Original subtitles

Oh boy, my own apartment and they thought I'd amount to nothing.

was put up some of these pictures and this place would be a regular luxury

penthouse.

Oh, baby, you and me was meant for each other.

Because we both got bodies that was built for motion.

Who is this?

It's me, Vinnie. Sally.

Oh, Sally, just wait a second, all right?

Oh, I'm sorry it took so long, but, you know, it's a big place, and I don't know

my way around yet.

Oh, that's okay. You know, I would have called you, but your number isn't

listed. I know. Some new phone company rule.

They don't list your number unless you've got a phone.

Well, you've got a real nice hallway out here.

Isn't it a great hallway?

I love this hallway. It's so convenient, you know? All you've got to do is open

your door, and you're right out here in the hallway.

Well, if your hallway's this nice, I bet your apartment's great.

Oh, the apartment is great.

Well, that's okay.

How do you like it?

Boy, this is really... It's going to be nice when you get moved in.

I am moved in.

Well, I wasn't expecting, you know, for company to see it until tonight. Why

don't you sit here?

About tonight, Vinnie.

Um, I don't think I can make it. See, I gotta work at the hospital reception

desk, so I'm really sorry.

Oh, that's okay.

I understand.

Us people in the medical profession, our lives are just not our own. Well, I

gotta be going now.

I'll be seeing you.

Sally, look.

Hold on a second.

I ain't gonna see you tonight because we ain't going on a date, right?

Yeah. So shouldn't I take my goodnight kiss now?

Okay.

You know, I just can't get used to this apartment.

Welcome

back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got him on

spot. Welcome back.

for being so nice about me canceling our date tonight. Most guys wouldn't be

that understanding.

Oh, did you think I was the kind of guy that would lose his cool over something

like this?

Oh. I mean, I know that I'm going to see you again.

Okay. Yeah. I'll see you then. Okay, bye -bye. So long. See you later.

bring this gift?

Well, where's Mr. Connor?

He's at home. We go have these. He buys, I deliver.

Well, come on in. Sit down.

Boy, a gift from me? I can't believe it. Yeah, it's really for housewarming.

Oh, thank you, but I already got it radiated.

Hey, you want something to eat?

I got cornflakes.

Oh, no, thanks. Oh,

no, come on.

It's good. It's got sugar.

Oh, no, it's really, it's okay.

Okay.

Vinny, so what's it like to have your own place?

It's nothing much, but it's home, you know.

How do you like it?

I like it.

You know, it was just getting too much at home.

My baby brothers are growing up so fast now, it's getting too crowded.

Yeah, I guess it gets hard when you get older to share a room, huh?

Well, we was all sharing a bed.

But anyway, I thought I'd do the family a favor. I'll move out so there'll be

one less mouth to feed. Vinnie, your mom's going to miss you.

I don't know. She'll see me every night when I go home for dinner.

present. Oh, I love presents, especially when they're for me, you know.

Oh, a box of tissue paper.

Oh, towels.

Towels. Hey, that's a good gift. Yeah, Gabe and I figured you could use some

towels. Hey, you know what? What? Now I can take these ones back to the

hospital.

I think you're going to make a ward full of wet people very happy, Vinnie.

You know, for once, I got something that's my very own.

Just stay there and make yourself at home.

Hello. Hello.

Good morning, guys. Hello, Vinny. Hey, what's happening? It's Kat here.

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny. I'm at a loss for words.

But crummy's close.

You know something, Vinny, man? This place you got here, it ain't so hard to

look at. If you close one eye and don't look out the other.

Ah.

You're not with a fresh... coat of paint this place could pass for a flea bag.

Hey, I don't know you. Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Bo Delabarre.

Where'd you guys pick up this clown?

Then he's going to a new student at school. He's in Gabe's class.

Oh, he can't be no part of our class. He talks funny.

Hey, my man, that funny talk that my man over here has got gets him more chicks

than you ever see.

Oh, yeah, well, nobody gets more chicks than Vinnie Barbarino. With all due

modesty, sir, there are three areas I'm without peer.

My way with women, my way with words, or my wayward women.

Well, look, your face ain't as pretty as mine.

As a matter of fact, Bobo, you are so ugly

that when you was born, the doctor slapped your face by mistake.

That may be true, but you were so ugly when you were born, the doctor had to

slap the nurse to keep her from laughing.

All right, hold on.

This guy gets a definite maybe.

All right.

Where are my manners? Let me show you around the place.

You mean there's more?

Yeah.

Okay, now, this is the living room. This is where I do all my living.

We used to have a sofa like this, and then my father got a job.

This is my dining room. Oh.

It's got a built -in dining table.

Must be great for pressed duck.

Oh.

You know, you've been living with Mr. Cocktail too long.

If the two will follow me. Sure. Let's go.

This is my laundry room.

And this here is my kitchen.

Yeah. You can wash your socks and cook soup at the same time.

Well, Vinnie, this place just seems to have everything.

Definitely the most important feature in any bachelor's quarters.

Oh, the bathroom. You want to see the bathroom? It's down the hall to the

No, Vinnie, Vinnie, I'm referring to your sleeping quarters. Where's the bed?

Oh, is it 445 yet?

Yeah, why?

Because any minute the Flatbush Express in my bed will be due.

Anything comes out of the wall at my house, I usually set a trap for it.

Hey, you know, my family had a bed that came out of the ceiling once. Yeah, but

it belonged to the people upstairs.

Come on, get off the bed.

Those are hospital sheets. They're sterile.

You know, Vinnie, the great thing about finally getting your own

place is that you get to enjoy some privacy.

Yeah, but not as much as we're going to be enjoying it.

Hey, attention all you faculty chicks in Brooklyn.

The boys are now centrally located.

And we're open 24 hours for your partying convenience.

No reasonable operate for you.

You know, I'm sure that Vinnie's going to invite us back real soon, so maybe

is the time to leave.

You know, Mr. Carter, that's a good idea. You know, good, smart thinking. So

don't you just, um, why don't you just run along and we'll have you back by

as soon as we get the place all nice and fixed up. All right?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Carter. It's been grand seeing you again.

Simply grand. Let's do it again real soon. Don't be such a stranger next

thought you'd never leave.

It's one thing I hate is somebody who comes over here uninvited and stays

forever.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Shows a definite lack of breathing.

Hey, y 'all, you know what's the best part about this whole thing? What's

I mean, not only can we all hang out together at school, but we can also hang

out here for the rest of our lives.

Hey, Vincent, we have got to talk curtains.

Look, this is my first apartment, guys, and I'd like to fix it up myself.

By myself.

Vinnie, guy, come on now. You know any apartment of yours is an apartment of

ours?

We'll help you fix it up. Yeah. No, you don't understand. Look, with all us guys

here all the time, there's not enough room here.

I mean, the guy's got to be alone once in a while.

You know, Vinnie... And that's my furniture.

You know, Vinnie, you are absolutely right.

I know that.

What do we got to do?

What? Divvy up the night.

That's a good idea. Okay, here we go.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. There you

What about me? Don't I get a night?

You don't need a night. You live here.

Hold on a second. You guys got to get something straight. Look, this is my

apartment, okay?

And every night is my night all alone.

And you guys are invited over any time you want to come, but when I invite

you... Right now, I think I'd like you all to go.

Well, excuse us for living, Mr. Got -His -Own -Apartment Barbarino.

Yeah, see if I risk my life coming into this crummy neighborhood again.

I've been thrown out of better dumps than this.

Why, I live in a better dump than this.

I don't want to get you mad, but I just want to be alone, that's all.

Hey, listen, Mr. Lonely Hearts.

If it's the loan you want, it's the loan you're going to get. You got it.

You know, Vincent, there is something that I have wanted to tell you for a

long time.

But since I'm giving you the silent treatment, you're just going to have to

guess what that is.

What a pity. we couldn't have parted friends.

Say something,

Vinnie Barbarino.

Next time Juan Epstein Dawkins your door, it's gonna be with a can of spray

paint.

I don't care what you do, just don't slam my door no more.

Now shut up.

that your compositions on the Battle of Hastings are due tomorrow.

It's not Friday, not Monday, and not a week from Thursday. Tomorrow.

Bye.

Tomorrow.

You know, Carter, being principled is great.

The students like me better.

I've noticed, Mr. Woodman, you don't need that SWAT team to escort you home

anymore.

Mr. Carter.

Hi, Vic. I got a real problem.

Last night, the guys came over to my new apartment, and I kicked them out, and I

think I hurt their feelings.

You call that a problem?

You're better off without those delinquents.

Yeah, but they're my friends, Mr. Woodman. Friends?

You don't need any friends.

Look at me.

I haven't had a friend in 20 years.

Don't cheer up. Chances are you'll wind up the same kind of happy -go -lucky guy

I am.

you go, look, every night the suicide hotline calls them up and says, are you

ready?

Mr. Carter, what am I going to do? I went to hang out with the guys and they

wouldn't even talk to me.

Well, look, I wouldn't worry about it. You know, those differences happen

between friends. It's just part of life.

Hi, guys. How's it going? What's happening, Mr. Carter?

Hi, Mr. Carter. Good morning. Hello, hello, hello.

How are you doing? How are you doing, Mr. Carter? Glad to see we caught you

alone.

All right. Come on, guys. He's lighting up. I mean, why are you being so rough

on Vinnie for, huh?

Vinnie. Oh!

That Vinnie! You're talking about the lone stranger.

Yeah!

I'm surprised at you guys. You hear me?

Oh, forget it, Mr. Carter. These clowns don't want to be my friends.

I'm not so sure I want to be their friend either.

Who was that masked thinker?

I don't know.

But he left a silver cone.

I don't understand.

I mean, why are you guys coming down so heavy on Vinnie? The man kicked us out

of his apartment.

Gentlemen.

Listen, Vinny is going through a new experience.

He just needs a little room to grow, that's all.

Mr. Katya, we can all grow in the same room.

Vinny, you can't.

You're all good friends, but you can't stay together forever.

Independence is a very important thing, and Vinny was just trying to feel his,

and you guys sort of just crowded him a little bit.

You think so?

Sure. Look, someday you're all going to want your own independence.

And when you do, you need your friends to support you, to back you.

Not turn their backs on you.

You know, my daddy always taught me there are three things you never turn

back on.

The most important one of all is never turn your back on a friend.

That's right.

Just for curiosity's sake, what are the other two things you don't turn your

back on?

A good woman or a nurse with a dull needle.

That's what I want to know. Who needs them? Not me.

They're so funny, aren't they? The lone stranger.

Hi -ho stupid.

They think they're hurting me by not coming over.

They ain't hurting me.

There's lots of things I can do by myself.

No, for all I care, they can take a flying leap.

Boy, this grown -up life is great.

You got your own apartment. You can do anything you want. You can make all the

rules. Nobody can tell you what to do or what not to do.

who's got his own apartment.

There's going to be chicks swarming all over this place.

And I don't mean just ordinary chicks. I mean superstars.

Sarah.

Get your hair out of your face.

Marie.

Oh, Marie, you look much better without Donnie there.

Oh, is that the door?

Oh, excuse me, women.

You had me long enough anyway.

Excuse me. Yes. Oh, yes. Good to meet you.

have one of these parties again oh it's it's charlie's angels

and they're all dressed as massage poly girls oh we'll come out here by the pool

oh you you you want to give me a massage huh oh yeah okay no all right well look

i ain't responsible if you get carried away oh yeah boy vinnie barbara is gonna

be well

You mind if we come in?

I don't care what you do. Do whatever you want.

Look, look, I'm sorry.

What I want... Go on, finish what you was going to say.

Arnold, you, uh... Freddy, you talk the heck ahead.

Hey, look, Vinny, what we're trying to... Um, Bo, you tell him.

Yeah, well, uh, it's Vinny's apartment. We'll let him go first.

I forgot what I was going to say. Forget it.

Yeah, us too.

Hey, look, Vinnie, when you behaved like a real armpit,

the least you can do is say you're sorry.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

Not you, rabbit ears.

Us, we're sorry.

Hey, Vinnie, look, um...

We owe you an apology.

Yeah, but I'm the one who threw you guys out of the apartment.

We barged in on you. We're sorry first.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, when do you guys go get the door? Why should we get the door? It's your

apartment. You get the door.

Hi, Vinny.

Yeah, listen, we got some Chinese food. We had an extra spare rib, so we thought

you might want to join us. We see the guys are here. Then we'll come back

another time, okay? No, come on. These are friends. Everybody, come on. We'll

have a regular party. Guys. Hi, guys. Hey, listen, if I knew you guys were

I would have got two extra spare ribs. Yeah. Hey, where's your dining room

table? Oh, I got the dining room table.

Oh, this is great. The egg rolls need ironing anyway.

Hey, you know, the best thing about having your own apartment, is that you

invite your friends over any time you want. Yeah.

Boy, am I glad you guys are here tonight. Us too.

Mr.

Woodman, what are you doing here?

Hi, Barbarino.

Since neither one of us has any friends, I thought I'd drop over and we could

knock off a case of great knee -high.

But I see you have company, so... No, no, no. Come on in. Everybody look. Mr.

Woodman came to see me.

Hey, everybody, I'd like to tell you all something.

From now on, I ain't never gonna kick none of you out of my apartment again.

right.

Hi,

Vinnie.

I got up more early and I thought we could spend some time together. You

alone, just the two of us.

Well, um, yeah, there's gonna be lots of times when just the two of us can spend

time together, but I'd like you to meet some of my friends.

They was just leaving

I'm

so

happy everybody's back together.

You know, I once had an uncle had no friends my uncle Nesbitt Didn't have any

friends. Hey guys into this story My Uncle Nesbitt had no friends, so he buys

dog. Takes the dog everywhere with him, right? My Uncle Nesbitt and the dog go

to the movies together.

In fact, one night, they went to the movies, right? After the show, the

comes up to him and says, Hey, mister, how did your friend like the show?

And my uncle said, well, he really enjoyed it. And the manager says, I find

hard to believe.

My uncle said, well, so do I, because he hated the book.

We'll be right back.

Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Cause we got him on the spot.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the

spot. Welcome back.