Original subtitles

You know, ladies and gentlemen, I can tell what a great crowd we've got here

today. This has got to be one of the best Rob Fallon pictures yet. How's the

crowd? The usual.

Gawkers and stalkers.

I'm good to go. You?

Underground parking secured.

Mr. Fallon's limo's waiting.

I think we might have a little problem.

Yeah, what's that?

Certain low -rent bodyguard at the south entrance.

What's that cheesehead doing here?

Event security.

Think he burned enough muscle?

Not if he gets in my way.

Bob, we're all clear.

Let's tango, baby.

This is my favorite part about the Lisa and Debbie project.

Photographing with me to make a movie star.

Sweet of you, Val, but a movie star is far too Hollywood for my taste.

I prefer to think of myself as a more classically trained actor. Oh, oh, I'm

sorry. You know my favorite movie you did it?

The Choding Perverts from Fate.

That was a classic.

Mr. Fallon, nice to meet you. Still here.

Quick, cover that.

What?

I know that definitely is not going to count.

Shouldn't you go help them?

Sure, yeah, but then who will look after you?

Yeah, B -I -P, I always come first.

Should I talk?

Back off. We'll take care of this. Man, you got here just in time.

One more minute and I might have actually been out of breath.

Event security is my gig.

You just go babysit your pansy movie star, okay?

Hey, Trey.

Clean up this mess.

the beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Plot from obscurity to head an elite Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

You guys must have been seeing things.

We know what we saw.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah. The dude jumped out of the way of the bullet. Are you trying to tell me

that Spider -Man is moonlighting in the mall?

I wish you'd seen him.

That could be a range.

The surveillance video was electronically transferred to an LAPD

Ultra secure, of course.

It's being downloaded as we speak.

File's done.

And there it is.

Give me a hand with this.

Hmm.

Somebody's certainly been eating his Wheaties.

Yeah, he was strong all right.

Quick gave him his best shots, couldn't bring him down.

Oh, wait a minute. I didn't notice you putting a hurtin' on him either.

Increased muscle mass, exceptional staying power.

Steroids might account for it.

I don't know. Not for this.

Watch.

Crouching tiger hitting meathead.

Now tell me I'm seeing things.

Hold it.

Okay, go back.

And hand.

Am I crazy or did Bigfoot just take a bullet?

And didn't even blink.

Clear through.

Not like he's wearing a vest.

Okay, that's not even possible.

Well, actually, it is.

Listen, there's a long history of shamans using herbal elixirs to make

themselves impervious to pain.

Oh, earth -calling. That's just in folk tales. No, no, no. Listen, I knew a guy

in Hong Kong.

He said that about 50 years ago, there was a regiment in the Chiang Kai -shek's

army. Now, they got a hold of some sort of warrior potion, and it made the

soldiers unstoppable.

That would have been a valuable commodity.

They were outnumbered 20 to 1.

Well, if it's really out there, there's a trap.

And I, my friend...

I'm already on it.

Who let the dogs out?

And why are they sniffing around our client's car?

You might want to step aside, Miffy. Or we play tip the lawn jockey.

Oh, the silent type.

It's all right. I can make him say ow in five different languages.

Oh, ladies.

Oh, this is rather embarrassing.

My people were supposed to call you. You see, I... Oh, what

the hell?

You're fired.

I've decided to go with Fowler protection.

You went with Fowler?

Why not?

His fellow the more decimates you. As Mr. Fowler pointed out, major movie

need to be with a bat.

It's Hollywood, baby.

Val, please.

You just don't go stealing somebody's client. It's not the code. The man broke

the code.

You know what? We should get one of his clients.

We can get one of those, um, mall security job thingies. I already know

all the employee restrooms are, because you know when you have those three iced

teas with lunch. Muy importante.

Also, I know where all the super -secret shortcuts are.

I know when you try to get funky fashion accessories, you do not have to go all

around the full -figured gal section. You have to go right through the Calvin

Klein underwear section, the men's, and hang a left.

Okay, I should make lunch. Well, you're having a slow day.

Shouldn't you be out babysitting some big -shot movie star?

Oh, that's my job now, right?

Oh, so what? You're a little itsy -bitsy movie star. This is Hollywood, buddy.

There's plenty to go around.

Yeah, I know. They've been calling me all morning. Let me get this straight.

You actually think you can move in on our territory?

Please say yes.

I could use a good laugh.

Oh, I'm sure you could. Especially after my man made roadkill out of you. Just

one guy and VIP couldn't take him.

Gotta hurt.

Oh, uh, uh... What are you looking at?

Plainton management.

Oh, he's... Hey, look.

Excuse me, please. I'm taking an important call.

Hello? Oh, yes, mister.

Big, important movie star. Wow, we are so busy right now. I would just, um,

see if I can squeeze you into my agenda.

Oh,

private moment. Private moment, please.

Okay, talk to the end.

Yeah. Passion.

I did some research.

There was a nationalist Chinese regiment.

Ugh.

They gave out an unusual number of medals to the fighting while wounded.

Ah!

Ah! A few of them are actually still around.

One of them, a Simon Wing, runs a shop.

The Shan Zhao traded.

I'll pass it on. Are you okay?

Interesting shop.

Military memorabilia at Castle Fortune, huh?

This medal, for instance.

Not for sale.

Simon Wing?

Is that you, sir?

You fought with the Purple Brigade.

You know, you guys had quite a reputation.

Do I look like I have time for games?

Why are you really here?

Listen,

I've heard stories about your regiment, and I would like to know about the

warrior potion.

You're not the first.

Those who came were greedy, not worthy of my trust.

Tell me, why should I trust you?

What can I do to gain your trust?

These hold great power.

Legend says that only the most worthy

Can wield one and live You

want me to fight you indulge an old man

Would you care for tea?

It was called Bo Chi, an ancient healing potion.

We fought against Mao.

We had many wounded.

Bo Chi made them well and strong, returned them to battle.

You said others have asked about it?

Ah, Westerners.

Their pharmaceutical company hoped to reproduce Bo Chi.

Using modern technology.

They offered me money to help.

A great deal of money.

And you refused?

If misused, the potion could be deadly.

My commander, General Yi, knew the price was too great.

The potion was destroyed.

So then I guess that's the end of it.

Perhaps not.

The Westerners also approached General Yee.

Got it, Johnny. We'll take it from here.

Keep it cranking.

Johnny, this is 10 -20 on General Yee. You're supposed to know something about

the super steroid stuff.

Let's hope he doesn't mind the price. Yes.

General Yee's here?

According to Simon Wing.

Well, if Simon says.

Excuse me.

Are you General Yee?

Ease up, Gramps. The war's over.

We just want to see General Yee.

I am Margaret Yee.

You want to see my grandfather?

There he is.

My condolences.

Who fragged him?

He took his own life, thanks to you and your friends at Dalco.

Dalco Pharmaceuticals?

You're not with the company?

I'm sorry.

You're the only Westerners here. I just assume... Those people betrayed

him.

He couldn't live with what he'd done.

Let me guess.

He sold them the Bochy formula.

They promised to use it to raise an army, to help us reclaim our home.

But they want it only to get rich, selling it to the highest bidder.

Hey, look who's here.

Dances with lead.

If you're sick, we can get you help.

Only he can help.

And he's dead.

The last time I saw him, he was on life support flatlining. No way he was coming

back.

We'll catch up, little buddy.

What do you say we launch a couple grenades?

Just in case.

You mean just for laughs?

What the hell? This place looks like a ghost town already.

Let's move out. I'll mic out. One, two, three. Come on.

You were always a lousy liar.

Craig, you're going.

There's no sense in us both dying.

I'll never leave you, Nick.

Semper Fi, buddy.

We went through some heavy stuff together.

He's a hell of a guy.

And you saved his picture.

So? Well, you know, I was just wondering if that was, um, you know, significant.

My whole platoon's in this picture.

You think that's significant?

I hope not.

So what happened to him?

Training accident.

An ammo dump exploded.

He's been living in the produce aisle ever since.

Well, I tell you, he's got some pretty slick moves for a cabbage.

Golly.

Do you think Trey's been taking Bo -Chi?

No.

A high -priced prescription with the same chemical formula.

Courtesy, Daco Pharmaceuticals.

Talked to an old CIA buddy of mine. Daco does a lot of U .S. government work.

Covert stuff.

He says they heard of some super steroid in the works.

Bo -Chi.

They're the ones making it.

No, uh -uh.

See, the side effects scared even them. They shut down production.

Maybe Fowler bought the formula.

With what?

He can't even afford deodorant.

Who says he bought it?

I just re -ran my check on Mr.

Adam Fowler.

Guess what?

He was once employed as a security guard for Dalco Pharmaceutical.

So, you guys really need me on this one, right? Come on, I want to hear you say

it. Come on.

We couldn't do it without you, Val.

Look, Fowler's going to stonewall us.

We're going to need to sniff around.

And his goons aren't going to like it.

Gotcha. Okay, so coolness, I get to be the lookout. I'll just sit in the car

I'll listen to Dr.

Lonnie's book on tape. She has this really cool one now, How to Push Hot

on People.

Some people can't stand it when you go, I mean, it makes them crazy.

I mean, it's the only thing like that. I can't believe it. Stop that.

See,

I told you we couldn't tell the truth.

We didn't bring you here to be a lookout.

What'd you bring me here for?

B.

Please? Baller says his pitbull's on us.

You keep him busy.

You're crazy. My boys don't do drugs.

They just work out.

Maybe you ought to get to the gym a little bit more often. You wouldn't lose

many clients.

Don't insult our intelligence.

It hurts our feelings.

Yeah, well, you're barking up the wrong tree.

I run a clean operation. Cut the crap. You lifted some jungle juice from Dalco,

and now you're jacking your men up with it.

Those are pretty big words for a little lady, and I'm wondering if you can prove

it.

No problem.

I want to talk to Trey.

Who?

Okay.

I remember Trey.

I had to let Trey go. Trey was a bit of a nutcase.

Not when I knew him.

Yeah, well... What did you do with him, you puswad?

Why don't you get out of my office?

Gentlemen, would you escort these ladies to the door, please?

Nice hand.

Want to keep it?

Come on, Val.

I can totally hand those guys a skybride, but these guys are another

Beat it.

Oh, yeah, what if I don't want to?

You want a piece of me?

Come on, Bubba, bring it on, bring it on, but beware.

Come on, Bubba, let's

go.

You're lucky my ride's here, so I can kick some major booty.

Major buffage on those bozos.

They must have had a gross burn, just kept on burning.

Tasha?

No, no, no. Nikki, Nikki, I can drive. I can drive. I can do it.

Nikki, Nikki, I can do it.

It's all yours, Val.

Drive responsibly.

Nice decoy job.

What do you got?

You?

Impressive. Let's go with mom.

Well, you're willing to pay top dollar. Business must be good.

So good.

An experienced soldier can always find work.

As long as there are freedom fighters and the scum who try to crush them.

Fortunately, the scum pay cash. Yeah.

How many men can you give me? Well, you got the money. I got the livestock.

Want to see a demo?

My best man?

Where's Trey?

He's not up for it.

No, he's got to be up for it. This knock horse is going to take him off my

hands. I'm telling you, he is sick.

Some of the others are, too, but Trey's got it the worst.

All right, I didn't understand the drama.

You mistakenly think that I give a crap.

Listen, stupid.

Trey is about two ticks away from a meltdown, and when that hits, I want him

spray his clip on some Serbian weenie roast, not my Jag, so you get him on

map.

What's wrong with him?

Oh, nothing. He's just warming up.

There's my boy.

All right, so you pick any of these guys you want. Trey will whip them.

Oh, they'll fight my best man.

Nobody beats yourself.

Good luck, Yusuf.

Stand down.

Stop him!

You're

wasting

my time, Fowler.

What good is he if I can't control him?

I won't forget.

Freaking psycho.

Why should I have left you in the drooler ward?

Take him back to his cage.

Okay.

Man, Trey doesn't even know what he's doing.

Val's using him like some pit bull. I'm going in after him right now. It's too

dangerous.

You're tripping. One guard, one bazooka. No, I mean Trey.

First we find out what's making him sick, then we can help him.

Come on.

I got it!

Near as I can tell, there's some kind of steroid soup.

Screw a guy up, all right.

How do we unscrew?

Well, let's ask the doctor, shall we?

Doctor? Oh, yeah.

I found this really neat medical website, Virtual Feldman.

Comes in very handy when you're wondering if the three hours you can't

remember mean alien abduction.

Too much to try a minute.

Hmm.

According to Dr. Feldman, the chief ingredient is a healing enhancer. It

the body's cell repair system. That is good.

Uh -oh.

Not so good. What?

Well, these next two components, they build muscle tissue, but at a very

accelerated rate.

And when you add this one here, gee, there's just no stopping it.

Meaning? Your whole system gets kicked into hyperdrive, and you just keep

getting stronger.

While all other functions fail, your nervous system goes first, then your

system. But the damage isn't permanent, is it?

Well, the effects might be temporary at first. And if some nose hair keeps

dosing you with it?

That fellow's some sweetheart.

He's got to know he's killing those men.

The question is, do they?

I don't think so. Not the ones that we saw.

Trey does.

At the funeral, he said he needed help. That's why he was there.

Where are you going?

To introduce Mr. Fowler to Mr. Fisk. Hey, hey, hey, easy, easy.

You hang tight. We'll take care of Fowler.

Whatever, I'm going.

Nick, you almost got killed last time, all right?

We'll handle it.

So this guy Trey, he means a lot to you, huh?

You don't get it.

We're Marines, Johnny.

You don't leave your wounded behind.

I don't suppose you've come back to return that hypo gun that you stole.

Good call.

Let's not waste time, Fowler.

Reanalyze the serum.

It's lethal.

It's making you sick, guys. Sick enough to kill you. Come on. Do these fellows

look sick to you?

Any one of them could bench press the stack of you.

Look, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way.

Easy way. You get these men to a hospital, then you cop to illegal use of

stolen drug, and check in a motel fed for a nice long stay.

Okay.

What's the hard way?

Same thing, except we make you.

I just came up with another way.

Hey, guys, we're trying to help you.

Are you done? Because I just got pink passion in my ear. Thank you very much.

Stop. Stop. I know you're mad because Tasha didn't bring you along and

everything. But, you know, she's going to take control of your feelings.

What feelings?

That Tommy got on the target and pretended Tasha.

Feelings. Fool.

You know I never let my feelings get in the way of a job.

You're treating me like I'm you.

Hey. Hello.

Ladies. I hate to interrupt, but we might have a problem.

Tasha hasn't called in, and I can't reach Quick or Johnny.

Something's wrong.

Let's chat.

Okay,

you don't need me to be whack as though I bait again, do you? Because the way

they stare at you with those icky fish eyes, it's like the robo -tuna.

Don't sweat it. All you have to do is sit in the car.

What? You can't go there alone.

That is a dumb idea. They're going to turn you into Nicky Chimichangas.

Look, our buddies are back there. We've got to go back for them.

Can't help it. I've built number five.

Well, why didn't you tell me? I have extra things. I don't know. Right here.

Val, number five is marine motto.

It means always faithful.

Oh, that must be a game thing.

What side?

Be ready to roll, you getaway driver.

Me? No way. No, no, no. It's your job. Not this time.

I'll be too sick if I'm alive at all.

Well, program for that.

There's got to be a way out.

Nikki.

Nikki, are you crazy? You should never have taken that bocce yamma -jamma

It's poison.

Look, no way I can take the follow -up guys alone. But if I'm cranked up to

their level, I got a chance.

How are you going to know it's going to work?

One way to find out.

You know, this is going to work out pretty good. I was already picking up

of your business, but now with you completely out of the way, things can

get better.

Don't you want to kind of overboard just to corner the bodyguard market? Oh, no.

The bodyguard thing is only walking around chump change, you know?

Bochy, that's the real score.

I'm going to be selling that stuff to every mercenary on the planet. I'm going

to be selling it to legitimate armies.

It's going to be sweet.

Why don't you take them down to the basement? We got more splatter in there.

Yes.

Oh, you poor thing.

Darn that fellow. Super sucker what? Well, don't worry about a thing because

have the keys. I'm going to get you out of that.

You know, no living creature should be put in a cage like this except for

which has no date, which is all the time.

Oh, you know, you owe Nikki a...

But Nikki, you okay?

Bye.

Val, get us out of here.

Look, Doc, I'll be in touch.

How's Trey doing?

Well, the slugs tore him up pretty bad, but he's healing okay.

I guess that bocce's still working.

Hmm.

Sally, he'll pull through?

He'll live.

But that junk mess with his brain, maybe for keeps.

Oh, you know what?

Don't worry, Nick, because that stuff totally wears off when you stop taking

I mean, look at me. Oh, my God, I had energy totally bazooking you out of my

ear. Wait a second, should we paint this wall green, yellow, green, yellow?

Oh, the worst thing about it is I couldn't stop talking. Oh, I know,

red. Good thing I'm back to normal.

Any after effect?

None that I notice.

Well, the doctor said Trey could have visitors.

I think I'll drop by.

Want some company?

Yeah, thanks.

Fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy bear. Fuzzy, fuzzy, had no hair. Fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy, fuzzy,

fuzzy. Oh, this is fun. Tasha, need some help, please.

Ow. Tasha.

My hair.

I need some help, please. Got her.

If you want something done.

You got to do it yourself.

Thank you.