Original subtitles

Julie, did I ever tell you about my Uncle Morris who was drunk at the zoo?

He didn't sell liquor at the zoo.

So he got the liquor before he went to the zoo, and then he went to the zoo.

Anyway, he was drunk and he was at the zoo. And he was standing in front of the

lion's cage, and the lion was roaring.

And he said, yeah, I had a fellow roar some more.

And my Aunt Eileen says, come on, I'm taking you home.

Not yet.

The movie's just about to start.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Jack here where we need ya. Jack here where

we need ya. We tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

It's only two days to Christmas and I can hardly wait.

Oh, I hope Santa comes across with that Marie Osmond doll.

Hey, you know, last year I sent away from one of them Raquel Welsh dolls.

They couldn't fit all of her in a mailbox.

Hey, Angie's here for his annual Christmas handout.

You've got to know it.

Andrew, next time, why don't you tip the maitre d'? You get a better table.

Yeah, one without snow.

Hey, did I ask you guys for a floor show? You're off my Christmas list.

Oh, no.

What were you going to get us? A subscription to Skid Row Illustrated?

I told you guys last year, I am not a bum.

I'm a corporate executive.

Keeping a very low profile.

Yeah, and I'm Rudolph the Red -Nosed Reindeer.

Oh,

come on, Vincent.

Can't you see that we are dealing with a sensitive human being here? A man who

has fallen off of the merry -go -round of life.

Kid, you are...

It's me, Gabe Carter.

Skinny kid, no mustache.

Carter! Ain't you graduated yet?

Yeah, 11 years ago.

I'm a teacher now.

Angie used to come here when I was a sweetheart.

You knew him when he was a sweetheart?

Man, you've been around here a long time.

18 years. Two more years and the school board gives me a gold watch.

Well, maybe you can sell it and buy yourself a new suit.

You're very funny. You guys are as funny as a pork chop at a bar mitzvah.

That's pretty good. A regular ride.

Can I see you guys a second?

What's the matter with you guys?

Why are you coming down on him like this?

That man is down on his luck.

I mean, he comes and gets that meal at the cafeteria because that's probably

only good one he gets all year.

Boy, he is down on his luck.

Come on, Mr. Carter. We like him, he likes us.

We kid him, he kids us.

We just have a little fun with him, that's all. Yeah, that's all. Hey, Mr.

Carter, what's the problem?

We're all street people.

Yeah, yeah, Freddie, there's a big difference.

You guys hang out in the street.

Angie lives there.

Oh, but really, he don't mind, Mr. Carter. Let me show you, all right? Hey,

Angie, Angie.

Hey, listen, you mind when we fool around with you and kid you like that?

Who cares what you say? You kids are the worst.

See that? He likes us.

Be cool, Angie. Take it a while.

Mr. Carter, don't forget the Christmas party grab bag. We'll catch you on the

next time around, Angie. Bye.

Merry Christmas. All right, Angie.

Look, I'm sorry about those kids, but, you know... Forget it. I mean, they're

different than you were.

You remember what you used to say to me when you were a kid?

Who remembers? That was 11 years ago. I don't remember.

I remember one of the things I used to say.

You say, hey, Angie, every time you come around here, you lower the property

values for the whole neighborhood.

You said that, you did.

I remember another thing I used to say.

You say, hey... Angie, why don't you give us a break and rotate your shorts

in a while?

You know something, Gabe?

You were really a rotten kid.

Yeah.

I guess I was.

So tell me, Angie, how's everything going? A little rough, huh?

No, rougher than usual.

Can you use any help?

No, you know me, Gabe. I manage.

Yeah, well, look, it's the holiday.

Everybody... Hey, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Let me give you a little taste here. Go ahead, take it.

are you doing? Come on. Everyone can use a little extra cash on a holiday. Yeah,

especially teachers. Now, you hang on to that. You know, I got a rule about

panhandling friends.

You understand, Gabe.

Yeah, I understand, Angie.

Sure.

Out there is our city. It's comprised of the people who live in it.

Now, last month... As a guest speaker, we had Dr. Harry Beamish, who told us

what it's like to be a professional.

I thought it'd be interesting if we had another speaker today, somebody who

represented the naked city.

Boy, this guy's flipped out.

He's going to bring a naked guy in here.

Now, calm down. I'm not bringing a naked guy in here.

Now, relax, girls.

Mystery guest, will you enter and sign in, please?

Greetings from the great outdoors.

Angie?

What's he doing in the classroom?

I think we can learn just as much from Angie as we did from Dr.

Beamish. What's he going to teach us, advanced vagrancy?

I think we should hear him out.

You're right.

But first we've got to air him out.

Because I think it's important that we hear his story.

Angie, go ahead.

Thank you, Gates.

Now, I think the most important point... Here's that file you asked for.

What's this?

Bowery show and tell?

It's the woman. That's Angie.

I know who he is.

He's our annual schoolyard hobo.

You are always extra nice at Christmas, Mr. Woodman.

What do you do Christmas Eve?

Go door to door and tell kids there's no Santa?

Well, someone has to do it.

Look, Mr. Woodman, I personally invited Angie here today to talk.

What are you studying?

Urban decay?

Just take a picture of your sweat hearts.

Okay, sweetheart, you did it. Got it?

Sorry for the interruption. Go ahead. That's all right.

Now, the turning point of my life was in Chicago in 1954 when I took

control of the syndicate. Ah, come on, Ange. Ange, get off it, Ange. No, it's

the truth.

Listen, Ange.

You told me you would come here and tell your story. I wanted you to do it, and

you wanted to do it.

We're old friends, huh?

There's no need to make things up.

All right, Gabe, but are you sure these kids want to hear it?

Oh, yeah.

Well,

there's your answer.

My name is Angelo DeMora.

I used to be a butcher.

I had my own market, nothing fancy.

But I did all right.

I had to.

I had a wife and four kids.

Three girls and a boy.

We were happy.

I worked hard.

But I had my fun, too. I used to go to the racetrack with the boys on Monday

nights.

And, you know, I put a few dollars on the X -Acto.

And then I'd go home and my wife Celia, she'd be waiting up for me.

And then I started to go on Tuesday nights and Wednesday nights.

Losing more and more money.

And one night I...

I came home, broke as usual, you know, and there

was no Celia, and there was no kids,

just a note.

I guess she got tired of waiting for that exacter to come in.

The rest of it is quite obvious.

Any questions?

Yeah.

You got a hanky?

I'm afraid I don't have one.

I don't seem to have very much of anything.

In.

Hey, Mr. Cartier.

I guess it's a lot more to Angie than we thought.

Now, look, Mr. Carter, I wouldn't want this kind of thing getting around, but

I'm feeling kind of bad for Angie.

Well, would you like to do something about it?

What?

He feels bad. Ain't that enough?

Well, it ain't exactly what I would call a Christmas present.

Oh, I got it. I got it.

How about if we add him to our shoplifting list?

Joke.

Well, it's up to you guys. I mean, would you like to do something to help Angie?

Hey, what if we pooled the money that we were going to use to buy each other

Christmas presents and spend it on Angie?

That's not bad. You know something?

I'm proud of you people.

An old guy shows up here in a tattered suit and in five minutes this guy who

just a joke to you becomes a man.

A human being.

I guess that's what the miracle of this season is all about, huh?

Touché.

Yeah, Ange, nice shower. We finish up this shave, it's going to be a new man.

There you go. Oh, I hope that wasn't a birthmark there.

I still don't know how I let you... guys talk me into this. Oh, Angie, you just

think of us as Michelangelo, and we'll think of you as a lump of clay.

May I have a fanfare, please?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, presenting the all -new factory

reconditioned 1977 model, Angelo DeMora!

We've done it. Congratulations, Professor Higgin.

Hear, hear.

There, there.

Hey, guys, I got the jacket and I got the tie. Well, what do you think?

Do you ever look sharp?

Oh, very pretty toy, Vinnie.

So, where'd you get it?

I got it at Mills Used Tie Shop.

It's got pizza stains all over it.

So what? When he gets tired of wearing it, he can lick it.

Is this too tight?

Only if I want to breathe.

All right.

Now for the piece of resistance.

What?

That ain't crush, Velour.

Eh, we'll crush it later.

Hey, how do I look?

Angie, you look great.

You guys, you did a terrific job. I have right here the final touch.

Hot stuff.

does the missus want us over?

She said, anytime after 1980.

We'll make it about nine o 'clock. Okay.

Hey, Merry Christmas, Angela.

Angie, you look sharp. Real sharp.

Bye, Mr. K.

You're clean as in the bar to hell.

It's really nice, Angie. See you later.

Hey, Ang.

Hey, Ang, you're gonna come, huh, tonight? Nine o 'clock, you'll be at my

Are you kidding?

I'll be the first one there. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I'm putting on my top hat.

dancing on my tail.

I'd like to help you out, but I don't do Ginger Rogers.

Would you get the recipe for this punch?

Your mother.

It's delicious.

this Christmas Eve.

Look, honey, the sweat hogs have done a lot to help Angie, and I have to let

them see what they've accomplished.

We'll be alone as soon as they leave.

The sweat hogs never leave.

Don't you remember last Christmas Eve, Arnold Horschak fell asleep on my lap?

Well, he was tired. I mean, you'd be tired, too, if you're up on the roof

a .m. waving at reindeer.

Let me get you a present, okay?

Okay. Close your eyes.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, now, you close your eyes.

You got a present for me? Yeah, you close your eyes. Okay, they're closed.

Okay, are they closed?

Yeah, they're closed. Sure?

Closed.

Marriages never work.

Okay, grab the bush. I'll give it to you. Come on, put it up there. Where?

Up there. Oh, okay.

Oh, they look beautiful. Look, honey, I wanted to get you that silver bracelet,

but I had to give it to Angie.

You gave Angie my silver bracelet?

Why?

Because he wouldn't wear the earrings I got him.

Oh, I gave him the money so he could, you know, try and find a new life.

Honey, I love you, Tree.

I love you, Bush.

Oh!

We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a

Merry Christmas.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

There they are.

The Mormon Tabernacle Sweathearts.

Hey, where's Angie?

I thought he was coming with you guys.

We couldn't find him. We even looked on his favorite bench.

Hey, you know what?

It's 9 .30 now. I don't think he's going to show.

Yeah. Angie conned you and now you conned us. That's right, Mr. Cocktail.

He probably took all our money, went out to the track and put it on some loser.

Look, I think you guys are missing the point.

I mean, even if he did that, the money's not what's important.

The important thing is you reached out to help somebody in trouble.

That's what counts.

There's no guarantee he's going to accept that help.

Gabe's right, guys.

You gave it a shot. You couldn't do any more than that.

Nah, I think we can find him and give him a shot.

Hey, I see Angie.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

Angie. Angie, you got your old clothes back.

It wasn't easy.

The sanitation department was actually going to bury them at sea.

I don't understand.

Well, it was like this. You see, I was looking in the mirror, combing my hair,

putting on my tie, and the snazzy -looking guy in the mirror looking at

wasn't me.

But that guy was you once.

Yeah, once, but not anymore.

It took me 20 years to get here.

This is me.

This is Angie.

But... But you're a bum.

But I'm a happy bum.

Look at the advantages.

Look, I'm free to travel.

I don't have to punch any time clock.

No company picnics.

And I don't have to wait till I'm 65 to retire.

Boy, that sounds good.

What do you sign up for something like that?

Ange, do you really believe that?

I got that suit tucked away in a safe place. Now, maybe someday I'll want to

wear it.

But not right now. Look, this is who I am.

Look, I want to thank you guys for everything.

And Gabe, you really were a rotten kid.

But you're a very nice man.

Merry Christmas.

I don't understand.

How could he let us do all this stuff for him?

I think it was because he didn't want to spoil your Christmas.

What do you mean, spoil our Christmas? Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah,

mean, like, we took all of our money that we were going to use for Christmas.

We're going to spend it on him. Yeah. And what does he give us?

Epstein.

How did you feel when you were shaving Angie, getting him ready?

Felt great.

Vinnie, how did you feel when you were getting that tie from him, picking it

out?

Really nice.

And Freddie, how did you feel when you put on that jacket?

Really together.

And Arnold, how do you feel right now?

Special.

Very special.

Well, that's what Angie gave you guys.

What's the matter?

You want a gift wrap?

We don't have much money left, but we got you all some presents, all right?

ever tell you about my cousin eileen she was really skinny she was so

skinny when she took a shower she had to wear snowshoes otherwise she'd get

sucked down the drain

I went over to the table. Santa was there having some milk and cookies, and

told him about my cousin Eileen.

That's nice, honey.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think.