Original subtitles

British Columbia, Canada, home of Michael J. Fox, Jason Priestley, and

Iron. But our neighbors to the north couldn't hang on to Val for very long.

we are in beautiful Venice Beach, California, home of the prestigious

Iron's Protection Bodyguard Agency.

Appearing on the L .A. scene as if out of nowhere, Val Iron has gone on to

fortune, and adventure as the head, heart, and soul of VIP.

Tonight on a very special 365, we'll hear from Valerie's admirers and her

detractors and take one small step toward understanding what makes this

dynamo tick.

What can I tell you about the red hot Val Irons?

She's one smoking criminologist.

Right up there with Sherlock Holmes and that guy Columbo.

Of course, you know, I've helped her out on a few cases because she asked me to,

but why not?

Good people.

Valerie Irons is the best in the business, I ought to know, because she

here.

Twice.

You haven't seen the last of me, Valerie Irons.

And neither have we.

Let's take a look at the people hand -picked to be operatives of Valerie

the detective.

Being a bodyguard is kind of like being a cop and a military strategist all

rolled into one.

What Tasha means is, for every hour you see us out front looking sharp, there's

countless times spent behind the scenes.

Like we're doing that.

It's not that we don't see enough accidents, but we'll be infected.

Hey!

You know what I mean?

Park's closed.

Take a hike.

Who the hell are you?

Someone who's about to dislocate your shoulder. Now get out of here before I

rough.

What you've just seen is a preemptive security maneuver.

Hey, guys!

Um, can we get out of here, please? Because I have a lactose -free milk wrap

57 minutes at Brooklyn.

That's all I've cut together. Jeez, my grandmother could have got better, and

she's blind.

Hey, like the tall one says, there's a lot of behind -the -scenes stuff that

they do.

Yeah, behind -the -scenes stuff? That's fascinating.

Be sure to fill me in when you're behind the scenes at Jack in the Box.

There's two things a Valerie Irons biography needs.

One, Valerie Iron.

Two, action.

I'm going to find it if I have to take a bullet myself.

These rent -a -cops are really starting to piss me off.

Those aren't security guards. That's VIP.

I don't care who they are.

I buried $20 million worth of Barabans in that park, and I'm going to get them

back.

Patience, baby. Tomorrow they'll be gone, and we'll be sitting pretty.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Hey, this Ducati gig that Johnny got us at the farm.

The 8th annual Ducati Motorcycle Fair will attract dealers and vendors from

around the globe.

This year's show includes a special presentation of the modified M900, a

bike using NASA -generated technology, originally developed for the space

shuttle.

Ooh, stop. You're giving me goosebumps.

I wouldn't mind checking out the modified ride. I bet it's got a hell of

Can we focus, please?

Let's set up metal detectors here and here.

And then we'll patrol these areas in alternating shifts.

Hello. Eyes and ears, everybody. Eyes and ears.

Betsy Golden, my 365 producer, wants to interview each and every one of you. So

Max and I came up with a few clever little comments for you, like this one.

Val Irons is like a sister to me. You've got to be kidding.

Wrong one.

Yeah.

So I plan on spending a couple hours with Betsy. Maybe three. You know,

you might need a little hair and makeup.

Or a lot of hair and makeup.

And if it's not too much of a bother, could you guys bring a few outfits? I

to make some choices.

I thought 365 was doing a piece on VIP, not just VI.

It's about all of us. Then why are all these comment cards about you?

No, I don't have time for this. And is it as Nikki? She has a little interview

downstairs. You're all set up and ready to go. Camera crew's waiting.

Excuse me, but there's work to be done here.

This is work related.

Plus, we've got to tell them about the who's the what's it that we've got to

pick up, right, Nikki?

The H -20 profile surveillance monitor. Right, what she said.

Okay, people, make this work and the next Starbucks trips on me.

Well, I'm serious.

Just stay with them.

And for God's sake, spit the action on tape.

Isn't this exciting?

Well, we're going to Radio Shock.

No, this whole true celebrity profile on VIP.

You mean the profile on you? Hey, don't be bitter. You may have to go to Dr.

Peck to get a liver cleanse and pee out your butt all night long.

Uh, you guys always go the speed limit?

It's getting a little dull back here.

Roger, copy that.

Okay, come on, it's time to do something crazy, some Nicky thing.

Crazy what?

You know, like a burnout, a wheelie, a bat turn.

You think I drive fast for fun?

Yeah. Well, this isn't fun.

Then just do it for the camera, okay?

High speed pace.

Force 5.

Starboard.

Behind us.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Obeying the law.

I don't know.

Who are you and what have you done with the real Mickey Franco?

Well, your bucket.

I think Mickey's been abducted by aliens or worse.

because the real Nikki Franco loves car chases like a Doberman.

Please, please, please, you've got to do something.

I bet you need some action -y things.

No, you need something action -y for your celebrity profile.

Okay, fine, we'll do a little Nikki segment in there, okay?

Now step on it!

All right, finally.

Giddy up, boys!

My lines will fool you. She'll turn anything into a weapon.

Shoe, bikini strap, credit card.

That's what makes her such a great role model for the team.

And speaking of which, see how I did that? How I worked the team concept in

my segue? You like that?

Listen, it's our combined skills as a team that makes things happen.

I, for example, am the team strategist, weapons and forensics expert, and

financial guru.

I should also mention that I am the team's...

Butt kicker.

Did he say butt chaser?

I thought I heard butt kisser.

That's not funny.

You know, I do a little butt kicking myself.

I'm not saying that you don't.

But I'm primary.

Do you believe this guy?

Listen, it's like, you know, you guys have other talents. Clearly. I mean,

Tasha, you're the resident spy.

Johnny, our spiritual advisor.

You have lost your mind.

That's right, you sure have.

Now, you know as well as I do, I'm the butt kicker.

Tasha's the spy.

All right, you guys are... Oh, give me a break.

Okay.

I am the team's weapons specialist with expertise in espionage intelligence and

reconnaissance. Okay? And I'm the team's lead strategist. Not to mention I can

kick both you guys' butts with one hand tied behind my back.

the pain, keep it steady.

Are you ready for this ride?

Nikki, you're losing them.

I'm practically kissing your bumper.

No, not them. Betsy, you drive back a little slower, please.

My grandmother could drive faster than this without benefit of leg.

We're in a mini cargo van.

Do you see the air rams on that truck?

I could if we got close enough.

Step on it.

I can't even see Betsy anymore.

Tosh, I got a 510 with two cherry tops and a camera crew tail.

Well, maybe Val can save the day for you.

Yeah, that'll happen.

I'm hurrying the perp their way. Be ready.

Aren't you, uh, gonna chase him?

Hey, I'm not the butt -kicker. You chase him.

I'm not me. I'm the spiritual guy.

Looks like you're running on empty.

Huh?

What did I say?

Primary butt kicker.

What are we talking about?

Hey, did I miss anything good?

She is my role model, my boss, obviously, my fashion guru, and my best

There's absolutely no boss in the world like Valerie Iron.

Except maybe Captain Catherine Janeway.

Yeah, you know, from Star Trek Voyager?

Like, the time she was up against the Borg. She told Ensign Kent to divert the

Borg core's dilithium crystals into the main deflector shield.

That's pretty standard operating procedure when you're piloting an

-class starship for the United Federation of Planets. Wait a second.

talking about Bale Irons or StarCraft?

Oh, both.

See, that's the thing that's so great about Valerie.

She would know to do something like divert the dilithium crystal.

She's completely into crystals.

So, anyway, the deflector shield acted as a frequency barrier against the...

You know what, you guys?

This would look so much better if we shot it over by the water. Can we start

over? Come on.

So you're the famous relic.

I'm the one.

Tell us about Valerie Irons.

Val Irons.

She's beautiful.

She's lethal.

She saved my butt more than once. Sounds like there's a story there.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Val, she completely screwed up this case.

You're the bartender. Why would you have anything to do with a cake?

She's like a sister to me.

Val, can I call you Val? I gotta be honest.

This piece could be the best thing I've ever produced.

Really? Absolutely.

Look at who I have for a subject. Well, you know, all I do is... Here's the

problem. I don't have you.

I mean, you're there. You look marvelous.

But you're not doing anything.

Oh, well, I can do things.

See? That's the attitude I'm looking for.

That's why they call you the greatest.

You know what?

I'm going shopping later.

Actually, what I need is some... action.

There, I've said it. Action, Val.

We need to kick this up to the next level.

Now, obviously, that doesn't just happen every day.

Hmm. How could we... Oh, here's an idea.

We film a... Go with me on this for a minute. We film a few dramatic

reenactments of your most exciting takedown. Oh, kind of like America's

Wanted. Exactly.

Oh. We'll have drama, suspense, action.

Yeah. Did I just hear my middle name?

I had a few free minutes. Thought maybe you want to do my interview now. Put a

few words on film about my beautiful bossy. Your interview.

Right. Look, we're kind of heavy on the supporting players right now.

Excuse me?

Well, we sort of have a different direction for the show.

Hey, love to chat. Need to get that. Could be the studio.

To help me. She wants some action, you know, things going on. I don't want it

suck you. Would you help me, please, please, please, please?

Well, that sounds like it's going in a different direction, too. But maybe if

the supporting player's got a little bit more respect and a little more screen

time. Okay, okay, I'll talk to Betsy.

Five minutes is all I ask, right? Maybe a little bit about my roots, you know,

Harlem, you know what I'm saying?

Maybe a couple of my old fights.

I have home video. I'm sure you do.

Be careful of that.

Hey, hey, what's the deal? You got the bond?

Listen, I got a slight pest control problem, but I'm working on it. I'll

little harder if I were you.

I mean, you got a deadline. End of business.

Tomorrow.

Well, you never said anything about a deadline.

Look, I don't want cash in those barrier bars for you.

So you do as I say or the deal is gone.

You'll get the bonds.

Oh, gangster.

I know it. Chill out, baby.

Whatever those bodyguards were guarding at the park is long gone by now.

Just in case you're wrong.

Modified M900 is a one -of -a -kind concept bike. Right now, it's a piece of

art. But someday, it will revolutionize the racing industry.

Zero to 100, 5 .5.

You've done your homework.

Awesome. It ought to be. It's worth over half a mil.

Now, there's only two keys.

I've got one, and...

I'm entrusting you with the other.

I'll take that.

Boss.

At least expected.

Hey!

Horse clothes.

Take a hike.

Who the hell are you? Someone who's about to dislocate your shoulder.

Now get out of here before I get rough.

Wow.

Betsy sure got a lot of footage of you.

Mostly on your back, though.

Val's stupid profile's good for something after all.

That's the guy that took off when Nikki showed up in her speedster.

Betsy interviewed me for the longest.

Seems not everyone is good at the interview process.

But I just kept thinking, what would I want to hear?

What would I want to say?

What would I want to hear?

Sorry.

Capture the image on your computer and see what floats up on the sky.

Got it.

Ducati's bringing out a half -million -dollar concept bike. This show's not

hanging around the park for nothing.

Val Irons rocks.

I mean, she's total JOTVW. Jump on the bandwagon.

She's the coolest boss, and I have the coolest job.

I mean, where else can you blow stuff up when someone else is dying?

What's Val like to be around?

All action, all the time?

Oh, yeah, there's plenty of that.

Give me a specific.

Great.

Are you seeing anyone?

I'm Tiffany.

I'm Chelsea.

Well, what would Vale be doing right now?

Probably not this.

Spit up, J -Lo.

Wait a minute.

The shark is blowing to town? What the hell's going on here? Oh, yeah.

Here you go.

This is what's going on.

Now we know why VIP's here.

Come on.

Whoa.

You can't just go in there blazing.

We've got to get the bond by tonight or the deal is off.

Well, there's got to be a better way to get rid of the IP.

Like what?

Something that doesn't draw quite as much attention as a firefight.

They won't even know what hit them.

One of our toughest cases ever involved terrorists hell -bent on shutting down

Los Angeles.

Every member of the team played an important role.

Quick to stop them from shutting down the city's water supply.

Nikki defused a bomb that would have taken out a power plant.

Kay reconfigured a communications satellite.

And I, of course, had a key primary role. I swam through a sewer system,

two ninjas, and reactivated L .A.'s traffic control system.

Hey.

Is what it?

What about Val?

What about Val?

Hey. Oh, no. Ay, caramba.

Listen, AK has a bit of a recoil.

All right, so... Yeah, yeah, I see that. I'm way ahead of you on that one. Okay,

good. So you got to lean into the kick. Okay, lean in. Got it.

Never close your eyes when you're fired.

Maybe channel your anger. Think about somebody you don't like.

All right?

All right, got it.

We're burning daylight, people! Yeah, we got it, kid.

We're ready.

We're speeding.

Ready when you are, Val.

Okay, okay, just think about somebody I don't like. Somebody I don't like.

Nobody comes in front of me at the year -end meeting, Bill.

That's the money shot.

Kay, I'm going over to the Ducati show. Let me know if you get a lock on my bad

penny.

Ask, and you shall receive.

Ryan Hill.

Contract thief. He was paroled last month after a five -year stint in

I bet somebody missed his last parole check -in.

Last three, there's a warrant out for his arrest.

No wonder he took off when the cops showed up. Must have thought they were

him.

Contract thief.

Let's see if we can guess what he was doing in the park.

You know, you could be wrong, Tasha.

Just because he's an escaped thief doesn't mean he couldn't also be a

fan.

Or not.

Ladies and gentlemen, our amateur racing seminar starts in 15 minutes at the

Ferry Pavilion.

Give it up now.

I'm coming to you from all directions. Bring it on.

Here

is

your team, Ducati.

Once we recover those bonds, we can make it to San Diego in three hours easy.

We've got a cash antler to go.

There we are, on our way to Mexico.

Here comes the sucker.

Excuse me.

Could you tell me where that little girl's room is?

Uh, yes.

In fact, let me take you there.

name representative, but I'm also up for a pretty sweet promotion. Oh, okay.

Just go down here, turn right, and you're there.

I'm the team martial artist.

I was trained in Hong Kong by my master.

Martial artist. Is that the same as hand -to -hand combat?

It could be. Why?

Because Quick Williams said he was VIP's expert in hand -to -hand.

He did, did he?

Oh, never mind that. Tell us about Val. What was her fighting style like? Where

was she trained? What moves have you learned from her?

Val?

Val, yeah.

Oh. Val has taken on the toughest opponent and won.

She's sort of developed her own style, kind of based on the drunken monkey

style, where you kind of appear like you know nothing in order to throw off your

opponent. So you see, as a result, you never quite know what to expect.

The precise location is right over there.

And you, you know what to do.

Any word on America's Most Unwanted? Name's Ryan Hill. Contract fee.

Do it.

Okay.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Only thing being stolen around here is my heart.

Is there a demonstration planned?

Nope.

Hey!

Are you back on the booze? What? I don't know what you're thinking, lady.

Get the band!

Gotcha.

Where's the biker, babe?

Where's the fight?

I can't air a chase with no conclusion.

What's wrong with you people?

You want to help me?

Take my bike back.

Forget something?

Like the thief?

You know, I remember that she rode out of here under your nose.

Gabby, the Ducati rep, said he had the only other key.

Better start looking for him.

How'd you recover the bike?

That's what I don't get.

She went through all that to steal the bike and then left it behind.

Hey, you guys, I did a little more cyber sleuthing and I discovered that Ryan

Hill went to jail five years ago for stealing untraceable bearer bonds.

I remember that story. The Talmadge heist. Right? Stole about $10 million

Actually, it was more like $20. And they were never recovered.

So where's this going?

The armored car that Hill hit was only a couple of blocks from here.

So the guy steals the bonds and hides them... In the park somewhere.

Hey, guys, check this.

Some dog found a bone under here.

Now we know where Hill hid the bond.

Right, so stealing the Ducati was just a distraction.

We fell for it. Hook, line, and sucker.

I can see the headlines now.

Stolen bonds, contract fees.

VIP lets him get away with $20 million.

Great story.

And for once, I got it all on video.

You can't air that story.

Interestingly enough, I can.

You never signed a release.

Ah, but it's the news.

Freedom of the press, remember?

Besides, what's stopping me?

Steve? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick, Nick, just calm down.

Come on, Nick, just calm down, relax.

Sure we can work something out?

Sure, let's see.

I've got the story of the century, and you've got, let me think.

Nothing.

Well, then.

There's a Seinfeld episode on soon I don't want to miss.

See you.

Uh, Miss Golden?

Right, I forgot.

Live long and prosper.

Look, I know we're all guilty of grandstanding for the cameras and...

You really don't have any reason to want to do anything nice for us, but what if

we give your story a spin?

What if we deliver Valerie Irons recapturing the bearer bonds on video?

I'd say that's the story of the century.

As I was saying... Right there, pause.

What was that? Can you isolate the audio?

Possibly.

San Diego's only two. Unless you take the back way.

We got about an hour to beat them.

It's gonna be close.

Not even.

Oh.

Well, that was stupid enough.

Right out from under the noses of the great VIP.

I'd love to see their pathetic faces when they put it all together.

Who even cares about them?

All I want to do is think about spending all that money.

Well, this is a really, really bad idea. Okay, you know I don't like this whole

flying thing. Get used to it.

Can I just go with Nicky and Quick?

I mean, I can't go in this thing. It's going to ruin my hair, and I'm not

wearing one of those stupid helmets.

Val, this is the only way to get to San Diego before him. We have to get you on

film stopping him.

Well, wouldn't you rather be on film stopping him? I could talk to him.

Take me back to my guerrilla filmmaking days.

You know, cable.

Just so you know, I would rather have my fingernails peel it back slowly one at

a time than make you look like a hero.

But we have no choice, so buckle up.

Five more miles and we are home free.

Oh, yeah. Feels good, huh?

Actually, it feels like trouble.

Damn VIP.

Get us out of here now.

This is going to be intense.

Move it.

Now we're cooking.

Fortune. Fashion.

That's just the tip of the iceberg known as Valerie Irons. While filming this

edition of 365, we were at ground zero of VIP action as the talented Miss Irons

herself single -handedly recaptured the $20 million worth of stolen bearer bonds

from the infamous Talmage Heist and the notorious thief, Ryan Hill.

A legend in her own time. Tonight we've taken you on a rollercoaster ride behind

the scenes with the world's greatest bodyguard. And we'd like to close

show with a final word from one of Valerie's closest and most trusted

Val is a born leader.

The greatest bodyguard of all time.

She's like a sister to me.