Original subtitles

Good morning.

Not really.

Emergency meeting. Get this down.

Okay. Shoot. Okay. Contact Nikki through Army High Command.

She's test firing that Thermonuke mini launcher for them.

Nikki, Army, Thermonuke. Then contact Quick and Johnny in flight from Cairns,

the premier they were guarding wrap this morning. Oh, Cairns. Hmm.

I've never been to France myself.

Although, the taste of Paris tea fest in Burbank can be very... Okay. Oops.

Sorry. Okay, powwow at HQ, 10 sharp, all hands.

New client?

And then some. Someone threatened to sabotage the Rubicon Summit.

Wow, that's quite a responsibility for us.

We'll be standing guard over the most influential power brokers in the world.

We?

Don't tell me I'm dust jockey again.

Kay, the work you do in that office is vital to all of us. You're an

irreplaceable member of the team.

Oh, hey, do me a favor. Will you pick up some handy wipes on the way in? Thanks.

Typical.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plus, from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Please watch me out for quick wins. Talk to me.

Quick update. There's been a terrorist threat at the Rubicon Summit. We're off

-track controlling on to emergency security.

Meet you downtown in 20.

Well, Kay obviously didn't tell him to meet us here.

And where is she? Her cell phone's down. She's not answering her pager. I don't

like the case, sir. Is she okay?

Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.

Would you please shut that thing off?

Fine, okay.

Fine, no probabilito.

This film's a hunk of junk at any who anyway.

No alien looks like a big, flesh -eating beetle.

Everybody knows it looks just like us, except for the big white heads and they

have, like, the four fingers.

You can sit next to them at Mr. Chow's and no one will even know the truth.

And you know all this why?

Hello? Where have you been?

There's been, like, a hundred people abducted this week.

Okay, fine. Sick. But they all came back with the same description.

Kay, where were you?

Hmm?

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

It's 11 o 'clock.

It is?

It's weird.

It seemed to have lost three hours somewhere.

Oh, my gosh.

That is the number one mega warning sign that you've been sucked up by a UFO.

Oh, please, for God's sake. Don't be silly, Val.

I just got a bit of a headache, that's all.

And I think something bit me. Oh, my God.

You've been space branded.

Mega warning sign number two.

Could be a rash.

Are you sure you're okay?

Don't worry about it. I'll look after her. That is a big relief. We're going

have to catch you later.

Okay.

Does this look familiar?

Quick, Johnny. Someone threatened to sabotage the Rubicon Summit.

So who made the threat?

Anonymous. The FBI have a letter and they lifted a partial print, but so far

can't ID it.

Well, it doesn't make our job any easier.

Maybe it's some Gumby practicing his cumbership.

Doubtful. Whoever made the threat had detailed knowledge of the summit agenda.

It was going to be what?

Two dozen bigwigs in there?

Heads of state, banking czars, corporate giants.

Tempting target.

Yeah, for any whack job having a bad hair day. That can't happen.

There's a chance here for international court of some key world trade issues.

If I had that letter, I could... Running through the lab, maybe find out what

we're up against.

Yeah. See if I can pull some strings.

But the feds still have a few leads.

Most of them local.

Wait a minute.

The dark hand?

When's it yours?

Well, back in Hong Kong, I had some dealings with one of them.

Do Jai Jing.

So you think you can get to that yin -yang?

Don't worry, Nick.

I'm going to make sure this guy comes back in one piece.

And then I hear these aliens talking. And it was this interstellar space

which I couldn't understand.

Close encounters of the married kind.

Check this website out. It's your fellow kidnappees.

The next thing I know, I'm back in my Volvo.

Val, I wasn't kidnapped.

I just lost track of time. You know, it happens sometimes.

Ow! My head.

Aw, poor Kay. You know why you have a headache?

Because you're blocking.

The same exact thing happened to Winona Ryder in Ottoman, New York.

Except, you know, she had a brain tumor, and she wasn't being chased by aliens.

It was Richard Gere. Even if I did remember being chased by aliens, I

wouldn't talk about it. Then everybody would think I was a kook like those

people. Charles Broder?

The multi -billionaire?

Charles Broder?

He's a very influential man.

The Rubicon Summit has asked him to be keynote speaker.

Don't tell me he was abducted, too. We've had contact with

Naturally, it's been very stressful for some of us. So much so that we've even

organized an abductee support group to help deal with the trauma.

They all remember what happened?

Weird.

All I remember happening is... What?

I was jogging in the park.

Huh. Even Mulder and Scully had to start somewhere.

Last I heard.

Dojai Jing was retired from the dark.

Got a little beach friend bit.

So, what's your connection to this character?

Distant family relationship, but that's no guarantee we'll get anything.

Jing is very difficult and needs to be approached carefully, so... So, you want

to handle this?

Yeah. No sweat.

Consider me your back.

Jing.

That's your badass?

You ain't. Oh, no, no, no, you don't.

What do you think I am, your brother -in -law?

Trying to fool me with that badass guy crap.

Quick.

Quick. You got this.

Miss Ying, sorry to disturb you. I'm here to ask a couple of questions.

Name's Quick.

That's enough.

Need a helmet.

Yeah! Yeah!

You're on.

Coming away.

She wants me.

Mr. Darcan, there's no way they're involved in this.

How do you know for sure?

They own stocks in several international corporations.

They have to double their profits if the Rubicon summit is successful.

To even tear itself into high financing.

Okay, so if the people are not behind the threat, do you have any idea who is?

I can tell you who isn't. None of the big dogs on your list.

Maybe we should be looking for a little dog.

Yeah, like, uh, French groups.

Crazies looking to make a splash.

Crazies in L .A.? Oh, yeah.

That'll really nail the search.

I was right around here someplace.

Val, cut it out!

Cut it out!

I have to get this. I gotta get this on tape.

What was that?

Oh!

False alarm.

it when I saw light in the sky.

Val, this is where it happened.

But what happened?

I don't know.

But it's happening again.

Val, let's get out of here.

But we actually saw a UFO.

Right, probably the ones that snagged you yesterday back for more.

Okay, what's the gag?

Nikki, it really happened.

So you actually saw these aliens?

Not exactly.

See, I don't remember.

According to Val, the ship sent down these strange hypno -rays and zapped my

brain. Well, why did they zap Val's brain?

Probably couldn't find it.

No.

She was wearing these super blocker sunglasses.

We think that the UV filter also works against alien brain beams.

She's lost her mind.

I am not crazy.

And this time, I can prove it.

Val shot video.

Val, cut it out!

I saw lights.

I've got things to do.

What about you, Johnny? You believe us, don't you?

Well, okay, you know, I believe in many mysteries beyond the realm of the

senses.

But little green men?

Give me a break.

Well, they're actually kind of a ghostly white color.

You believe me, don't you, Quick? What do you think of all those bright lights?

Well, it could have been a plane, a reflection off the water.

Come on, guys, just forget it.

Maybe Quip's right. Maybe we should just forget this ever happened.

Forget about this?

What if they inserted a cockroach into your arm and it's laying eggs in your

elbow as we speak?

Okay, Val, you're really scaring me. Stop.

You know what we should do?

We should go find that abductee support group and talk to them and see what they

remember. Come on, let's go.

You'll go in with me, won't you?

Well, those 12 -step programs are really busy and I probably won't be able to

find a parking spot.

But don't worry.

The truth is in here.

Well, building's clean.

Rex can't even sniff out a pop gun.

Only two entryways.

Both doors are on a code lock.

Sounds good.

What do you got, Tush?

A short list of local fringe groups.

Letter came up dry.

What'd you do, sneeze on it?

Treated it with our drugs fluorescent to check for watermarks First time that

stuff over ate the damn evidence on me Only one kind of paper that would shred

this easily unbleached recycled rag Sounds like the ultra environmentalist

of choice any tree huggers on that short left

Enviro angel radical

environmental no record of violence Ah, what a history of highly aggressive

demonstrations. Against big oil, ocean drilling, industrial polluters.

Exactly the kind of companies represented at the Rubicon Summit. I say

an eye on these angels.

And I keep asking myself, why'd they take me?

What is it they wanted?

What makes me so special?

I'm sorry, but this is a private meeting.

Jimmy, it's okay. She can stand.

My name's Kay.

Hi, Kay.

You're going to have to forgive my junior partner here.

He's very protective of my image as a dignified CEO.

Although I think he might be a little late for that.

I suppose so, sir. Thanks for your abductee website.

Hey, let them call me crazy. At least I'm not afraid to deal with what really

happened.

Okay. What brings you to us?

I think something may have happened to me, too, but I'm not sure.

You're one of us.

Could somebody get us some water, please?

Actually, you fainted.

Why don't you sit up and see if you can try to eat a little something, huh?

Oh.

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

I'm so embarrassed.

Don't be.

When my memories first started resurfacing, I found some of them very

But I'm grateful for them now. They're kind of a constant reminder that we're

not alone in the universe.

I'll try to remember that, Mr. Broder.

Please. Call me Charles.

Sir?

Yeah? It's time to prepare for the opening ceremony.

In a minute.

Okay.

Uh, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even notice I was... Oh, my gosh.

That looks really familiar to me. What do you mean?

The broccoli.

Looks like a...

Tree formation in this little house I made of the crackers looks like a

Oh, my gosh, I've been there.

They took me there. They took me in the mothership. Okay, wait a minute. Look, I

hope you're not going to go try and find it. That could be dangerous.

I suppose it may be, but I have to know whether or not I'm crazy or if it's

real.

You're a courageous girl.

Look.

Might need some protection.

It's the closest thing I've got to an angel pen.

Thank you, Charles.

Ouch.

Sharp.

Wow.

Gave you jewelry, huh?

Oh, it's just a little old metal pen.

Whatever. You know what that...

What about his limo following up?

Uh,

Val? I don't think that's him.

We have been monitoring you, Kate Simmons.

If you lead us to him, you will die.

I don't know what you mean.

Lying is useless.

I can read your thoughts.

You and Val were abducted by aliens in a limo.

Ooh, did they stop at the Quickie Mart to gas up? Because it's a long way back

to Antares 7.

Hey, you guys.

This is so not funny.

We have to stop them before they follow through with their evil plan.

Which is what?

Enslaving the human race, of course.

We might be able to follow them to their evil lair with this.

What is that?

A map.

Val made it using the landmarks that I remember.

Here we are.

Here's the beach.

And here by these trees, this is where the mothership landed.

Look.

Okay,

where did you get that?

My pin?

Charles gave it to me.

Charles? Charles Broder.

He was at the group support meeting, too.

I think it's time to have a talk with Mr. Billionaire.

I'm sorry Mr. Broder couldn't make it, but he's a very busy man.

So we've heard.

Yeah. Hitching on deploying saucers, hanging out with Martians.

Let's keep the big boss hopping.

I thought you wanted to talk about the Rubicon summit, right?

Mr. Gilroy, have you heard of an organization called EnviroAngels?

Yeah. Save the planet types.

I think Mr. Broder throws them some donations.

Think he could be involved in their activities?

Sure. When it comes to his pet charities, Charlie Broder's a hands -on

Why do you ask?

We have reason to believe that the EnviroAngels are planning an assault on

Rubicon Summit.

Wait a minute. You can't think Charlie's mixed up in this.

All right, look.

I admit Charlie's been conned into helping the occasional nutball, but

only because he's, well, a bit naive.

But not to hit the Rubicon Summit.

Come on, what could possibly be his motive?

Well, that's not for us to find out.

But, uh, at Summit Security, we're recommending Mr. Brody be replaced as

speaker.

Charlie Broder basically financed the Rubicon Summit.

He paid to have Rubicon Hall built, oversaw all of its construction, and

renting it to the Summit Committee for a grand sum of two bucks a day.

Do you want to tell him that he can't speak?

Check it out.

Here's the partial print the feds lifted from the terrorist letter.

And this, I lifted off the pin Broder gave Kay.

Twins. Oh, yeah. So Broder's our guy.

Let's squeeze this puss ball.

Leave him to the police. Come on.

Rubicon Hall is Broder's building.

Maybe there's something that we missed.

The broccoli tree.

That means the mothership is that way.

The ship is in there.

Funny. I remember it being much bigger.

Oh, they're just trying to throw us.

The ship is probably underground in some icky ice cave full of flash -frozen

human victims.

Ew. Hold that thought.

Time to make a very important call.

Tasha Dexter's voicemail, please.

Found the mothership. We're right. You're wrong. Have a nice day. Bye -bye.

Gee, that one looks almost human.

Oh, see, that's how they take over the world. They morph into people that look

just like us.

That way, even your best friend could... Have your eyes always been brown.

they probed me.

Ladies? Are you okay?

Valerie, you apologize right now.

But he's the one in the elf suit. What's going on, Chucky?

Well, I suppose there's no point in lying to you. Not that you found the

mothership.

Kay, I'm afraid you've been the victim of a rather elaborate hoax.

What do you mean?

Oh, boy, this is embarrassing.

You caught me rehearsing for my next alien abduction.

understand, Charles.

The UFO you saw? That's really my private helicopter.

The lights are designed to induce a mild hypnotic state.

The victim is then, um, medicated and, uh, brought back here, like you were.

You drugged me?

Now, believe me, you've got every right to be angry, but believe me, Kay, it's

for a very good cause.

Well, it better be. It better be a doozy before I 911 your junk jewelry -giving

butt.

Now, why did you do it?

To unite the planet.

Oh, well.

I still don't understand, Charles. Why would you drug people and make us think

that we've seen aliens?

Think about it.

Mankind is incredibly territorial.

He'll fight aggressively to the death to defend his country's borders, his

village, his tribe. Now, what if the enemy were out there somewhere?

Then we'd all be part of the same tribe.

One family standing together against the great unknown.

How about this guy?

Gotta love him.

Jimmy, what are you doing here?

Bad news, sir. Your appearance at the Rubicon Summit has been canceled.

What? No, no, no. That's impossible.

I've got to... Oh, that's okay. We can trust them to keep quiet.

You see, Kay, you and the others were just test run.

Charlie's ready for the big guns now. He's going to drug all those politicos,

sneak them out through his underground passageway, and program them into

thinking they were space naps.

You can't do that.

Think about it.

The men and women at this delegate, some of them are the most respected people

on the planet. If I can convince them that we have to join together in a

cause to fight against something from outer space, then the rest of the people

will have to believe them.

Look, it's not that I'm anti -world peace or anything, but we're not going

let you do that.

Ashley, you'll never even mention it.

Because you'll be dead.

And since I'm taking over Broder International, so are you.

You're crazy.

No, sir, you are. At least that's what everybody thinks, and I've been only too

happy to oblige. Hey, Charles isn't crazy.

He's just a bit...

I don't think the FBI will agree. You see, Charlie, I'm staging this nasty

little massacre at the Rubicon Summit, only you're going down for it because

your fingerprints are on the terrorist letter, thanks to me.

Well, the joke's on you, buddy.

VIP is guarding that summit.

Actually, your friends in VIP will be the first ones killed because I'm going

see to it myself.

It's beautiful, huh?

I get to off a bunch of mealy -mouthed do -gooders.

and big shot Broder, and those enviro -angel geeks get blamed for it.

And then I, choking back my grief, reluctantly accept my new post as

Broder International.

What do you think my starting salary ought to be, huh, Charlotte?

I think five million a year has a nice ring to it.

Listen, you know, you're not going to... Shut up.

I warned you two to butt out.

If you lead others to it, you will die.

Now it's too late.

Kill them. Make sure the bodies are never found.

Rhoda built this place like a bomb shelter.

I guess he wanted to keep the public out.

Or the delegates in.

Interesting.

According to the wiring, there should be a panel here.

It's the light switch.

Sure about that?

Please, I bet if that thing's cranked, it's clean.

We're looking for light!

Nikki?

Nikki! Nikki!

What the hell was that?

I think we just saw ourselves a UFO.

I thought it looked familiar. Watch.

Same pattern as the ceiling.

An alpha wave sequence, mildly hypnotic. The KGB found it very effective.

Broder's building, Broder's light show.

Think it's behind the UFO?

Bet on it.

Message for you, Tasha. Think you better hear it.

Whatever she thinks she's found, she's in danger.

Broder's UFO scam is part of some deranged act.

If she and Kay get in their way... You better get to them fast.

You guys take out the summit. I'm going after them.

Count me in.

Just how do we find them? With this.

Kay, I'm so sorry.

I should never have gotten you mixed up in all of this.

Oh, don't be sorry.

Actually, it's been kind of fun for me.

I don't get out of the office much.

Oh.

Well, uh, if we do get out of this alive...

Would you consider going out to dinner with me sometime?

Charles.

I'd love to.

Hello. Hello back there.

Hate to be a Cupid pooper, but if we don't get out of this, dinner is

off.

Okay, I'm open to suggestions.

Charles. Oh.

Do you think that you can reach over and put your mouth on Kay's chest?

Excuse me?

You're the closest one to the angel pin.

Just bite it off and spit it out. I'll see if I can catch it and then I can cut

the ropes with it.

Come on, just pretend it's the third date.

Okay, second.

First.

Make it deep enough for three.

I'll go get them.

Hold it right there, Broder.

Ah! No, Tasha, don't shoot.

Charlie's the good guy.

Val?

Pretty cool, huh?

Back up a sec.

You saying Broder's innocent?

What is this, more hallucinations, Kay?

Charles is innocent.

And he saved our lives.

What happened to your blouse?

He bit it.

It's kind of a long story.

Gilroy's a bad guy, and he framed Charlie and the EnviroAngels. And Gilroy

his henchmen are planning on shooting up the summit.

You're not going to be able to get through to your friends.

Rubicon Hall was specifically designed to obstruct communication.

Nada. We're going to have to travel fast.

Gilroy and his team may already be there.

Last of our guests. You can lock the doors now. If we hold off a minute,

expecting the rest of the team.

I think it's more important to keep those maniacs on the outside.

But they only lock the doors.

Exterior doors locked.

It's your party, sir.

Junior seem a tad jumpy.

Maybe he's concerned we're going to have a good time.

I'll reassure him.

Now remember, you're supposed to be in Vironut, so scream some stupid pro

crap while you're shooting people.

Hey.

Want to stop pollution?

Let's start with you.

Don't let him get away.

Dude, is that made of hemp?

Some wax.

Where's Gilroy?

Let her go, Gilboy. Don't think so, friend.

This cupcake is my ticket out of here.

Oh, yeah, take back that second line.

And I'd like to thank all the delegates for making the Rubicon Summit a huge

success. With your help, we can achieve a greater understanding among nations

and a feeling of brotherhood for all mankind.

Thank you.

Looks like Broda might get what he wanted.

Never even needed that spaceman scam.

Yes, me. I say Broder's lucky that his abductees didn't press charges.

Maybe they dug the fantasy.

Meeting an alien might be cool.

Although I'm fine with never meeting one myself.

Please. You sure you want to miss out on that?

Greetings, VIPs. Oh, hey. Nice costume, Kay.

Kay, I am aware of no such life form.

Right. Oh, gotcha. Um, what's your mission this week?

Darth Cater. I come to thank you. Environmental disaster on your planet

so not good. And frankly, it'd be pretty bad for our planet, too. But due to

your efforts in life form broader, your species will survive.

Cool.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

Would you like some bar nuts for your ride home?

Bar nuts?

Cool.

Okay, come on.

Val will be along in a second. You know how she is. That mochaccino goes right

through her.

Hey, who was that?