Original subtitles

Where's Vinnie?

I don't know, Arnold. I really haven't seen him in about a week.

Marion Carvelli, what are you guys doing here?

Well, it looks like they moved into the Buchanan School District.

And I am the new principal of Buchanan High School.

Oh. Now that your partner in crime is the vice principal, do you think you can

get away with anything you want?

The possibilities are mind -boggling.

Well, they gave you Woodman's old job and his old faith.

Julie, what am I going to do?

I'm a teacher, not an administrator.

Surprise!

I'm giving you detention for one week. I get that all of a sudden you ain't one

of us anymore.

You used to cover for us with Mr. Woodman, but now you are Mr.

Woodman. I got a job.

You got a job?

I quit school. I'm through with it now. I guess I'll be seeing you, Mr. Carter.

From now on, you can consider me out to lunch permanently.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd reach us? Who'd have thought they'd reach us?

Back here where we need to. Back here.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

I'll send her up as soon as I can, because I'm shorthanded right now. Yes,

of my orderlies didn't show up yet.

I know it's a mess, but I'll get some... Barbarino!

I'll call you back.

Nurse Beck, you've been here all the time. I didn't see you.

I've been here since 8 o 'clock, the same time you were supposed to be here.

You know what the problem is? I'll tell you what the problem is.

All the stuff in the hospital is painted white, and then you put your nurses in

the white uniforms.

It's a wonder why we don't lose more nurses.

When you're supposed to be here at 8, I want you here at 8.

You know what they ought to do? I'll tell you what they ought to do. They

to paint this stuff black, and then you nurses would stick out like sore thumbs.

Look, I don't have time to stand around here and argue with you. Get that gurney

down to the emergency room. Drop these dirty linens off at the laundry room.

up to the operating room as soon as you can. They need help in getting it

cleaned up. Right. Nurse Baker, Nurse Baker. Yes.

The operating room. Can I skip it?

Why?

Icky.

Well, Barbarino, do it for me today, and tomorrow I'll tell the doctors to try

and be neater.

Dr. Barbarino wanted in surgery.

Dr. Barbarino wanted in surgery.

Oh,

Vinnie Barbarino, you're looking good.

Give me a double dip of pistachio.

Vinnie, you look just like a regular doctor.

He ought to. He's been playing doctor since the sixth grade.

If you guys came to hang out, this ain't no hangout, so you should leave.

Hey, yo, Vinny, is that a dead guy?

No, this is just some... It's a patient of mine.

And he ain't dead?

His face is all covered up like that.

He's probably sick of looking at Vinnie.

What are you people doing here?

Oh, how do?

Oh, my, but that is a very smart outfit.

Because we want to get a job like our friend Vincent.

You do that at the personnel office.

Barbarino, I told you they need you in the operating room.

Barbarino, you're the only one on this floor who can take care of these things.

So do it.

Look at that.

Wow.

Vinnie, man, you're really a big man around here, ain't you?

Yeah.

You got your own patients, huh?

Hey, look, do you think they'd put you in one of these white suits for nothing?

Now, look, Vinny, we came down here because we wanted to fill out

to get a job just like you. Yeah. You figure all you got to do is talk to

somebody in the front office, and we're in.

Yeah, well, yeah, I could, but I don't know. Hey, Vinny, check it out. Just

check it out.

All you got to do is you just got to go down there and tell them that we do as

good a job as you, man, and then we'd be over like fat rats in a cheese factory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could do that, but it wouldn't be fair to you or the

patients. Vinnie, what are you trying to say? That you can't help us?

I'm not... Look, I could help you, sure. I mean, one word from me and boom,

you're in like Flint, right?

I don't know, I feel a responsibility to me and a patient, as a medicinal

person, you know? I mean, look at this guy.

Look at this. I mean, would this guy, how would he feel if he knew that the

chance he had was on a guy who got his job just because he knew someone

important, huh?

Yeah, I got you. I dig where you're coming from, Vinny. I got it, man. Hey,

'all, Vinny's right, man.

Hey, where do we go, man, to get those doctor applications?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, you go down to the end of this corridor. You go down to the bottom

the step. You got a laundry room on your right.

Next to that is a broom closet with a bunch of trash barrels. Make a left, and

it's down the hallway.

Boy,

Vinnie, you really know your way around here.

Right on, man. Thanks a lot, Vinnie. Right on.

Okay, see you later, guys.

Boy, one day...

One day this really is going to be a patient of mine. I'm really going to

him better.

Oh, it looks like you'll be going home pretty soon, Mr. Johnson.

Yeah, it was a touch and go there for a while. You know, it really was.

You had a pretty bad case of that paralysis in there.

I don't know. In layman's terms, that means she's all bent up and stuff.

I got you two at this time, and you'll be going home before you even know it.

That's all.

Dr.

Barbarino, take your patient down to the laundry room and tell them no starch.

Now.

Hi, Vinnie.

Hi, Mr. Carter.

Vinnie, I've got to talk to you. What about?

About quitting school.

Oh, gee, Mr. Carter, you think it's the right decision?

No, I mean, Vinnie, I want to talk about you and the guys quitting school.

Oh, yeah, the guys came in here this morning looking for applications.

Isn't that great?

No, I don't think it's great, Vinnie.

Listen, can you take a minute off so we can talk?

Oh, yeah, sure. Look, I make my own hours here.

All right, come on. Sit down.

All right.

Now, what can I do for you?

Vinnie, you know that the guys look up to you. Oh, yeah, I mean, you know, they

ain't no dummies.

Well, things have changed around the school. You see, I became vice

Hey, yeah, I heard. Hey, congratulations.

Right on. Heavy -duty stuff. No kidding. Really. Thank you. Thank you!

Now, as vice principal... Yeah, I heard. Congratulations.

All right!

As vice principal, I'm in charge of discipline.

And if somebody does something wrong, I got to reprimand them.

The guys don't understand this. They think that I'm deserting them.

What do you want me to do about it?

Vinnie, I want you to talk to the guys about quitting school.

It's going to affect their whole life.

And if you said something, if you told them not to, they might listen.

Oh, I don't think I could do that. They'd be dishonest.

I'm not asking you to be dishonest, Vinnie.

I'm just asking you to tell them the facts.

Mr. Carter, the facts are that I quit high school and I got myself a good job

with good pay.

That's another thing I want to talk to you about. You, my friend, are making a

big mistake, too. Hey, look, there ain't nothing I learned in school that's

going to help me with this here job.

Vinny, if this is the kind of job you wanted to wind up with, you never had to

go to school in the first place.

Now you tell me.

Vinny, there's nothing wrong with doing this. It's honest work.

But I think you're better than this.

Look, don't tell me what I'm better at. Look, you ain't my teacher no more, so

you just can't tell me what to do.

I'll see you later, Mr. Conner.

Come on, come on, guys. Let's fill out these applications, and then the money's

going to start rolling in.

Well, I don't know, man.

That lady in that personnel department didn't seem too happy to see us.

Oh, I thought she was rather jovial.

We walked in, we asked her for jobs, and she was still laughing when we left.

Come on, come on. Let's get down to business here, all right? All right.

are.

Name, please print.

Middle name.

Here, look, there's only room here for one name. I know that.

Oh, what did you do, Freddy? Just put boom?

Don't look over my shoulder. I'm trying to write. Give me what you got here so I

know what to write. Come on, let me see it.

Frederick Percy Washington.

What's my granddaddy's name?

Percy.

Do you mean to tell me that for the last three years I have allowed myself to be

pushed around by a Percy?

Well, it's a lot better than being killed by one, huh?

Oh.

This is true.

Come on, let's settle down here. Let's rectify the rest of these applications

here. Yeah, all right. All right, we'll get into it.

Percy.

I hate short people.

Okay, here's the first question here.

Do you have Social Security?

school but I had a couple of good nights at the drive -in what

job are you applying for and how much do you expect to make

well if I gotta guess what I'm gonna make let them guess what I'm gonna do

have you had any nursing experience

You average a grade every two years.

Put that down.

That's it.

Ah, here comes a hardy.

High school graduated.

Just leave it blank.

Yeah, that's it. That's good.

Previous employment.

Blank.

Special skills, x -ray.

Lab technician, computer operations, clerical... Blankety, blank, blank,

Chances of getting a job around here?

Blank.

Mr. Howard, you awake?

Yeah. Good.

You're kind of late today, Vinnie.

I didn't think you were coming.

Didn't think I was coming? Are you kidding?

Would I do that?

Look, how else would you get your baseball scores?

All right, last night the Mets lost again.

Sorry to tell you this.

Bases loaded, ninth inning, two men out, they didn't score.

I can't do it. I'd give you better news, but if those guys won't hit, you can't

help it, you know?

How do you feel today?

Not real good today, Vinnie. You know why?

Because I've been putting stuff in your water.

You would have been out here a week ago if it wasn't for me.

You're such a kidder.

Why would you want to keep an old grouch like me around here? Well, why should I

want you to go? You're my favorite patient.

I bet you say that to all your patients, Vinny. Well, almost all of them.

Look,

no, the real reason is because you're the only patient that saves me their

pudding.

Do you mind if I stick around and make a bed?

I love to make beds.

You know... It's really my favorite thing here.

Nurse Vega also says that I'm probably the best bed maker she's got.

I even took bed in school.

You see, the trick of all this is that it's in the rib. You go like this.

It's real finesse -like. You go like this.

See, that's why I give you two, in case the first one gets dirty.

Yeah. You know what else I also like up in the third floor with all those little

kids. The other day, this little kid came in to see me. He had a broken leg,

he asked me if I would sign his cast.

So I signed the Burt Reynolds.

Now you've got to get the hospital corners.

The little kid next to him thought that I really was Burt Reynolds, right?

So I figured I'm kidding him, but what the heck, you know?

So...

where I got this job but couldn't even make a bed.

Mr. Howard, you sleeping?

Mr. Howard, are you sleeping?

Mr. Howard, are you okay?

Oh, no.

Mr. Howard, you all right?

Oh, no.

What do I do?

Nurse! Doctor!

50 feet, he's adrenaline fast.

How long has this man been like that?

I was just telling him a story. I was making a bed, right? And then I thought

was sleeping. I came over and I saw him at the moment. That's when I ran and got

you guys.

Why didn't you push the emergency button?

I didn't know where it was.

Everybody who works in this hospital should know where that is. Oxygen nurse,

quickly. Are you moving him to intensive care, doctor? We can't move this

patient yet.

Vargarino? Yes? Get a crash cart down here immediately.

Right away.

Where is it?

It's down the hall.

What is it?

You idiot!

I'm so confused.

How's Mr.

Howard? He's going to be fine.

I was sort of worried about him, you know? I know you were.

Can I talk to you?

Yes, what is it?

Well, I feel like everything in there was sort of my fault, you know?

I didn't know where the emergency button was. I didn't know where the crash cart

was. It was so stupid.

Vinnie, everybody's stupid when they first start.

All you have to do is watch and learn.

Yeah, well, I don't think I can do that.

Vinnie, if you can learn in high school, you can learn here.

Yeah, well, I guess I've got to learn somewhere, you know.

So is Mr. Howard up? Can I talk to him?

Yes, he was even talking when I left.

He didn't make much sense, though.

He told me to say hello to Bert Reynolds.

Thanks, Mrs. Baker.

Hey, Vinnie.

Vinnie, we need a little help, buddy. Yeah.

Yeah, we're not having such good luck down there at Personnel. Oh, you guys

wasting your time.

Look, if you'd go down there and put in a good word for us, we wouldn't have to

waste any time.

Why do you even want this job?

To make a lot of cash money.

I make $68 .50 a week, and $10 of that goes to Uncle Sam.

Oh, sure, you get your uncle a job here, but not your friends.

Hey, Vinnie.

Check it out, man. We want to get a job here so we can get over like you, man.

Yeah, you know how I get over?

This is how I get over. Watch this.

I mop all day. You think you can do this? Huh?

We could learn.

Yeah, well, this ain't the place to do it. That's why they got schools, and

that's why they got teachers like Carter.

Have here before me your first assignment, which was to write a one

composition on the most important current event during the summer.

Now, I'm very happy to say that everybody handed one in. Hey, a new

Yes, a new record.

Unfortunately, some of them are not acceptable.

Like this one over here by Richard.

The most important current event during the summer. I reached puberty.

And this one over here, I don't understand at all.

Eight hubcaps, three side view mirrors, and one 8 -track tape player.

Excuse me, Mr. Conner, I think there's been a little mistake here. Yeah, that's

not my homework.

That's my shopping list.

Here.

Here's my homework right here.

That's not homework right there.

Carvelli, do you really intend to steal these things?

I was going to lease them.

I asked you a question, Carvelli. Do you really intend to steal what's on that

paper? I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might incinerate

myself.

He said we take the fifth.

Why don't you just take your seat? Go ahead. Sure.

Just trying for a little bit of levity, Mr. Carter.

We are not here to levitate, Carvelli.

Okay, now turn to page 23 in your workbook.

But I don't want to turn to page 23, Mr. Carter.

See, those are the first two numbers of my old man's prison uniform.

All right, let's get something straight right now.

If you want to get anything out of school, you got to do the work.

If you don't want to do the work, I want to tell you something.

What's out there can be pretty ugly.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Carter.

See, I told you I should have been in front.

What are you guys doing here?

I missed my lucky chair.

And I just couldn't stay away, big buckaroos.

I guess I got chalk dust in my veins.

Hey, yo, check it out, Mr. Katya. We decided to give you one more chance.

Yeah, but this is your last chance because we're still stupid next year.

it.

Okay, now, your assignment for tomorrow will be to read pages 32 to the end of

the chapter, which is on page 58, and write a brief summary on them.

Mr. Carter, I got a big excuse from homework tonight. I'm working at the

hospital, night shift.

Yeah? Vinnie works much better after dark.

Vinnie, listen, if you really want to be a doctor, I suggest that you finish

school. So you better find some time to do your homework. If this guy becomes a

doctor, the newspapers...

You're going to need much bigger obituary columns.

Let me tell you something.

Vinnie's going to be a great doctor.

He already knows two things you can say to any patient.

Where does it hurt? And that'll be $35.

Yeah, Vinnie might even find a cure for acne.

Okay, okay.

That's enough.

Let's get to work.

Yeah, well, we didn't come back to school to work. We came back for the

Woodman look -alike contest.

Check it out, Mr. Woodman.

Uh, Cotter, I got good news for your class.

Flea collars are now coming out in school colors.

Hey, Fred, Freddy, that was good, but it wasn't surly enough. You gotta get real

surly.

Cotter?

Let me say one thing, Cotter.

We're gonna fumigate the school, so we have to get rid of the sweat hogs for a

week.

Understand that, Cotter?

I hate sweat hogs, not people.

Little monsters.

Little monsters, Connor.

Here's little monsters.

What's going on here, Connor?

We have a winner.

Page 23. And welcome back.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome

back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could find a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think I must have been.

And I know.