay.

Vinny, I heard what you told that guy. It's good advice, isn't it?

Yeah, it is good advice, huh?

Hey.

Hey, where are you going? You can't leave me here.

Oh, sick man.

Oh, Bob Reno.

Oh, am I glad to see you.

I was having a terrible dream.

It was like I was a man without a country.

Rolling from place to place.

And then that other orderly just left me here. I don't think he knows what he's

doing.

Okay, give him air. Give him air. This guy just lost the bunions.

Now look, Vinnie Barbarino, your orderly, is going to take good care of

just like I promised you.

I have a new respect for you, Vinnie Barbarino.

Vinnie Barbarino is a straight -A student.

Why did I say that?

Just don't worry about it. When you're right, you're right.

Hey, look at it. He's getting the old color back in his face.

Gray.

Hey, uh, Mr. Woodman, you know, it's really good to see you back on your

He ain't on his feet.

I know, but with him, it's hard to tell a difference.

Don't pay any attention to these guys.

Hey, Mr. Woodman, did I ever tell you about my uncle? Not now, not now.

I feel rotten enough. My foot hurts.

I hate my doctor. I hate the room. I hate this food. I hate this hospital.

Barbarino, I want that patient back in his room. And I want all these people

of here.

Especially those little monsters.

Now, her I like.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here.

Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Because we got him on the spot.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on

spot. Welcome back.