Original subtitles

2 ,000 women with no social life.

I forward Theodore. These hard cases aren't the type you want to bring home

mom.

We're here to pick up a Lucy Stanton.

You want to die for burglary, larceny, grand theft auto?

She sounds like a catch.

The DA said they'd take five years off her sentence if she played ball and let

us in Nero.

Nobody knew.

International thief and all -around bad ass.

That tea bag is bent. He killed his own grandmother for a nickel.

Close. After he escaped, Interpol, he apparently fled to L .A. with a diamond

worth about 20 million.

That's one hell of a run. You really think some jailbird's gonna help us?

LAPD does. Lucy told the warden that she ran with Nero two years ago in London

and knows how to find him.

Well, I can't wait to meet our secret weapon.

and I'm going to shut it permanently.

Make me kick your ass before I can do it. Except that I can't feel my brain.

Your soft watch?

Drop the girl.

Yeah, you better listen to them because they're my bodyguards.

She's coming with us, so why don't you let her go before we make you?

Thank God. Your armpits stink.

You wouldn't laugh.

Five minutes in my yard, beanstalk.

Excuse me.

Okay, ladies.

Let's just keep the peace here, all right?

Come on, let's go.

See you on the flip side, Chevy.

When you come back here, jump in!

We'll always make friends this season.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Oh, that's too bad, Griff. Well, you'll be in our hearts.

Val, there's something I have to do to you.

Is it going to hurt?

No.

I have to deputize you so you can perform an on -the -spot arrest.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear to protect the property and the citizenry of Los Angeles County and

uphold the laws of your adopted country?

Yes, yes, and yes again.

Congratulations, Val.

Val, you're an official deputy of the LAPD.

Well, there's a new sheriff in town.

That was the end of the world!

We've been here half an hour. Where the hell is Parker?

He'll be here to chill out.

Oh,

you the moi.

Old prison habit.

Distant love.

Frank, did you run up a bar tab?

Hey, taste that. Give me a plate of oysters, but make sure they're fresh. I

don't want to be yakking all over your nice bar.

Classy.

You drink a 12 -pack that covers, so no one expects why you're here, and now you

want lunch?

Well, I'm out of the pen. I'm going to have fun.

You should, too, you know. I sense a lot of wasted sexual energy here. You guys

should get a room or something, you know.

Are you looking to get snacks?

Who's that?

Is that Parker?

He's the guy who's going to lead us to Nero?

Uh, yeah, that's him.

Oh, yeah, that's him. I better make contact.

Parker.

Yeah, well, she's got a funny way of getting information out of him.

Yo, jailbait.

Did you contact?

Time to spill.

Yes, this is Parker.

And the thing about this is that Parker's really shy.

So he's not going to spill any information or anything while you guys

The best thing to do is maybe you guys leave, and then Parker and I will stay

here, and we'll work it out, won't we?

Yeah, right.

What's your name?

Parker.

What's your first name?

Nice try, Lucy.

Hey, wait a minute.

If you don't like it, I can change my name. Oh, man, he's Italian.

Mamma mia.

Can't a girl have a little fun? I've been cooped up in Estrogen's village way

too long.

Enough clowning around. Is this Parker Guy's sister, or is this just your way

getting some free booze?

He must have just flaked or something.

Don't worry, I know where he hangs up.

Sounds like a job for a quick attack.

Come on. Oh, what about my oyster?

Yeah, you got some big ones on you.

Yeah, the place.

Oh, Furniture Warehouse.

Oh, this Parker is some player.

Shows what you know.

He stuffs the stuff in chair legs and bolsters and everything, and then he

smuggles it overseas.

So where is this criminal genius?

I don't know. Last I heard, he's usually here.

You sure Parker's got a line on Nero?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Parker doesn't know where Nero's chilling. Nobody does. That guy must

a few things. Hey, my man.

Excuse me. I want to ask you a few questions.

I'm kind of busy here. Hey, man.

Hey, I just want to ask you a couple of questions.

Who are you guys?

Undercover cops?

Or VIP?

Look, we're looking for a dude named Parker. He used to run with a British

named Nero.

Well, I don't think I know a dude by that name.

Maybe I'd remember if I knew who said it for me.

You can make it so you eat out of a straw for the rest of your life.

Okay.

Okay.

Look, all I know is, Parker's gone, I take.

He's moving his stuff on the internet.

He's got a suite at Toledo.

Sorry for your trouble.

What's with you? What's with all the hostility?

We don't have to hurt them, eh? You handle things your way, sugar breakers.

handle things mine.

Come on.

Joey?

Yeah, it's me, Flea.

Weren't you just talking about some red who just rolled into town named Miro?

Good.

I want you to hook us up.

There's nothing that I think he'll be interested in here.

I don't care if you chop it into 80 pieces. I just want to fence the damn

All right.

I'll be inside.

What's the guy telling you about, Nero? He knows some stuff.

I figured it'd be worth a couple of bucks.

I'm listening.

I heard two bodyguards from VIP John.

They're looking for you.

My old friends from Valerie Irons Protection.

They had a chick tagging along, too.

Well, her name would be very useful.

And profitable.

I didn't recognize her.

But Parker would know.

See, the broad was looking for him, too.

Parker? Yeah.

He seemed pretty important to Fiat.

He must have a line on you or something.

Well, I don't like people having a line on me.

Where do I find Parker?

He's holed up at the Lido Hotel.

You've been extremely helpful, mate.

Pay the man.

Can't trust a bloke to do anything for money.

Make him disappear.

Not a problem.

She got good taste in ladies, too?

Biatch.

You know her?

Yeah.

Yeah, do I ever.

She was doing time a year before me.

She's a contract killer.

She gets really close to her victims before she rubs them out.

It's brutal.

So what are you sitting around for?

Someone's trying to silence Parker. He's got the line on Nero.

Rescue him, for God's sake. Jeez.

Back off.

Get your hand off me.

Brother, that lady you're with is a hit woman.

What are you, nuts?

She's a lingerie model.

Really?

I'm calling the police. So, hold on.

Good bodyguards. Valerie Yarns protection.

Lucy.

Hey, what are you doing out of the pen, babe?

Don't call me baby two -timing cheat. I cannot believe you were cheating on me

with that bimbo.

You told me you were going to stay true to me while I was in the camp.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Parker, here's your boyfriend?

He was my boyfriend.

What are you? Wait a minute now. Wait a minute now.

Does this guy even know Nero?

Who the hell's Nero?

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

We're through, Lucy.

You got it? Now stay away from me.

Look, if I said that I wanted to make a quick stop and see an old squeeze, would

you let me?

No.

Exactly, see? That's why I couldn't ask.

Somebody's been taking us for a ride. Let's go.

Oh, man.

You want to catch a Dodgers game? Shut up. They're playing tonight.

Come on, they got Dodgers dogs, they got pizza.

Shut up.

Here he

is,

Nero. Found Parker exactly where his buddy said he'd be.

Claims he doesn't know you.

I don't recognize his pretty face either.

Do you know this mystery woman that VIP's been escorting around town?

Why should I tell you anything?

Well, because that way... I won't have to break every bone in

your body.

Her name's Lucy Stanton.

We used to date.

This is not good news.

VIP's getting too close.

So what are you going to do with me?

I helped you out, right?

Oh, absolutely.

And you deserve a little reward.

Mace, what do we have in these lockers?

Gold coin, 7 ,000 in cash, and a big rusty chain.

Wonderful. So, what's it going to be?

Mace, show him his rewards.

You used us to track down your old squeeze.

Very uncool.

I know Parker's a good -for -nothing rat, but I dig him.

You know what? We did it out of love. That was very, very sweet, Lucy.

You know what I think would be sweet? What?

Seeing you back in prison with that big prison mama.

You are so unromantic. You've been married four times, twice to the same

It's really ridiculous.

You know, I'm really sorry that your boyfriend turned out to be such a brick.

You know, some guys can be real thinkers.

Okay. We're supposed to find Nero and the diamond. Remember?

Come on, she's going to lead us to Nero and the diamond.

Let me think.

When I was running with Nero, he could never do anything by himself.

He always had to have this whole crew with him, right?

So there was this one guy.

What was his name?

I thought he was like the toughest guy in the world.

Oh!

Mace was his stupid nickname, Mace. He was real tight with Nero.

Okay, well, maybe we can come up with some information on him to track Nero.

Lucy's right.

Andy Bronson, a .k .a. Mace, has been arrested with Nero on three separate

occasions.

I generated a list of Nero's known associates.

Check U .S. Customs and see if he's out of the country.

He came in six months ago on a British visa.

Could be our guy.

And get this.

Andy Bronson got his nickname from a gladiator's mace that he had tattooed on

his bicep.

Wait a second.

She's on to something. I just read something about a tattoo convention

going to be held down at Venice Beach.

Okay. Well, if this mace guy likes showing off his tats, maybe we'll find

there.

Here you go, Lucy.

I figure you don't get that in the jail mess hall.

Thanks, Kate. You know, I'd love to have a friend like you in prison.

Thanks. Thanks.

Eyes open, Lucy. We need you to ID this mace dude.

That's Nero's right -hand man right there. That guy? Are you sure?

I don't see any tattoos.

Duh, he's wearing sleeves.

Hey, can I help you?

Yes, um, listen, don't take this the wrong way, but can I see what you're...

Hey, back up!

Roll up your sleeve, dude.

Hey, what's going on here?

I don't tattoo.

So sorry.

It's just a case of mistaken identity. Yeah, we, um...

Listen, we thought you were... We thought you were some badass thug from

All right.

Hey, wait.

Lucy gave us a thumb stare again.

Where is she?

I thought you were watching her.

My car. This woman, she just stole my car. It's a green Sebring. All right.

Sebring.

I saw a VIP at the beach.

They almost spotted me.

I'm going to need to unlock the diamond fast.

They're on to me.

Talk to the broker. Everything's set for 6 o 'clock here at 39.

There's a dry dock for the water taxi on the other side of the harbor.

I know you want to keep some distance.

Help! Help!

Come on, please!

Come on!

Come on! Parker, I'm going to run in a tube and pump in some chum!

6 o 'clock, Pier 39.

Good night.

Shouldn't have stolen a car with a satellite tracking system, Lucy.

Hey. Hi.

I was glad you guys showed up. You know, I was on Mace's tail.

He got away on a motorcycle.

Oh, yeah?

Which way did he go?

Which way did he go? He... I got too late. I lost him. I mean, I was

I was driving around.

I was looking for a pay phone because I was going to call you guys.

How come Nicky and Johnny didn't see Mace at the beach?

Why, Nick... Okay.

That's good. You're asking the smart questions. That's great.

Um, why did Nicky and Johnny... Because, uh, well, actually, you know what? They

really blew it. Who's?

Pointed out the wrong guy to them.

I was pointing right at Mace. Is it my fault if they went after the wrong guy?

Look, you've been conning them this whole time just like you're conning us.

Oh, man, I was out there trying to save your asses. I was out there tailing

Mace. You ran out on us! This is the thanks I get. You want thanks?

Unbelievable. I wouldn't mind it. You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it right

now, baby.

Oh, man, you gotta be kidding me.

I didn't even do anything but help. Give me a break. Seriously, I'm just

helping. And I didn't know it was a lot of help.

I want my lawyer.

Can we get a cheeseburger?

I'm starving.

Keep your mouth shut.

Thanks to you, Mace was going to tell Nero that we're on to him.

There's no way Mace knew I was tailing him.

How do you know?

A guy doesn't scratch his butt that much if he thinks he's being watched.

This is a waste of time.

Oh, really?

Well, maybe I heard a thing or two.

Like what?

All right.

Mace got on his cell phone and said the deal was going down at 6 o 'clock at

Pier 39.

Pretty cool, huh?

You heard that from your car?

No, Mace was still on the boardwalk.

Ooh, thanks, sweetie.

Hey, could you get me a big bucket of those curly garlic fry things, por

Sure.

I love how you guys make business a pleasure.

Yeah, actually, we're here for a meeting.

See that waitress?

Detective Grisby gave us a tip. That was one of Nero's flusies back in his

London days.

Around the same time you hung with her.

Do you recognize her?

Could be Julie B.

Or at least that's what she said her name was.

Can you show us her?

No, I'm not sure it's her. You're asking me to ID somebody by her butt.

Fine.

Hello, love. May I help you?

Why don't you put it down just a little bit, okay?

Yeah, we would like a refilm, please.

Yeah, you call that acting?

Of course, love.

Drink for you and the governor. Just give me a tick, okay?

Yes, that's her. That's Julie B., definitely. She's not going to admit it

because she was jealous because Nero had the hots for me.

What? Do I have something, Mikey?

Uh, Pinocchio?

That's Maxine.

Val's roomie.

Do you even know Nero?

Didn't think so.

You're going back to the slammer.

Oh, man.

This is a Gigi Hunter original.

Maybe you can swap it for an extra ration of prison beans.

Val, you've got to help me. I want to see this Nero thing through.

I know what you're up to.

You do?

Yeah, you want to stay out of jail because you want to get back together

Parker.

You can't get over him because he dumped you.

Yeah, Parker.

He's got his own problems.

Does he have manhunt?

No. Nero's got him locked away in the chain locker of some ship.

Really?

What? He's locked in some stinky, hot locker eating nothing but barnacles?

Huh. That changes everything.

You're definitely not going to jail.

Really? Yeah, you know what? You gotta turn the tables on Parker. You gotta

him.

That's a good idea.

You get him back, you get him kissing your feet, and then you give him the

You'll feel much better.

Then you go back to jail.

There are six local brokers who have the contact to move Nero's diamond.

You can't put them all under surveillance.

What if I can lose you to told you guys that Nero was doing his diamond swap

meet thing at Pier 39?

Yeah, like we believe her.

She's not going to go to jail right now, okay?

Wrong.

Okay, you do what you're going to do. I'll do what I have to do. What's that

supposed to mean?

It means that it's my sworn duty as deputy to report all crime. I might just

have to call the LAPD and tell them that VIP beat up Parker and his girlfriend

and went totally bananas on a poor little guy at Tattoo -O -Rama.

Hey, who started you on, Deputy Irons? Guys, I put my cross -referencing

software to work on those six brokers.

Is this a coincidence or what?

One of them just used a credit card to book a taxi heading to Pier 39.

See? Lucy's telling the truth. I'm gonna call Grisby. Oh, and have egg on our

face if Lucy's lying? We'll check it out ourselves.

She's not coming with us.

Oh, yes, yes.

Tosh, we gotta get moving.

Fine, but keep her out of our way.

Lucy Stanton, three -time B &E loser.

The warden gave her a two -day pass so she could help VIP track you down.

Another thing that's twisted my life.

Valerie Irons is another story. She's got a bottomless bag of tricks.

It's the broker. He's on his way to the meet.

Good. If you spot anyone from VIP, shoot them on sight.

That's the broker.

I don't know if he's here for the scenery.

He's nervous. I can hear his knees knock up from here.

Any sign of Nero?

Val! I told you guys to wait in the car.

He busted the radar. That's stuck on a classical station.

Headed down to there. Going crazy.

Tell everybody someone's coming.

Nobody move until we know Nero brought the gun.

My next trick.

I think you're real good people.

Oh my God, you're after the diamond the whole time?

You little stinker!

Thanks.

Cops locked the airport down.

Ditto for the train station.

Gosh, you're not going to take public transportation when she has a fully

Suburban. Thanks to you.

At every turn, Lucy showed us that she couldn't be trusted, but she kept

her out.

Tasha, we owe her. Tasha, you have no sense of romance.

You don't have any sense of romance.

When's the last time you had a date?

You know how bad we're going to look?

You're on the sidelines for the rest of this case.

Nikki and Johnny just checked in.

Lucy's trail is stone cold. It's like she dropped off the map.

Better call the prison, have the guards question her friends.

Find out where she hide out.

No, it's not going to work.

Everybody knows that a girl only tells her super secrets to her boyfriend.

We'll catch this.

Parker is missing Keith.

They're probably together.

Well, actually, Lucy told me that Nero hid Parker in a chain locker on a boat.

So all we have to do is find Parker and he'll tell it to Lucy.

Did she tell you what boat?

No. Didn't think so.

End of the line.

We're going to miss you around here, Nero.

Yeah, well, I'll send you a postcard from prison.

You're going out this door.

Who are you taking me?

I want to talk to my lawyer.

We're not taking you anywhere. You're walking.

Hopefully up a cliff.

The DA's cutting you loose.

You're free to go.

You can thank your friend, Lucy Stanton.

Skank's not a friend of mine.

You sure about that?

When she took the diamond, she took any evidence against you.

DA couldn't build a case.

Petty, what about me mate?

Booked for assault.

You caught a break.

You didn't lay a finger on anyone, and you got knocked out by a girl.

If I was you, I'd buy a lottery ticket.

Today's your lucky day, mate.

What an idiot.

He doesn't even know he's going to lead us to Parker.

Oh, thank God.

If you want to get out of this locker again, you better impress me with the

next words out of your mouth.

Well, what day is it?

What do I look like, a bloody calendar?

Where's Lucy?

I don't know.

Okay.

Okay.

After school, she always changes her look.

She has the keys to the lunch she used to work at.

corner of uh ivy and sycamore making some water

What did you tell Nero?

That crazy broad Lucy. Look at the mess she got me into.

No, no, no, no. Okay, no more lit. No more lit.

Nero.

I told him how to find Lucy.

A hair salon.

Ivy and Sixmore.

Good boy. Now watch your head.

Hypnotic, isn't it?

My shirt doesn't do you justice.

You had a bad hair day.

I'm afraid the pictures they'll take of your body won't be pretty either.

They're the same for you.

Unless you drop your gun.

Lucy, you lied to me, and that is not very nice. You're not a nice girl.

Well, that hurts almost as much as the gun in my ribs.

Let her go, Nero.

You're both going to jail.

Back off, or I'll kill her. Go ahead.

It's been a pain in my ass ever since we picked her up. What? Wait. Just because

she's not a client doesn't mean she's not a human being.

Human beings have feelings.

Not you, but other humans.

Val! Stop it, okay?

Just because she's made some mistakes doesn't mean she can't learn. Right,

And, um, I believe that there's a good person inside you. I just think you fell

over to the dark side for a while.

Hey, that isn't the outfit I gave. Would you steal that from my super -secret

closet?

See how well your bluff works now, huh?

As I thought.

She doesn't make it very easy, does she?

I'll call Nicky and Johnny.

Yeah. Uh -huh.

Okay.

That was quick.

What was that?

No, let me guess.

line for me.

I don't know. I don't know. You'll get spotted back there. We're not stupid

friends. You two shut up.

You know, you might as well just give up right now because Nicky's an awesome

driver.

Yeah. Well, I'm not so bad myself.

I got nothing to lose.

You got dressed like a maniac.

We've left London.

That little cupcake is good.

I told you.

The only way she's going to stop is if she has to take you to hospital.

Oh, yeah. This was like the number second day of my life. Except for this

time when I... I had to rescue a frog before I got hit by a car. I was going

put it back in the pond, but I wanted to kiss him. I hit him in the very tail,

and he got slime all over the place. It bit my lip, and I still have a scar.

I think they're sterile.

The leg won't kill you.

The floor might. Open the door.

Vicky, lock me up. You got it.

You know, I could really use a team like you guys.

We all reach for you. Yes.

Oh,

that was good.

Well, I knew there was a good person inside of you.

Yeah, you're a good person, too.

I never had a friend like you in the joint, you know, to watch my back or

anything. Well, you know what the best part about being friends is?

Borrowing clothes.

But I'm going to have to ask for that back because I bedazzled it myself.

Yeah. Well, I'll clean it and get it back to you. I promise.

Okay. I need the diamond now.

Thank you.

Now, by the authority vested in me, by the city of L .A., I now pronounce you

so...

Pretty sweet deal.

Plenty of fresh air, sunshine.

I couldn't think of a better place for you.

Yeah, well, some girls get all the luck.

Here, let's go.

I was thinking, things have worked out pretty good for VIP.

I mean, you caught Nero and you recovered the diamonds.

So what's your angle?

Funny you should ask.

I was thinking maybe you could talk to the warden about me.

Sure, we could talk to the warden.

Tell him how you stole the car, lied to the police, got us almost killed that

one time. Yeah, never mind. Don't do me any favors.

Well, Lucy, what are you going to do when you get out of here?

Oh, I'm turning my whole life around. I'm going to get into something real.

know what I mean?

No more breaking into ATMs or knocking over liquor stores.

I learned my lesson.

Heisting diamonds.

That's what it's all about.

Well, it's good to have goals.

Yeah.

She looks happy to see you.

Yeah, I guess it's true. Elephants never forget.

This is where we set you loose.

Keep your nose clean. Maybe it'll let you out early for good behavior.

Don't worry about me.

I'm a real people person.

I've been waiting for you, fly trap.

Likewise, Bigfoot.

I think she's going to be okay.