Original subtitles

You ever tell you about my Aunt Esther who was a matron in a movie house?

No, but go ahead.

Well, she's a matron in a movie house for years and years and years. And one

time she's walking down the aisle and she sees this guy lying there stretched

over about six feet like this.

Don't you know how to act in a movie house? You can't do that. Just what do

think you're doing? Where did you come from?

He said, the balcony.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who would have thought they'd lead you?

Who would have thought they'd lead you? Back here where we need you. Back here.

We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Looks like we're in for a few late finds for the class fun today.

Barbarino.

What are you listening to?

The news.

Barbarino, cough up 25 cent late find.

What, are you kidding? Just bought this beautiful new radio. I can't afford

that.

All right, write an IOU for 25 cents.

Hey, Mr. Carter, let's count the money in the fund.

Wait, wait, Washington's late. Don't you want to wait till your treasurer gets

here? Nah, I know where it's at.

Some place to keep your money.

Halibut Savings and Loan.

Nice place to go if you ever want to borrow a fin.

He stayed boxed.

Hey, it's gone. Somebody ripped off the clock. Hey.

Wait a minute.

Looks like some sweat hog made a sweat pig out of himself.

Wait a minute. Freddy's the treasurer.

Where is he anyway?

Yeah, where is Freddy? Have you seen him at the garden?

Where'd he go? All right, sit down. Have you seen Freddy?

Just sit down.

Come on, let's not accuse anybody just because they aren't here.

to leave my new bike outside.

There's a whole lot of crooks in this neighborhood.

Yeah, no kidding.

And while you was peddling around the neighborhood, the class fun ain't in the

fish no more.

So what? So what? You're the treasurer, man.

Did you rip us off?

Did I rip us off?

Yeah, what about you guys? Oh, wow.

Well, you guys are something else.

Remember, you elected me treasurer.

Let's give the money to Freddie.

We can trust him.

Now you're calling me a thief?

No.

Embezzler is a better word.

What's the story, Freddy? Yeah.

I got nothing to say.

Oh, wow. Hey, Freddy, guy, look.

You stole the money. Just tell us, you know? We'll understand.

Sort of.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Everybody's accusing Freddy without stopping to think who else might have

it. You know something, Mr. Cotter?

The guy who stole that money must have been, like, really dumb, like the

guy in this classroom.

A real idiot.

What money?

I've seen the right way the money was hid. Everybody knew where the money was

hid. Horseshack, how come you knew exactly how much was in the fish? Yeah!

And your jet -set lifestyle.

Push that. I got this radio from you, remember?

Yeah, for six bucks, which you still owe me.

Well, that proves it, then. I'm broke.

All right, look, how about Freddy's Bicycle? Yeah! All right, hold it!

Hold it!

Let's stop accusing.

And let's just reconstruct events from the last time we saw the money.

All right, yeah.

Yeah, okay, reconstruct events.

Okay. Now, when the bell rings... yesterday.

Barbarina was the first one outside the door, as usual.

Yeah, and as usual, all the girls followed me.

And I left very quickly, Mr. Carter. That's right, Arnold. I remember that

because Epstein was chasing you.

Nobody calls me Sheephead, Arnold.

Okay, that left you and Freddy.

That's right. Freddy and I were alone. Then I left and I said goodbye to

who was...

standing alone by the fish tank.

I ain't no thief.

Freddy, just put it back.

I didn't take anything, all right? Nothing.

Look, what you guys are doing to Freddy is called railroading.

You're convicting a man without a trial.

In this country, you're innocent until you've proven guilty, okay? Now, if you

want to have a trial, we'll have one tomorrow.

All right, we'll have a trial.

Then we'll convict him.

What's the matter with you guys?

You guys call yourselves my friends, right?

My fellow sweet hugs?

Hey, I'm really sorry, Freddy.

Oh, Arnold.

But that's the price you pay when you choose a life for crime.

Look, don't worry about it, Freddy. I'm going to be your defense counsel.

Oh. Thanks, Mr. Cartier.

At least somebody around here trusts me.

Hey, I trust you, Freddy.

Yeah.

You didn't take the money, did you?

No, you didn't.

You did?

No. Did you, Freddy?

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

just as soon as Mr.

Carter and the guilty party pull up a chair.

I am going to send your client so far up the river, he's going to come back with

gills.

you take off those glasses and that silly novelty nose?

Ha, ha, ha. The joke's on you.

I ain't wearing no novelty nose.

Oh.

All rise.

Court is now in session.

The unbearable Vinnie Barbarino presiding.

Mr. Cotter. I thought you said a bathrobe.

All right.

Now, opening statements, will you? Yeah, I got an opening statement.

In the words of our former president, I am not a crook.

Okay, would the prosecutor please present his briefs?

Certainly, Your Honor. Just let me get them out.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, esteemed losing attorney,

guilty defendant.

Objection.

Who asked you?

I have such a worthy adversary as the big city lawyer, Mr. F. Lee Horschak.

My task today will be a simple one, so we can all go home and enjoy a

nice dinner.

I believe the defendant is innocent.

And like my old daddy used to say, when you walk through the cow pasture of

facts, you're bound to step in some truth.

you for your time.

How am I doing?

You'd be lucky if they don't send you up, too.

All right. Will the prosecutor please present his next witness?

I call Verna Jean Williams.

Verna Jean Williams!

Miss Williams.

outfit you're wearing today.

Hello. Now, yesterday you were seen talking to Mr. Washington. Would you

tell the class the subject of that conversation?

Well, Boom Boom was just showing me a bicycle that he bought at a police

auction. For how much?

Eight dollars.

the $8?

No. No further questions.

If it please the court, I would like to call my surprise witness.

Surprise witness!

Surprise witness!

Come on, let's get on with it.

Okay, raise your right hand and repeat after me.

What is this? Am I sworn in?

No, but you've just been bar mitzvahed. Congratulations.

Get your hands off me,

sheephead.

You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Certainly. Washington did it.

Objection! This witness is hostile.

Thank you, Carter.

I'm glad we're finally starting to communicate.

were looking very chipper this morning.

Please tell the court what you saw Washington doing in the halls yesterday.

Counting money. He was counting money.

And what did you do?

I checked to see if my wallet was missing.

And how much money did he have?

I don't know, but it was all in dimes, nickels, and quarters.

It was all...

witness, Mr. Carter. This is like taking candy from a baby.

Mr.

Woodman, is it?

You know my name, Carter.

Mr. Woodman, are you currently employed here at Buchanan High School?

No, I'm a jammer in the roller dirt.

Mr. Woodman, you are in fact employed here, and you are employed in the

of... principal, isn't that true?

Yes.

For how long have you been the vice principal?

27 years.

27 years, Mr.

Woodman.

One step away from the top.

So close you could almost touch it.

Yet so far away.

Frustrating, isn't it?

Yes.

What induced you to testify here today?

Well, now that's easy, Carter.

A desire to fulfill my duty as a citizen, an interest in seeing justice

and last but certainly not least, I saw a clean shot at torpedoing one sweat

arm.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I must question the impartiality and the

competency of this surprise witness. No further questions.

Do you think this is a good experience for your students, Carter?

In the future, they'll be spending a lot of time in court.

Your Honor,

the prosecution rests.

Harry.

Okay, the defense will now call on its witness.

I only have one witness.

I call to the stand Mr. Freddie Boom Boom Washington.

Please, right hand.

Yeah, do not bother. I ain't got nothing to say.

Freddy, I'm only going to ask you one question.

Did you take the money?

Freddy, say something in your own defense.

Freddy, they're going to find you guilty.

Your witness.

Aren't we quiet this morning, Mr. Washington?

Now, isn't it true that when Mr. Carter left you in the class, you had an

easy opportunity to get you the money?

Isn't it true that you did in fact willfully and knowingly steal the money?

Isn't it a...

to guess again, Barbarino. There's a lot more than $8 here.

That's $32.

Hey, Mr. Cutter!

The prosecution is willing to discuss a little plea bargaining?

What are you talking about?

Let's pardon Washington and you and I split the money as legal fees.

Mexico awaits.

You cannot pardon somebody unless you first establish that they're guilty.

There's a court, not the White House.

I want to find out how that fish turned $8 into $32.

In an unprecedented move, the defense would like to call as its next witness

prosecuting attorney, F. Lee Horschak.

Me understand.

All right, Horschak, I have some questions about the $32.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defense must be desperate.

Even if I knew anything, you would never get it out of me.

Just take the fan.

I know what you're going to try and do, Mr. Carter. You're going to try and

break me down.

Me, the man of steel?

Well, unless you've got some kryptonite on you, you'll never be...

Never, never, never.

You know anything about the $32?

I didn't!

Take the stand.

Do I gotta?

That's right. This court does not recognize notes from your mother.

Can you throw any light on this mystery that we're unraveling?

I plead the Eighth Amendment.

That's the Fifth Amendment.

Inflation's hitting everywhere.

Well, it sure hit our fish.

Did you put money in the fish?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Sure I did.

I mean, I didn't want my friend Washington to take a bum rap, you know?

I just couldn't see Freddy walking that last mile.

Walk? The way the money's coming in, he can take a cab.

All right, your excuse.

I call as the next witness, Judge Vinnie Barbarino.

You put any money in the fish?

Judge, do I got to answer that question?

Tell the witness he's got to answer that question.

a fish.

Weird.

Boy, you stupid.

You know that?

You're a real idiot.

The question is, did you put the money in a fish?

Yeah. Put me down for eight bucks, would you?

I was saving for my college education.

Mr. Carter, well, we all guilty.

Between us, me and the girls.

Put in $8, too.

All right.

That explains how the $32 got into the fish.

But it doesn't explain where the original $8 went.

And we're not going anywhere until the shadow of guilt that surrounds my client

is lifted.

All right, I think it's time for a verdict. So I'd like the jury, the

the jury, to please come to a decision.

Okay, everybody, follow me.

Take your time about it. You got a man's future in your hands. Please, take your

time.

to a decision?

Yeah, Your Honor. We the jury find the defendant guilty as charged.

All right.

Would you guys come on up to the bench and get your sentence?

Come on.

You had a lousy lawyer.

I'm really going to do this. I'm really going to convict the man on

circumstantial evidence.

Yeah, but Mr. Carter, we all know that Freddie is guilty.

Is that right?

That's really right.

Well, maybe you might be interested in taking a look at this.

Let me see this.

It's a bank book for $8. That's right. Now, what does that name say?

The Sweet Hogs.

Sweat Hogs.

Sweat Hogs. Sweat Hogs. Yeah.

Right? Oh, wow. You mean Freddie put our money in a bank?

You know, you never asked me once.

Freddy, where's the money?

All you said was, Freddy, why did you steal it?

That's right. If you hadn't assumed he was guilty, he would have told you where

the money was in the first place. Hey, Freddy, what'd you put it in the bank

for?

Because a rubber fish don't pay 6 % interest.

Not only were you ready to believe that your friend was a thief, but you made

things worse by putting money in the fish and trying to cover up for him.

I think everybody owes Freddy a big apology, including myself, because...

I have my own doubts.

I'm sorry, Freddy.

Freddy, I'm real sorry.

Hey, look, look, hey, look.

Forget the apologies, you know.

I probably would have convicted me, too, under the same circumstances.

So, what are we going to do with the $32?

I say we give it to Frederick Boom Boom Washington, our class treasurer, for

safekeeping.

Hey, I tell you what we're going to do. We're going to take all this money,

we're going to put it in the bank.

We're going to all be typhoons.

That's typhoons.

No, typhoons.

Because at the end of the year, we're going to all blow it.

Julie.

What?

Guess where I have my hands.

No, guess where.

A butterfly.

Nope.

A flower.

No, it gets again.

Gabe, this is stupid.

All right, all right.

An elephant.

What color?

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.